Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Your Thoughts

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective method for helping clients to change their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The therapy is used in treatments for various mental health conditions, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), bipolar disorder, and depression.

The Thought-Emotions-Behavior Cycle

The thought-emotions-behavior cycle, also known as the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) triangle, shows the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and how they influence each other.

For example, if you have a thought that makes you angry, you may lash out at others in response to this emotion. That is one direction of the triangle. However, your behaviors can also influence your own emotions and thoughts.

Perhaps you procrastinate on starting your workload for the week. By Wednesday, you feel depressed and anxious. Your thoughts sound like, “I never measure up. I can’t do this. Why do they give me so much responsibility? I’m not up to it.” These thoughts are based on the original action (or inaction) of procrastination. Each component of the triangle feeds the others.

Reframing Your Thoughts

Often, all actions begin with a thought, even a subconscious thought. You can control your thoughts if you can identify the ones troubling you. We have thousands of thoughts that run through our minds daily. You will need to learn how to identify and analyze the thoughts behind your emotions and behaviors.

Identifying and changing emotions is much more complicated if you do not change your thoughts or behaviors first. No matter how many times people tell you to stop feeling depressed or sad, you cannot do it unless the thoughts or behaviors change first.

A counselor can guide you in reframing your thoughts. This is not adopting a positive mindset and believing everything is fine. Sometimes, the first step is reaching a neutral mindset about a situation. For example, if you suffer from Body Dysmorphia Disorder, you may hate the way your legs look. Instead of continuing to think negatively about your legs, you can turn those thoughts neutral. You could say, “My legs are strong and carry me through my busy day.”

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is another method that can be seen alongside CBT. With DBT, you could take the above example and change the sentence using the words ‘and’ and ‘but’.

For example, if you think, “I should work my upper body more, but my legs are so big, and I don’t have the extra time,” you could change the wording, mainly but for and: I want to work my upper body more, and my legs are strong, and I don’t have a lot of extra time. Now, you can accept where you are (limited time, strong legs) and clarify the goal (find ways to work the upper body more). You are changing the emotion to a neutral feeling.

Practice New Behaviors

Behaviors are the actions everyone sees. You can hide your thoughts and emotions, but eventually, everyone will witness your actions. Even the things you do in secret will find their way to the light. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy changes these behaviors from harmful to beneficial.

For example, if you self-harm by cutting yourself when upset, your counselor may suggest other actions. Your counselor may recommend taking a bath, going for a walk, listening to music, playing a video game, or calling a friend.

Suppose you have a particular time when the impulse to self-harm is at its highest. In that case, the counselor may suggest that you make the new behavior part of your routine, creating a good habit, such as taking a brisk walk at lunchtime before the daily staff meeting.

List new behaviors you can try instead of the ones you usually do. If you struggle with anger, list items such as walking away, praying for peace, or calling a friend. If your behavior is a regular occurrence, what can you do differently? How can you make this new behavior a habit in your daily routine?

Finding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Near You

If you feel that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is right for you, don’t hesitate to contact our office. A representative will connect you to a counselor skilled in CBT and DBT. Both therapies take practice, and the more you work on your thoughts and behaviors, the more you notice a shift in your emotions. Remember, help is available.

Your counselor will assess you and create a care plan with multiple strategies to get you started. Remember, you are an active participant in this process. You can change the way you think and feel. Give us a call today.

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Identify Signs of Autism in Children and Find the Support You Need

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Every child is different. Some are quiet, and some are loud. Some move around a room gracefully, and some barge through dancing. Autism Spectrum Disorder is kind of like that as well; it is a spectrum with various characteristics individual to the child.

No matter the signs of autism your child displays, your child is special in God’s eyes. Children are His creation, and Jesus commanded us not to stop them from coming to Him. Children with the signs of autism only need extra support, encouragement, and understanding from parents, guardians, family, teachers, and counseling staff.

What is Autism Spectrum Disorder?

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a developmental and neurological disorder. Children may exhibit the signs of autism, ranging from mild traits to extreme behaviors.

For example, when overstimulated, one child may cover his ears and withdraw, while another may scream and throw things. Both children need support, encouragement, and loving people who are prepared with the right strategies to help.

Signs of Autism

The early onset of the signs of autism in children typically occurs before the age of two. If your child is nonverbal or shows signs of delayed speech by the age of 18 months, consult with your pediatrician to rule out any physical issues, such as ear infections or other hearing problems.

The following are several signs of autism in children.

Trouble Making Eye Contact

Children with the signs of autism may have trouble making eye contact. The cause could lie in the region of the brain known as the amygdala. The amygdala is responsible for managing emotions and may interpret eye contact as a threat, causing undue stress on the child.

Some children find that making eye contact causes them to feel open and vulnerable. For some children, overstimulation can be challenging, and trying to focus on both making eye contact and listening or speaking may be too overwhelming.

Trouble Waiting for Their Turn

Some children with autism struggle with patience. They may not grasp patience or understand the social cues of waiting for their turn. They may interrupt others or give in to the impulse to skip line because they do not grasp the concept.

Not Responding to Being Called by Name

Children with autism can become intensely focused on an object or activity and not respond when called by name. Also, delayed development in language can be an issue; the child may not understand what is being said. Overstimulation can also cause the child to tune out people talking and not recognize their name.

Resisting Change

Children with autism yearn for schedules and predictability. They need to know the routine and can become distressed when there is a change, even a minor one. You may notice your child with autism becoming more agitated or withdrawn at the beginning or end of the school year when schedules change.

Using Repetitive Movements

Repetitive movements can comfort children with autism. When a child is stressed or overstimulated, they may use a repetitive movement or phrase to calm themselves. For example, rocking the body back and forth can help them focus on a task while remaining calm.

Rocking their head side to side in bed can help them fall asleep more easily. Using specific phrases to answer others may aid them when they can’t bring the right words to mind. Counseling could help the child find other ways to reduce anxiety and focus their attention without repetitive movements.

Oversensitive to Sounds or Smells

Children with autism can be oversensitive to sounds, voices, and scents. Overstimulation can cause either a shutdown (the child withdraws) or a meltdown (the child screams, cries, becomes physical, and/or throws things). Some children with mild forms of autism can use a headset to help muffle loud sounds so they can focus and reduce stress.

Trouble Socializing

Autism affects the region of the brain that processes social cues, making it more difficult for children to interpret social cues. This can create misunderstandings and place a distance between themselves and their peers. They struggle to maintain conversations and understand banter, sarcasm, and wit. This can leave parents feeling as if they are not getting through to their child.

Counseling for Children with Autism

The severity of the signs of autism is concerning for parents. To help your child, surround yourself with support staff who understand the challenges of Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Christian counseling combines years of evidence-based psychological strategies with faith-based principles to help draw your family and child closer to God while managing the signs of autism with strategy.

Contact our center today to schedule an appointment with a Christian counselor to get started.

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What To Do When You Feel Depressed Over the Holidays: Coping With Seasonal Sadness

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The holiday season is always filled with such happy expectations. People talk about joy, connection, and celebration. Yet, for many, this time of year actually brings about a sense of sadness that doesn’t even have a clear cause. Maybe you feel low, tired, or disconnected, even if nothing is clearly wrong. It can be hard to know what to do when you feel depressed, especially over the holidays.

This kind of sadness is sometimes linked to a condition called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a form of depression that tends to crop up during the colder months. But even without a formal diagnosis, the mix of shorter days, social pressure, and emotional memories can stir up feelings that are hard to name.

If you’re wondering what to do when you feel depressed over the holidays, the first step is to recognize that this feeling doesn’t need a reason to be valid. It’s actually very common to feel this way.

When Sadness Doesn’t Have a Clear Reason

Some people feel down during the holidays because of grief, loneliness, or stress. But others feel sad without knowing why. This kind of sadness can sneak up quietly. You might wake up feeling blue or lose interest in things you usually enjoy. You might feel distant from people, even if they’re kind and close.

This can happen because of seasonal changes. Less sunlight, colder weather, and changes in routine affect how your body and brain work. You might not notice it right away, but it builds over time.

Instead of trying to force yourself into holiday cheer, be kind to yourself and choose a more compassionate approach.

What to Do When You Feel Depressed Over the Holidays

  1. Eat regular meals, get some daylight, and sleep when you can, even if your schedule changes. These basics help your body stay steady.
  2. Spend time outside during daylight hours, even if it’s just for ten minutes.
  3. Social media and holiday ads can make it seem like everyone else is thriving. If scrolling makes you feel worse, take a break.
  4. You don’t have to attend every gathering or explain why you’re skipping something. Protect your energy.

If traditional advice doesn’t speak to you, there are also other tips to try to feel more grounded:

  • Try a reverse gift ritual: Instead of giving something, try doing something for yourself that you would normally only expect from someone else. Like buy yourself lovely flowers.
  • Let go of things: Write down one thing you’re letting go of this year, a regret, a pressure, a habit. Burn it, bury it, or toss it. It’s a quiet way to release emotional weight.
  • Draft a comfort menu: List five things that help you feel safe or soothed. Not happy, just okay. Keep it nearby for days when you feel blank or restless.
  • Sit in a different room: If you’ve been lying in bed or stuck in one spot, move to a different chair or corner. A small change in environment can help your mental state.
  • Give yourself a fake deadline: Pick a small task, laundry, dishes, or a walk, and pretend it’s due in 10 minutes. This trick can help you get started when motivation is low.
  • Listen to music from a different decade: Sometimes, unfamiliar sounds can help you feel less trapped in your current mood. Try something from the 60s, 80s, or early 1900s!
  • Write a letter to your future self: Keep it short. Say what you’re feeling now, and what you hope for in the next few weeks. Seal it and read it after the holidays.

Feeling depressed over the holidays doesn’t always have a clear cause. That doesn’t make it less real. If you’re not sure what to do when you feel depressed, start with one small thing that helps you feel a little steadier. Then try another. Keep taking these small steps until you feel better.

If your sadness feels too strong to manage alone, talking to a therapist can help. You don’t need a diagnosis or a clear reason, simply a safe space to speak freely. Browse the therapists listed on this site and choose someone who feels like a good fit.

Call today.

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How to Find Healthy Female Friendships

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The movies make finding female friendships look easy. Hollywood likes to feed us examples of thriving, healthy female friendships as if they’re a right and not a privilege. As if they’re easily gotten and easy to hold onto. The reality is that good, healthy friendships demand work, growth, and a lot of grace.

If you’re looking for a good gal pal but have only found relationships that don’t serve you well, keep reading. Let’s explore the ins and outs of making healthy female friendships that will last a lifetime.

You have to be a friend

Seems obvious, right? To have a friend, you have to be a friend. Unfortunately, putting those words into action isn’t always as easy as it might seem. We are broken people, full of frailties, selfish ambitions, and a myriad of social anomalies that make it hard to interact successfully with others.

We all have our own selfish motives, even if they don’t always present in obvious ways. You might look like a hero because you volunteer at an animal shelter, but maybe you just find comfort in furry friends. Maybe you give generously, but is your motive truly to help others, or is it get a reputation to be proud of?

Even salvation can have a selfish element to it. While ideally people would follow the Lord wholly because they love Him, some might actually follow Him to avoid eternal damnation. Just as some seek God out of fear rather than love, some seek friends out of a fear of being alone.

Female friendships can easily turn into self-serving pursuits rather than generous acts of service. You are likely to gravitate toward people who make you feel good or who serve a purpose in your life. While there’s nothing explicitly wrong with that, it can negatively impact friendships. Consider the following:

  • Are you in a friendship because it advances your career or social status?
  • Do you spend time with someone because they are generous with their money?
  • Do you like being with a certain person because you know they see you as more intelligent, better looking, or wealthier than themselves, and this boosts your self-esteem?

If you want to find a long-lasting, positive female friendship, you can start by learning to be a friend. Not one that seeks constant validation or is using someone for status or financial gain, but a true friend who, as the Bible says, “A friend loves at all times…” (Proverbs 17:17, ESV)

This means loving in all times. Not just when they’re picking up the dinner tab. Not just when they help you haul your garbage to the dump. Not just when they advance your social status or write a nice letter of recommendation. All times.

To find a friend, you have to become a friend who loves, as the Bible says. In doing so, people will gravitate toward you and the Holy Spirit that dwells in you because they will see that you are different in the best way. They will see your generosity, kindness, and stability. They will see that you’re a friend worthy of making.

Make steady, measured progress

When you meet someone new, it can be exciting to jump into a friendship with both feet. And sometimes, it works out. But there are times when it doesn’t. Sometimes those quickly built friendships don’t have the solid foundation needed to not only serve you well, but to endure.

Friendships should be built, brick by brick. If you meet someone new, it’s okay to revel in their novelty, wonder at your instant connection, and uncover your compatibility. But it’s also wise to exercise a little caution. Use a little cautious optimism, if you will. Discover all that there is about this new friend, but keep your eyes open.

Be realistic about your expectations and observe them as you begin to interact. Maybe you will find that this new friend is everything you had hoped and prayed for. And that would be great. But maybe you will find that this person isn’t a great fit and you want to distance yourself. Keeping a balanced life as you are getting to know a new person makes pulling back easier, should it be necessary.

True and lasting relationships are usually built one moment of bonding and one inside joke at a time. It can’t be rushed if it is to be authentic, so take your time and enjoy the journey instead of rushing to best friend status.

Iron sharpens iron. Having a good friend doesn’t mean just having a faithful shopping partner or someone interested in your current drama. Friendships are meant to be spiritually mutually beneficial. Proverbs says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17, NIV)

What does that mean?

One of the primary goals of female friendships is to keep each other accountable, challenge each other, and inspire growth. When two iron blades are rubbed together, the friction removes dull edges and makes each sharper and stronger. Similarly, friends can challenge, encourage, and refine each other’s character and faith through honest, authentic, and sometimes difficult interactions.

Your friendships are meant to inspire mutual growth. This isn’t to say that you can’t be friendly with those who are not Christians or those who receive more than they can give. Those types of relationships are biblical, too.

Jesus ate with sinners (Matthew 9:10-11). He showed them love and drew them to Himself. He did not succumb to their sins or become influenced by them. He reached out to those who were considered outcasts and showed them inclusion rather than distance, and He ministered to them.

When it came to deep friendship, Jesus relied more heavily on those who walked with Him in ministry. True, deep friendships, the life-giving ones, are best reserved for those who share your faith and who will point you to God instead of pulling you away.

Acknowledge God in your female friendships

Because a true friend is someone who should help you grow in your faith, it is wise to ask God to direct and guide you in finding someone who can do that. Maybe you’ve tried to forge a bond with someone in the past and have felt rejected or disappointed. Maybe you’ve never really met anyone you’ve clicked with. Whatever the case, your desire for a godly friend is not too big a request for your loving Heavenly Father.

Invite God into your quest for companionship. Ask Him to guide you to places and into situations that will connect you with His people. Entreat Him for wisdom and discernment as you forge new relationships. God wants to connect you with people who will enrich your life and who you can likewise bless.

Try therapy

If your heart’s desire is to find a long-lasting gal pal who can support you throughout your different life stages and with whom you can spend your life, know that it’s natural to want this type of meaningful connection. God created us to be social beings and wants us to be in faithful and fruitful friendships.

Going to therapy can be a step in developing long-lasting friendships. Your therapist can help you improve your communication skills, help you determine the type of friendships that would serve you, and teach you how to effectively resolve conflicts in your relationships. Your Christian therapist can be that listening ear when you feel unfulfilled or lonely, and they can point to the One who loves you more than your human mind can comprehend.

Cultivate best friends

It’s natural to want a best friend to be a companion and a confidant. If you have one, you’re blessed already. But if you’re still seeking that perfect fit, know that God wants to be a part of your process. He wants to lead you to people who will not only fulfill your human needs for companionship, but who will also guide you back to Him. Invite Him into your friend-seeking process and see what He does.

Get started

To learn more about friendships, how you can foster them, and how God meets you in the process, connect with a Christian counselor. You can fill out the contact form on this site to learn more about the services available. You don’t have to walk through this alone.

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How To Grow In Your Intimacy With God

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Growing closer in your walk with God will help you through the trials and obstacles in life. Born-again Christians have died to their old natures and become new creatures in Christ. The best way to walk the Christian life is to grow in our intimacy with God. Look for ways to seek His face and lean into Him.

Spend Time in Your Bible Daily

When you want to get to know someone, you spend time with them. You listen to what they have to say and share in their experiences. God wants to do the same with us. Spending time reading and studying the Bible daily helps us to see God’s character.

This can be hard to do if you only read snippets out of context once a week. Deep diving into the Word of God daily, seeing how it is relevant to today, and applying what you learn can change your perspective and fill you with peace.

Try a one-year reading plan to read a small portion daily. Although many people start these plans on New Year’s Day, you can begin a one-year reading plan at any time.

Talk to God Throughout the Day

Praying can be more than a few minutes before bed. You can talk to God throughout the day as you run errands, go to work, and make dinner. You do not need a ceremony to approach God, thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection. He cares about the little things in your life, not just the big things.

Intimacy with God grows when we include Him in our daily activities, just like friendship grows when we include others. But unlike people, God will not reject His chosen ones who seek after and believe in Him.

Worship and Listen for Intimacy with God

Life is busy. It can crowd out the quietness we need to hear God. For most people, this may not be an audible voice, but a quiet awareness and a small, still whisper in our hearts from the Holy Spirit. If we don’t take the time to listen, we might miss it.

Worship opens the door to communication with God and positions our hearts and spirits to receive Him. Try worshipping with praise music, then listen for His Spirit to move in your heart.

Practice Faithful Obedience

We strive to be independent and in control. For many people, that control brings a sense of security. But we all know that something can occur that rips away that security. Illness, an accident, violent crime, sudden death, or natural disaster can change life in the blink of an eye.

Instead of trying to lead on your own, lean into God and ask Him to direct your life. Practice faithful obedience by taking steps in faith, even when it might not make sense to everyone around you.

For example, you feel led to move across the country to start a new venture or to pursue a different career. These steps take great faith and obedience and require time in prayer. When you follow through and allow God to be God, He may surprise you with the results.

Join a Church of Believers

The Church is the body of believers around the world. It encompasses more than a building to meet. But since most churches meet in buildings, joining a church community that teaches from the Bible about the Trinity and how the Holy Spirit works to share the Gospel will deepen your intimacy with God.

A church should provide support and encouragement for its members and others in the community. It offers opportunities to share the Gospel and meet others’ needs. If you cannot find a Bible-believing church where you feel fed, nurtured, and taught to share the Gospel, research church communities online. Some larger churches offer online groups associated with the brick-and-mortar churches. Doing life with other believers helps you stay accountable and deepens your roots in the Christian faith.

Interested in Your Spiritual Development, But Don’t Know Where to Start?

Intimacy with God is critical to your faith and hope in what lies ahead. You can’t know God’s character and traits without leaning into Him and chasing after His heart. The good news is that God wants us to have this intimate relationship with Him. He always has, which is why He sent Jesus Christ to draw us closer to Him.

If you are interested in deepening your intimacy with God or learning more about spiritual development, reach out to our office today to schedule a session with a Christian counselor. We would love to take this journey with you.

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Developing a Healthy Mind in a Messy World

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Interior designers often say that the interior of your home reflects the interior of your soul. A home might be dusty and cluttered, with broken furniture, old memories, and boxes of things you don’t have the courage or energy to confront. You might be reduced to living in a small area of your house, held prisoner by decades of stuff.

It’s an enormous undertaking to begin clearing things out and sorting through the mess, but it is possible to change your lifestyle completely. In the same way, it is possible to develop a healthy mind even after decades of living under the weight of fear, shame, or some other crippling mindset.

Trash or Treasure

Developing a healthy mind begins in much the same way as tidying a cluttered house. You must take stock of everything in the house and decide whether it has any value or is garbage to be thrown out. Over the years, you have collected beliefs about yourself, some of them valuable and true, many of them hurtful and false.

Some people have treated you as though you were too much or not enough. You might have the weight of all of your past failures piled up precariously around you, threatening to engulf you in an avalanche of shame if you fail at one more thing. Your achievements, talents, and interests might be gathering dust in a forgotten corner, overlooked and undervalued. There might be framed pictures on the wall of a sibling who was celebrated and spoken of fondly while you were ignored and only caused disappointment.

It’s physically painful to confront some of the experiences cluttering your mind. What gets in the way of having a healthy mind is all the trash that other people have dumped there. You might have been told and treated like you are worthless, and that has impacted every choice you have ever made. It is time to start throwing the trash out, sweeping other people’s dirt from your floors, and finding the hidden treasures that still lurk in the dusty darkness.

Somewhere in your past, there was a teacher who believed in you, a friend who stuck by you, or a family member who truly saw and valued you. Their attention and affection were like a precious gift that you never felt you deserved.

Still, you kept it and hid it, afraid that it would be stolen or lost. Now is the time to bring out these memories, repeat the kind words that were spoken, and remember the loyalty and love that someone showed, even if it was brief. These are your treasures, given to you to remind you that even in the midst of the dirt and gloom, you have something precious because you are something precious.

A Healthy Mind in a Messy World

You might be in some kind of recovery, feeling as if you have made one too many bad choices. There is always time to begin making the right choice. Nothing you have done in the past takes away from the value you have always had. There are few things more respectable than facing your shortcomings, and it takes bravery to admit your weakness and get help for your sickness.

Maybe you are not recovering from addiction or substance abuse, but instead confronting your people-pleasing tendencies, or your low self-esteem. Maybe you are only in the early stages of recognizing the trauma you carry, or giving a name to your insecurities. The key to continuing is understanding this: it is about progress, not perfection.

The journey to a healthy mind is long, but you are already making progress just by reading this. Whatever path you are on, remember that it is not about becoming worthy of love, respect, dignity, and kindness. You have always been worthy of all of those things. Even when you mess up, relapse, lash out, withdraw, or fail, you are still worthy and always have been. You don’t need to earn your worth; you just have to have a healthy mind so that you can see it.

Help Is Available

One of the healthiest things you can do for your mind is to check in with a counselor or therapist regularly. Even if it feels as if you have things under control, it helps to get someone else’s perspective and encouragement. If you don’t currently have a counselor, or if you would like to find a new one, please consult our online catalog or speak with our reception team.

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Talking to Friends About Depression After a Breakup Without Feeling Like a Burden

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When a relationship you cherished breaks up, it’s natural to feel weighed down by sadness, but if depression sets in afterward, it doesn’t just affect your mood; it changes the way you connect with people.

It’s also common to feel torn when dealing with depression after a breakup. On one hand, you crave the comfort of friends; on the other, you may worry that you’re asking too much, or that they’ll get tired of hearing about your pain.

That inner conflict can stop you from reaching out, leaving you to carry the pain alone, but there are ways to talk that make the exchange feel lighter and more supportive for everyone involved.

The truth is, most friends want to be supportive, but they don’t always know how. By being open in thoughtful ways, you give them a chance to stand with you instead of leaving you to carry everything alone.

The Fear of Being Too Much

One of the biggest barriers is the fear of being a burden. You may replay conversations in your head, wondering if you said too much or leaned too hard on someone. This fear grows stronger when you see friends busy with their own lives.

Depression after a breakup makes you second‑guess yourself, and that self‑doubt can silence you. But silence doesn’t solve the problem; it just deepens the loneliness.

Why Friends Struggle Too

It helps to remember that your friends are not mind readers. They may notice you’re hurting but feel unsure about what to say. Some may worry about saying the wrong thing, while others may assume you want space.

This gap between what you need and what they think you need is where misunderstandings grow. Talking openly bridges that gap and makes it easier for them to support you in ways that truly help.

Moving the Conversation Toward Honesty

Instead of holding back, try being direct about what you’re going through. You don’t need to share every detail, but saying something simple like, “I’ve been dealing with depression after my breakup, and I’m finding it hard to get through the day,” gives your friend a clear picture.

Honesty also sets the tone for a healthier exchange, and relieves you from the pressure of pretending you’re fine when you’re not. There are always simple but useful approaches that make conversations feel lighter and more balanced.

Easy Ways to Talk About Depression After a Breakup Without Feeling Like a Burden

Set boundaries for yourself: Decide how much you want to share before you start talking. This keeps the conversation from spiraling and helps you feel more in control.

Ask for specific support: Instead of saying “I don’t know what to do,” try asking for something concrete, like “Would you mind checking in with me once a week?” Keep conversations shorter when you’re drained, too.

Balance the exchange: After sharing, invite your friend to talk about their own life. This keeps the conversation from feeling one‑sided.

Use different settings: Talk while walking, cooking, or driving together. Doing something side‑by‑side makes the conversation feel less intense.

Acknowledge their effort: A simple “Thanks for listening, it means a lot” reassures your friend that their support matters.

Share both progress and struggles

This will also help friends see the full picture. Write down your thoughts before talking if speaking feels too hard.

Depression after a breakup changes the way you see yourself, but it doesn’t change your worth to your friends. They care about you not because you’re cheerful all the time, but because of the relationship you’ve built with them.

Talking openly is not about dumping problems; it’s about letting them be part of your healing. When you give them that chance, you strengthen the friendship instead of weakening it.

When Friends Aren’t Enough

Friends are important, but they are not trained depression professionals. If you find that conversations leave you feeling more drained than supported, it may be time to reach out for professional help.

A counselor understands the weight of depression after a breakup and provides tools that friends simply don’t have. This doesn’t mean your friends aren’t valuable; it means you’re giving yourself the full range of support you deserve.

Talking to friends about depression after a breakup doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you human, and it opens the door to a deeper connection. If you’re ready to take the next step beyond the support of your friends, consider reaching out to a professional registered on this site or call the numbers on the screen.

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5 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Marriage

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Emotional abuse is one of the more difficult forms of abuse to identify because it doesn’t leave any visible scars. For example, a person dating an emotionally abusive person can become so desensitized to abuse years into their relationship that they don’t recognize the abuse.

A person can go years without noticing that their mood is being impacted by and stemming from emotional abuse. A good relationship should feel like both parties are honored, cherished, and valued. If one party does not feel this way, it is an emotionally abusive marriage. People must see the warning signs of emotional abuse.

Some people ignore these signs, citing “psychobabble” or other ways of discounting the problem instead of looking more deeply into it. As a result, the victim of emotional abuse is being robbed of having a healthy relationship and healthy self-esteem. Here are five ways to identify emotional abuse in marriage.

Coercion or Control

The highly controlling person will check out your whereabouts, where you’ve been, what you’ve worn or eaten, etc. This person doesn’t honor you for who you are. They are insecure about who they are and desperate for someone to love them. They may deceive themselves into thinking that you don’t love them, and when they do, they control your every move.

Although not physical in nature, this type of abuse can place undeserved guilt and shame on someone who is just going about their business. People who control in this way want to avoid the pain of being left or the pain of being rejected. Anyone who is constantly questioned about where they are, what they’re doing, what they’re wearing, and having their location tracked could be subject to emotional abuse.

This behavior does not honor their relationship. The person will see themselves as feeling like that person loves and cares for them, but they only care about themselves. A way to get around coercion and control is simply not to share your whereabouts. Turn your location tracking off on your phone. Change the passwords on your e-mail and social media accounts.

Control has no place in a loving relationship. The person should not force you to tell them where you are. You are not at fault. There needs to be a certain level of trust in a healthy relationship. If there’s not, then it’s best to seek some help.

Manipulation

Manipulation occurs when someone gets you to believe something that is not true. A manipulative person will tell you that you did not see or hear what is taking place. For example, if you question their amount of control, they will deny that they are controlling and flip it so that you are to blame.

Manipulation is also when one states something one way, but the real reason is something else. The real reason is to meet an emotional need; they’re trying to get their needs met through you. A manipulative person is hard to spot because they’ve been manipulating you for a long time.

Giving in when a person pushes you to do something even after you’ve refused can give way to more manipulation. When you finally refuse them, it angers them; it may cause a fight or quarrel. Watch for the warning signs. If someone is manipulating you, refuse to be manipulated anymore.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is defined as “a form of psychological abuse or manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters seek to gain power and control over the other person by distorting reality and forcing them to question their judgment and intuition.”

This behavior happens when someone denies or blames the behavior on the victim. This action also happens when someone does not take responsibility for their actions. This is a common manipulation tactic in which the other person flips the blame onto the other person.

This action makes the victim question whether their perception of events is true and their feelings are valid. However, gaslighters are good at convincing other people that the other person is at fault and not them.

Gaslighting is also difficult to pinpoint and change because the victims are normally in conflict with the gaslighter. A person who is good at manipulation can convince even professionals like counselors to see things from their perspective. Eventually, someone will discover the gaslighter’s behavior, but it often takes a long time to be noticed and recognized for what it is, creating shame and guilt.

A gaslighting victim should write down any situations in which they feel this is taking place. They should take careful notes on what happened, what was said, and how the person flipped it so the victim can take responsibility. They should then seek help from someone who can help them discern what is happening.

If the person is truly gaslighting, they need to be held responsible for their behavior. A witness or an advocate on the victim’s behalf will help bring clarity, provide relief that it is not only in their mind, and help the victim create and follow through with boundaries.

Degradation or Condemnation

This more than likely happens with words. Condemnation is when a person is constantly being put down, called names, and mocked because of their behavior, personality, or issues and is subject to emotional abuse. While we must continuously work to grow into greater Christlikeness, one party should honor the other by loving them exactly as they are.

The person should not feel degraded because they wear a particular outfit, eat something, or don’t do something up to the other party’s standard. If one party has such an issue with the other, it may be time to terminate the relationship. Degradation or mockery has no place in a healthy relationship. That person should not feel mocked because they hold a particular view contrary to the other person’s belief.

Refusal to Let Go

Another aspect of an unhealthy relationship is someone who refuses to let go of another person’s offense. This is where forgiveness is vital. Forgiveness is essential to a healthy relationship, whether the person is a believer or unbeliever. While forgiveness is possible, it does not mean reconciliation is always recommended or guaranteed.

Both parties must take responsibility for areas where they’ve done wrong. If they have hurt them, issue an apology to the other party. But if the other party still refuses to let it go or brings it up during every argument and treats the person as if they are still doing that behavior, it’s a form of emotional abuse.

Is restoration possible?

Giving an abuser the chance to change can be complicated. If a person continues their behavior and there is proof of continued sinful behavior, it is evident that they are unrepentant. This is where you would want to question it and bring it up in the hopes that that person will change.

If the person has repented and changed, and you see no evidence of that behavior taking place, healing and restoration are possible. God is faithful and forgives us as far as the East is from the West. He forgives all our sins and chooses to remember them no more. He does not hold these things against us because Jesus on the cross has already atoned for those sins.

Even when there is true repentance, however, a couple should seek Christian counseling to help the abuser change their behaviors long-term and learn healthy ways of communicating and relating to their spouse. Rebuilding trust and intimacy can take time and commitment. It is imperative not to ignore your emotions because faith is not ignoring your mind; it’s training it.

Emotional abuse is difficult to spot. But by taking the suggestions above, both parties can enjoy healthy relationships if they take responsibility, repent, and honor the other person. God can heal marriages.

If you have faced any of the above-mentioned issues, struggled with relationships, are facing a divorce, and/or are ready to commit to counseling and restoring your marriage after abuse, contact our office today to schedule an appointment with me or one of the other counselors in our online directory.

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“Autumn Leaves”, Courtesy of Patti Black, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Navigating Faith, Doubt, and End-of-Life Concerns During Later Years

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If you have been questioning beliefs that once felt unshakable, you’re not alone. The aging process brings a unique set of spiritual challenges that can leave faithful individuals wrestling with doubt. There are certain times when these end-of-life concerns surface: when daily life is marked by the onset of physical limitations, the loss of loved ones, or the reality of mortality, faith and doubt become a bigger focus.

The tension between doubt and faith during the later years doesn’t portray a spiritual failure. It reflects the complex reality of being human while trying to maintain a faithful relationship with God. The intensity of the struggle heightens when you’re facing inevitable changes that occur in the natural aging process. You can gain wisdom and peace when you understand how these various challenges connect as you navigate this season of life.

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. – Psalm 71:9, ESV

How Physical Changes and End-of-Life Concerns Connect to Spiritual Questioning

Each change in your body can create a domino effect that touches every area of spiritual life. Arthritis can make turning Bible pages difficult during Bible study, and chronic body pain can make it difficult to sit for long periods at a time.

Both physical situations can make you feel as though there is a barrier between you and God. It’s not just a simple issue of inconvenience. For decades, your body has been the vessel for worship, service, and other faith practices.

This physical decline often triggers questions about God’s presence. Questions you may have never considered before are now thoughts regarding your faith. One of the common questions you may have is why God is allowing the suffering, or whether your relationship with Him has diminished because of reduced capacity for spiritual activities.

The fatigue that comes with aging can cause issues, leading to frustration and discouragement when concentration in worship feels impossible.

Physical limitations and spiritual doubt are connected, in particular, when dealing with end-of-life concerns. You feel like you’re weakening body is a constant reminder of mortality, which intensifies fear about death and what’s to come. These physical changes force a confrontation with theological questions about suffering, divine purpose, and the nature of God’s love that you understand but never experienced.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. – 2 Corinthians 4:16, ESV

How Loss Experiences Link to Faith Foundations

The link between spiritual questioning and grief becomes more complex as you age because the losses accumulate instead of occurring in isolation. Losing a spouse, a close friend, or a family member doesn’t just affect your emotions. The grief shakes the foundation of how you understand God’s goodness and timing. As other losses occur, they build up on previous grief, which creates a compound effect that may overwhelm your spiritual resources.

Experiencing these types of losses connects directly to your faith foundations because they challenge your core belief about God’s protection and care for you. You may begin to question prayers that seem unanswered or wonder why God took certain people. This new pattern of loss that comes with aging often makes you feel like you’re constantly saying goodbye. These thoughts lead to questions about God’s plans and purposes.

The connection between faith and multiple losses becomes intense when you’re witnessing the suffering of others before their deaths. Watching your closest friends endure a prolonged illness or cognitive decline can shake your confidence in the mercy and love of God. Christian counselors see this pattern, where there is accumulated grief that has created a crisis of faith. This crisis typically doesn’t occur when a single loss is experienced.

It’s vital to learn that faith foundations must adapt to accommodate the new realities of loss without abandoning core beliefs. This process will involve learning to hold both grief and trust simultaneously, while understanding that questioning God’s ways doesn’t mean you are rejecting his love. The key is recognizing that mature faith often includes wrestling with difficult questions and not always finding simple answers.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. – Hebrews 11:1, ESV

How Legacy Fears and End-of-Life Concerns Connect to Eternal Security Doubts

It is normal for your concerns about legacy and unfinished business to lead to questioning eternal security. Reviewing your life through the lens of approaching death, past mistakes, or missed opportunities may feel intensified. Fears and doubts regarding salvation often catch believers off guard because they have felt confident in faith for so many years.

These fears stem from a subtle shift from trusting in God’s grace to evaluating your own performance. This may cause you to create a mental checklist of what you did that was good and where you failed. This will lead you to wonder if you’ve done enough to “earn” heaven. This is performance-based thinking, and it connects directly to end-of-life concerns. This happens because death feels like the final deadline for spiritual achievement.

Legacy fears may often be intensified when challenged with relationships that need healing. Panic about spiritual standing can result from the thought of dying with unresolved conflicts or unexpressed forgiveness. There may be concern that these unfinished emotional tasks can somehow disqualify you from eternal peace. Christian counselors frequently encounter this pattern where relational regrets turn to spiritual crisis.

Legacy concerns and eternal security doubt can also manifest through the worry about whether you’ve been a good Christian influence on your family. This may lead you to wonder if your children or grandchildren may have a solid faith and blame yourself for their spiritual struggles. The sense of responsibility for others’ faith creates overwhelming pressure while you face your own mortality.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39, ESV

How Community Support Links to Sustained Faith

The spiritual doubt and isolation connection becomes more intense as you age due to your natural support network declining in number. Friends may move away, become ill, or pass away, which can leave you feeling increasingly alone with your questions and fears. A dangerous cycle is created where doubts multiply without the benefit of community wisdom and encouragement.

The need for a spiritual community is directly connected to your ability to maintain faith during the challenging seasons. When there is no regular fellowship with other believers, end-of-life concerns can feel overwhelming. When struggles are shared with peers who navigate similar challenges, you will find valuable perspectives to help you with your own spiritual journey.

Spiritual mentorship and guidance are a result of having community support. Christian counselors become an important support system as you face questions that require biblical wisdom and practical understanding of aging challenges. The relationship between a Christian counselor and pastoral care can help distinguish normal spiritual development from crises.

It is vital to build and maintain a spiritual community to help cultivate healthy support and shared wisdom needed during these seasons. These relationships help you focus on the fact that your struggles are normal human experiences and not spiritual failures.

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. – Isaiah 40:31, ESV

Deepen your Journey of Faith

Physical changes, loss experiences, and legacy fears are different challenges that affect doubt and faith during the aging years. When you question your faith or when physical limitations increase, this doesn’t mean your spiritual journey has ended. This season offers opportunities to cultivate a deeper faith that comes through life experience and honest wrestling with difficult realities.

Your faith journey will still matter regardless of how these struggles connect or become complex. The doubts are normal responses to real challenges, not a sign of spiritual failure. It is vital to remember that God’s love transcends all earthly connections and provides the foundation for hope and peace. Contact our office today to meet with a Christian counselor near you.

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/aging
https://www.verywellmind.com/anxiety-in-older-adults-5193978
https://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/guide/aging-mental-health
https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/anxiety-in-older-adults
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-changes-with-age

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“Open Bible at Church”, Courtesy of G + L, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

The Unseen Cost of Grief and Loss for Children

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While there are many books about helping children through grief, there are unseen costs that can be overlooked as a child gets further from the initial grieving season.

The unseen cost of grief and loss in children can be found by taking a deeper look at how they process identity, family, and friendship – and what it means to process the perceived loss of any one of those.

How a Child’s View of Self Changes Due to Grief

When a child is young, his or her caregivers are tied to their identity. Even a mediocre parent is an integral part of the formation of a child’s sense of self from a young age.

That’s partly why research tells us that narrative therapy can be so powerful for adults who experienced a lack of attachment to their primary caregivers in childhood; the therapy walks them through the process of forming a new sense of identity by examining the attachment that didn’t take place as it should have.

Whether they lost a caregiver due to death or divorce, abandonment, or simply separation that requires a season of living far from that caregiver, a child can be devastated. This doesn’t just impact the child’s relationship with that caregiver.

It impacts their view of themselves because they may struggle to gain the confidence that comes from a stable home life, a steady, consistent primary caregiver, and a deep-seated knowledge that their primary caregiver will be there for them.

When loss interrupts or removes this awareness, a child becomes unsure of who they are. It can cause a boisterous, playful child to become quiet, reserved, and unwilling to try new things. Or it may mean that as the child grows into adolescence, they’re more likely to be a follower rather than a leader who is sure of themselves and can pinpoint what part of following is unhealthy and avoid it.

Grief, then, plays an important role in how a child walks through and recovers from loss of self. We tend to acknowledge the loss of a role in a child’s life, such as the death of a parent, the divorce of two parents, or even something like moving away from a best friend. But amid grief, it’s important to help the child see the connection between that loss and how it impacts how they see themselves.

How to Help a Child or Teen View Themselves in Light of Loss

Because a child can lose a caregiver, friend, or family member in more ways than one, it’s important to talk about the actual loss. Was it the loss of a friendship after a cross-country move or the loss of a beloved aunt due to death? Or did their parents divorce, so the loss is felt in norms that have been removed?

Talking about the loss will help a child acknowledge where the grief comes from. This may be overlooked because, as adults, we assume it’s a normal process. For children, though, and even teens, it can be incredibly healing to talk about and name what they miss.

“I miss the way we used to run to each other’s houses after school.”

“I miss how Aunt Jane always baked cookies when we came over.”

Letting a child or teen talk about what is lost is an important step in not just grieving the actual loss but grieving their self-perception as it relates to the loss.

Helping them understand that it’s okay if they feel shaky in themselves when they’ve lost an important daily figure in their lives, such as a best friend who always rode with them on the bus or a dad who picked them up after dance every Tuesday and Thursday but now is unable due to distance, death or divorce.

Normalizing emotions is another key to helping a child or teen go through grief in a way that helps them recover over time.

When you try to move on too quickly, without acknowledging or revealing your own emotions, it signals to a child that he or she should also get on with the business of moving forward. However, because a child is immature in his brain wiring, this can be misunderstood to mean they should ignore their sense of loss and their emotions, and pack it up like a suitcase when going on a trip.

Unfortunately, their “suitcase” will pop open unexpectedly when this happens – giving them a host of emotions later in life that weren’t expressed when they needed to be and maybe even stunting some of their emotional maturity and growth.

So, letting your child see you cry if you are upset, talking about feelings, and giving extra grace when it comes to expectations of your child are all helpful. Ease up on their chores and homework while they grieve; let them take some time off from a sport or music pursuit if that’s what they need.

But don’t let them just be alone during those absences. Be intentional in spending time with them, remind them that loss is hard, and grief takes time, and be available when they want to share how they’re doing.

Grief Can Impact Children’s Future Relationships or Friendships

Because a child who loses a parent endures such emotional pain, it’s clear why he or she may have a hard time bonding with a future caregiver. When Mom remarries after a divorce or someone new steps into her life after years of being a widow, even adult children can struggle.

They’re allowed to be fearful of how that new relationship will impact their other caregiver. But they also may be afraid of getting too close themselves. After all, they know what it feels like to lose someone they love.

If a child has lost a friend due to a big move, the grief they’re experiencing may contribute to hesitance about making new friends or trying a new activity.

In a scenario where grief has caused some hesitation to form new relationships, there are things you can do to help a child or teen.

First, don’t push your child or teen into forming new relationships. It’s natural to need time to accept the loss of a friend, even if it’s simply a friend who has moved away.

Second, encourage your child to continue routines – after skipping a week of the sport they love or easing up on their homework for a period of time, remind them that picking up these things will restore some normalcy to their lives, especially if they are old enough to understand.

If they are too young to understand, then simply keeping their routines as close to what they were before will help children to have something familiar in the wake of having lost a treasured friend.

Third, find therapists who specialize in talking with children and teens. Psychologists can work with your child or your teen in a way that meets them where they are – not where they or you feel they need to be. This gentle approach gives them hope that where they are today is okay, and yet, there’s hope for healing in the future.

Finally, helping a child take relational risks in the future should be child-led. Perhaps, over time, you notice your child or teen regaining interest in trying out a new activity. If your teen goes to high school and decides being on the newspaper staff might be fun, let him or her adjust to the new activity and find friends over time.

Trusting the process can be the toughest part of watching a child or teen go through grief. It’s so difficult to see someone you love hurting. But when they know it’s okay to feel how they feel, that they are loved, and that they have a supportive group around them, they’ll find their new footing.

A grief group or a grief counselor can also be part of their support team, helping them know they’re not alone and they’re not the only child or teen going through something so difficult. To meet with a counselor or therapist who can help your child navigate their grief, contact our offices today.

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“Boy With Candle”, Courtesy of an Thet, Unsplash.com, CC0 License