3 Emotional Regulation Skills to Use When Negative Emotions Strike

Children learn emotional regulation skills when they are young. Teachers and parents alert children when a negative emotion, such as anger or sadness, is out of control. If the child has difficulty regulating that emotion, the parent or teacher will institute a consequence to help the child calm down and discover healthy ways to react.

However, when people become adults, they have different accountability. What teachers and parents hope they teach well may become uncontrollable later in life. Little annoyances for an adult can explode into significant issues if left unchecked.

People must still use emotional regulation skills to respond to a situation appropriately, but only some have these skills. This can lead to inappropriate behavior, wreaking havoc on relationships.

3 Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

Here are three ways to regulate your emotions when damaging emotions strike:

Count quietly to gain emotional regulation

A teacher or parent may ask a child who is out of control with her emotions to count to ten. This is a strategy an anger management specialist might use with an adult who’s having difficulty regulating his anger.

It might seem strange for someone to begin counting to ten out loud during a fight with the spouse or for an angry person to use it during traffic. Counting silently to yourself when you feel your emotions bubbling over can be a great way to focus your attention, calm your mind, and control your emotions.

Counting can also help clear the mind of negative thoughts that may come out in language or other inappropriate ways. In some cases, more than counting to ten is required. The situation may cause them to have harmful anger or fear, which may cause them to count to a number much higher than ten.

Pick whatever number is appropriate until you can feel your emotions settle. The point is not to reach the goal of a certain number but rather to have a coping mechanism that you can use to regulate your emotions when you’re feeling rage bubbling over.

Pray for emotional regulation

Another excellent way to deal with negative emotions like fear or anger is to pray and ask God to help you control your emotions and respond with the fruits of the Spirit. Having the best, most appropriate response when conflict arises is always challenging. We know God always has a proper response.

Kindness or patience may be great alternatives to fear or anger in difficult situations. Sometimes, the Holy Spirit helps guide and direct us when we feel emotional and want to make an impulsive decision.

Calling on the Holy Spirit when a situation calls for it is good. However, praying about the problem or conflict with toxic people or situations is best before the crisis occurs. This will help curb the need to stop making impulsive decisions or decisions that would wreck a relationship.

Leave the situation

No matter how good our emotional regulation skills are, the other person with which we are embroiled in conflict may not share those same regulation skills. This lack of skills is especially true regarding a spouse or someone who knows us intimately. A person like this who wants to win an argument knows how to push your buttons to the point where you explode angrily.

Sometimes, an argument can drag on for so long that you get emotionally and physically exhausted, which inevitably causes an emotional explosion and a lack of regulation skills. If you’re not getting anywhere with someone and they’re not leaving you alone, it is best to leave the immediate situation. This is good for any situation that can become unexpectedly toxic.

If you can leave a situation when you feel you may say or do something you may regret later, this shows emotional maturity on your part. It is best to walk away despite what the other person may say, or you may have unresolved feelings from not resolving that situation. Walking away will save you unnecessary pain and additional feelings of anger, sadness, or grief if you say or do something that you later regret.

Although emotional regulation skills are taught at an early age, we need to continue utilizing those skills even into adulthood. Because so many people are angry today, it’s easy to allow negative emotions to explode and project them onto unnecessary victims.

With emotional regulation skills like the ones suggested above, you can come away from a situation feeling more at peace and have an opportunity to mend a relationship that, without emotional regulation skills, can be severed forever.

Christian Counseling for Emotional Regulation

If you need more help than you receive from the ideas in this article, seeking counseling may be the best step. The faith-based counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in California can offer individual, couples, or family counseling for emotional regulation and the damaged relationships that a lack of regulation can cause. Contact our office today to learn more.