Three Ways Narcissism Can Lead to a Failed Marriage

Dealing with a narcissist can be difficult in any setting. But it is tough for a spouse to deal with a narcissist when they are married to them. Because a person can see the best and worst in a person each day, a spouse needs to know what to do if they realize they’re married to a narcissist. This is especially important in preventing a failed marriage.

Narcissists don’t often see a problem unless someone points it out to them and they believe what is being said. Narcissists must have a real change of heart for their toxic behavior to stop.

Here are three ways narcissism can lead to a failed marriage:

Narcissists Are Selfish

At the root of narcissism is selfishness. Narcissists often create false selves because they don’t want people to know who they are. Therefore, they make a false appearance of themselves to others so that other people will like them. They often seek the approval of others and do so at the expense of their spouse. If their emotional needs are met through friends, coworkers, and other people who stroke their ego, they will do whatever is necessary to continue that behavior.

It isn’t easy to be in a marriage relationship with someone who only thinks about themselves. Eventually, spouses will feel as if they are being neglected because narcissists only think about themselves. This will lead to a person who has deep emotional needs that are not being met in the marriage relationship. This can cause the roots of infidelity, abuse, or other issues that can spell a recipe for divorce.

Narcissists Leave Spouses with Emotional Needs

In addition to selfishness, the root of narcissism is shame. Narcissists deal with so much shame that they put on a false self to elevate themselves so that they can stop loathing themselves. They will do whatever they can to keep the false self so that people will not see their weaknesses or flaws. If someone sees their shortcomings or flaws, they believe they are unlovable or unworthy of love, dignity, or respect.

However, because they lose relationships and don’t want to risk being fully known, they often leave spouses with unmet emotional needs. Because marriage is meant for two people to get to know each other fully, it is hard for one spouse to know the other when the other person is so busy trying to create a false self. This false self can manifest in abusive behavior or denial.

When a person does not admit when they have a fault or when they are wrong, it is difficult for someone to love them unconditionally. This creates a vicious cycle where narcissists are left finding their emotional needs from others and leaving the spouse with their own emotional needs.

Narcissists Can’t See Reality

Narcissists also have difficulty seeing reality. They have trouble defining themselves as narcissists because they have lived a false self for so long. If they can get other people to say or do things that help them elevate themselves, it will allow narcissists to continue not living in their current reality. Because it’s difficult for them to see reality and problems in their marriage, the issues appear as if they are out of nowhere. Still, they’ve been lying dormant for some time.

Don’t Wait for a Failed Marriage to Get Help

Both spouses need to seek the help of a professional to help them deal with narcissistic behavior. If you believe your spouse is a narcissist, seek the help of an experienced professional, get a diagnosis, and have a therapist help you brainstorm ways to be able to love them but also draw healthy boundaries so that their selfish behavior does not leave you with emotional needs that no one can meet.

To meet with a therapist about a narcissistic spouse, contact our office today.