5 Types of OCD and Signs to Watch For

/in , ,

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, commonly known as OCD, is a mental disorder marked by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. OCD interferes with daily life and relationships if left untreated. This article will help you learn more about the types of OCD and signs to recognize when to seek help for yourself or a loved one.

Types of OCD

There are five common types of OCD. Most symptoms fall into these categories. Someone with OCD may not display all of the behaviors in a category. Only a mental health care professional can diagnose it and the category it falls into.

Signs of OCD

The signs of OCD may seem odd to those peering in from the outside while observing a loved one’s behaviors. However, intrusive or obsessive thoughts dominate a person’s mind and lead to compulsive behaviors. When counselors treat the signs of OCD, they work on helping the client shift their mindset, reframe negative thoughts, and behave differently.

Read through the list of the signs, then speak to a counselor about any behaviors troubling you.

Contamination OCD

Contamination OCD is a fear of illnesses and germs. People with this type are afraid that if they do not care for themselves, they will get ill. This fear creates cleansing rituals as compulsive behaviors.

For example, the person may wash their hands in a specific way and frequency until they feel they have killed as many germs as possible. The pandemic may have made contamination OCD worse in people as they tried to avoid the virus.

  • Excessive cleanliness
  • Handwashing
  • Fear of contamination
  • Cleansing rituals

Good personal hygiene is necessary and should not cause worry and fear. Counseling can help you reframe your thoughts and emotions to change the behavior associated with contamination and cleansing.

Checking OCD

Checking OCD is one of the more well-known versions of the condition. This person struggles to resume their day because they lost track of time while double-checking things around the house. This can make people re-enter their homes to check the locks and appliances. They may call their loved ones repeatedly to check in on them.

There is a deep fear that if they do not follow a routine or say the correct verbiage (like “Be careful!”), their loved one will get hurt or not survive.

  • Counting
  • Checking
  • Extreme fear or worry that something horrible will happen

Anxiety and fear are hallmarks of checking OCD. Counseling can teach you to soothe your nervous system as you manage the condition.

Symmetry and Ordering OCD

Symmetry and ordering OCD goes beyond the desire for a neat and tidy environment. With this type of OCD, the impulse to keep everything in alignment is overwhelming. People struggling with symmetry and ordering OCD may spend time organizing their pantries, desks, closets, and drawers. They may lash out at loved ones for not keeping items where they belong. They may have trouble at work due to too much time spent counting and arranging.

  • Symmetry
  • Ordering
  • Counting
  • Arranging

Constant organizing can rob you of time. Treatments, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can help you learn to change your thoughts.

Intrusive Thoughts OCD

Intrusive thoughts in OCD are disturbing to those struggling with it. Frightening and violent images fill their minds. They are worried that they may give in and hurt the people they love most in the world. The impulse to act on these thoughts grows stronger.

They become fearful of what others might think of them if they share their thoughts. If you struggle with intrusive thoughts and are afraid of your actions, seek professional help immediately. A counselor understands and will work with you to manage and diminish these thoughts and impulses.

  • Intrusive and obsessive thoughts
  • Fear of hurting other people
  • Disturbing images

Intrusive and obsessive thoughts do not mean you were born evil. God created you for His purpose. Christian counseling can help you overcome these impulses.

Hoarding OCD

Although rarely mentioned, hoarding is a type of OCD. People struggling with hoarding have trouble throwing away or donating items. There are several reasons why someone keeps items, including what most people deem as trash.

If they grew up in scarcity, they may be afraid they will need an item again and won’t be able to find it. They may view items as worth a lot of money or having sentimental value. In many cases, they feel a sense of security surrounded by their belongings.

Hoarding causes issues in relationships. The family may be embarrassed to have anyone over, and packed homes may have a pungent odor. The more clutter in a home, the more of a fire risk and health hazard it can be.

Getting Help

Do these types of OCD sound familiar? You may recognize your signs of OCD from any of the categories: contamination, checking, symmetry and ordering, intrusive thoughts, or hoarding. Contact our office today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in California to schedule an appointment with a counselor in Huntington Beach to help you manage your symptoms and regain control of your life.

Photo:
“Sea Rocks”, Courtesy of Jairo Gonzalez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How Trauma Therapy Can Help with the Avoidance of Pain

/in , , , ,

We have all stubbed a toe or sprained an ankle, gotten bitten or sunburned at some point in the last month. The instant ouch, the resounding throb, and tender joints for days are common for most ordinary people, and the more extreme and active you are, the more likely those will become.

Most of us have also eaten a new delicacy or old favorite, and gotten sick enough to throw it up due to food poisoning, and in future days, months, even decades for some, become so averse to the food, we completely avoid it.

Emotional Pain

Sometimes emotional pain caused by mistreatment while a child, difficult, frightening and uncontrollable things, feeling physical pain above the threshold of toleration, or being inappropriately touched or betrayed by someone, can make our bodies and minds respond similarly, just like becoming averse to food, or nervousness about playing that sport again in case your ankle might hurt again.

We are instinctively averse to things that cause us pain. A conversation about healthy fear versus unhealthy fear and healthy stress response and unhealthy stress response is valid. But for now, we can assert it is true that a powerful force in our mind prompts us to take special note of pain and quickly choose options to deal with it somehow.

Some of the ways we deal with emotional pain are suppressing our feelings, addiction, denial when it comes up, walling ourselves off from more pain or situations, fantasy and daydreaming, and other kinds of avoidance.

What we get from these are anxiety, a feeling of lurking feelings underneath the surface, and hopeless, cynical, antisocial, or isolative behavior. The problem with these is that none of them deal with root causes. All of them look to reduce or avoid symptoms.

Broken Cisterns

In Jeremiah 2:13, God tells the prophet Jeremiah about his people Israel: “For my people have committed two evils: They have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water.”

We can see a parallel to the broken cisterns that can hold no water, to those instances of avoiding pain, our rushed way of acting, but not getting to the root solution. Historically, cisterns were reservoirs or wells that would be built to hold and contain water. God used this metaphor to point out to His people that certain avenues and choices will never truly satisfy and comfort us or support us with the right provision of healing.

Ice cream is great for celebration, but not great for reducing the pain of rejection from people. Leaving in a hurry and swearing at someone to get away might be useful if being chased by an assailant, but not if you need to work a thorny issue with a family member. There is a reason and a season for things that make something an applicable or not-so-applicable choice to cope. The same goes for emotional, mental, and spiritual pain.

What is trauma therapy?

Let’s now take this philosophical topic and distill it to the psychological topic you came here for; how trauma therapy (“trauma” being the Greek word for wound, and so trauma therapy is the attending to the wound) can intersect with pain and help the sufferer face it and cope with it in the right way.

For nearly every theory proposed, tested, and verified in modern therapy, some theorists looked at basic questions like what unhealthiness is, what healthiness is, and useful thinking and feeling, and what is the vehicle of change to go from unhealthy to healthy.

Many theorists looked long and hard at how pain, wounding, fear, and negative habits of the past shaped people’s decision-making, defense mechanisms, and worldviews. They also proposed what they believed were common traits of healthy thinking, responses, and outlooks, and then went to work to derive hypotheses and develop interventions that could become vehicles of change toward healing in some way.

Some looked at reducing the pain and negative symptoms, while others looked at becoming more flexible and accepting negative feelings, and changing one’s outlook about them.

Types of Trauma Therapy

Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

For example, TFCBT (trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy), which is an evidence-backed theory for how to help children and teens experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress, has a particular understanding of trauma and how to heal.

The theory lays out an eight-step protocol that starts with educating caregivers about trauma, teaching relaxation skills for a body wracked by trauma, acknowledging emotions around pain and loss for kids, helping enhance adaptive thinking about events, thoroughly describing events through one’s narrative and then incorporating these skills into day-to-day life with the help and support of a support network.

According to this theory, you must come face to face with the wound and address it in trauma therapy, learning new ways to calm the body, understanding the normal mental reactions to trauma, making sense of it, and beginning to readjust to living in the presence of or in the wake of a painful event.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Another evidence-based method is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which is effective for individuals experiencing big overwhelming feelings in relationships, outbursts, and/or addictions, and also looks to address suffering and the conditions that drive us to act in unwanted ways.

“Radical Acceptance,” a sub theory in this method, suggests that until we wholly accept that a trauma or a wrongdoing occurred in all its detail, we will get stuck in suffering, thinking about why or why not, and why me. While not accepting what happened is understandable initially, over time, it becomes problematic.

The answer this theory offers, is to hold our emotions hand-in-hand with logic and cold hard realities, and find a middle ground of wise behavior called “wise mind” thinking, which listens to the feelings, needs, and urges of the emotional side and balances them with acceptance of fact, to synthesizes them into a new, more adaptive way of thinking. In this theory, neither trying to medicate away feelings nor accepting reality without feeling would benefit healing.

Acceptance And Commitment Therapy

Yet another evidence-based theory called Acceptance and Commitment therapy was based on its founder, Steven Hayes’ experience of having his panic attacks get worse the more he tried to avoid the panic he felt in those moments.

He came to realize that befriending the fearful thoughts, recognizing they were a part of him but not him in totality, and reminding himself of his values and desired path of life that he was committed to, even amid that pain, helped him come out the other side. Flexibility came when there was more than just one way to handle pain, so that he could accept it, and move on, learning along the way and staying true to his beliefs.

12-Step Groups

Lastly thinking of all 12-step groups which have been proven effective over many decades, acknowledging pain and the past, not shutting the door on it, and committing to a plan of action with steps that improve your relationship to yourself, to God and other people, has assisted millions of addicts twisted by avoidance of pain become people reforming into witnesses to their pain but in recovery toward wholeness as recovering addicts.

The Common Factor

What do all these approaches have in common? They don’t advocate avoiding pain in the healing process; they offer strategies to heal through the moments and seasons with pain in it, with acceptance, a different vision, and tools to emerge resilient and more of yourself than you would be if merely avoiding pain.

And still, I want to escape. I still want to escape pain, sadness, and wounding. I want to throw my hands up and ask, “Why?” And that’s okay – it’s human. But the question is whether I can refocus after I acknowledge the real pain I feel so that I can recover.

Bringing back the theological aspect, what might be God’s desire for my handling of this situation? Do we believe that God works all things into our lives for a reason to yield a certain result, if not desiring pain, at least allowing it?

Tim Keller, a renowned late pastor and writer, shared about a time he talked with a psychiatrist friend of his who was feeling stuck in a rut with his psychiatric training. He said one day he looked at his massive textbook and asked, “What if I read this textbook for Christ?”

Suddenly, the friend said, he was thirsty to learn, compare, make connections and insights for treatment out of a sense that he was learning for Christ, thus the fulness of his work was coming out of his response to the question “What if there is more to this textbook than a textbook?”

What if there is more to pain than pain? Keller also goes on in other sermons to describe how the secularized post-modern Western world has precious few resources for explaining, dealing with, and enduring distress. Since, in most of Western culture, pain is meaningless, it should be avoided as an ultimate evil, right?

Christ, as detailed in the Gospels, gave another view. That there “will be trouble” in the world, that pain and sin are inevitable, but that we should ask for deliverance from them at the same time.

As the Serenity Prayer (credited to a 1920’s German preacher Reinhold Niebuhr and read at many 12 step groups around the world) says, the prayerful person asks to start “Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.”

Trauma Therapy Reconsidered

Let us synthesize all of this. In the theology of pain and the healing therapies, we see both a universal issue and helpful ways through it. Be it Dialectical “Radical Acceptance,” CBT reorientation and resilience in facing hard things, or the twelve steps of becoming willing to accept a new path rather than the old one of avoidance and addiction, we see a strange, foreign theme emerge.

This theme is in contrast to avoiding pain and distress at all costs, which the world and our instincts ironically tell us is unavoidable. It is a theme of not clearing out from pain, but grasping it, acknowledging hardship and caring for ourselves in the midst of it, and taking the world as it is, not as we would have it, because that avoidance – that wishing for an alternative reality – keeps us in more pain and bitterness.

One last spiritual picture: If you are not familiar with the story of Job, it is a biblical account that starts with Satan coming to God and requesting to make life difficult for one of God’s chosen people, a blameless and upright man named Job. Satan, the accuser, tries to prove to God that Job, faced with stress, insult, fear, and pain, will surely curse God and not act blameless, for Job was only trusting God (said Satan), because of God’s kindness and material blessings.

What we see instead is a man who endured pain, but cried out to God in anger, but the key phrase is that he cried out “to God.” Job was a man who, though he experienced the pain, remembered to fix his eyes on God, and had faith that God can take our experience and raw expressions of pain and can provide healing and strength through it, not around it.

And the three therapies and the 12-step philosophy listed above all touch on different ways of bearing up underneath the burden of pain in this same way, attending to it rather than avoiding it.

Photo:
“Napping”, Courtesy of Daniel Martinez, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Easy Ways to Help Anxiety While Working at Home (and Being More Productive)

/in , , ,

“You sit at home and work?” He asked her as he fought the urge to raise a disapproving eyebrow. “Do you get any work done?”

She hated this question. It came up at least half the time she told someone she worked from home, especially if she told someone from an older generation. The stigma surrounding remote work often casts doubt on whether it’s as respectable or productive as being in an office. But anyone who has worked remotely knows that production isn’t dictated by location.

In fact, for many, working remotely boosts productivity. According to a study by Stanford Graduate School of Business, remote work increased productivity by 13% in 16,000 workers studied over nine months. But this potential uptick in productivity may come at the cost of an uptick in your anxiety.

Ways to Help Anxiety While Working from Home

To address this, we’ve put together some easy ways to help anxiety while working at home.

Be prepared While it might be tempting to work in your robe, the mindset shift is worth the extra effort to get dressed. It’s been proven over and over, getting dressed is like making the bed – it catapults you into productivity mode and lowers your mental load. You’ll also be ready for anything that comes your way, including stepping out to your local eatery over lunch or hopping on a quick video call with your boss.

Reduce distractions One of the downsides of working from home is the possibility of distractions. One of the ways to help anxiety is to create a distraction-free, dedicated work environment by removing visual distractions from your line of sight and making your space clutter-free.

If the mind gets distracted easily, set out a notepad to jot things down for work breaks and feel free to plan to get up and grab a coffee or a snack after you’ve completed one more thing off your work list, giving yourself the motivation to focus and finish it.

Create comforts Just as you would do your best to create a healthy working environment at your office, work toward creating a comfortable home workspace. This doesn’t mean lying in bed while you work, as that may hamper productivity. But it is wise to invest in a comfortable chair for your at-home office.

Listen to music if appropriate and even consider an under-desk foot massager. As long as these comforts of home do not hamper your productivity, take advantage of the solitude.

Set a schedule It’s important to be available when your work needs to be done. For this reason, it is important to set a schedule and communicate that schedule with your family or housemates. Being clear about when you are and, more importantly, are not available will help reduce tension in your relationships and help to keep others from distracting and interrupting you while you are working.

Plan for communication fails Nothing can be more frustrating than trying to get a hold of a boss or a coworker with no success. Be prompt in responding to emails, texts, and phone messages to set a standard of practice with your bosses and coworkers.

In addition to walking in your standard, it is okay to make a plan with your bosses and/or coworkers to address communication failures. This may include a plan for if you need to contact them about something you deem urgent, with multiple ways of contacting each individual, or it may simply be a conversation about categorizing priorities and understanding their needs and requirements of you.

Establish boundaries Another one of the important ways to help anxiety is to set boundaries with your family, friends, and co-workers. Be sure to communicate clearly what your needs and expectations are regarding your work and leisure hours. Having clear boundaries will help your loved ones hold appropriate expectations for your schedule and will help keep you from feeling guilty about keeping “off the clock” hours.

Seek help You may find it difficult to balance your home and work life. That’s understandable, especially if you have young children. If this is the case, you may find it helpful to hire a babysitter or nanny to come to your home during your work hours.

This helper can keep your children safe and engaged while you concentrate on your work commitments. Schedule time to touch base with your children throughout the day, such as eating lunch together. Even if you don’t have children, you may find it beneficial to hire a cleaning service or order take-out once in a while, just to give yourself a much-needed break.

Establish a routine (and include breaks) Just because you’re working at home doesn’t mean you don’t need a break. Schedule your allotted breaks throughout your day, just as you would if you were in a traditional office. Consider a standing desk or a walking pad. Have a healthy lunch, go for a quick walk, and stretch to help keep you physically fit and mentally calm.

Plan for pets While pets are wonderful stress relievers, they can also be a detriment to the remote worker. Plan your pet care time around your work time so your furry (or feathered) friend is content during your workday. Use your work breaks to take the dog for a walk or cuddle with your cat. If your best, four-legged friend interferes with your work time, consider hiring a pet sitter for work hours or a trainer to help address the interference.

Work outdoors If practical, consider grabbing your laptop and a cup of your favorite coffee and working from the comfort of your patio. The fresh air, nature’s sounds, and the warmth of the sun can do wonders to help calm you when stressed.

Leverage the power of technology Always be willing to try the technology that your company may offer to you. It may feel intimidating to learn a new app or approach, but chances are that many of your daily tasks can be streamlined through technology.

Even if your company doesn’t offer any tech support, consider introducing project management, communication, and collaboration tools to your superiors. You never know, maybe they will embrace that technology and thank you for your contribution.

Tackle difficult tasks first If you are allowed to prioritize your workload, consider taking on the most difficult tasks as the first part of your workday. It’s easier to do these more challenging tasks when you’re less stressed and rested. Save the easier tasks for later in your shift to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Be deliberate in your communication One of the unfortunate elements of working remotely (and frankly, even in an office setting) is the lack of face-to-face interactions. We all know that miscommunication can happen when someone misinterprets the tone of a text or an email.

Be sure to not only proofread your communications for typos and accuracy, but also consider the tone and emotions that may be attached. Take your time in responding and re-read any reply after you’ve had a break before you press send. Misunderstandings within the workplace can be stressful and damaging, so do your best to communicate with clarity and deliberate words rather than sarcasm or words that could be taken the wrong way.

Educate yourself about time zones While this may seem like one of the more obvious ways to help anxiety, it’s surprising how many people forget about the importance of time zones when they’re working from home. If you’re working remotely, you may have to check in with a supervisor at a specific time or video conference with a client. It’s important to have a good working knowledge of the time zones so you’re not late (or three hours early) to your appointment.

Stay social As mentioned before, a big drawback of working at home can be the lack of face-to-face human interaction. Don’t become an isolated island just because you don’t go to a physical office. Stay connected with work buddies and friends through planned lunches or video conferences instead of only impersonal texts or emails. In your free time, plan to spend quality time with the people who matter the most, your friends and family.

The Bottom Line

With some planning and a few creative solutions, you can be just as or even more productive with less stress working from home than in a more traditional office space. If you need help sorting through the emotions of your dual role beyond these suggested ways to help anxiety, consider talking with a therapist who specializes in mitigating workplace stress.

“Yes,” she smiled. “I work remotely. And while I don’t go into a traditional office, I am still working a full-time job, being productive, and an asset to my company.”

Resources:
https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/faculty-research/working-papers/does-working-home-work-evidence-chinese-experiment
Photos:
“Three Women and A Phone”, Courtesy of Surprising_Media, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Woman and Dog”, Courtesy of RebeccasPictures, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Coffee and Cookies”, Courtesy of Pexels, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

3 Emotional Regulation Skills to Use When Negative Emotions Strike

/in ,

Children learn emotional regulation skills when they are young. Teachers and parents alert children when a negative emotion, such as anger or sadness, is out of control. If the child has difficulty regulating that emotion, the parent or teacher will institute a consequence to help the child calm down and discover healthy ways to react.

However, when people become adults, they have different accountability. What teachers and parents hope they teach well may become uncontrollable later in life. Little annoyances for an adult can explode into significant issues if left unchecked.

People must still use emotional regulation skills to respond to a situation appropriately, but only some have these skills. This can lead to inappropriate behavior, wreaking havoc on relationships.

3 Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

Here are three ways to regulate your emotions when damaging emotions strike:

Count quietly to gain emotional regulation

A teacher or parent may ask a child who is out of control with her emotions to count to ten. This is a strategy an anger management specialist might use with an adult who’s having difficulty regulating his anger.

It might seem strange for someone to begin counting to ten out loud during a fight with the spouse or for an angry person to use it during traffic. Counting silently to yourself when you feel your emotions bubbling over can be a great way to focus your attention, calm your mind, and control your emotions.

Counting can also help clear the mind of negative thoughts that may come out in language or other inappropriate ways. In some cases, more than counting to ten is required. The situation may cause them to have harmful anger or fear, which may cause them to count to a number much higher than ten.

Pick whatever number is appropriate until you can feel your emotions settle. The point is not to reach the goal of a certain number but rather to have a coping mechanism that you can use to regulate your emotions when you’re feeling rage bubbling over.

Pray for emotional regulation

Another excellent way to deal with negative emotions like fear or anger is to pray and ask God to help you control your emotions and respond with the fruits of the Spirit. Having the best, most appropriate response when conflict arises is always challenging. We know God always has a proper response.

Kindness or patience may be great alternatives to fear or anger in difficult situations. Sometimes, the Holy Spirit helps guide and direct us when we feel emotional and want to make an impulsive decision.

Calling on the Holy Spirit when a situation calls for it is good. However, praying about the problem or conflict with toxic people or situations is best before the crisis occurs. This will help curb the need to stop making impulsive decisions or decisions that would wreck a relationship.

Leave the situation

No matter how good our emotional regulation skills are, the other person with which we are embroiled in conflict may not share those same regulation skills. This lack of skills is especially true regarding a spouse or someone who knows us intimately. A person like this who wants to win an argument knows how to push your buttons to the point where you explode angrily.

Sometimes, an argument can drag on for so long that you get emotionally and physically exhausted, which inevitably causes an emotional explosion and a lack of regulation skills. If you’re not getting anywhere with someone and they’re not leaving you alone, it is best to leave the immediate situation. This is good for any situation that can become unexpectedly toxic.

If you can leave a situation when you feel you may say or do something you may regret later, this shows emotional maturity on your part. It is best to walk away despite what the other person may say, or you may have unresolved feelings from not resolving that situation. Walking away will save you unnecessary pain and additional feelings of anger, sadness, or grief if you say or do something that you later regret.

Although emotional regulation skills are taught at an early age, we need to continue utilizing those skills even into adulthood. Because so many people are angry today, it’s easy to allow negative emotions to explode and project them onto unnecessary victims.

With emotional regulation skills like the ones suggested above, you can come away from a situation feeling more at peace and have an opportunity to mend a relationship that, without emotional regulation skills, can be severed forever.

Christian Counseling for Emotional Regulation

If you need more help than you receive from the ideas in this article, seeking counseling may be the best step. The faith-based counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in California can offer individual, couples, or family counseling for emotional regulation and the damaged relationships that a lack of regulation can cause. Contact our office today to learn more.

Photo:
“Edge of the Pond”, Courtesy of Unsplash+ Community, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Steps to Prevent Others From Overstepping Boundaries

/in , , , ,

Setting boundaries is how people guard their lives against unacceptable behaviors. If there are no boundaries in place, then others will not know how to respect your personal space. They will set the stage for the treatment that people are subjected to.

Clear boundaries can establish how a person takes care of themselves emotionally and spiritually. They cultivate the realization that it’s not about how people view others, but rather how satisfied a person is with their life. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling provides guidance on setting healthy boundaries, empowering individuals to build stronger relationships and live with greater peace and purpose.

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. – Proverbs 4:23, ESV

Boundaries do not have to be spoken for a person to have them. Every person has a level of discomfort and that is the reason for them. It is best to communicate them to reduce any problems with others overstepping them.

Types of Boundaries

Personal boundaries differ from professional. These typically reflect how a person interacts with others. Physical contact, personal space, and verbal interaction all are areas that may require them.

There are categories for the common types.

Physical boundaries help with protecting personal space. People who are not “touchy-feely” often refrain from hugging and may have them in place to keep others from getting too close physically.

Emotional boundaries protect emotional well-being.

Workplace boundaries help protect the ability to work without interference. Workplace boundaries are typically set as a reflection of how a person conducts themselves professionally. It is common for these to be established after there has been an issue.

Material boundaries help with protecting personal belongings. Allowing others to use personal items can be done with written instructions. The instructions make it clear what is expected when something is borrowed.

Time boundaries help with protecting the use of time. This kind can be challenging, due to the categories of time management that people fall into, such as being late or being early. It is not uncommon for these two categories to clash. Setting a boundary can help present a solution to the conflicts that arise because of the different views of time.

Sexual boundaries help protect our sexual needs and safety. These are often noted in new relationships. By communicating what is comfortable in this area a person can prevent any type of miscommunication about desires.

Boundaries can be set in a manner that allows them to be in place no matter where a person may be at any time. They are set for a variety of situations where engagement with others is likely to happen.

Setting Boundaries That Work

Boundaries serve to keep people mentally and emotionally healthy. Some can be confusing and misunderstood. It is important to remember that sometimes they need to be communicated clearly to reduce the chance of someone unintentionally crossing them Being intentional about setting them will reduce any chance of someone overstepping them.

There are a few simple steps to setting healthy boundaries that will keep personal space protected.

Identify personal limits

Sometimes a boundary isn’t known until there is an issue in that area. Identifying personal limits of what is acceptable helps create a healthy boundary.

Communicate the boundary

After deciding to set a specific boundary, it must be communicated.

Know what needs to be said

Communicating boundaries to other people means that a person must understand what they want to convey to others. Learning what to say and how to say it can reduce miscommunication or misunderstanding.

There is no need for apologies or explanations

People commonly feel the need to explain why they have boundaries or apologize for setting them. It is perfectly acceptable to say “no” in a kind way without any type of explanation.

Be consistent

Setting a boundary is useless if there is no consistency. To prevent others from overstepping them it is vital to stand firm with the decision to set it. This reduces the chance that others will disrespect it.

Next Steps

There are times when people need boundaries. Knowing why they need to be set and how to set them can help create healthy relationships with people in your life. The first step is to identify what you consider to be healthy ones for you. Once that has been decided you can start the process of clarifying and communicating them.

To better understand why you need them and how to set them, the counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help. With the right faith-based plan, your counselor in Huntington Beach can help you create healthy ones that will work for you and those around you. Call our office today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in California for more information or to make an appointment.

References:

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some#takeaway

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-help-a-friend/201711/why-is-it-important-to-have-personal-boundaries

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-addiction-connection/202210/5-steps-to-creating-and-maintaining-healthy-boundaries

Photo:
“Crashing Waves”, Courtesy of Frank van Hulst, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Exhaustion and Grief: Finding Support in Huntington Beach

/in , ,

Grief can be a confusing and isolating experience. Your emotions and experiences in grief might feel so alien and unusual that you might wonder if there is something wrong with you. Many people feel this way, and many need to have extra grace for themselves. Not only is grief confusing, but it is exhausting in many different ways. In this article, we’ll look at the interplay between exhaustion and grief.

Exhaustion and Grief: How They’re Related

Drained From the Inside

Exhaustion is a natural aspect of grief because it engages all the facets of who you are. Not only will you experience intense, conflicting emotions, but you will have to figure out many different practicalities that feel at odds with your emotional rollercoaster. Having to arrange finances or travel details while also processing your emotions is exhausting. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers compassionate support to help you navigate grief while managing both the emotional and practical challenges that come with it.

Many people need to hear that it’s okay to feel a certain way or to struggle with certain things while grieving. Exhaustion is just one aspect of grief, but it affects people in many different ways for different reasons. As you navigate grief, consider the ways that you might be feeling exhausted, and have some grace and patience for yourself.

Emotional Exhaustion

Some people do not consider themselves to be emotional people, but even they will be confronted with a wave of emotions in grief. Not only are these emotions powerful, but they are persistent. Grief doesn’t pass after a funeral or after a good therapy session. You might have to process a cocktail of conflicting emotions for months and even years while grieving.

One of the most difficult aspects of grief is that it offers no closure. People crave completion, wholeness, and neatness, but in grief, emotions are messy and unpredictable, and closure can be hard to find. You might have emotions that don’t blend well together, like anger and sadness or resentment and gratitude. The sheer weight of all these emotions and their unusual behaviors is exhausting, even for those who usually consider themselves level-headed.

Mental and Logistical Exhaustion

Life doesn’t spare you the space or time to grieve as needed. Many people feel numbed in grief but have to plan, organize, and think their way through things. Funerals need planning, guests need hosting, belongings and properties need to be dealt with, and in the midst of it all, you have to figure out what you are feeling and what to do with those feelings.

All the logistics and planning can be a helpful distraction, and the matter-of-fact aspect of organizing things helps you to accept reality and grieve as you should. However, it is also draining. If you don’t have friends and family members to help with these things, you will benefit from taking an hour each day to sit, breathe, and feel.

Spiritual Exhaustion

There is perhaps no other time in life where you will examine and question your beliefs quite like when you are grieving. People often feel like their foundations have been shaken or even crumbled in the aftermath of loss and tragedy, and it often feels like there is no definitive answer to your deepest questions.

If you do end up confiding in someone trustworthy about your doubts, anger, or fears, you might find their easy answer frustrating and unhelpful. No one mentions how spiritually exhausting grief can be, especially when it causes you to question your worldview.

In biblical times, people would often grieve together for weeks on end, and the cultural expression of prolonged grief was silence. Friends would meet with mourners, stay in their homes, and simply sit with them until they were ready to talk. This comforting silence is what most people need when grieving because sometimes all you need is the quiet comfort of a friend holding space with you.

Physical Exhaustion

If simple, everyday tasks are becoming more difficult to complete and you are always tired no matter how much sleep you are getting, it could be a sign that grief is taking a physical toll on you. We often think of grief as being a mental and emotional experience, but we also experience grief within our bodies. Grief is a physical experience as much as it is mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Grief Counseling in Huntington Beach

Grieving can also be a lonely experience. Sometimes, you just want to be with someone who “gets it.” It might help you to meet with a Christian counselor in Huntington Beach, California. Your counselor will give you space to be yourself and to leave your burdens at the door, even if only for an hour or so. Contact us at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling if counseling is something you would like to learn more about.

Photo:
“Frosted Stinging Nettles”, Courtesy of Stephan H., Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Anxiety Relief Through Dance

/in , ,

The benefits of dance are widely known. Not only is dance a social activity, but it also provides an outlet for exercise and creativity. But have you ever considered using dance to manage your anxiety?

Anxiety can thrive in sedentary places. While relaxing and sitting in a quiet space is necessary and good for short periods of time, those prone to anxiety (especially those who also have ADHD) may find their minds becoming bored and looking for stimulation. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers guidance and strategies to help individuals manage anxiety through healthy movement and mindfulness practices.

Unfortunately, the brain often finds its “rush” in dwelling in dramatic, catastrophic “what ifs” which can cause anxiety. In these cases, it’s best to get up and move your body and dance is a great way to do this.

Spiritual Benefits:

The Bible tells us that David danced before the Lord with all his might and so can you. Use your whole body to express your love for the Lord and your gratitude to Him. This mindset of gratitude will help you develop a closer walk with the Lord and just might bring you relief from your anxiety.

Social Aspects:

Of course, you can dance by yourself, but dancing with others can be a whole lot more fun. Whether you’re dancing with your spouse in your living room, with friends at a party, or with a crowd at a club, the social connection can be nurturing to your soul and stimulating to your mind.

Social dancing also provides an opportunity for physical touch and tactile experience (holding hands, touching the fabric of your partner’s clothes), which can be soothing to your anxious mind.

Exercise:

A healthy body will function more efficiently than one in poor health. Dancing provides a good cardio workout and may help your body increase flexibility and stamina. Overall good health can help reduce episodes of anxiety and dance can reduce cortisol, the natural stress hormone.

Creativity:

All dance can be considered an art form but if you really want to unleash your creativity, and the benefits of creative processes on anxiety reduction, try making up your own moves. Creativity provides a kick of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that is linked to reward and pleasure and creative dance is a great way to stimulate it.

Concentration:

Concentrating on something new can help distract your brain from the thought cycle that is causing your anxiety. Learning a new dance involves concentration and can be a helpful coping strategy against anxiety.

Multi-Sensory Experience:

Studies have shown that giving multiple senses something to fixate on can help distract your brain away from your anxiety. Dance engages your sense of hearing as you listen to the music and dance instructor, your sense of sight as you take in the environment and watch others dance and your sense of touch as you interact with your partner.

Talking with a Therapist About Dance for Anxiety Relief

Exercise and creativity that come from engaging in dance are beneficial for your physical and mental health, but it can’t replace talking with a licensed therapist. If you’re struggling with anxiety and looking for anxiety relief, seek advice from a Christian counselor in Huntington Beach, California.

God created you as a multi-faceted and complex human which means that one method of anxiety management may not be enough to bring you peace. Unpacking your thoughts and emotions with a professional mental health specialist in Huntington Beach who shares your faith can lead you to a multi-method approach to help bring you to a place of mental and spiritual well-being. Contact us today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in California.

Photo:
“Stretching”, Courtesy of Ben Iwara, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

6 Common Symptoms of Depression in Men You Should Know

/in , , ,

The symptoms of depression in men take many forms, which may not be the same as the symptoms in women. You may not be aware that you are depressed but feel that something is “off.” As many as six million suffer in the US with depression each year. Often, their symptoms go unnoticed, or they refuse treatment.

Do not be one of the millions. Do not be a statistic. Seek help for your symptoms of depression as soon as possible.

Symptoms of Depression in Men to Know

Wondering what might be wrong? Feeling out of sorts lately? Perhaps you have something on your mind worrying you, but you do not feel like it’s depression because it’s not accompanied by the persistent sadness you have read about in articles like this one.

Not all symptoms of depression in men affect everyone the same. Some of these symptoms can seem unrelated, but a counselor can help determine if what you are experiencing is true depression. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling provides professional support to help men identify and manage depression in a compassionate, faith-based setting.

The following is a list of common symptoms of depression in men.

Irritability, Anger, or Mood Swings

Men who are depressed may not realize that is the problem, and often, depression itself is a symptom of a much larger issue or unresolved conflict. This can present itself as anger, irritability, or mood swings. Do you find yourself irritable over minor offenses? Are your loved one’s pet peeves bothering you more than usual?

Headaches

Headaches, stomachaches, and unexplained body aches could be a symptom of depression in men. Anxiety and worry cause tension, which can lead to headaches and digestive issues. Heartburn and acid reflux could result from excess stress. Talk with your physician about the best treatment plan for headaches, body aches, and stomach pain in combination with your depression treatment plan.

Appetite Changes

If you reach for food when you are not hungry or forget to eat meals, you may be struggling with another depression symptom. Depression can impact ghrelin and leptin, the hunger hormones. Suddenly, you may think you are hungry when you have just eaten or you may go for several hours without food because you do not feel hungry.

Weight Changes

Due to the changes in hunger hormones and behavior regarding food, your weight may rapidly increase or decrease. You may see a drastic change in the scale or the fit of your clothes. Rapid weight changes could also be the symptom of a physical issue, so check with your physician to rule out any medical conditions.

Escapist Behaviors

Men are more likely to turn to escapist behaviors while depressed compared to women. Escapist behaviors can include playing video games for much longer than is normal, abusing substances, or watching pornography. These behaviors are a way to escape from the current reality.

Suicidal Thoughts

Depression can affect sleep and the ability to concentrate on tasks. These symptoms compounded can lead to suicidal thoughts. If you are thinking about harming yourself, reach out immediately for help.

Getting Help for Depression in Huntington Beach

Do you recognize any of the above symptoms of depression in men? Do you or someone you love struggle with depression? Contact us today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling to schedule an appointment with a Christian counselor in Huntington Beach, California.

You do not have to suffer. We can help by connecting you with a counselor in Huntington Beach who specializes in depression symptoms. Get started today by calling the number on this site or filling out an online contact form.

Photo:
“Alpine Lake”, Courtesy of Jonny Gios, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Holiday Stress: Five Ways to Find Peace

/in , , ,

Holiday stress is the number one complaint that summarizes every trigger for it: large crowds, extended family gatherings, financial strain, and maxed-out schedules.

You’ve got kids now, and each of the grandparents has called to ask about your plans for the holiday. Stress doesn’t begin to show until the school sends home its shorter day schedule for the week and your boss hasn’t approved your time off. You’ve got deadlines and are juggling between the normal day-to-day obligations and the extra pizazz the holidays call for. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you find balance during the holiday season.

Work has a potluck sign-up in the break room. The school requests volunteers for their annual Winter Festival. Church has the annual tea coming up, and then there are two potlucks and a canned food drive to attend. The kids want to go ice skating, There’s the tree lighting, the parades, three Christmas parties, and someone decides to celebrate their child’s birthday in December.

This doesn’t even compare to the dread you feel about gathering with them again this year. To call last year a disaster would be putting it lightly. You don’t know how you’re going to make it through one more meal with them after all that happened last year during the annual holiday gathering.

Or maybe you’re single. Your life seems to have a lot going on, but people look at you differently this time of year. During the holiday season, everyday things you enjoy suddenly become holiday stress. You’re thrown questions like, “Still working there, eh? When are you going to settle down?” “Ok, when am I going to get some grandbabies?”

You are volunteered to be in charge of things (because everyone else is busy with their own family) and cut out of things because “it’s a family thing, really just for the kids.” Even work treats you differently, expecting you’ll somehow be less serious (everyone just assumes you’ll not be interested and can’t cook) and overly committed at the same time (taking advantage of your fewer obligations to book you through the heavy holiday rush and overtime hours).

Then there’s your family gatherings, if you decide to go this year. You aren’t sure where you belong, not fitting in with the kids or the adults. Everyone is getting older, and life just feels sad/uncomfortable around them.

What if there was a way to find heavenly peace whether or not the night is silent? How can we prep for the holiday stress and not be overwhelmed by it this year? Below are five ways you can seek a peaceful holiday season no matter how full, or empty, your calendar is.

Five Ways To Find Peace Amid The Stress Of The Holidays

Number One: Worship

My number one peacebuilder for the holiday season is to spend time each day in worship.

Spending time in worship is a key way to connect with God in heaven who is the maker of and giver of peace. Thank Him for who He is, His salvation, and His presence. Focus on a new attribute of God and a new promise of God each day or find one of each to be this year’s holiday season message for your heart to stir up praise all season long.

Seek Him first this holiday season and rest in His presence as you worship the God Almighty who offered salvation through His son. Remember that He has done great things for you, and He knows all levels of stress, fear, grief, disappointment, and anger.

Spend time each day in worship, multiple times a day. Refresh your mind with the attributes and promises and experience the peace of God wash over you, protecting your mind and heart from the holiday stress.

Number two: Add time for both sleep and movement

Sleep is important in stress reduction efforts because it resets the body and renews the mind. The holiday rush can provide ample opportunity to forgo sleep. I want to encourage you to resist this where possible! Put sleep back on the priority list during these next few months.

Another thing about the winter season, some people take to their beds all the more. While sleep can be great for stress reduction and overall health, it is not to be overdone. Trying to move your body each day for 20-40 minutes in an energy-exerting way can effectively reduce stress levels and increase happy chemicals.

Number three: Link hydration with prayer

Believe it or not, dehydration is not only easily developed, but it is also detrimental to your ability to function in multiple ways-including stress management. In as little as thirty minutes in the hot sun, one can become dehydrated.

Translate that to a hectic season while bundled up and you’ve got similar results. It can be difficult to know you’re dehydrated because you might not notice at first. A good rule of thumb is to know that if you are thirsty, you’re already dehydrated.

Drinking lots of water all at once is not the answer though. Taking in small portions throughout the day works best. This helps you avoid an over-full bladder and making tons of trips to the bathroom, too.

When you consider drinking small amounts of water throughout the day, you can add in prayer at the same time and link them together in your mind. This way, you can pray throughout the day while you hydrate – two birds with one stone! It creates a built-in system for you to not only refresh your body but to refresh your mind and spirit as well.

Prayer helps create peace by allowing you to pour out your stress into God’s hands, sense His presence, and keep your mind focused on His kingdom. Praying throughout the holiday season will help you build peace and avoid the burnout the holiday stress can create.

Number four: Spend five minutes deep breathing

Spending time in busy places or all alone can induce different types of stress. Physical activity can reduce our mental stress. Studies have shown that deep, belly breathing (in other words, taking the time to inhale fully and exhale fully) signals the body to relax.

Most stress changes your breathing immediately. It can speed up your breathing or stop it. Whether you are experiencing stress triggers happening around you or the stress is mounting from your thoughts, taking a breath can impact it for the better.

Studies have also shown that deep breathing for five minutes (yes, set the timer) can lower your stress hormones for up to four hours afterward. So, whether you’ve got a meal to go through or you are just looking to finally get some sleep, take the five minutes before you start and set yourself up for a peaceful time.

Number five: Reach out and connect

Holidays are about getting together with others. For many, that is part of what is so stressful about them. You could be stressing about not having someone to meet up with this year or about having tension with someone who will be around. Either way, an important way for you to access God’s peace is to keep connected with His Church. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can support you during this time.

Holiday stress, no matter what time, can be managed positively with help and support. This is true for all of life. We’ve already talked about reaching out through prayer and connecting with God, so this tip is specifically focusing on people.

So, don’t know who to reach out to? Consider someone who might fit any or all of these:

  • They will pray for you.
  • They can point you to Christ.
  • They will check in on you.
  • They will keep you accountable.
  • They can make you laugh.
  • They will listen, whether or not they agree with you.

One other option is reaching out to a Christian counselor who can provide a space for you to talk through the grief, anger, and/or anything else that is hindering your peace this holiday season. This article presented just five ways to find peace. Therapists and counselors can work with you to search for ways to best support you during this time. Check out Orange County Christian Counseling for more information.

Photos:
“Mountaintop Meditation”, Courtesy of kalyanayahaluwo, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Pouring the Wine”, Courtesy of elle_kh, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Walking the Dog”, Courtesy of willea26, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Finishing Touches”, Courtesy of Arun Kuchibhotla, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Finding Support When You’re Going Through Grief

/in , ,

What does it look like when someone is hit with a circumstance that demands they spend time going through grief? The truth is, though there are threads of similarity, it looks different for everyone. There are types, stages, and timing of grief. Whether you or someone you know are currently experiencing grief, below you will find information to assist in what’s to come. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers compassionate guidance to help individuals navigate their unique grief journey with hope and support.

Types of Grief

Going through grief is different depending on the type. Different types include sizes, personal or removed, as well as factual or fictional.

Sizes

Light

This type of grief is signified by the incident being marginal and forgettable after a brief period. Whether it is a day, a week, or a few months, life tends to move on quite easily from this kind. This type includes incidents such as a flat tire, broken bone, bad grade, trouble at home, lack of sleep

Heavy

Loss of life, car wreck, loss of job, loss of a relationship, or anything life-changing that takes time to move through make up this type. This is the kind that lingers, and rightly so. You are not without reminders of it for some time after the blow hits. Aside from reminders, you might be required to take an active part in actions required after the circumstance that sparked it, adding to the weight of it.

Over and undersized grief

This type of grief occurs when a person makes too big a deal of something or too little a deal. Your experience of grief does not fit the circumstance. This can be a reaction such as “That person died, so what?” or “I stained my favorite shirt – I can’t possibly go now!”

Personal or Removed Grief

There is the kind of grief that is personal to someone and the kind that is somewhat removed from the person experiencing it.

Both personal and removed grief are felt, and appropriate at times. While removed grief is somewhat vicarious and can be felt in a way that serves to connect individuals in a support network, it is not always easy to overcome because it is grounded in thoughts and emotions that don’t have an actual event to cause them.

Personal grief always has a direct incident to link back to, an intimate connection that is based on personal experience in the moment. Removed grief can have a personal connection to the circumstances, but the timing of the experience for that grief is based on the past as opposed to the current moment for the other person. Removed grief can also be about the present but with less personal connection.

Factual or Fictional Grief

This distinction may be the most difficult for some to distinguish between. Both factual and fictional grief are truly felt. There are real feelings that can be linked in any number of ways to real circumstances that typically also make sense.

The distinction between factual and fictional grief is whether or not any part of it is made up beyond what was real. There is a point in real grief that continues the feelings and thoughts because of a desire for them to continue.

This can lead to a lack of self-care, a reduced reliance on support, a refusal to live the present life as it is, etc. It looks like not just setting aside time to remember, but experiencing the grief over and over as though it just happened.

Stages of Grief

You may be familiar with the stages of grief, but do you know that no two people go through them the same way, even if their grief is the same? Some know the stages of grief by the 7-stage model and some by the 5-stage model. Below are all seven stages to account for both:

Shock – unable to process what has happened
Denial – unable to accept what has happened
Anger – against what has happened or against whom it has happened to
Bargaining – for what has happened to be reversed
Depression – overwhelming sadness about what has happened/without hope
Acceptance – understanding what has happened and that it will not be reversed
Processing Grief – moving through and beyond into healing

Again, none of these stages are always felt in order. One may even cycle through one or two of them more than once or skip some of them altogether.

Timing

Grief is never welcomed

The pain of sorrow and groaning of the flesh, when it goes through a loss, is nothing anyone delights in. The timing of a circumstance that causes grief makes a difference in how one processes it and can make a difference in how one recovers from it.

When tragedy hits upon tragedy

Grief upon grief is a well-known saying for a reason: it happens. The timing of this grief can feel crushing on a whole new level. It can also expand the numbing feeling from one tragedy to the next so that the one experiencing the grief can seem removed from it.

Thoughts that occur during grief are often, “When will it end?” and “How much can one person handle?” One can feel more isolated in their grief during a multi-incidence of tragedy because fewer people can relate to their circumstances.

Expected grief

When grief is expected, certain people feel two waves of grief, one when they are told to expect a tragedy, and another when the tragedy takes its toll. This type of grief, similar to tragedy upon tragedy, can isolate individuals due to feeling insecure about expressing grief because they had time to prepare for the tragedy to strike. They may choose to hold in their grief around others to spare them the cost of bearing the grief with them.

In your best shape

When tragedy strikes during a high in life people going through grief can experience it in two polarizing ways. Some may experience an easier time, remaining functional and dispensing grief throughout a period of time without removing themselves too far from everyday life.

Others experiencing grief while in their best shape can feel as though it was completely unexpected. This unexpected nature of the tragedy can lead to the person taking it overly hard, completely removing them from daily life as they feel they are cast into a pit. In this circumstance, it can take a long time to recover and return to normal life activities and relationships.

When you’re at your lowest

Similar to tragedy upon tragedy, when grief hits someone at their lowest it can often have a numbing effect. It’s one more tragedy to add to the multitude of ailments in life and it doesn’t feel much different from how one feels most days.

There is a chance that someone experiencing tragedy while at their lowest can connect with other healthy individuals during their grief, find support, and see a turnaround for the better because of it.

Getting Help

When you or someone you know is going through grief there are three things to keep as top priorities. The first is to know that no two people experience grief in exactly the same way. This means that there is no wrong or right way.

The second is that for whatever amount of time you or someone else needs to recover, it is important to keep life as simple and basic as possible. The third, and possibly the most important thing is to keep connected with stable, positive, and supportive people who can help you in your low and encourage you to get back to life one step at a time. A Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can provide the support and guidance you need during this time.

Going through grief is difficult for the best of us. If you need someone to help you during this overwhelming time, please reach out to our team at www.huntingtonbeachchristiancounseling.com to connect with a counselor today.

Photos:
“Down”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Sad Girl” Courtesy of darksouls1, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “It was a dark and stormy night…”, Courtesy of NoName_13, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Pensive Man”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License