10 Things That Help You Handle Life

Life is a beautifully challenging thing to walk through. Some moments feel great, and you manage them easily, and other moments are more challenging. In challenging moments, it is easy to let other people’s ideas shape how you respond.

When you were growing up it could have been a simple comment like “Don’t cry,” from a parent after you had a hard day. Today, it may be something more complex like feeling guilty for taking a break when you have so much to do. It is common to accept these ideas as healthy and normal, but they can result in feelings of shame when you are dealing with things in your life.

Instead of accepting these ideas, we can choose to look at how our responses and feelings can benefit us in our circumstances. You don’t necessarily have to feel ashamed for experiencing different feelings or responses, especially when things feel hard already.

While you may have had people tell you differently, you don’t have to feel ashamed for processing life in your own way. Here are ten things you may not have to feel ashamed for:

1. Asking for help  We have developed a fiercely independent culture, especially when it comes to needing help. Instead of relying on others, we try to do things on our own. This is often neither beneficial nor biblical.

Galatians reminds us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2, ESV) We are to support one another. Additionally, we are to come to God when we need help. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5, ESV)

2. Taking time to be alone  While it is often good to seek help from others, it is also okay to need time away from other people. We need to balance community and time alone, especially when we use that time alone to seek God.

Every person is created with unique needs and a capacity for time with others and time alone. This is true in daily life, exciting seasons, and tough times. Ask God to show you what you need.

3. Self-care  While the idea of self-care has become a bit of a buzzword in modern culture and on social media, the reality is that many people do not pursue it. When people do take time for self-care, they can sometimes feel guilty or try to do things that seem like self-care but don’t truly fill them up.

Instead, you can choose to take care of yourself in a healthy way. Ask God what you need most and do that. It’s okay if it looks different from what your friend or family member needs. God wants you to take good care of yourself because He loves you.

4. Crying  As in the earlier example, some people feel ashamed for crying. This can be because of things people have said, because of societal norms, or simply because it makes them self-conscious. Crying doesn’t need to be looked at this way. Instead, crying can be seen as a natural release of emotion.

Emotional tears also contain more mood-regulating manganese than the other types. Stress “tightens muscles and heightens tension, so when you cry you release some of that,” Sideroff says. “[Crying] activates the parasympathetic nervous system and restores the body to a state of balance.” – Serusha Govender

5. Feeling things  Like tears, some people are taught that feelings are unsafe, unacceptable, or bad. If you grew up in a situation where feelings were never expressed, it may seem foreign to do so. Conversely, if you grew up in a situation where expressing feelings caused increased tension or violence, you may have learned to keep feelings hidden.

Unfortunately, this approach typically makes things worse. Feelings may be either good or bad, depending on the situation. Identifying them and allowing them space can help diffuse them and help you evaluate them. A counselor can help you with this. It is a learning experience, and you can find help to express, identify, and process righteous feelings without shame.

6. Recognize joy in hard times  When you are going through a difficult time, it may feel odd to find joy. For example, if you recently lost your job, it could seem strange to some people that you find joy in the extra time you have to go for a walk during the day.

Another common example is when walking through grief. Sometimes people experience times of joy, even as they face the loss of someone they cared about. This can be disturbing for some people, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, you can see how you can carry both hard things and joyful things at the same time.

Even James reminds us of the importance of joy in tough times: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” (James 1:2, NIV) You can navigate joy amid your hardship.

7. Resting   It is no surprise we live in a busy world full of things we need to do. In our achievement-based culture, we often neglect to take adequate time to rest. This doesn’t just mean sleep, although that can be part of it.

We need time to rest, to take a break from whatever situation or hardship we are facing. Even though some will try to tell us to keep going, to get more done, to stay busy, sometimes the very thing we need most is a break. You do not have to feel shame for making time to rest.

Whether it is in the middle of the day, an hour after you wake up, or in the evening, you can rest if it is what you need.

8. Feeling weak  In a world that sees weakness as something to be fixed, it can be hard to think of it as something to embrace. The truth is, we are all weak. No matter how much we try to prove that we are strong, the Bible is clear: we are all weak and Jesus is our strength.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV

9. Setting and maintaining boundaries   Many of us have lived in situations where boundaries were not welcome. We had people in our lives that overshadowed any sense of personal comfort we may have or disregarded our preferences. This can make it difficult for us to feel comfortable setting and maintaining boundaries.

As you walk through life, you do not need to feel any sense of shame for setting boundaries. It is healthy and wise to recognize your boundaries and find respectful ways to communicate those. If that is difficult for you, a counselor can help you identify them and find ways to kindly share them. They can also offer accountability for maintaining your boundaries with others.

10. Being angry  Just as with any feeling, anger is not always something to be ashamed of. It is a feeling that everyone has experienced, even Jesus. Often, we have experienced situations that try to downplay or eliminate anger because it is uncomfortable or expressed poorly.

Instead of pretending anger isn’t there, you can learn to be angry in healthy, productive ways. Anger, however, may be sinful or righteous – it is not simply a feeling. If you struggle with sinful anger, there is help across the spectrum from identifying anger to anger management.

Finding the support you need

As you learn about these healthier approaches to handling life, you may find that you need support in ways to accept them, how to implement them, or ways to remove the shame associated with them. There is help available.

A Christian counselor can help you with this process. Contact our office today to learn more.