The Logistics of Grief: Finding Grief Support in Huntington Beach

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When a loved one dies, it often feels like your entire world changes. In the days and weeks that follow, you might find yourself having to manage waves of emotions, conflicting and confusing thoughts, and paperwork and plans that you feel ill-equipped to manage. There is a lot of administrative work to do in grief, some of it ongoing and some brief. Depending on your personality type, the logistics of grief might be a welcome respite from all of the emotions you feel, or it might be a burden to an already weary soul.

When the Logistics Become a Burden

There is something so stark and cold about having to fill in forms with details about the loved one you have recently lost. Hospitals, authorities, and funeral services deal with death daily, and this can cause them to seem blase or heartless about death. It can be jarring to do some of the urgent administrative tasks soon after losing a loved one. There is nothing to prepare you for all the things you might feel at this time.

Few people know beforehand about the specific protocols that happen after death. It’s not unusual to feel overwhelmed or out of your depth at this point. Unfortunately, grief is not a five-step process. It is messy, unpredictable, and life-changing. Most people are still in a state of shock or unbelief as they fill out forms, collect papers, and make plans about their loved one’s remains. It can be a painful, unpleasant, and sometimes frustrating experience.

The Upsides to the Logistics of Grief

While some people shy away from paperwork at the best of times, others lean into the process, relishing the distraction by doing something they are confident about. They might take charge of some of the tasks because their brains work best when dealing with tangible tasks. For them, the administrative tasks of grief are a welcome break from everything else that is going on.

Grief can be taxing on every level, often forcing us to face things we would rather avoid. By contrast, the administrative tasks tend to be brief, usually lasting only two or three weeks after the death of a loved one. There may be financial pressures and expenses, legal complications, or issues with family.

These things are demanding and as emotionally draining as grief. However, dealing with the bare-bones, black-and-white nature of paperwork and planning can be a refreshing break from the emotions of grief.

The administration of grief might include making funeral plans, communicating with relatives, keeping track of money, or sorting through the belongings of the lost loved one. It can be a lot of work for one person to manage, but it can also be therapeutic to handle tasks like these. Compartmentalizing items and checking off tasks is a far cry from the unpredictable emotions of grief, making it an appealing choice for some.

The Rhythms of Grief

Grief intensifies and subsides in waves of emotions. Some days, you will feel almost “normal,” even when you can’t stop thinking of your lost loved one. On other days, you might feel nearly paralyzed by sadness and depression as the weight of their death hangs over you. There are no right or wrong things to think and feel during grief. You might simply feel “lost at sea” for a long while.

Just as the waves of the ocean are constant, so are the rhythms of grief. Though you might feel as if you are drifting without direction after the death of a loved one, the waves will eventually bring you back to shore.

It may be a long journey before you find solid ground again, and it might even be administrative tasks that help anchor you. One day in the future, though, you will find yourself on solid ground, remembering your loved one in a way that makes you feel grounded.

Reaching Out for Help: Christian Grief Counseling in Huntington Beach, California

It’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed by the various aspects of grief. Whether they are practical or emotional, they can be difficult to navigate alone. When your family and close friends are going through the same experience, it might help to begin meeting with a Chistian grief counselor in Huntington Beach, California for support.

Your counselor will help you by giving you a chance to catch your breath, unburden yourself of thoughts and feelings, and find a way to cope. Contact our office today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling if meeting with a counselor could help you manage your grief.

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Finding Calm in Conflict: Applying Bible Verses About Anger to Heated Conversations

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Pretending you’re fine isn’t the same as being at peace. Everyone wants to be calm, but few admit how hard it is when frustration takes over. The Bible doesn’t ignore that reality, but it can help us redirect it. Find support in this article from these helpful Bible verses about anger.

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. – Ecclesiastes 7:9, NIV

This verse isn’t popular because it’s blunt, but it’s honest. Anger left unchecked becomes a habit, not a single action. The cost is that you lose peace, patience, and the ability to hear God’s voice clearly. Every harsh word builds distance between you and the calm you’re meant to carry.

Yet, if we were just to look closely, many other powerful Bible verses about anger don’t teach you to stay quiet, but can guide you on how to speak peace into tense moments.

Suppressing Anger Versus Surrendering It to God

It’s easy to talk about patience until someone tests yours.

Unfortunately, suppression only keeps anger alive under the surface, while surrender releases it. Another verse from the book of Psalms warns;

Cease from anger and forsake wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evil doing. – Psalm 37:8, NASB

That’s not about denial, it’s about direction.

Suppression says, “I’ll deal with it later.” Surrender says, “God, I trust You with this now.” When you hand over your frustration, you’re not losing control; you’re choosing freedom.

Many practical Bible verses about anger don’t tell you to erase emotion; they teach you how to manage it. Galatians 5:22–23 lists self‑control as a fruit of the Spirit, right alongside love and peace. That means calm isn’t a personality trait, but rather a spiritual practice.

Self‑control doesn’t mean silence; it means choosing words that heal instead of harm. When you respond with patience, you’re showing strength that doesn’t need to shout.

Some verses even challenge modern habits.

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. – James 1:19, NASB

These verses aren’t just ancient wisdom – they’re practical tools for modern communication that help you if you apply them to your daily situations.

Applying Bible Verses About Anger in Real Conversations

Try these steps when a conversation starts to heat up:

  • Pause before replying. Give your thoughts a chance to catch up with your emotions.
  • Ask what the other person truly means. Listening builds understanding, not agreement.
  • Pray for calm before continuing. Even a short prayer can reset your tone.
  • End with grace, not defense. You don’t have to win to walk away with peace.

Faith doesn’t erase conflict; it reshapes how you handle it. When you speak with humility and patience, you invite peace into the conversation.

Practice these faith‑based communication skills that can help easily defuse rising tension:

  • Respond slowly. Quick words rarely heal.
  • Use empathy. Ask yourself how your words will land before you say them.
  • Seek restoration, not victory. Winning an argument rarely wins a heart.

When you apply these principles, you’re not just quoting Bible verses about anger, you’re living them. You’re showing that true calm wisdom in action.

Conflict will always exist, but peace is a choice. Scripture reminds you that peace begins with surrender, not silence.

Christian Anger Management Counseling in Huntington Beach

If anger has been affecting your relationships or your sense of spiritual balance, consider reaching out for professional counseling. A counselor listed on this platform can help you get to the real root of your pain and frustration and help you apply these truths in practical ways.

Reach out to an anger management therapist in Huntington Beach, California. Contact our reception team at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling to start a conversation that leads to lasting calm.

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How to Keep a Mindfulness Journal

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A mindfulness journal is an effective tool for identifying thought and behavioral patterns by recording your thoughts and feelings. The practice is low-budget, accessible, and freeing.

Why keep a mindfulness journal?

A mindfulness journal allows you to pause, take a step back, and reassess where you are and your frame of mind. It gives you a safe space to express yourself without judgment. You do not have to share your mindfulness journal with anyone. If you decide to share your mindfulness journal, your counselor can look over it to help you identify patterns.

Tips for Starting a Mindfulness Journal

Although it may seem uncomfortable at first to write in a mindfulness journal, try the practice for a month or more. When you write, allow yourself to be free with your words. You can write about anything bothering you, things you are grateful for, or prayers to God. You can write about your dreams for the future or set goals.

You decide what you want to write about. Give yourself the time to get your thoughts out onto paper. Aim for at least 10 or 15 minutes at each session.

Choose a notebook or journal

Although many people choose to use a device for journaling, paper can provide you with a distraction-free environment and help lower anxiety levels by simply unplugging. Choose a notebook or journal book. It doesn’t have to be expensive or of a particular size, just accessible to you. A pencil or pen will work, although you may want to choose one that expresses your personality.

Schedule a time

To remember to journal, schedule a time in your day. Make mindful journaling part of your routine by habit stacking. For example, maybe you choose to journal in the morning while enjoying your first cup of coffee. Try journaling at bedtime after your evening shower or bath. Consistency will help you form the new habit.

Define your intention

You can use your journal for any purpose, but setting the intention helps focus your mind and keep you on point. Perhaps you plan to use your mindfulness journal to record a weight loss journey. You would want to record your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors surrounding your meals and snacks, record workouts and other activities, and other factors that lead to weight loss.

If your goal is to lower stress, then you can record thoughts and worries, as well as any solutions that come to mind.

Write without distraction

Journaling can happen anywhere, but you should choose a place that is relatively quiet and without distractions to focus on entries. If you have children, write during their naptimes, at bedtime, or while they are quietly playing in the room. If you work outside of the home, consider a quieter spot for lunch to journal.

Look for thought or behavioral patterns

Every few weeks, review your journal entries without judgment and take note of any thoughts or behavioral patterns. Consult with a counselor if you notice any that require a change. A counselor can help you reframe your thoughts to change your emotions and behaviors.

Christian Counseling in Huntington Beach, CA

If you are looking for more tips or need suggestions for a mindfulness journal, contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a Christian counselor in Huntington Beach, California. The counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling specialize in a variety of issues that affect men, women, and children, combining evidence-based techniques with faith-based principles. Call or click today to get started.

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When Everything Seems Better Online: Effects of Social Media on a Teen’s Creativity and Confidence

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For many teens now, hobbies and passions are no longer being discovered through good old trial and error. Instead, many things that interest young people are now filtered through social media algorithms that decide what’s worth trying. Many now spend more time watching hobbies than trying them, even though the interest in learning new things doesn’t go away. The effects of social media on creativity and confidence are subtle but powerful, shaping how teens see themselves and what they believe they can do. If you’re a teen, you probably relate to this too.

You open a social media app for a quick break, yet before you even notice, an hour has passed while you scroll through video after video of people painting, baking, coding, dancing, and creating things that make you think, “I wish I could do that.”

At first glance, it feels inspiring, yet something strange happens just as quickly. The initial curiosity in the hobbies slowly fades as you get sucked into another interesting fad.

Why scrolling through social media is overtaking creating.

We now live in a world where hobbies are no longer the first thing that comes to mind when free time appears. Social media makes it easy to watch others live out their passions, but it also makes starting something new feel intimidating.

Instead, scrolling through feeds and chasing trends takes up hours that used to be filled with learning guitar, sketching, or experimenting with new skills. Teens are growing up mostly scrolling through someone else’s creativity instead of exploring their own. Picking up a guitar, sketching a rough drawing, or baking a messy cake suddenly feels like it’s not good enough compared to the polished clips online.

Social media feeds the mind with endless ideas, yet it also trains it to keep moving, to expect quick results, and to judge every interest before it even begins. When every hobby online looks polished and perfect, the act of picking up a skill or learning something new from scratch starts to feel harder than simply scrolling to the next video.

The Pressure of Online Perfection

Creativity thrives on curiosity, mistakes, patience, and practice. Most hobbies begin with clumsy attempts, uneven paintings, off-key songs, or projects that fall apart. Offline, this is normal. Online, it’s not so much.

As a young person, if you’re only seeing the finished product, you’re losing the freedom to explore and experiment freely.

Social media celebrates quick success and dramatic transformations, compressing months of effort into seconds. Teens begin to expect instant results, and when progress feels slow, confidence drops. When algorithms guide that exploration, you focus your passions on superficial things like popularity rather than personal interest or personal growth.

Easy steps to break the loop:

  • Choose hobbies that show steady progress early, like painting or photography.
  • Keep early projects private.
  • Track progress in a notebook instead of waiting for likes.

Social Media: Creativity Without an Audience

Social media has turned hobbies into performances. Young people especially feel pressure to share every step online, shifting the purpose from personal joy to public approval. This takes away the private satisfaction of discovery and makes hobbies feel like content creation.

Ways to reclaim creativity:

  • Set aside time for hobbies without online distractions.
  • Try one activity each week that has nothing to do with what shows up in your feed.
  • Spend time in spaces where algorithms don’t decide what you see, like local clubs or community centers.

The Freedom of Doing Something No One Will See

Social media has turned hobbies into performances. Everyone feels the need to share every achievement online, which changes the purpose of the activities from personal enjoyment to public approval. This takes away the private joy of discovery and makes hobbies feel like content creation.

The conversation around the effects of social media on teens touches more than screen time. It reaches into confidence, identity, and the way you discover your interests. The more you lose your curiosity as a teenager, the more you lose an important space for creativity and personal growth.

If you’re a teenager or you have a teenager at home feeling discouraged, anxious, or unmotivated by anything, professional counseling can help.

A qualified counselor can help you rebuild healthy hobbies and reconnect with meaningful interests. Consider reaching out to a licensed professional listed on this site or call the numbers on the screen for support. A simple conversation with the right professional opens the door to healthier habits and a renewed sense of curiosity.

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What is Tapping Therapy and How Can It Help?

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Tapping therapy, also known as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), is a process of regulating emotions and reducing stress by tapping on nine acupressure points. These points help lower stress by reducing cortisol levels and relieving anxiety. Studies have shown that tapping therapy is effective for chronic stress, anxiety, PTSD, depression, phobias, cravings, and pain.

The Tapping Therapy Process

The tapping therapy process focuses on an issue or emotions from fear, trauma, or cravings (such as food, alcohol, or nicotine). The process is a series of taps on acupuncture points on the hand, face, top of the head, collarbone, and under the arm.

The tapping therapy process can be repeated several times as your stress, anxiety, fear, cravings, or pain diminish. Once you learn the process and order of tapping, you can use the technique anytime you feel negative emotions attached to a specific situation or issue.

If you are at work or in another crowded area, try to find a quiet place to practice tapping therapy. Most tapping practices take between 10 and 30 minutes. Your counselor may suggest practicing tapping daily while thinking about the emotion or issue. This approach can lessen the effects of the emotion before it has time to emerge naturally throughout the day.

Focus on the issue or emotions

When you feel your emotions are overwhelming, fear has taken over, or your mind cannot settle on an issue, try tapping therapy to help soothe anxiety and lower stress levels. The first step is to focus on the emotion, thought, or issue. Although this may be initially painful, it creates a mind-body connection as you move to the next step and assess your progress.

Rate the intensity of the issue or emotion

Next, rate the intensity of what you are feeling on a scale of 0 to 10 (10 being the highest). For example, if you struggle with intense cravings, rate the sensation from 0 (not feeling any discomfort) to 10 (feel like you are losing your mind with the urge). Pay attention to the sensations and be ready to use this number as a benchmark.

Choose a self-reflective statement

Self-reflective statements help you move through the process. The initial statement sets the tone. For example, if struggling with extreme stress, you might say, “Although I am dealing with stress right now, I accept where I am,” while tapping the side of your hand. Keep your statements positive and open to change. You are not your anxiety, fear, depression, or urges. You are more than what you feel in the moment.

Begin tapping and adjusting your statement

As you tap and move from one point to another, adjust your statement. You could say, “I am overcoming this stress.” Tap each point seven to nine times, moving to the next point and either repeating or adjusting your self-reflection statement.

Side of the Hand Use four fingers to tap the outer side of the hand (think karate chop). You can use either side of the body, or, if you repeat the process, use the alternate side.

Inner Edge of the Eyebrow Near the Nose Use one finger to tap on the inner eyebrow bone near the nose.

Side of the Eye Use one finger to tap on the outside of the eye bone at the corner of the eye, between the eye and the temple.

Under the Eye Use one finger to tap under the center of the eye in the hollow part of the undereye.

Under the Nose Tap with one finger under the nose between the upper lip and nose.

Under the Lip Tap with one finger between the chin and lower lip.

On the Collarbone Use three fingers to tap the collarbone, either on the side or the center of the bone.

Under the Arm Near the Armpit Tap the spot under the arm, directly under the armpit.

Crown of the Head Use three or four fingers to tap the top of the head (the crown).

You can repeat the entire process as many times as needed until your initial rating decreases. You may want to take a screenshot of the process to keep as a reminder of the order to follow. Reassess after each round to see how you feel. Has your rating dropped significantly? For example, has it dropped from an 8 to a 3 or 4?

Counseling for Anxiety in Huntington Beach, California

If you are looking for a non-invasive treatment with no medication or negative side effects, consider tapping therapy. Contact us at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling today to schedule a session with a counselor in Huntington Beach to discuss how tapping therapy can help you.

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Breaking the Cycle: When Extreme Anxiety Runs in the Family

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When a parent lives with extreme anxiety, the effects ripple through the home and are felt by everyone in the household. It changes the tone of the entire home. Even if no one talks about it, children pick up on how their parent reacts, how they handle stress, and how they cope with hard feelings. Kids watch closely, and they learn from what they see.

Extreme anxiety can be passed down in two ways. Some children may inherit it through genes, which means they’re more sensitive to stress. Others may learn it just by being around it. A child doesn’t have to be born with anxiety to start feeling it. Either way, the result is the same. Simply growing up in a home where anxiety is always present can be enough for children to show signs of anxiety themselves.

Thankfully, this cycle can be broken. Kids can learn better ways to deal with stress and worry, even if anxiety is a big part of the family picture.

What Kids Learn from Anxious Parents

Children are incredibly perceptive. They notice when a parent avoids certain places, reacts strongly to small problems, or expresses constant worry. Over time, kids may start doing the same things. A child may begin to fear what their parent fears. They might avoid new situations or feel like they need to be extra careful to keep things calm.

Sometimes, parents try to protect their kids by avoiding tough talks or keeping tight control over routines. These actions come from love, but they can also send the message that the world isn’t safe or that things are always about to go wrong. Anxiety, when left unspoken, can quietly shape how children see the world and themselves.

Simple Ways to Support Kids in Homes With Extreme Anxiety

Talk about how you calm down, not just how you feel

If you’re feeling tense, instead of saying “I’m so stressed,” try saying “I’m feeling a little on edge, so I’m taking a few deep breaths.” This teaches kids that there are ways to manage bad feelings.

Let your child see you bounce back

If you had a rough day, let them see how you recovered. You can say, “I was upset earlier, but I went outside for a walk and now I feel more settled.” This shows them that tough emotions don’t last forever.

Make a peaceful space at home

Designate a space, like a corner with pillows or a cozy chair, where no one talks about worries or problems. Use it for reading, drawing, or just relaxing. It gives kids a physical reminder that peace is possible.

Use humor when things feel tense

A silly joke or a funny video can change the mood in the room. Laughing together helps remind everyone that not everything needs to feel serious or hard.

Let your child try new things

Let your child try things that stretch their comfort zone, like ordering food at a restaurant or speaking up in class if they’re nervous about something. This builds confidence and takes the focus away from fear or failure, making them anxious.

Listen without jumping in to fix

If your child says they’re feeling nervous or unsure, don’t rush to solve it. Say something like, “That makes sense. Want to talk more about it?” Just listening helps them feel supported and stronger.

Keep bedtime calm

Save heavy conversations for earlier in the day. Bedtime should be a time for winding down, not worrying. Use calming routines like storytelling, gentle music, or gratitude lists to end the day on a peaceful note.

Christian Counseling for Extreme Anxiety

If your child shows signs of persistent worry, avoids social situations, struggles with sleep, or seems emotionally withdrawn, maybe the source of their stress is closer to home than you might realize.

Child therapists are trained to work with both kids and parents. They can help your child feel stronger and more confident, and they can also guide you in creating a calmer home. Anxiety, in any form, doesn’t have to shape your child’s future. Even if it runs in the family, kids can learn to manage stress, talk about their feelings, and feel safe in their world.

If you’ve noticed signs of anxiety in a child under your care, reach out to learn more about child therapy today. The sooner you take that step, the more support your child will have, not just today, but for years to come.

Call us today to connect with someone who understands what your child needs and how to help.

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How to Find the Best Therapist for You: Qualities That Make a Counselor Qualified

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I’ve gotten these questions as a therapist from several pending clients in many different situations over the years:

  • Are you an expert on this issue?
  • Have you worked with this before?
  • Are you just a regular professional therapist?
  • I’m not sure if you could help, can you?

It is a good question to ask. And a question coming from a pragmatic, caring heart, as you want yourself or someone you love, not to waste time but to experience healing and growth. So, in this article, I want to provide some introduction to what you can probably expect your therapist to know and how likely they are to help.

Therapist Training

Let’s first talk about the knowledge and training a therapist gains from the ground up, and what you can generally come to accept as standard for your experience across the board.

There are three basic differentiations for therapists by experience and training, like the levels in carpentry, which look like

  • Apprentice
  • Journeyman
  • Master carpenter

Therapist training levels are:

  • Trainee: like an apprentice learning the trade, supervised often by professors
  • Associate therapist: like a journeyman gaining experience, full-time practitioners, gaining supervision by professional therapists, often still pre-licensed
  • Licensed therapist: like a master carpenter, working under own license

This is the marriage and family therapy model of training classification, whereas other counseling professionals, like clinical counselors, social workers, and psychologists, may have slightly different education and classification than MFTs.

Like any profession, you can have brilliant and skilled technicians or not-so-brilliant or skilled practitioners at any level of training. But let’s start with trainees and ask the questions: Are you an expert, have you seen this, and can you help?

As a trained therapist trainee, one has received a variety of education and training around areas as diverse as child psychology and the study of aging along the lifespan, abnormal psychology regarding the study of all types of mental illnesses, and the study of what makes romantic partnerships and personal lives thrive and blossom versus fail.

All trainees have been reared in a number of different theories and philosophies, looking at what causes problems in human functioning. They are also trained in vehicles of change for the betterment of quality of life and the factors in therapy that are conducive to that growth.

You can have appointments with trainees and work with them, generally for lower fees than associates or licensed therapists, and specific benefits can range from their recent academic scholarship and research, the supervisors who really invest in their maturation, and so you have two brains working behind your care.

Trainees are often tremendously gifted individuals by nature who apply some of the common factors beautifully, as well as begin to grow more knowledge of certain specialized treatments.

Below are some of the common factors that describe what therapy looks like in every office and are generally considered factors that contribute to many healing outcomes:

Common Factors

Support

  • Catharsis
  • Identification with therapist
  • Mitigation of isolation
  • Positive relationship
  • Reassurance
  • Release of tension
  • Structure
  • Therapeutic alliance
  • Active participation of both therapist and client
  • Therapist expertise
  • Therapist warmth, respect, empathy, acceptance, genuineness
  • Trust

Learning

  • Advice
  • Affective experience
  • Assimilating problematic experiences
  • Cognitive learning
  • Corrective emotional experience
  • Feedback
  • Insight
  • Rationale
  • Exploration of the internal frame of reference
  • Changing expectations of personal effectiveness

Action

  • Behavioral regulation
  • Cognitive mastery
  • Encouragement to face fears
  • Taking risks
  • Mastery efforts
  • Modeling
  • Practice
  • Reality testing
  • Experiencing success
  • Working through

Therapists at all levels will be trained to apply these modes of thinking, feeling, relating, teaching, and modeling, which means most interactions, when things fit, are examples of dealing with an expert in modeling and shaping changed thinking, feeling, communicating, and behaving at some level.

Trainings And Credentials

Therapists at all levels can receive specialized training (as permitted by the presenters). In fact, I took training this last year for an evidence-based couples therapy approach that had me surrounded by psychologists with PhD’s, licensed MFTs, associates, trainees just beginning to see clients for the first time, many saying keenly insightful things.

Some training and methods can teach you theories that are evidence-based (meaning research studies have proven effective in achieving positive outcomes) or can have you trained in subject matter as general as child psychology or as specific as trauma-focused therapy with veterans.

Other training can lead to certification and credentials such as CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist), Addiction certified through organizations like National Certified Addiction Counselor, NAADAC, EMDR certified, or Gottman method certified, and those who pursue them often spend years and thousands of dollars on those specialties.

That shows a passion and a commitment to that subpopulation, which is a good sign if you’re a client (and probably means you’ll need to pay more for their services).

The next level of general training every therapist must progress to is that of an associate therapist. After a trainee graduates from their graduate program and has seen hundreds of hours of clients by then, they then apply for an associate number to begin seeing clients under the tutelage of a supervisor in a professional and paid relationship.

Therapists in this stage gain even more hours and end up with upwards of 1200 face-to-face session hours with a supervisor coaching them before and after, and countless more hours learning the trade, amounting to at least 3000 hours of training. Associates, on top of education, amass a lot of real training in the field.

Many of these associate therapists work in agencies or private practices under the license of their supervisor, so they are well monitored and guided by those supervising licensed therapists. During this time, they must acquire training in telehealth, ethics, suicide, and risk assessment, and often do many hours of extra training in these topics.

For example, the agencies I worked with during my associate period trained me intensively in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which is a model that largely helps clients who are dysregulated internally regulate, make effective choices, and increase mindfulness and flexibility.

I also was taught Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral therapy, which taught a method of working with traumatized children to assist them to grow in the ability to deshame themselves, notice their feelings and sensations, and process trauma in a suitable way that left them more able to continue with their lives. Then, with this trauma, I was able to implement the tools and techniques of those models and then be shaped and molded by my supervisors into a more adept practitioner with those tools.

What is the scope of competence versus the scope of practice?

Terms you may hear from a therapist are.

“That is not in my scope of practice.”

This means the therapist, and any therapist at any level or professional title, would not be equipped to deal with. To exaggerate, filing your taxes, giving you legal advice, or telling you how to reconstruct your porch would be out of a therapist’s scope of practice. However, it is harder to identify discrepancies would be giving medical advice, or usually prescribing medication (unless the therapist is a psychiatrist

What is within the scope of practice is trained listening, encouragement, discernment, interpersonal skill building, self-regulation skill building, insight development, crisis management, mindfulness, and thought process change toward truthfulness

“That is within my scope of competence!”

This means the topic that you are bringing to the therapist is one that the therapist is well versed in and trained or experienced in more than the average therapist. For example, all therapists are trained to assist family members in healthier discussions, etc., but some therapists have a greater scope of competence than others, maybe to assist a family member dealing with a son with severe mental illness, which a different therapist might not be as competent in handling

The last level of training is being licensed in your therapy field, such as a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), or licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC). After completing the required hours and your associate phase, a therapist of any sort is now granted the privilege, in distinction from the professional boards of their state and or professional organizations, to conduct therapy on their own.

If the famous anthropologist Malcolm Gladwell is close to the truth about 10,000 hours of practice making someone an expert in something, then including the associate time of 3000 hours plus many hours of undergraduate and graduate education, any licensed therapist is pretty close or at least halfway to being an expert, or at least a skilled professional at handling mental, emotional, and social issues adeptly for the client.

And many issues overlap, and initial reasons for coming to therapy can often lead both the therapist and the client to see that there are other underlying things to be worked on. Therapists who engaged in different ways of becoming experienced can often see problem areas where they can apply what they know from different angles, whether it be a more researched approach, common sense, or general intuition and skillfulness at the therapist’s springs.

I, for example, have been shaped through training in different methods, life experience, overall years of clinical experience, outside interests in readings, psychological concepts, and how much time in my faith, reading the Bible, listening to sermons, and community, which speaks to the human experience.

So perhaps I may have a potential client who says their child with high functioning autism is really struggling and isolating due to social pressures in junior college as a forty-year-old attempting to be more self-sufficient.

I’ve never worked with a forty-year-old with autism, and I’m not considered an expert who has had countless training sessions and hours of experience. However, I know the client will need emotional regulation, some interpersonal skills, some acceptance and understanding of where to push to accept limits, and family support, just through general awareness and experience

Hopefully, I’ve been able to show the spectrum of the kind of helpful care you will receive and things that you can look for and ask for to gain greater clarity. Overall, seeing anyone at any level in this field, it is likely you will be meeting with someone knowledgeable who can provide adequate supervision of your care.

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“Counseling”, Courtesy of SHVETS production, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Counseling”, Courtesy of Polina Zimmerman, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Group Counseling”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Counseling” Courtesy of Andrej Lišakov, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Helping Siblings Get Along When Insecure Attachment Might Be The Root Cause

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Sibling relationships are some of the longest-lasting connections in a person’s life. For most kids, these relationships are a rollercoaster. They share bedrooms, toys, secrets, and sometimes even clothes, but they also share tension, competition, and misunderstandings. One minute, they’re giggling over an inside joke, and the next, they’re fighting over who gets the last cookie.

Some of that back-and-forth is totally normal and part of growing up. When kids struggle to get along, parents rush to look for quick fixes, trying more rules, more separation, or more rewards for good behavior. What’s less talked about is how some deep emotional patterns, like insecure attachment, sometimes shape the way siblings relate to each other.

When kids feel unsure about their place in the family or worry that love and attention are limited, it can lead to rivalry, jealousy, and constant conflict. Understanding this connection helps parents respond with more clarity and patience.

What is insecure attachment?

Insecure attachment develops when a child doesn’t consistently feel supported, understood, or emotionally safe with the people they rely on most. This doesn’t mean the parent is neglectful or unloving. It can stem from stress at home, busy routines, or even well-intentioned but inconsistent responses from adults.

A child with insecure attachment might question their place in the family. They may feel unsure of their worth, worry about being left out, or struggle to trust that love will stick around. And when those worries bubble up, they often play out in sibling relationships.

If one child feels less secure than the other, they may see their sibling as a threat or a competitor. Even small things, like who gets the bigger slice of cake or who sits next to mom, can trigger strong reactions. They may try harder to grab attention, push boundaries, or even pick fights. This is not because they want to be difficult, but because they’re trying to feel noticed or reassured.

Why Sibling Conflict Might Actually Be a Cry for Connection

When siblings clash, it’s easy to zoom in on the behavior. Who pushed whom? Who started it? Who broke the toy? But often, the fighting masks a deeper need, like a craving for connection.

A child who doesn’t know how to ask for attention in a healthy way might act out toward a sibling instead. Teasing, interrupting, or picking a fight can be their (imperfect) way of saying, “See me. Hear me. Be with me.”

While that doesn’t make the behavior okay, it gives us a different insight. When we respond with curiosity instead of just punishment, we give kids the message: “I see something bigger going on here, and I’m here to help.”

Some sibling disagreements are normal. But if you’re noticing patterns that go beyond typical sibling squabbles, insecure attachment could be a factor.

Signs That Insecure Attachment Might Be at Play

  • One child is always trying to win or be better than the other
  • Constant tattling, blaming, or pointing fingers
  • Avoiding time with a sibling or refusing to play together
  • Intense reactions to small things (like who gets more attention)
  • A child who seems anxious when their sibling gets attention
  • Difficulty apologizing or making up after a fight

Such behaviors normally aren’t just about personality. They may reflect deeper worries about safety, love, and connection.

The Subtle Messages Kids Pick Up at Home

Kids are always watching and listening. Not just to what we say, but how we say it. If one child gets more praise, more comfort, or more freedom (even unintentionally), the other might start to feel less important. Even offhand comments like “She’s the responsible one” or “He’s so dramatic” can leave lasting impressions that shape how kids see themselves and each other.

These subtle messages shape how kids see themselves and each other. A child who feels less than their siblings might start to act out, withdraw, or constantly try to prove that they’re enough. But when we stay mindful of how we respond to each child, we can create a home where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.

When One Child Always Seems to Need More

You might notice that one child seems to need extra attention, more reassurance, or more help than their siblings. This can be exhausting for parents, especially when it feels like one child is always taking up space. This usually isn’t about being spoiled but more about emotional safety. That child may be unsure whether they’re truly loved, so they cling a little tighter or demand more control.

The good news? Meeting their emotional needs, through routines, calm reassurance, and dedicated one-on-one time, can help them feel more secure. Over time, they’ll likely become less reactive and more comfortable sharing space with their sibling.

Knowing When to Step in and When to Step Back

As parents, it’s tempting to referee every sibling spat. But not every argument needs adult intervention. In fact, jumping in too quickly can prevent kids from learning how to solve problems on their own. On the flip side, ignoring repeated conflict outright can leave kids feeling like no one has their back.

So how do you know when to step in?

It’s time to step in if things are escalating, someone feels unsafe, or the same issue keeps repeating. Step back if the conflict is minor and the kids seem capable of working through it. When you do intervene, focus on guiding, not punishing. Use calm language, help each child express their feelings, and guide them toward a solution. If the conflict is minor and both kids seem capable of handling it, give them a chance to try.

What to Do When It Feels Like the Fighting Never Stops

  • Spend one-on-one time with each child regularly. It helps them feel secure and less likely to compete for your attention.
  • Avoid comparisons. Even light-hearted ones like “He’s the smart one” can cause resentment.
  • Teach simple ways to express emotions. Give your child the words, like “I feel left out,” so they don’t need to act out to be heard.
  • Pay attention to when fights tend to happen. Is it around bedtime? Shared toys? Once you know the triggers, you can set clearer expectations or offer more support in those moments.
  • Create shared positive experiences. Game nights, family walks, or silly routines help siblings connect outside of conflict.
  • Respond with curiosity. If one child tends to dominate or pull away, ask, “What were you hoping would happen?” instead of jumping to discipline.
  • Encourage repair. Teach them to apologize, listen, and make amends. Model this yourself by owning mistakes and showing how to rebuild trust.
  • Celebrate each child’s growth. Focus on their efforts, not just achievements, so they feel valued for who they are, not how they compare.

Sometimes, sibling struggles go deeper than day-to-day squabbles. If a child has experienced trauma, bullying, or ongoing stress, it can affect how they relate to others, especially their siblings.

In these cases, therapy can be a powerful tool. A child therapist can help kids unpack their emotions, develop healthier coping skills, and build stronger relationships. They can also support parents in understanding what their child really needs and how to meet those needs without burning out.

The Big Picture: It’s about emotional safety, not just behavior

Helping siblings get along isn’t just about stopping fights or managing behavior. It’s about creating a home where every child feels emotionally safe, valued, and connected.

When kids feel secure, they don’t need to compete for love. They’re better able to handle conflict, show empathy, and grow into the kind of siblings and humans who treat each other with kindness and care. That’s the kind of relationship that can last a lifetime.

If you’re worried that something deeper might be going on, there are many licensed child therapists available here, just a call away. Getting support now can make a lasting difference in your child’s emotional world and in the bonds they build with their siblings. Reach out to this office to learn more.

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“Silly Faces”, Courtesy of Austin Pacheco, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sitting on a Hammock”, Courtesy of Sr. Janko Ferlic, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Traits of a Highly Sensitive Child and How to Care for Them

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Children often experience big emotions, and it is typically normal. Some children, however, feel they live in a state of extreme emotion all the time and are more easily triggered by their environment. When this happens, you may find yourself wondering if your child’s reactions are normal or if you have a highly sensitive child.

Help! I have a highly sensitive child

A highly sensitive child is a child who processes and reacts more deeply to their experiences than other children do. They are inherently wired like that. Highly sensitive children are often known to be feisty and fierce, passionate and persistent, insightful and empathetic, intuitive and intense, and they are constantly living in extremes. They’re known to be either ecstatic or enraged.

Highly sensitive children are sensitive to their environment, experiences, relationships, and expectations. They are amazing children, but because they react in bigger ways than most, they are prone to frustration, power struggles, and perfectionism. This is because they find it more challenging to adapt to the limits and expectations they encounter in their daily lives.

The intensity of highly sensitive children can be exhausting for their parents or caregivers. It can be hard to understand your highly sensitive child in all their complexity, and they are often misunderstood because there seems to be no middle ground with them. The better you can understand them, the more you can learn how to provide the sensitive and responsive care that they need to thrive.

3 Key Traits of Highly Sensitive Children

Some of the more prominent traits of a highly sensitive child include the following:

Highly sensitive children are more sensitive to the world around them

Highly sensitive children experience their emotions in extremes. This is because they feel much more deeply than most. They are often compared to orchids: high-maintenance plants that react to the smallest changes in environment. They are more vulnerable to changes in their environment and may seem to react irrationally as a result.

In addition to their extreme emotions, they are also sensitive to the environment they are in, and their brains never seem to shut down. They are known as processors as they tend to focus on and analyze even minute details. While this makes them extremely insightful and empathetic, because they seem to lack an internal filter, they are also more easily overwhelmed, absorbing more than they can handle.

They also tend to be more self-aware and perceptive than most. They question things others might take for granted and can articulate their motivations for things they did or said even better than some adults. They can understand their own struggles. They also tend to have great insight into how others feel and can pick up on subtle changes in tone.

Highly sensitive children have big reactions to the world around them

Your highly sensitive child will have bigger reactions than most to sensory input, even to seemingly small things. They are more sensitive to sensory input and experience sights, sounds, textures, and smells more intensely. They may avoid things like foods with particular smells, flavors, or textures, certain kinds of clothing, public restrooms with noisy hand dryers, or get upset when something doesn’t look like they expect.

A highly sensitive child is more prone to meltdowns because they are more quickly triggered to experience stress. When they feel overwhelmed by the constant onslaught of sensations that they can’t manage effectively, it can result in intense emotional reactions.

A highly sensitive child will be more apprehensive about new people or places. Their minds turn over all the details in a new situation, whether it’s a new classroom, activity, birthday party, or family gathering. They will try to anticipate what they might expect, wondering what might happen and whether they will be liked, feel safe, or be good at the activity.

Their deep thinking and constant analysis are an attempt to prepare for the unknown. While this makes them come across as bright and insightful, it can also be overwhelming for them. This results in the child resisting new things and clinging to what is familiar and comfortable. They may struggle separating from their parents or adapting to being left alone at school or sports.

A highly sensitive child also tends to get frustrated more easily. While everyone experiences a certain amount of natural discomfort when confronting something new or challenging, a highly sensitive child will find it intolerable. Because they experience more distress in those situations, they may give up more easily when they experience a challenging task.

They also tend to be preoccupied with how others see them, even if parents or other adults say complimentary things about them. They are so sensitive to feeling scrutinized or assessed that they even feel uncomfortable receiving praise, as they perceive the pressure of being evaluated.

They may also be inclined to misinterpret others’ actions, taking what others say and do more personally than it was intended. It may seem like a highly sensitive child filters their experiences through a victim mindset. This can make navigating relationships with siblings and peers more challenging.

Highly Sensitive Children try to control the world around them

Because of their sensitivity to their environment, a highly sensitive child will live in a state of high alert and will feel a greater need for control in those situations where they feel uncomfortable. They will try to prepare for and protect themselves from the next big emotion, event, or experience that could be overwhelming.

They will attempt to gain control of a situation by being rigid and inflexible about details like where to sit and which plate to use. The more out of control they feel on the inside, the more controlling they may be on the outside. Even their constant analysis of event details is part of this desire to feel in control of their world and what to expect in any situation.

A highly sensitive child is more likely to struggle with perfectionism because when they can’t complete a task in the way their brain is telling them it should be, they feel a loss of control. They are triggered to feel shame, and this results in them quickly feeling like a failure. They experience failure as a personal failing they are judged for, instead of as part of the learning process.

Perfectionism and difficulty losing go hand in hand. This makes competitive activities especially stressful for the highly sensitive child. A highly sensitive child is more likely to try to manipulate the game in their favor so that they can win to protect themselves from the shame of losing. Alternatively, they may get angry and quit if the result isn’t going their way.

This also means that a highly sensitive child will have a hard time accepting correction. Even seemingly harmless directions can be perceived as personal judgments instead of helpful guidance.

Any perceived shame they experience can trigger reactions like laughing, looking away, anger, or even running away. Evasive responses are all coping mechanisms to provide protection and relief from the flood of difficult emotions.

How to Care for Your Highly Sensitive Child

A child with a sensitive temperament can’t outgrow who they are. They can learn how to manage their emotions and cope with the more challenging aspects of their sensitivity. A big part of helping them is managing your expectations and approaching their meltdowns with patience and compassion.

When your sensitive child reacts to something, don’t take things they say and do personally. The fact that they are lashing out is a sign that they are struggling to cope with something. Don’t minimize their emotions. Instead, try to remain calm and not be reactive yourself. Stay present while providing space for your child to feel what they’re feeling.

Don’t try to problem-solve in the middle of the meltdown, but rather wait until they are calm before offering help. If they permit you to share some ideas that you have of ways to handle a situation, they will feel more in control and be more receptive to what you have to say. Sharing your thoughts, guidance, and personal experiences in this manner can help them better understand and adapt to the world around them.

Not all highly sensitive children will have all of these traits, and many who aren’t highly sensitive may struggle to some degree with some of these. But because of their sensitivity, these children may be more likely to struggle with anxiety or mental health challenges. If this sensitivity is affecting their ability to function well at home or at school, or interfering with their relationships, they can benefit from professional help such as Christian counseling.

Connect with a counselor near you or through this website to learn more about working with myself.

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5 Simple Ways to Show Love to People with ADHD

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There is a lot to learn about love languages in any relationship, and this is especially true for relationships involving people with ADHD. Neurodiverse people operate on a different spectrum from everyone else. The things that you think are trivial and take for granted are often bigger, more complex issues for those with ADHD.

The more you learn about their neurodevelopmental disorder, the more you will be able to love and support them practically. The smallest action could have the biggest impact, and there are five simple ways to show love to people with ADHD.

How to Show Love to People with ADHD

You may have heard about the love languages that are quality time, touch, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. They are a useful guide to how best to love certain individuals, and apply well to most relationships. However, whether it is romantic, familial, or platonic love, those with ADHD often speak a slightly different love language than most other people.

ADHD is a disorder that affects a person’s brain development. This affects the way they think, communicate, and perceive the world. Everyone with ADHD has unique traits, but similarly, the ADHD community has many common struggles and experiences.

They might not be able to articulate much of their perspective, and many people are diagnosed later in life. Learning more about ADHD, and particularly how best to love those with ADHD, will help both you and them have a more harmonious connection. Here are five ways you can do that:

Be present with them as they work

When neurotypical people complete a task, no matter how trivial or important it is, they receive a small amount of dopamine each time, making them feel satisfied. People with ADHD do not get dopamine in this way at all, and even the smallest of tasks feels unbearably boring and draining for them to do.

Along with having a dopamine deficit, those with ADHD have time blindness, meaning they cannot accurately gauge how long an activity has taken or will take. A five-minute chore to them might feel as if it’s taking hours to perform. A practical and loving way to help them is to simply sit with them as they work, even if you are focusing on your own activity and not directly engaging with them.

This concept is called body doubling, and it’s effective for neurodiverse people in a couple of different ways. Firstly, many people with ADHD are delighted and comforted when you sit with them as they work because they enjoy your company, but also because it holds them accountable in a non-threatening way.

Secondly, they tend to struggle to lock in and focus, or they become hyperfocused, making even a simple activity feel intense and draining. When you sit with them, even silently, they can better balance their focus and see the task through to its conclusion. Besides all of this, they retain their autonomy by working on the activity themselves, not relying on you to do it for them.

Celebrate small achievements

The habits that you perform every day, such as showering, brushing your teeth, and responding to emails, might seem trivial to you, but they are often hurdles that those with ADHD struggle to overcome. Even the smallest of tasks requires more focus and energy than you might realize. They might be distracted from completing activities that feel unstimulating or become overly intense about what they are doing, even if the stakes are low.

Try commending them any time you see them completing a task. It might be making the bed in the morning, drinking water, or finishing their homework assignments. When you realize how difficult it is for them to be consistent with the small things, your praise will be sincere.

Even though they derived no dopamine from the chore, they will likely feel good about having their achievements recognized and celebrated. This is true no matter how small they seemed. You might get bonus points for having a brief dance party with them as part of the celebration!

Prioritize spontaneity

People with ADHD need routine and structure to be productive, but they thrive on creativity and spontaneous fun. When you notice that their mood is flatter than usual, or if they seem exhausted and despondent, try suggesting a break in routine with something random to perk them up.

If you’re fresh out of ideas or exhausted, ask them what they feel like doing in that moment. Even if it’s impractical, expensive, or does not appeal to you in the moment, try going along with their suggestion. At least, you will begin to understand how they get recharged, and that is valuable information for any loved one.

If you do not love spontaneity yourself, try to keep a few secret ideas stashed away to surprise them with. You could prepare a secret picnic basket and keep it ready for a surprise road trip, for example. Or you might buy tickets for a concert, and keep the secret until the last minute.

The point is that spontaneous surprises will mean the world to your ADHD loved one, even if it’s taken a lot of planning on your part. There is always a compromise to be made when you are speaking someone else’s love language.

Hear them out when they are excited about something

There will come a time, or perhaps there will be many times in a week, when your ADHD loved one will get excited about something that sounds completely ridiculous or implausible to you.

For example, they might talk about doing some outrageous home renovations, or suggest a holiday that is out of your budget and that would require months of planning. Instead of immediately shutting them down or dismissing what you feel is a silly idea, try hearing them out.

The average person with ADHD has had to face more rejection, resistance, and dismissals than most neurotypicals will face in their entire lives. Related to this, most of those with ADHD have rejection-sensitivity disorder, meaning that they often feel crippling shame and guilt related to things they perceive as rejection.

The simple act of hearing them out, particularly when they are excited or in a hyper-focused mood, will mean more to them than you could imagine. The mood will pass, and you can revisit any ideas and apply logic to them later. The loving thing to do is to validate them by simply paying attention when they fantasize about something, and not bursting their bubble.

Provide regular reminders about things they often forget about

Your ADHD loved ones will frequently forget things and often feel terrible about it afterward. Don’t take it personally when they remember something work-related but forget about your birthday, for example. They have likely put a lot of effort into trying to remember the work-related thing to the point of forgetting about everything else.

If they have irked you or upset you with their forgetfulness, try letting go of your frustration and instead practice reminding them about the important things. Their forgetfulness isn’t personal, and your efforts to remind them of things can mean a lot to your relationship.

Try to be direct about your reminders. You might think that they will catch the hint if you circle a date on a calendar, allowing them to make a mental note of it. This might work in the moment, but it’s almost a guarantee that the information will be lost before an hour is up.

Instead, say something like, “Do you remember what tomorrow is?” and give them time to think about it. This is not a test of their loyalty, but rather as a way of ensuring you are both on the same page regarding important dates and events.

No one gets it right all the time, and relationships can get messy and frustrating, even without neurodiversity. If you need some extra support in your relationship or just somewhere to offload your concerns, consider meeting with a counselor. You can chat with someone who is well-versed in ADHD struggles and hear from their perspective. Contact us if this is something you are interested in.

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“Reading Together”, Courtesy of Toa Heftiba, Unsplash.com, CC0 License;