Signs of Depression in Children: Finding Help from a Christian Counselor in Huntington Beach

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Just like adults, children experience emotional ups and downs and are affected by daily stresses. Some children are naturally more sensitive or emotional than others and may freely express their emotions. Others might suppress their feelings for various reasons, though the parents might still notice a change in behavior.

It is not uncommon for children to become depressed. There has been a slight increase in child depression in the last decade. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention cites that 3.2% of children aged 3-17 have current cases of depression.

It can be alarming to parents and caregivers to know that their child is depressed, and many may not know how to help their child. Others might not even be aware that their child is depressed, thinking that children cannot experience depression. If a child’s mood is rapidly changing, if they have become quiet or withdrawn, or if their performance at school is declining, these may be signs that a child is depressed.

Why Children Get Depressed

Depression in children is influenced by many things, from life events to their environment at school and in their family. In some cases, it is a biochemical illness or genetic predisposition. In every case of child depression, it is a good idea to consult a counselor, therapist, or medical professional to determine the cause and treatment.

A child’s school environment is frequently the source of depression. From the ages 5-6, children spend the majority of their time at school with teachers and peers. Here they may be exposed to experiences like bullying and social rejection which can easily result in the child becoming depressed.

Many children as young as five experience fear and anxiety as far as school is concerned. Whether it is separation anxiety, social anxiety, or a specific phobia, anxiety, and depression are often linked.

Similarly, childhood depression is commonly influenced by things that happen at home. During their developmental years, a child is sensitive to many events that might seem insignificant to adults. For example, moving house is a common life event for an adult, but it can be deeply impacting for a child. Leaving friends behind and having to begin school with new peers and teachers is enough to cause depression in children.

There are more obvious natural causes of depression in children, such as abuse, neglect, and divorce. Children are often deeply perceptive, and even if they cannot articulate it, they can sense when their parents or caregivers are struggling. Children of depressed parents will often experience depression themselves. Children need caregivers to be emotional anchors, providing stability and assurance. There are times when it can be challenging to provide this.

Biochemical Disorders

A child experiencing depression may have a mood disorder. This means that the depression the child is experiencing is not necessarily linked to any events in their external environment. Instead, it is being generated inside of them, by their brain or nervous system. This type of depression can only be diagnosed by a medical professional after careful evaluation.

There most common depressive disorders to affect children are major depressive disorder (MDD), persistent depressive disorder (PDD), seasonal affective disorder (SAD), bipolar disorder, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD), and adjustment disorder with depressed mood.

Severe depression that lasts more than two weeks might be major depressive disorder. Persistent depressive disorder, also called dysthymia, is a milder form of depression, but one in which the symptoms last for a year or more. Seasonal affective disorder occurs mostly in the northern hemisphere where the daylight hours are shorter in the colder seasons. Depression is a result of a lack of chemicals obtained from sunlight, such as vitamin D.

Bipolar occurs in children, however, it is not common. The indicator of bipolar is extreme mood swings, always followed by bouts of low energy and depression. Mood swings and surges of energy and exhaustion are common for all children, but what sets bipolar behavior apart is that the mood swings are intense and last for weeks with debilitating effects.

Healthy children may occasionally experience bursts of extreme emotion, from euphoric joy to fits of anger and tantrums. But when the anger is severe, with frequent outbursts, aggression, irritability, and no joyful or positive emotions, it might be disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. Only children over the age of six experience DDMD and it is extreme but treatable.

Lastly, adjustment disorder with depressive mood is not biochemical but is commonly treated with medication. A child with this disorder might be depressed for three months or more, and it is often in response to a major event, like a death in the family or parental separation. There is a period of adjustment to each of these events, but if a child’s daily functions are impaired by grief, this may indicate the presence of this type of depression.

Symptoms of Depression in Children

Depression affects children across a broad age spectrum, and each stage of development brings with it characteristic behavior. For example, it is common for young children to have tantrums, to sometimes be shy and withdrawn, and to have occasional angry outbursts. But these can also be symptoms of depression in children. The difference between natural developmental behavior and depression is the intensity of the behavior, and the effects it has.

If there is a sudden and noticeable change in behavior, such as an outgoing and confident child becoming shy and silent, this is cause for concern. If they stop doing things that previously brought them joy, become overly sensitive to criticism, have lower energy, and increased irritability, this might be further evidence of depression.

Children below the age of nine do not naturally possess filters to mask behavior. They also do not have the eloquence to describe their emotions. This means that younger children cannot easily tell you what they are feeling, but they will show how they feel without being prompted. Frequent tantrums, angry gestures, or low energy and impeded abilities to do simple tasks (like brushing teeth or tying shoelaces) are things to watch out for.

Older children and pre-teens tend to become withdrawn and silent when battling depression. Depression often presents alongside trauma, such as a fear of abandonment. The child might be reluctant to talk about how they feel because they perceive that it is wrong for them to feel this way, though they wouldn’t be able to explain why. This leads them to become insular as a form of soothing and self-protection. This is often observed where there has been bullying or abuse.

Besides this, common symptoms of depression in children and pre-teens are changes in sleep patterns, loss of appetite, failure to concentrate, frequent tearfulness, absences from school or a decline in grades, and attempts to run away from home.

Because they often cannot articulate their experiences, parents and caregivers need to take note of their behavior and, if possible, talk to the child about it. The parent might also share their concerns with a healthcare professional.

Teen depression is often linked to an increased interest in topics surrounding death, suicide, or self-harm. Risky behavior, sexual promiscuity, and substance use or abuse are also common. Low self-esteem, self-loathing, and aggression can also be indicators of depression. Teens may want to feel something besides the weight of depression or to shut down their feelings altogether.

Should you notice any prolonged behavior, things that are out of character, or behavior patterns that prove detrimental to your child’s health, you should reach out to a professional immediately. Whether you begin with medical advice, or counseling and therapy, there are options for treatment. No family has to be crippled by the effects of depression, regardless of its type or the cause of it.

Next Steps

Every case and type of depression is treatable. It may take some time to determine the type and cause of the depression, and then determine the most effective treatment plan. A good treatment plan might combine both medication and counseling. As far as medication is concerned, a qualified health professional should diagnose and prescribe the treatment. It should be monitored over some time, and amended if necessary.

The counseling might be pediatric counseling, where a professional meets with the child in private, and conducts a child-focused method of counseling. Or it might involve a combination of one-on-one meetings with the child and sessions with the parent or primary caregiver.

Many parents and caregivers themselves are battling depression and ailing mental health. It is common to feel guilty, helpless, and even angry at yourself as a parent because of your child’s depression. We encourage parents to seek counseling for themselves, as a way of helping themselves and their family.

We can connect you to some highly qualified professional counselors who will work with you to provide the support, and treatment you need. The first step is to call our offices to book an appointment with a counselor, after which you will be on your way to mental wellness.

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“Blue Paint”, Courtesy of Phil Hearing, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Replace Baby Screams With Real Smiles: How Play Therapy Can Make a Fussy Baby Happier

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As new parents, sometimes we really need to put away the Pinterest-perfect parenting guides and acknowledge just how draining fussy babies can be. If you’ve spent four hours rocking back and forth in the hallway with a baby that hates your rocking, your shushing, and even your tears, it’s easy to feel like their constant fussiness is a failing grade on your motherhood test. Yet, adopting that mindset will only lead to you consistently feeling beaten and spent. Play therapy can help.

You care about this tiny human more than anything else in the world, which is why it’s so frustrating when you can’t get them to calm down. We go into parenting thinking we’ll naturally know what to do to handle this never-ending needy creature, and we feel utterly defeated when our instincts fail us.

Have you considered that at the root of all that commotion and annoyance, the baby is just yearning for emotional reassurance? There’s a calm, bright future with a contented baby for your family. One helpful step in learning to calm your baby involves discovering how play therapy can lead to a happier, fuss-free infant.

A Baby’s Secret Language

Human beings are creatures of emotion. From the day we are born, we feel things like stress and sadness just like adults do. The only difference is that we learn as we grow to communicate those emotions through words.

Unfortunately for babies, they can’t simply tell you, “Hey, will you please stop yelling? That really ticks me off,” or “Turn off that loud TV. It’s making my head hurt.”

Instead, they cry. Having an infant cry non-stop for days on end is enough to frazzle anyone’s nerves. Baby’s nerves are just like ours. If they don’t have an outlet for that pent-up emotional energy, it just stays stuck.

Flipping The Script on Mini Tantrums

Don’t you ever think, “Surely there’s a less exhausting method than lulling a crying baby to sleep by rocking them.” You’ve probably heard that you should either ignore the crying or distract them with some razzle-dazzle toys. But those are just Band-Aids on the problem.

If you want to heal your child from the inside out, you must meet them where they are developmentally. Babies understand the world through movement and emotion.

That is where play therapy can come in to play a super important role in your child’s development and happiness. Instead of viewing playing with your baby as something you do to keep them busy, it can be used as an emotional outlet and a way to communicate with them.

Easy DIY Play Therapy Game Plans for Fussy Babies

Are you ready to go from surviving parenthood to thriving? It’s all about rethinking your playtime methods. Here are some examples of easy tips to get started, even now:

The Mirror Game Sit your baby up straight and mimic everything they do. Make the exact same faces they make while exaggerating your facial movements. Follow their coos with silly animal sounds. This kind of mirroring communicates to their brain in a way that they understand that you get them.

The Magic Movement Place your baby on a blanket on the ground and slowly drag them across the room. Babies have something called a vestibular system that gets stimulated by movement. Helping your baby learn how to manage big emotions is easy when you take them on a slow journey.

Never ignore a whimper As soon as they whimper, hum softly back instead of ignoring or shushing. You are communicating to your baby that you will be there with them when things feel hard.

The truth is, parenting is difficult, and infants don’t come with an instruction manual. If you’ve tried everything and your home still looks like a war zone, there’s no shame in asking for help.

Learning about baby play therapy can open your world to magical ways to connect with your child. Talk to some of the child therapists on this site, or simply pick up the phone and contact someone who can guide you through the first steps.

Photo:
“Baby Playing”, Courtesy of Natalie Blauth, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How to Help Children of Divorce: Advice from a Christian Counselor in Huntington Beach, CA

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Children of divorce may require more attention, encouragement, and support. Although the rate of divorce has been declining over the past two decades, at least 40% of first-time marriages end in divorce. The rate increases in subsequent marriages.

You can help your children find their footing, adapt, and thrive by working together, providing stability, teaching them how to regulate emotions, and leaning into God.

Tips for Helping Children of Divorce

Helping children of divorce cope with changes in a positive way can build emotional resilience and reassure them that they are still loved. You can establish these guideposts by providing a stable environment, acknowledging their thoughts and feelings, working to co-parent, and providing support from other sources. Uniting as a family to serve and worship in the church and community can teach children empathy as they learn about others.

Adjusting to a new normal is hard for both parents and children. Sometimes you need more guidance. Don’t be afraid of seeking professional help during this season. Christian counseling combines evidence-based psychological methods with faith-based principles, helping people work through hard seasons while drawing closer to God.

The following are several tips to help children of divorce adapt and thrive.

Build a stable environment

Children need stability. They need to know that they have a safe space to lay their head down at night and to be with a parent. During a divorce, so much can be up in the air, including living arrangements.

Often, parents start divorce proceedings and are unsure if they will sell their home and split the difference, if one parent will remain in the home, or if both parents need to move out of a rented place immediately.

In some circumstances, divorce is due to violent actions on the part of one parent, leaving the other parent to flee to safety. Trying to build a safe environment for your children helps to ease the tension and anxiety they feel.

If possible, make arrangements as soon as you become aware that divorce is impending. If it is an immediate separation due to divorce, confide in friends and family about a safe place to live temporarily while you find more secure housing. Inform your child that this is only temporary, but they will still be surrounded by love.

Remember that older children hurt too

We can get so bogged down with divorce proceedings that we forget that older children are not meant to shoulder the responsibility of carrying our emotions or raising younger siblings. Single parents tend to rely on older children for help.

Although older children should take on more responsibility as they grow, expecting them to act like adults or confiding in them as if they are adults will only cause feelings of resentment, bitterness, and anger to fester.

Older children hurt too, although they may be better at keeping it hidden. Your younger child may cry at night, but an older child may act out in other ways. They may have mood swings, lash out at younger siblings, develop behavioral issues in school, or suffer academically. Take the time to listen to your older child. Ask them questions about their thoughts and feelings, and acknowledge their insecurities.

Explain to them that a divorce is necessary after all avenues have been considered, but don’t go into the details of every argument between you and your spouse. Consider speaking to the teacher or counselor at your child’s school to inform them about a significant life event affecting your child that may impact their behavior or academics.

Try to coparent effectively

Coparenting can be tricky. First, you need to have a civil relationship with your ex. You do not need to be overly friendly, but you do need to work together for the sake of your children and maintain a positive relationship.

Children can sense the tension between parents during exchanges, and this can add to their anxiety. Try to keep the conversation focused on the children, updating the other parent about physical, emotional, and behavioral health, as well as academic performance.

If possible, try to attend extracurricular activities, especially games or performances. Even if you do not arrive together or sit together, your children will see that you both still support them in their endeavors. Decide on a reward system at your home and give your children your expectations of their behavior, but also be aware of your ex’s rules at their home.

Consider a mediator if you find it challenging to agree with the other parent. You may need someone else to help with exchanging the children temporarily until the newness of the separation and divorce is less emotionally charged and raw.

Keep schedules consistent

Children need routine to feel secure and stable in their environment and in relationships. Try to keep their daily and weekly schedules consistent, so they know what to expect.

For example, if you choose a coparenting schedule where the parents alternate weeks, keep that schedule. If something changes, inform your children about the change and whether it is temporary (for example, a parent has to travel for work and cannot take them that week) or permanent (the new schedule will be split into Sunday through Wednesday with Mom and Thursday through Sunday afternoon with Dad).

For teen children, consider asking them about what works better for them. It may be that walking home to Mom’s house after school is easier than waiting for the school bus to get dropped off at Dad’s home. Although you want to keep schedules consistent, both parents should remain flexible and be willing to change to make things smoother for the family.

Serve as a family

Family can be more than blood-related individuals. During and after a divorce is a good time to lean further into your church family.

Take your children to church and serve as a family in various ministries in and outside of the church. Your children learn to think about others, empathize, and see how they can be the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world. Schedule volunteer opportunities into your calendar and hang them up where the children can see.

Give them as much importance as you do doctor appointments or school. When children grow up doing good and showing Christ’s kindness to others in a family where religious beliefs are deemed necessary, the children are at a decreased risk of developing suicidal ideation or attempts, according to a study published in 2019 in Ethics Med Public Health.

Ask your church or local community center about volunteer opportunities. If you do not have a home church, ask friends and family about their churches or visit churches in your area that preach the Word of God and have a thriving children’s ministry.

Seek help as a family

Although it can be challenging, consider family counseling during or after divorce to help make coparenting smoother. Both parents can attend a few sessions with their children and work with a counselor to agree on schedules and expectations. After a divorce, as parents begin to date others and possibly remarry, family counseling can help in the introduction of new people into the children’s lives and blended family scenarios.

By seeking help as a family, you are reassuring your children that you want what is best for them and are willing to admit when you need help. Children learn life skills that will help them build emotional resilience.

Christian Counseling During and After Divorce

Children of divorce can struggle with the transition. Depending on the circumstances, these children may blame themselves, feel unseen, or even be angry. It’s okay to seek help from an unbiased third party at this time. A Christian counselor can help the whole family in the transition during and after divorce.

Contact our facility today to schedule a session with a counselor specializing in divorce and family counseling.

Resources:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7430948/

Photo:
“Little Boy Playing”, Courtesy of Yunus Tuğ, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; 

Mental Wellbeing and the Hidden Influence of Gut Health

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Most of us understand mental well-being in terms of thoughts, emotions, and life events. However, few of us realize the hidden community of microscopic organisms in the gut that can also shape how calm, focused, or resilient we feel. The brain-gut connection suggests that there are trillions of bacteria in the digestive system that influence mood, stress response, and even symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Christians understand how this can be both fascinating and reassuring. God has designed our bodies with intricate connections among mind, body, and spirit. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13, NIV) Understanding microbiomes offers another way to care for our mental well-being with intention and hope.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or unsure which steps matter when it comes to health and emotional regulation. There are people promoting quick fixes through supplements or strict diets, and others viewing the gut-brain connection as a passing trend. But in the middle are people who want to understand how everyday choices about food, sleep, and stress can support their well-being.

Christian counselors help us explore this without fear or shame, and they are grounded in a biblical view of the body as being fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s comforting to know that when questions arise about mood changes, digestive discomfort, or lingering fatigue, we can rest assured that they are part of a complex system that God understands completely.

How the Gut-Brain Connection Affects Mental Wellbeing

The microbiome is the community of microorganisms living in the body, especially the gut. This community is made up of bacteria that help break down food, produce certain vitamins, and interact with the immune system. Through this connection, they also send signals to the brain, using nerves, immune pathways, and chemical messengers.

Some bacteria are linked to the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and gamma-aminobutyric acid, which influence mood and anxiety levels. When this balance of bacteria is disrupted, it can contribute to inflammation and changes in how the brain processes stress and emotion. This results in subtle yet significant effects on mental well-being.

Researchers have noted that people with depression and anxiety sometimes show differences in gut bacteria. This does not prove that changes in the gut cause mental health issues, but it does suggest that the health of our microbiomes can be an important part of the larger picture.

For some of us, digestive symptoms such as bloating, pain, or irritable bowel syndrome go hand in hand with emotional stress. In other words, when the gut is frequently irritated, signals traveling to the brain may increase stress and sensitivity or cause mood fluctuations.

Christian counselors can help us understand these connections without self-blame. By encouraging gentle curiosity about how gut health can interact with thoughts and beliefs about spiritual practices, counselors can help us identify the changes we need to make not only in our thought processes but also in our diets.

This can also shift how we integrate prayer into our mental well-being. Rather than asking for a change in our minds, we can ask God to show us better choices for nutrition, rest, and the physical care of our bodies. Christian counselors, help us learn to trust that God designed our bodies so that everything can work together.

Everyday Gut Care that Supports Mental Health

Microbiomes are sensitive to daily habits, so that small choices can add up over time. Mixing highly processed foods, chronic stress, and irregular sleep disrupts gut balance. However, nutrient-dense foods, restful routines, and movement can support healthy gut bacteria, leading to healthy mental well-being.

Some individuals have found that increasing fiber-rich fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and fermented foods helps cultivate a more diverse bacterial flora. This is not a replacement for professional treatment, but it’s one part of a comprehensive approach to mental well-being that respects the body that God designed. “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31, NIV)

Small, steady changes are often more sustainable than sudden overhauls. Choosing foods such as vegetables and yogurt and drinking more water throughout the day can help create a healthy microbiome. This supports healthy mental well-being and a healthy physical body. We don’t have to obsess over every bite as long as we notice what foods affect our mood, energy, and digestive comfort.

Christian counselors emphasize that understanding shifts in our diet is an act of stewardship rather than perfection. It invites us to learn how to care for our gut as part of worship and self-compassion.

Understandably, not everyone has access to fresh food, safe places to exercise, and a predictable schedule. It’s also worth noting that financial stress, caregiving responsibilities, and chronic illnesses can limit what is realistically possible.

The goal is to understand that mental well-being can still be nurtured through small, intentional steps, such as preparing simple meals with affordable ingredients. Asking for help when fatigue becomes overwhelming is not a sign of weakness, but rather an indication of the intention to create a healthy lifestyle that leads to good mental health.

When to Seek Help

Lifestyle changes can support gut health, but at times, professional guidance may be essential. If there are persistent symptoms, such as panic attacks or drastic changes in appetite, they should not be ignored.

A primary care provider, a Christian counselor, and a dietitian can help evaluate underlying medical conditions that can affect gut and mental health. Partnering with a healthcare team allows us to explore the biological and emotional dimensions of our experience rather than just assuming everything is in our head.

This is another area where Christian counselors serve as a bridge between faith, science, and emotional care. They can help us process the fear that sometimes arises when we read about microorganisms or hear conflicting advice online.

Christian counselors help us frame treatment as part of God’s provision rather than a sign of spiritual weakness. They remind us that healing is often gradual and fully seen by God. The result is a life of integrated practices such as prayer, Scripture reading, meditation, and healthy boundaries that address both mind and body.

Integrating nutritional counseling, medical recommendations, and counseling sessions can be especially helpful. It is a collaboration that reflects a holistic view of mental well-being and honors the way God designed our brains to work together.

Faith, Microbiomes, and Mental Wellbeing

Many individuals who are learning about microorganisms are seeing a new way that God cares for every part of life. They see the same God who knows each thought and emotion and also understands the most hidden processes of the body.

This means we don’t have to choose between spiritual support and scientific insight. We can have questions and frustrations, as long as we trust that God’s compassion extends to the entire nervous system, not just parts others can see.

God’s character is steady, and the invitation He gives us is to live as whole people, mind, body, and spirit working together. This is where Christian counselors can walk beside us as we experiment with supportive habits and seek medical evaluation when needed. The small act of choosing a nourishing meal, taking a walk, or making time for God before bed can become spiritual practices that strengthen our gut and our heart.

A Healthier Way Forward

Mental well-being is not a destination achieved through a perfect diet or a counseling session. It’s an ongoing process of learning, adjusting, and resting in God’s care. When we understand how microbiomes in the gut and the brain connect, we remember that none of this surprises God. The same God who knit the body together knows how every system interacts. He will offer wisdom, comfort, and guidance every step of the way.

If you would like to start a faith-based plan to improve your eating habits and mental well-being, contact our reception team today to set up an appointment. Your local counselors can help you get started with healthy food choices and mental habits.

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“Watermelon Salad”, Courtesy of Frames For Your Heart, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Professional Coaching Vs. Mentoring Vs. Therapy: What Really Sets Them Apart?

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When people look for guidance in their personal or professional lives, three words come up: professional coaching, mentoring, and therapy. They sound similar, but each serves a different purpose. Knowing the differences helps you choose the right kind of support.

Professional coaching is focused on helping people reach specific goals. A coach works with you to identify what you want to achieve and then helps you create a plan to get there. The coach asks questions that help you think clearly and make confident decisions.

Professional Coaching

Professional coaching is focused on helping people reach specific goals. A coach works with you to identify what you want to achieve and then helps you create a plan to get there. The coach does not tell you what to do. Instead, they ask questions that help you think clearly and make decisions with confidence.

Examples of what professional coaching focuses on:

  • Building leadership skills
  • Improving communication with teams
  • Setting clear career goals
  • Strengthening decision-making
  • Staying accountable to action plans

It is less about exploring the past and more about building the future you want.

Mentoring

Mentoring is different because it relies on the mentor’s experience. A mentor is usually someone who has walked a similar path and shares advice based on what worked for them. Mentoring is often informal and can happen in workplaces, schools, or community groups.

If you are starting a new career, a mentor may:

  • Share stories about their own journey
  • Give tips on handling challenges
  • Introduce you to useful contacts

Mentoring is about guidance through shared experience. It is less structured than professional coaching and more focused on passing down wisdom.

Therapy

Therapy, on the other hand, is designed to support mental and emotional health. A therapist is trained to help people work through clinical issues such as:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Trauma
  • Relationship struggles

Therapy involves exploring feelings, past experiences, and patterns of behavior.

Unlike coaching or mentoring, therapy is not about setting career goals or learning from someone else’s professional journey. It is about healing and understanding yourself more deeply. Therapists use specific methods to help clients process emotions and develop healthier ways of thinking and living.

Key Differences Between Coaching, Mentoring, and Therapy

The biggest difference among these three approaches is purpose. Professional coaching focuses on growth and results. Mentoring focuses on shared experience and advice. Therapy focuses on emotional care and healing.

Another difference is the role of the person helping you. A coach acts as a partner who helps you think and act more effectively. A mentor acts as a guide who shares advice. A therapist acts as a trained professional who helps you work through emotional challenges.

Choosing the Right Support

Choosing between professional coaching, mentoring, and therapy depends on what you need. If you want to grow in your career or improve specific skills, professional coaching is a strong choice. If you want advice from someone who has already walked the path you are on, mentoring is helpful. If you are struggling with emotional health or past experiences, therapy is the right place to start.

It is also possible to benefit from more than one approach. For example, someone may work with a therapist to address personal challenges while also meeting with a coach to focus on career goals. Another person may have a mentor who shares advice and a coach who helps them stay accountable to their plans.

Why This Matters Today

In today’s fast-paced world, people are looking for clear ways to grow and feel supported. Knowing the difference between professional coaching, mentoring, and therapy helps you make better choices about where to invest your time and energy. Each approach has value, but they serve different needs.

Together, they form a set of tools that support both personal and professional growth.

Whatever your unique needs are, mental health support is available in Huntington Beach. Contact us at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling to schedule a session with a mental health professional in California. If you feel unsure where to start, call and ask questions first.

Photo:
“Comfort”, Courtesy of Kateryna Hliznitsova, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Beyond the Obvious Red Flags: Why Teen Drug Abuse Is Easier to Hide Than Ever Before

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When assessing potential teen drug abuse, your teen’s overall disposition offers a more telling picture than statistical data. Their bedroom door isn’t left open as much. When they do come downstairs, they answer with one-word responses. You used to know all their friends, but suddenly none of them come over anymore. It’s tempting to write these changes off as typical teenage behavior. I mean, they are supposed to be trying to break away from you, right? Of course, physical changes in behavior are important.

Let’s start with a look at what the statistics have to say about teen drug use.

Teen Drug Abuse in American Homes by the Numbers

Using nationwide data from the CDC and the yearly NIDA Monitoring the Future survey, we can see the extent of drug use numbers facing American parents right now.

Current statistics show a dip in traditional drug consumption levels. But still, the data shows that 1 in 3 teenagers has misused a substance or tried an illicit drug by their senior year of high school. This is because modes of consumption are changing every year.

Did you know that vaping has surpassed other methods as the preferred way teens are using drugs?

Vape pens and edibles together made up nearly 70% of the THC usage for last year’s graduating seniors during their time in high school. Not only can teens vape without emitting a bad smell, but the substances are also easy to hide.

That said, vaping isn’t the only thing parents aren’t seeing. Today, one of the most concerning issues is fake prescription pills. Pills and gummies that teens are taking might unknowingly contain enough potent opioids or synthetic drugs to be lethal.

The Lure of The Instant Off Switch

Any type of drug that can provide someone with an instant numbing or off switch from life is highly addictive. When your teen takes something and instantly feels better, they’ll want to repeat those feelings. They think drugs are their way of numbing big emotions without anyone getting hurt, including themselves.

We know what you’re thinking: “Wait, is my teen not just moody or depressed?” Substance abuse symptoms can mimic or hide emotional health issues. Your teen could appear angry, tired, depressed, or anxious every day. But your teen may not actually be depressed. Your teen’s behavior and mood could be a side effect of using.

The initial rush that drugs provide can feel like the relief your teen is desperate for. But the chemicals they are putting into their bodies to push away their emotions only temporarily mask those feelings. What happens later is that those drugs cause your teen to be unable to produce feel-good chemicals naturally, leading them to feel more anxious and stressed than before.

The Signs of Teen Drug Abuse You Might Not Be Looking For

Drug use isn’t what it used to be. Your teen doesn’t come home smelling like weed or beer. Here are some other red flags you should be looking for:

  • Use of energy drinks to cover up a lack of sleep
  • They are obsessively watching you when you leave specific rooms
  • Constantly charging portable USB batteries
  • They are using excessive amounts of room spray, deodorant, or perfume

Helping Teens Cope with Stress the Right Way

Pay attention to how your teen is feeling. Really listen to what they have to say. Try not to ask questions that assume they are lying.

Say you’ve noticed they spend a lot of time in their room or by themselves. Tell them you love them and you miss them, and ask how their heart feels. Here are some ideas on how you can help your teen replace unhealthy coping mechanisms.

  • Encourage your teen to recognize their feelings rather than burying them.
  • Physical activity can be a fantastic method for the body to process excess cortisol.
  • Encourage them to start simpler hobbies like journaling, reading, or creating art

Christian Counseling for Teens in Huntington Beach, CA

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting your teenager therapy or family counseling.

Therapy can allow your teen to feel like they have a judgment-free zone to open up. Sometimes kids feel like their parents and their friends won’t understand what they are going through. Contact our reception team today to talk about how to get your teenager started.

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7 Successful Aging Secrets of Happy People

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The phrase “successful aging” can be fraught with misunderstanding and lower self-esteem in geriatric populations. However, it aligns with positive psychology. This is focused on mental health factors that contribute to longevity and overall well-being. Research indicates that aging well (in healthful ways) correlates with aging happily.

In other words, happy people have discovered the secrets to successful aging by maintaining lifestyles that promote overall well-being. Here are seven factors that contribute to their wellness:

Happy people are healthy people

This one may seem obvious, but in many research studies, the people who were the healthiest as they aged were also the happiest. It may be that their outlook on life helped their mental health and physical well-being thrive, or that their positive attitudes and experiences contributed to their well-being.

One thing is true: Multiple researchers have placed at least some connection between health and happiness. We can make a similar connection from the Book of Proverbs in the Bible.

Proverbs 17 says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22, ESV) Another verse in Proverbs links joy to good health: “The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones.” (Proverbs 15:30, ESV) Focusing on one’s inner life is something everyone can do to take steps toward a life of joy and longevity.

Focus on positive memories

As humans age, we all have selective memories that stick with us (or don’t). Recent research shows that older segments of the population tend to focus on what they remember as good more than young or mid-life adults. This is good news for us as we age!

It shows that not only do we stand to remember more of the good we’ve experienced in life, but we can choose to fix our thoughts on those good, heartwarming memories, which helps us age with more joy. The cyclical effect of positive thought patterns is also echoed in the Bible.

Philippians 4 teaches that our propensity for thankfulness directly affects our peace, and that as we practice focusing on what is noble, excellent, and praiseworthy, our hearts will be at peace.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me – practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:8-9, ESV

Stay active

This isn’t a secret: most of us know that our activity levels, particularly as we get older, are an important factor in our overall health. However, research shows that the people who are happiest as they age are also those who maintain their commitment to physical fitness.

Whether it’s a 30-minute walk, a 20-minute strength training video, or a combination, choosing a routine you can maintain as you get older will not just improve your physical health but also your mental health. Physical activity promotes the functioning of your hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal (HPA), which reduces cortisol levels.

Research shows that elevated cortisol levels can contribute to anxiety, depression, and PTSD. So, physical exercise helps with successful aging and overall health.

Develop and maintain social connections

You’ve spent a lifetime learning how to make and keep friends, and while life transitions make it harder, this isn’t the time to hold onto a grudge. One study showed that conversations with friends every day were even more pleasant than interactions with marital partners. Friends tended to discuss less stressful topics. Friendship is also associated with an elevated mood.

According to several articles in Forbes magazine, friendships can change as you get older, and that’s okay. In fact, to expect them to stay the same, or not to make any new friends as you age, is unrealistic. Life transition, shifting interests, and widening support networks are all reasons that a friendship may not be what it once was. But many older adults maintain friendships throughout their lifetime.

Keys to that maintenance involve allowing the other person to change, being respectful, resolving conflicts, and continually learning new things together. Learning to make new friends is also valuable, particularly since friendships will be lost as you get older.

Successful aging benefits from having a variety of friend types. Once you retire, it will be more difficult to maintain workplace friendships simply because your season of life shifts. But it can be done, particularly if both people are committed to supporting each other. Outside of co-workers, you can make new friends by volunteering for a cause you enjoy, getting to know the other grandparents of your grandchildren, and looking to befriend someone younger than you.

Younger friends are a benefit that goes both ways. Your capacity to learn new things enlarges as you’re exposed to a younger subset of people, but you can also invest your wisdom into the lives of others who aren’t as far down their journey as you are. Leading others, formally through civic and church groups or informally, such as with a neighbor, is a fantastic way to broaden your relational base.

Consider seeing a therapist for your mental and emotional health

There’s quite a bit of research on subjective well-being and positive psychology, and it tells us that your positive emotions and attitude have a significant impact on your perceived happiness, especially as you age. One study found that how you evaluate your life based on satisfaction varies with attitude, interactions, emotional well-being, and resilience.

The positive side of aging successfully or happily depends on several factors surrounding emotional and mental health. A person’s perception of life and the joy and positivity they feel about it are directly connected to longevity. Essentially, if you’re struggling with anger, sadness, and unhealed wounds from others, it’s essential to see a mental health professional.

Remaining stuck in old patterns or negative emotions can detract from your years, but it can also make the remaining years seem worse than they actually are. Just like you would want to look at a fading photograph through glasses that are clean and clear, you’ll want to approach aging through a mentally and emotionally healthy lens.

You can do this by seeing a licensed counselor regularly. Our offices are equipped with trained therapists who can guide you through this season. When a friend passes away or a family member hurts your feelings or tries to make decisions for you, it’s important to seek wise counsel so you know how to view yourself and those around you. Working through old hurts or present grievances can give you that jump-start.

Pursue new hobbies and activities

While studies are ongoing, preliminary research suggests that learning a new skill like photography, quilting, or creative activities like music and art may benefit your cognitive skills. Unlike recommended memory games, creative activities show promise in boosting more than working memory. They also contribute to a person’s emotional and mental wellness routine by calming agitation and relieving stress.

If you can double the benefit, why not? Consider enrolling in your local community center’s adult classes and workshops to gain the most benefit. You’ll get to meet new people and add to your social network, too.

Get the optimal amount of sleep

Multiple studies tout the benefits of sleep for all ages, but for successful aging, it’s even more imperative to get adequate shut-eye. Not only does sleep affect metabolic and endocrine functioning, but it also influences hormonal levels, which correlate with a person’s mood.

If you’re going for a more joyful aging process, sleep is like the umbrella for all the other choices you make. As you get older, conditions such as sleep apnea may make restful, restorative sleep more difficult. Speak with your clinician to learn about how best to treat underlying conditions.

Successful aging can bring you vitality and discourage ageism in your local community, which ripples down to younger generations. If you’d like a guide to walk you through some of these shifts, contact one of our offices. We can help you find a therapist who specializes in working with older adults.

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What You Should Know About Chronic Anxiety

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Worry, anxiety, and fear are hallmarks of chronic anxiety. People with chronic anxiety feel stuck in the fight or flight response (or the freeze response). They become overwhelmed and anxious disproportionately to the situation. This fear can lead to panic attacks and other conditions.

Do you have chronic anxiety? Professional treatment is available.

What is chronic anxiety?

Chronic anxiety is fear-based worry that surfaces even without a conscious trigger. It is anxiety that runs under the surface. When anxiety is not treated, it can lead to physical, emotional, and mental issues. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is a mental condition that addresses chronic anxiety. If you feel that you cannot relax, always feel “on edge,” or have constant muscle tension, you may have chronic anxiety.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), as many as 301 million people suffer from an anxiety disorder (2019). Forbes estimates this number to have risen to over 314 million people in 2023.

If you suspect that you have chronic anxiety, you are not alone. However, anxiety disorders are manageable.

What is the difference between chronic anxiety and panic attacks?

Chronic anxiety is the underlying tension you may feel even when you are not around a trigger. Your thoughts might race about your worries and fears. The anxiety may keep you awake at night.

A panic attack comes on suddenly. An episode can happen during a stressful event or at the thought of one. At times, you may experience a panic attack without any warning and no conscious thoughts about a trigger.

Symptoms of a panic attack include:

  • Shortness of breath
  • Dizziness, lightheadedness, or feeling faint
  • Chest tightness or pressure
  • Increase in blood pressure
  • Rapid heart rate
  • Chills or hot flashes
  • Trouble swallowing or feeling suffocated
  • Feelings of doom or dread
  • Fear of dying or losing control

You may experience the symptoms of a panic attack for up to 30 minutes after the start. However, specific symptoms, such as rapid heart rate and increased blood pressure, may last a few hours.

Check with your physician after a panic attack to rule out other conditions, as the symptoms of a panic attack can mimic other problems.

What is the treatment for chronic anxiety?

One of the most effective treatments for chronic anxiety is psychotherapy (talk therapy). You can schedule a session with a counselor for one-on-one, couples, family, or group sessions. Depending on your triggers, your counselor may recommend a combination of different types of sessions.

You can also choose between in-person and virtual sessions. As well as incorporating God’s word and promises such as reframing our thoughts and renewing our minds.

Do not conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressive led changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in his plan and purpose for you]. – Romans 12:2, AMP

What you can do to reduce chronic anxiety

Counseling is an effective treatment strategy for chronic anxiety, but lifestyle tweaks can help you to manage symptoms better. You were made for so much more than being bound in fear and worry.

Read through the following list of tips and choose a few to try this week.

Exercise

Exercise enhances your well-being by triggering the brain to release a cascade of feel-good chemicals. This release works like a natural anti-depressant and pain reliever. Have you ever noticed how good you feel after a sweaty workout? That is the brain’s reward system for moving the body.

Check with your doctor before starting a new exercise regimen. Once cleared, aim for at least thirty minutes several days per week to reap the physical and mental benefits.

Journaling

The act of journaling can be enough to relieve stress and tension regarding some issues. Instead of lying awake in bed at night, thinking about problems, consider writing about what is bothering you. You can also try this exercise first thing in the morning. You may see that pouring your worries out onto the page is an effective strategy for removing the topics from the forefront of your mind.

You can keep your journal private or share it with your counselor. You may find that solutions work themselves out after you have written the problem down and can see it more objectively. The act of journaling also helps you to distance yourself from a situation.

Socializing

Anxiety lies to us. It whispers negative thoughts and leaves us isolated. Getting out with a friend for lunch or coffee may be just what the doctor ordered. Socializing with others allows us to listen to what is happening in our friends’ lives and share a few laughs.

When was the last time that you invited friends out for an event? Are there any local events that would be more fun with friends? Invite those closest to you out for dinner or a coffee shop run. Not only is socializing good for your soul, but it may be what a friend needs now.

Not forsaking our meeting together [as believers for worship and instructions], as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more [faithfully] as you see the day [of Christ’s return] approaching. – Hebrews 10:25, AMP

Deep breathing

There seems to be a great deal of social media coverage regarding deep breathing. Everyone seems to be practicing it, but why? Is the practice of deep breathing to relieve chronic anxiety effective? Deep breathing triggers the body’s natural processes for rest.

Deep breathing helps to calm the sympathetic nervous system and activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The PNS manages the body’s response to rest. After a stressful day or event, the PNS begins the process of relaxing your nerves and state of mind. Your heart rate decreases, as does your blood pressure. Muscle tension begins to dissipate. Your body “resets” itself.

Reading

Reading, particularly fiction, is a form of escapism. It allows you to immerse yourself into a story and temporarily “forget” your worry or fear. When you read a novel, your mind focuses on the story. Your imagination comes to life. The act of reading a story decreases anxiety.

If it has been a while since you have taken the time to read a novel, ask for suggestions from your friends, family, coworkers, and library staff. More people read across several genres, so do not feel awkward if you want to read a Young Adult book as an adult. Find stories that will take you on an adventure. You may want to read before bed or keep your book (a reading app is excellent for eBooks) with you to take little reading breaks throughout the day.

Praying

Praying should not be the last resort when we feel stressed or worried, yet many times it is. Seek God when you feel your anxiety level rising or experiencing a panic attack. You can pray silently or out loud. Thank God for your blessings, and ask Him to forgive you for anything you have said or done that was not in line with His will. God convicts us, but His Spirit does not condemn us as Christians.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. – Romans 8:1, NKJV

As you pray, believe that God loves and cares for you and works things out for your good and His purpose. Knowing that the One who created the heavens and the earth and everything we see and hear loves and cares enough for us to sacrifice His only Son so that we can have closer access to Him reminds us that we are important to God.

And, putting on the whole armor of God, did you know that God warns us that we would face adversities, and trials, and have many enemies? Those enemies are not flesh but spiritual warfare to steal, kill, and destroy us.

In treatment, we will learn many coping skills to help relax and reduce the intensity of those anxious feelings. God bestowed us with the best coping skills, found in the book of Ephesians. The armor of God includes the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, and prayer.

Speak up

Chronic anxiety can diminish your quality of life. Answer the following questions to determine if anxiety and worry are interfering with your daily activities:

  • Do you sweat excessively when confronted by a trigger?
  • Does your heart rate increase with thoughts of a trigger?
  • Do you avoid situations, locations, or people?
  • Do you experience panic attack symptoms?
  • Do you experience chronic anxiety symptoms and feelings of dread or doom?
  • Do you feel like this anxiety will last forever?

Chronic anxiety is treatable; we can help you overcome worry, fear, and dread. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a counselor specializing in chronic anxiety. Let us help you resume your daily life without fear and with the help of our Yahweh-Rapha – The Lord that Heals (Exodus 15:26).

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Scriptures to Help You Cope with the Loss of a Parent

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It’s the nature of things that those who come before us and precede us in the things of life typically also precede us in death. While it’s typical, and in many ways is expected, that doesn’t mean the loss of a parent is easy, or that one can simply take it in stride. Losing a parent stirs up different emotions, memories, fears, and expectations. Dealing with these as you grieve can be difficult, which is why Scripture can be a valuable support in that journey of grief.

How grief for a parent can get complicated

When someone close to you dies, a significant change has entered your life. If you were not only related by blood, but your relationship was one of healthy intimacy and deep affection, that means the loss of an important source of support, among other things. Your daily routines may be affected, as will important occasions such as the holidays, birthdays, and other moments that you shared.

There are other ways in which the loss of a parent can affect a person, and much of that is tied to the type of relationship one had with their parent. If the relationship was cold and distant, or if you never saw eye to eye with your parent, or if you never knew your parent because you were separated for one reason or another, the death of your parent can stir a range of emotions such as anger, guilt, resentment, as well as regret.

Also, grief over a parent can be complicated if they were sick for a while before they died. You may have started grieving them before they died, which is called anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is a way to try and come to terms with an impending loss, and it differs from conventional grief because it looks ahead to a coming loss and its implications, while conventional grief looks back to reflect on a loss that has occurred as one tries to come to terms with it.

Despite these complications that can occur when one loses one’s parent, grief is still a process that a person will go through. The shape of that process will differ for each individual, but grief is necessary to deal with the loss in a healthy way.

Shoving down your emotions or trying to avoid your feelings is not a good move. Grief finds a way to manifest in your life, and it can do so in unpleasant ways if you’re not careful. For instance, one can be irritable and blow up at their loved ones because of unresolved anger from the loss.

It is important to recognize grief and to allow yourself to go through the experience of grief. The five stages of grief, initially developed by Elizabeth Kübler Ross, are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may not experience all the stages or experience them in that order, but knowing what grief looks like can help you process it as such.

Finding support from the Scriptures about loss

Experiences of life and death are deeply human experiences. While each person grieves in their own way, the experiences of others aren’t entirely foreign to us, nor are ours so foreign to them that it’s impossible to communicate them adequately.

If this was the case, grief support groups wouldn’t function. When we turn to the Scriptures, we can expect to find human experiences of grief there, and while they may be different from our own, there are enough similarities there for us to glean meaningful support and encouragement.

Many Scriptures address loss and that can be helpful for you as you mourn the loss of your parent. Some of them are as follows:

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words. – 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, NIV

While a believer may grieve the loss of another believer, that grief is a grief marked by hope. That hope is rooted in who Jesus Christ is, and how He has opened a way into eternal life on a renewed heaven and earth.

If your parent was a believer in Jesus, you can grieve them knowing that you will be reunited with them; death is described here as having “fallen asleep”. The idea is to convey that in light of God’s awesome power, being raised from the dead is like being roused from a night’s sleep.

One can have hope because death doesn’t have power anymore. God through Jesus Christ has rendered death as harmless as sleep, and so we don’t have to fear it or be overwhelmed by it.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit – salm 34:18, NIV

Do you believe that the Lord is on your side? In our loss, it can feel true that God is against you, and that He doesn’t care about you. It is good to be reminded that God sees your hurt as you grieve your loss, and not only does He see you, but He is also close to you. God is invested in walking closely with you. When you feel “crushed in spirit” from losing your parent, you can hold onto the hope that the Lord sees and that He is with you.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. – Psalm 73:25-26, NIV

When we lose what is precious to us, it challenges us to reflect on what our foundations are, and what is holding us together, giving us our sense of purpose and peace. The role that a loving parent plays in your life is that of guiding, shaping, and forming you from when you draw your first breath. Losing a parent, especially an engaged parent whom you love deeply can be the worst grief of your life.

The Psalm reminds us that God is our highest good, and He’s our source. When all else gives way, strength can be found in Him.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:3-4, NIV

It’s possible to get stuck in grief and not see the end of the tunnel as you grope around in the dark. These verses remind us that the story we are in has an end, and even if you can’t see where your current situation is headed, God is in control, and He will not only wipe the tears from your eyes, but He will remove death, and everything connected with it, from His good world.

These assurances can hold you together as grief breaks you apart, and they can be a vital support to challenge unhelpful thoughts that might mire you in one stage of grief or another.

Grieving the loss of a parent with help from a Christian counselor

The loss of a parent can be an incredibly painful experience and one that is difficult to move on from. This is true regardless of the relationship you had with your parent. If you find that you’re feeling stuck in your grief after the loss of a parent, consider talking to a Christian grief counselor who can help you by creating a space for you to process your painful emotions and move forward in a healthy way.

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The Grieving Process: Working Through Loss from a Faith-Based Perspective

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After losing his wife to cancer, C.S. Lewis wrote an extended reflection on grief called A Grief Observed. In it, he wrote, “For in grief nothing ‘stays put.’ One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?” The grieving process is often bewildering and disorienting for those who experience it.

Grief can leave a person feeling like they’ve been turned around while in a fog, and they keep passing the same landmarks again and again. The feelings they first felt ebb and flow; sometimes it feels like progress has been made, only to feel overwhelmed again. All this may be true, but grief is a necessary process you must go through to come to terms with loss. Things can and do change, but you must trust the process.

The Necessity of Grief

The world we live in is marked by loss and suffering. God’s good world has been marred by sin and death, and we feel the sting of death in its many manifestations (Genesis 3; 1 Corinthians 15). Relationships break down, as loved ones are estranged, married couples separate and divorce, and conflict ends years-long investments in one another’s well-being. Dreams get shattered, leaving one feeling forlorn and without hope.

Not only that, but loss also happens when meaningful connections and relationships, whether with people, a place, or a community, come to an end. Moving away from the home and community you’ve known and loved can be a gut-wrenching experience. It seems like loss comes to us in many forms, and our lives are a constant journey that’s punctuated with things and people that we leave behind, or that leave us behind.

Into all of this, grief comes as a necessary process to help us deal with loss. If we experienced every loss as keenly and with as much force years down the road as when the loss first occurred, it would be entirely overwhelming. Grief helps us to gain distance, perspective, and healing from loss. Grief never erases the loss, and you will always feel the absence of a loved one, but it allows you to live and see the light again.

The Grieving Process

Grieving doesn’t erase the pain of loss, but it does help you to cope with it. When you form a connection with someone or something, your heart, your life, and your being are entwined. Losing them is like losing a piece of yourself, as painful as any physical trauma or injury can be. Like a physical injury, it’s a shock to the system, and it takes time to come to terms with the fact that you’ve been marked for life by what has happened to you.

The process of grieving is the slow, circuitous journey of making sense of your loss and learning to live in the new reality you’ve been thrust into. As C.S. Lewis noted, it can feel like you’re emerging from a phase, but it keeps recurring. It can feel like you keep thinking the same thoughts and feeling the same feelings, over and over again. However, though it may seem interminable, you are making progress.

The Swiss American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross pioneered near-death studies, and she was the one who came up with the theory of the five stages of grief as she observed how her terminally ill patients faced the prospect of death. These five stages don’t delineate a straightforward, step-by-step process that every grieving person goes through. It simply plots out the different emotions and experiences people typically have with grief.

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At first, one might refuse to accept that the worst has happened or is happening. Instead of accepting it, it is preferable to cling to an alternative reality in which the loss hasn’t happened. When denial is no longer tenable, one can easily feel frustrated with the situation, themselves, God, or the person they’ve lost.

In the third stage, bargaining, one holds onto some hope that the loss can somehow be avoided, that perhaps something can shift and change things. This could mean trying to make a deal with God that if you change, or if He just gives you more time with your loved one, you’ll change or do things differently.

In the fourth stage, depression, one might begin giving in to despair. Despair that things will get better, despair that joy will ever be a lived reality again, and feeling a sense of futility about life. This can yield to the fifth stage, where one embraces their situation and recognizes that they’ll be okay. Life won’t be the same, but it will go on.

These stages aren’t as clear-cut as this, and they don’t flow easily from one to the next. In fact, you might find that in your experience, you went straight into stage two, then into stage four. For many others, they move back and forth between the stages, triggered by various daily experiences, and with varying intensity.

Christian Grief Counseling in Huntington Beach, CA

Grieving isn’t a straightforward process, and you can find yourself stuck and unable to function in daily life. You can find help in the form of grief support groups or by talking with a grief counselor in Huntington Beach, California.

Talking with someone about what you’re going through can help you to process it, understand it, and yourself better, and help you identify where you’re struggling. Your counselor can help you to find healthy ways to cope with loss. To schedule an appointment with a therapist in Huntington Beach, contact us today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in California.

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