The Connection Between a Healthy Mind and Nutrition

/in , , ,

🎧 Listen to this article

The connection between a healthy mind and nutrition runs deeper than most of us often acknowledge. Many of us have experienced a moment when we realized that what we eat matters more than what we feel in our stomachs. We know that instinctively, stress drives us toward comfort foods, and a heavy meal leaves us feeling sluggish.

We are now beginning to discover, through modern research and ancient wisdom, that the foods we choose shape our emotional landscape and clarity of thought just as much as they shape our bodies. This is not about striving for perfection with rigid eating rules. It is about recognizing how we nourish ourselves physically and the consequences it has for our mental and emotional health.

Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? – 1 Corinthians 3:16, NASB

The body and mind work together

Western medicine separated physical health from mental well-being, operating on the assumption that they functioned independently. We treated the body with nutrition and exercise and addressed the mind with counseling and medication. This division does not reflect the reality of how God created both aspects of our bodies.

Our brains require fuel to manage thoughts, regulate emotions, process memories, and maintain focus. If our diet lacks essential nutrients or relies heavily on processed foods and unhealthy fats, our brain will struggle to function at its best.

Diets high in refined carbohydrates promote inflammation, which impairs brain function and worsens mood disorders. Our gut produces most of the serotonin that regulates mood, sleep, and appetite, meaning digestive health directly influences our emotional state.

This inflammation contributes to cognitive decline and worsens symptoms of depression and anxiety. When inflammation is reduced through better nutrition, it’s not a quick fix but a pathway toward improvement. More research is being conducted daily to establish a link between inflammation and mental clarity.

Christian counselors have been trained to recognize that caring for mental health also requires addressing the whole person, and this includes what we consume. Stewarding our bodies acknowledges that God designed us so that physical choices affect our mental and emotional being.

Neglecting our nutritional needs is one way we work against our capacity for peace, clarity, and emotional balance. Studies comparing traditional diets, such as the Mediterranean pattern, with typical Western eating habits have shown that people who follow a diet rich in vegetables, fruits, grains, and fish have a lower risk of depression. This wasn’t a slight difference. It represented a substantial shift in mental health based on food choices.

We don’t have to follow a strict diet or eliminate entire food groups, but we do have to understand that what matters more than the individual meals are the patterns.

When Food Becomes the Problem Instead of the Solution

What we eat and how we feel have a relationship that moves both ways. Mental health struggles can lead to changes in how we eat, and poor nutrition contributes to worsening mental health challenges. An appetite can be dulled or driven toward sugar and comfort foods by depression in hopes of temporary relief. The reality is that symptoms worsen over time for both the mind and the body.

Eating patterns can be disrupted by anxiety, which leaves some people unable to maintain regular meals, while others turn to food to manage the overwhelming emotions. This results in a cycle that is difficult to break without recognizing both sides of the situation. Someone who is struggling mentally may find it difficult to make intentional food choices because it feels like one more impossible task.

Christian counselors help individuals facing depression or anxiety understand that dietary changes, along with other treatments, provide meaningful support, removing obstacles that complicate recovery. We can make good choices and rely on God’s help for restoration:

“For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds,” declares the LORD… – Jeremiah 30:17, NASB

Building a Healthy Mind Through Daily Choices

Lasting changes do not require overhauling our entire diet overnight. This change requires minor, consistent adjustments that will grow into significant improvements over time. We do this by eating regular meals that will prevent blood sugar drops that trigger irritability, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating.

Whole foods, which provide vitamins, minerals, healthy fats, and fiber, help our minds function well. Complex carbohydrates maintain steady blood sugar and stable moods, while lean proteins supply amino acids necessary for regulating thoughts and emotions.

Omega-3 fatty acids support brain structure and reduce inflammation. This means that choosing foods like cold-water fish and some nuts helps reduce inflammation. Brain function and emotional regulation will benefit significantly from these anti-inflammatory properties.

All of the choices we make, even the foods we eat, matter to God. No matter what we do, it should be for His glory:

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. – 1 Corinthians 10:31, NASB

Dramatic dietary changes typically backfire because we cannot maintain unrealistic standards. The goal is to progress toward choices that support our mental health. Small, manageable changes can lead to an overhaul of our eating patterns.

Even water is essential for our overall health and hydration. Mild dehydration can affect mood, energy, clarity, and thinking. God designed our bodies to need consistent fuel throughout the day, not the feast-or-famine pattern most of us engage in during the workday. These patterns leave us running on empty for hours at a time. Making informed choices about food and water requires intention but leads to better overall health.

The Spiritual Dimension of Physical Care

When we care for our bodies, it affects our minds and spirits. God did not create us with disconnected parts. We are whole beings – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual – that work together.

Neglecting our physical needs while expecting to thrive spiritually and emotionally misaligns with how we’re designed. Being exhausted or malnourished makes it hard to engage fully in life. Good nutrition allows us to live fully and to serve more effectively. When we see things from this perspective, nutrition shifts from a burden to an opportunity.

When we change eating habits, we often find deeper patterns in how we relate to stress and emotions. Food carries meaning beyond nutrition, including comfort, celebration, and identity. To make change, we must acknowledge these connections.

When we experience difficult emotions, we tend to reach for foods that provide temporary soothing but lead to long-term problems. We must learn to recognize these patterns without judgment. This process takes time and often benefits from support.

The connection between a healthy mind and nutrition isn’t about guilt or shame. It’s about understanding how our food choices influence mental well-being. Each meal is an opportunity to choose foods that support our health. There will be some days that are easier than others, but what matters is the overall direction and the gradual shift toward patterns that serve us better. He leads us toward a healthy mind and body.

Little by little, choice by choice, we can be transformed:

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2, NASB 1995

You can change

The connection between a healthy mind and nutrition isn’t just a discovery or trend. It is how God designed us to function as a whole when He created us as physical beings. Professional treatment for mental health challenges doesn’t replace choosing foods for a healthy mind. It provides another pathway toward wellness.

Small, consistent changes can turn into meaningful improvements as we add more whole foods and eat regular meals to nourish our bodies and minds. This is an act of stewardship that honors the body and mind that God gave us. We desire to move toward patterns that support a healthy mind. We are making choices that serve us well and bring fresh chances to nourish our bodies each day.

If you want help with ways to make healthier choices, a Christian counselor on this site can help. Connect with the team to learn how to get started today.

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rhythms-of-recovery/202305/4-nutrition-lessons-for-mental-health
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/nutritional-psychiatry-your-brain-on-food-201511168626
https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/nutrition
https://www.sutterhealth.org/health/nutrition/eating-well-for-mental-health
mhanational.org/resources/eating-well-being/
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/diet-and-mental-health-can-what-you-eat-affect-how-you-feelPhotos:
“Healthy Breakfast”, Courtesy of Hans, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Salad”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Fruit Cup”, Courtesy of Yulia Khlebnikova, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Helicopter Parenting: Is it Helpful, Harmful, or Avoidable?

/in , , , ,

🎧 Listen to this article

You’ve probably heard the term helicopter parenting thrown around in parenting circles. The phrase conveys a mental image of a parent hovering over a small child who’s just trying to play freely. The phrase might also conjure images of a college student whose parent still plays an interventionist role in her education, such as calling a professor to find out why the student got a bad grade.

The term helicopter parent was first used in a 1969 book about parenting teenagers. Today, it’s commonly used to describe parenting that’s too involved, as opposed to having a healthy level of engagement.

Sometimes parents admit that they’re helicoptering but claim that it’s necessary. As time goes on, sometimes the realization sets in that this type of parenting can do more harm than good, hampering a child’s ability to develop the necessary independence that’s a part of growing up.

If you’ve heard of helicopter parenting, you’re probably aware that it’s generally seen as a negative parenting style. But you are probably aware that the opposite extreme (dismissiveness, disengagement, and neglect) is even more harmful.

What does helicopter parenting look like?

Since helicopter parenting is overly intrusive and controlling, it does not respect a child’s need for increasing independence as he or she grows. Sometimes it doesn’t allow much room for a child to have negative experiences or emotions.

These issues are heavily dependent on the age of the child. What might be helicopter parenting for a teen could also be healthy parenting for a toddler. Every child and family is different, with highly individual needs.

While there are overall principles that can guide us as we try to understand good parenting, individual counseling for parenting can be far more helpful in assessing specific needs for each child and family.

How do you know if you’re a helicopter parent? Some signs and symptoms of helicopter parenting might include parent-directed play, overly strict rules, unwillingness to allow the child to take initiative, lack of unstructured free time, and parental discomfort with a child’s negative emotions.

In teenagers, helicopter parenting might look like intensive control over neutral areas, demanding strict accounting of time, not allowing room for decision-making, or being involved in communication with teachers, employers, or other authority figures on the teenager’s behalf.

Many of the actions in helicopter parenting are valuable in and of themselves, but harmful when taken to an extreme. That’s why nuance is important and why Christian counseling for parenting can help parents avoid the pitfalls of helicopter parenting and help their child grow into all God has created them to be as the years pass.

When we set our children free from intrusive parenting, we allow them to flourish on their own as individuals, and that can be both joyful and scary to witness. Christian counseling for parents can not only address parental issues, but also individual issues of anxiety, fear, and other emotional concerns.

What Helicopter Parenting Is Not

Let’s emphasize that parental involvement, responsiveness, and warmth are all crucial aspects of raising a child. The younger the child, the more hovering will be required. Parents should not worry that by being involved in their child’s life or having firm, loving guidelines and boundaries, they are in danger of ruining their parenting with helicoptering.

Attunement (emotional responsiveness) and empathy (relating to others’ feelings) are both crucial to the well-being of individuals and relationships, especially in the forming of parent-child bonds.

If you respond to your baby when they cry, help regulate your toddler’s emotions, help your elementary child with their homework, or console your teen after their first breakup, don’t worry. None of these actions indicates that you’re a helicopter parent.

Let’s outline some specific behaviors to avoid and the healthy behaviors parents can replace them with, as well as go over some of the risks of helicopter parenting.

As always, individual Christian counseling can address your specific situation much better than generalized advice can. Please contact our office today for more information about Christian parenting counseling.

What does godly parenting look like?

Many Christian parents wonder how they can parent effectively in an increasingly secular culture. Does helicopter parenting mean not exercising control or limits over what your child watches or whom they befriend? How should a parent set age-appropriate rules, especially for teens? And what happens when your child makes a mistake because you gave them the freedom to do so?

The Bible doesn’t offer a wealth of direct parenting advice, but as an example, here are two Scriptures that mention parenting:

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4, NIV

Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6, ESV

We can see from these passages that parenting is a sacred responsibility, not something to be taken lightly. God calls parents to guide and teach their children, but the outcome of that training is in His hands.

The Balance of Healthy Parenting

On the one hand, being overly involved in your child’s life may inhibit their healthy development. But on the other hand, a lack of positive engagement and adequate guidance can also hold them back.

What is the balance of allowing a child freedom as he or she grows, but maintaining an engaged and responsive parenting style?

How can parents show up lovingly and be present every day, but also provide space for children to explore independently, make mistakes, and learn how to become increasingly competent over time?

What To Do Instead of Helicoptering

For toddlers, preschoolers, and elementary-age children allow them to play and explore freely in safe environments. Let them take the initiative in play. For toddler tantrums, provide soothing co-regulation rather than giving in to their demands.

Watch them play rather than playing with them every time. When you do play with them, allow them to take the lead. “Stage” toys and analog activities for them to discover.

In these early years, focus on laying a good foundation of healthy involvement so you’ll be able to gradually let go as they get older.

For elementary, middle, and teens avoid overscheduling. Allow them to do hard things themselves and learn from their mistakes. Protect them from bullying and harsh treatment, but allow them to navigate low-level friendship problems themselves, while remaining available to talk things through.

For teens it’s important to allow age-appropriate freedom, independence, and decision-making as much as possible, while protecting teens from the risks inherent to adolescence. This is much easier said than done! According to the Cleveland Clinic, it’s crucial to maintain warmth, connection, and open communication as much as possible while still following through on family rules and guidelines.

Perhaps one of the most important things is to get to know your child as an individual and base your parenting on their needs.

Growing In Grace as a Parent

Helicopter parenting isn’t the healthiest parenting style, and it’s also not the most harmful. It’s often a way for well-intentioned parents to give their kids the best chance they can at having a good life. But despite good intentions, this parenting style can be detrimental to child development and the parent-child relationship.

No parent is perfect, and no child is perfect. Christian parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about allowing the love, grace, and discipline we experience from the Lord to flow through us and make a difference in our children’s lives.

Overly involved parenting can be a sign of heart issues, not just a need for parental behavior modification. When we take the time to delve into what’s motivating us, we might uncover fears, hurts from the past, or other issues affecting our ability to trust the Lord and walk in freedom and confidence as parents.

The good news is that there is so much freedom to be found on the other side of fear. We can embrace the love and guidance of God and know that He loves our children even more than we do. As we learn to set them free and let them go, we can grow in confidence that the Lord is the one who never lets either of us go.

If you need practical help in applying biblical principles to your parenting and avoiding helicopter parenting and other unhealthy parenting styles, please call our office today at (949) 386-7181 or contact us to schedule your first risk-free session. The trained counselors at Christian Counseling can walk with you on your sacred journey of parenting.

Resources: 
https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/childhood-narcissism/202409/how-helicopter-parents-hurt-their-children
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/could-your-helicopter-parenting-actually-be-detrimental-to-your-childs-developmentPhoto:
“Dishes with Dad”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Healing from Body Shame

/in , , , , ,

Many people struggle with body image issues. “Body image is a combination of the thoughts and feelings that you have about your body.” In a UK study from 2019, it showed that “one in five adults (20%) felt shame, just over one-third (34%) felt down or low, and 19% felt disgusted because of their body image in the last year.”

Body image issues can lead to other significant mental health problems, such as eating disorders, depression, suicidal ideation, and anxiety disorders. Body image and body shame are a bit different, because people can have a healthy or positive body image. Body shame is a newer term, and it’s different from body-shaming, which is making fun of someone or mistreating them because of some flaw (real or perceived) on their body.

Body shame is treating yourself that way – feeling and believing your body isn’t good for whatever reason and mistreating yourself because of that. Mistreating it could look like extreme diet and exercise, talking badly about it, having eating disorders, excessive plastic or corrective surgeries, problematic drug or alcohol use, engaging in high-risk sexual activity, hiding your body, or not giving it what it needs for health.

Body shame could originate from several things. Past trauma (especially sexual), but also emotional and physical abuse, can lead to debilitating body shame. Being bullied or teased as a child and young adult and being compared to others with different body types, can cause it. Constant social media or pictures of celebrities with “ideal” body types, perpetual and unwanted singleness, or a lot of unwanted romantic or sexual attention can also lead to body shame.

This is an issue with which so many struggle, and they are scared to talk about it. But it’s possible to begin healing from body shame, to begin seeing your body as good, no matter what it looks like. This article will only scratch the surface, and professional counseling may be the best route to work through all of it, but these are some steps to heal from body shame.

Healing from Body Shame

As you work through these steps, jot your feelings and thoughts down in a notebook. If you decide to get counseling for body shame, this notebook will help facilitate discussions between you and your counselor.

Create a timeline of the history of body shame

When was the first time you felt shame about your body or being in your own skin? Write out every single moment that stands out from childhood until now, every moment that you felt like you hated or despised your body. Think about the reason what that experience meant to you. Was it abusive in any way? Was it traumatic? Name everything that comes to mind.

Think about how you were hurt/ what you felt then

As you do this, with each memory, consider what you felt in that moment. Di you feel confusion, shame, embarrassment, loneliness, sadness, or anger? What did you feel then and what do you feel now as you remember? How was this situation hurtful? What was so hurtful about it?

What did you believe then

Next, think about what you believed then about the situation, the other people involved, and your body. This could have been the result of something someone said or how they acted toward you, but what belief began to take root? Were there any times you believed positive things about your body? When was that and what was that like?

What do you believe now

What do you believe now? Do you believe any of those negative things about your body today? Why or why not? Do you believe any positive things? What are those positive things? What do you like and dislike about your body? Name it all, no matter how difficult this may be. It’s important to be completely honest with yourself about it because honesty and vulnerability are ways people can heal from any type of shame.

Center on truth

Just because you think it doesn’t make it true, and just because someone said it to you or about you doesn’t make it true. What is true is that your body is good. When God made man and woman, he said they were good. That doesn’t just include their souls. It means everything, body and soul. It’s possible to begin believing your body is good, no matter its state or how it looks.

Truth doesn’t ignore the unhealthy things, though. If your body is unhealthy in any way, it’s important to recognize this truth and not ignore it. But you don’t want to slip into extreme mistreatment of your body because of negative thoughts and feelings. You want to center on the truth that your body is good.

Work toward forgiveness of those who’ve hurt you

It’s never okay to mistreat someone because of their body shape, size, or anything about their appearance. This is body-shaming and often abusive. Most of the time, it’s because of something someone did or said to you that led you to feel shame about your body. You’ve been able to identify what it was that hurt you most.

Now it’s time to move toward forgiveness. They might not have ever apologized for the wrong they did to you and may never. But holding that hurt and anger toward them will only hurt you more. It’s time to be free of the hold they have on you. Spend time practicing forgiveness.

Write out “I forgive _________ for ____________” in your journal, then speak each one out loud. It may take months or years to forgive repeatedly, but it’s an important step in your healing.

Move toward acceptance and healthy self-care

Self-acceptance and self-compassion are the highest goals here, because compassion is another way to break through shame. Spend some time treating your body as though it were good. Write positive affirmations on your mirror. Keep those same affirmations around your home or where you see them often. Tell them to yourself over and over again. Look in full-length mirrors at yourself and smile at yourself in the mirror.

Buy (and wear) clothes that flatter your body. Take good care of your body by eating healthy and exercising regularly. Prioritize rest. Moderate your alcohol consumption and don’t misuse substances. The goal here is not to be military-like, obsessive, or even shallow with yourself, but to treat your body as if it were good. What would it mean for you to accept the fact that your body is good and for you to treat it that way?

Set boundaries with people who continue to mistreat you

This may be one of the hardest steps because you’ll have to confront people. It’s only worth it to do this with people whom you want to remain in your life. You can share with them how you felt (or feel) when they said or did (or present tense) whatever hurts you and leads you to feel shame about your body. “I feel ____ when you _____.” Or “please stop saying ______ about my body. I don’t like it, and it makes me feel ______.” Or “I’m choosing to believe the best about myself.”

If they are presently saying negative things about your body, it will be up to you to stand up for yourself. This is a way of treating your body like it’s good. Consider what boundary you’d like to put in place. For example, never talk about physical appearance with a specific person or not shopping with that person. It could be that you decide to only talk positively about your body and others’ bodies around that person.

Whatever your boundary, you’ll need to communicate it to the one who keeps hurting you. If that person continues to disrespect the boundaries you have in place, you may choose to spend less time with them altogether. They aren’t proving to be safe people, and it’s difficult to heal from body shame with unsafe people in your life. Meeting with a counselor can help you know how to set boundaries with others to protect yourself from further shame.

Body shame doesn’t have to ruin your life. You can fight back. You can heal and believe your body is good, and you can treat it like it’s good, too. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help from a compassionate counselor so you can fully heal from body shame.

References:
https://nedc.com.au/eating-disorders/eating-disorders-explained/body-image/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/body-image-report/exec-summary#:~:text=New%20body%20image%20statistics,-New%20online%20surveys&text=One%20in%20five%20adults%20(20,image%20in%20the%20last%20year.

Photos:
“Woman on the Beach”, Courtesy of Dan Torres, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Woman on the Beach”, Courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Woman on the Beach”, Courtesy of Darko Trajkovic, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Body Image Issues in the Perimenopausal Woman

/in , ,

Perimenopause is the stage before menopause when the body begins the process. Hormones fluctuate wildly and then slowly start to decrease. Perimenopause can last months or years, depending on the woman. Unfortunately, these changes can bring about physical and mental distress in many women. Body image issues can creep up even in women who never had a problem, leading to anxiety, depression, lower self-esteem, and less confidence.

Body Image Issues That May Affect You

A positive body image creates a sense of confidence and empowerment. Accepting your body for where it is and what it does for you makes you walk a little straighter and grab new opportunities. Other people notice your confidence, no matter your age.

However, when body image issues become the focus, you can lose your self-esteem. Perimenopause and menopause are two stages in a woman’s life where these issues can lead to problems affecting how you view yourself, how you manage your relationships, and what opportunities you feel confident to accept.

The following are several physical and mental body image issues that may affect you.

Redness and Splotchiness on Face

Dry skin, redness, and splotchiness on the face are common skin issues that perimenopausal women struggle with in their 40s and 50s. Some women may experience breakouts due to the hormonal shifts. This period in a woman’s life may be reminiscent of adolescence with fluctuating hormone levels.

Dark Circles Under Eyes

Lower estrogen levels cause skin thinning, which is more pronounced in the area under the eyes, where the blood vessels are more noticeable. This causes dark circles under the eyes. This issue is worsened if the woman also has bouts of insomnia or sleep deprivation.

Weight Gain

As estrogen and progesterone levels shift downward, the stress hormone cortisol increases. Cortisol increase and a slower metabolism can lead to more fat storage and changes in fat distribution. Muscle mass also decreases without proper resistance training. Without enough muscle, metabolism lowers dramatically.

Increased Waist Circumference

The stress hormone cortisol is also responsible for abdominal fat, also known as visceral fat. This fat settles in the abdominal and waist area, surrounds the organs, and increases the waist circumference. A larger waist size contributes to an increased risk of heart attack or stroke. The recommended waist measurement for health is less than thirty-five inches; however, this figure depends on other factors.

Bleeding Gums

Although bleeding gums is not a body image issue that is well-known in perimenopausal women, it can be a problem for some. Hormonal changes can cause the gums to swell and become inflamed. This can lead to bleeding, and if left unchecked, the plaque and bacteria can cause damage to the gumline and teeth. This affects a woman’s smile and how she presents herself to the world.

Fine Lines and Wrinkles

Skin loses its elasticity as estrogen and collagen decrease. Women may see noticeable fine lines, wrinkles, sagging, and dull skin. This can affect how they perceive their beauty. Some women become so obsessed with recapturing their youthful looks that they undergo risky and expensive procedures.

Graying Hair

As women age, their body decreases the production of estrogen, melanin, and ferritin. Combined, these lower levels of hormones cause hair thinning, less volume, and less pigment in the hair, leading to gray, white, or silver hair. Since many women consider their hair a beauty trademark, the sudden changes in texture, volume, and color can be disconcerting.

Low Self-Esteem, Lower Self-Confidence, Anxiety, and Depression

As perimenopause continues, the likelihood of developing depression and anxiety rises. Mood swings and irritability are also common during the months or years of perimenopause and menopause. The more changes a woman notices in her body, the more her self-esteem and self-confidence can take a hit. Body image issues are linked to the development of mental health conditions, including disordered eating, in an attempt to “fix” the body.

Christian Counseling for Women in Huntington Beach

Body image issues can become so strong that a woman will do anything to recapture youth. These endeavors can lead to tragic results. For example, a woman with body image issues may develop an eating disorder and body dysmorphia, which, if left untreated, could lead to death.

Has perimenopause led you to develop body image issues or exacerbated your emotions surrounding how you already view your body? Contact our office today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling to schedule an appointment with a Christian counselor in Huntington Beach, California specializing in women’s issues and body image issues. We would love to help you learn to accept your body while developing a healthier lifestyle and positive mental well-being.

Photo:
“Cloudy Beach”, Courtesy of Sam Hozan, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How to Not Give In to Depression After a Breakup

/in , , , , ,

Feeling sad after a breakup is a normal reaction. You invested time, money, and emotions into a relationship that did not work out. Perhaps the breakup came as a surprise or had been a long time coming. What’s important now is not to give in to depression after a breakup.

Depression After Breakup: How to Protect Yourself from Getting Stuck

A breakup is a loss, and you may experience the five stages of grief as you navigate the first few days and months. You may experience denial or shock, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. To keep from getting stuck in the depression stage after a breakup, protect your mental health and well-being.

The following are several tips for protecting yourself from depression after a breakup.

Confide in a trusted friend

You need the support of a trusted friend or family member right now. Someone you can confide in and who will hold your hand while you process your emotions. Listen to them if they want to share their experience with depression after a breakup or offer advice.

Find a support group

The knee-jerk reaction after a breakup is to seclude away. But what you need now is support. Depression and grief support groups are excellent for providing participants with first-hand experience and tips for moving past heartache. You can find local and virtual groups online or check with your community center or local public library.

Consider counseling

Counseling can teach you the strategies and skills to process the breakup, accept your new reality, and make plans for the future. Counseling can help if you need to heal from trauma, abuse, neglect, abandonment, or feelings of low self-worth. The methods shared equip you with lifelong techniques to get over any obstacle.

Distance yourself from your ex

The old saying, “Out of sight, out of mind,” comes in handy after a breakup. You need at least a few weeks of distance from your ex as you process and heal. Don’t follow them on social media or in real life. If you must see them, try to keep your distance and only talk when necessary, such as when coparenting.

Dive into creative pursuits

Dive back into the activities that make you happy. Pursue creative outlets that allow you to express your feelings. For example, painting, sculpting, writing songs or short stories, crocheting, and playing a musical instrument are all ways you can express yourself. Make time for creative pursuits and hobbies to boost your mood and overall well-being.

Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t stay there

It’s important to acknowledge your feelings, but don’t stay there. You need to feel those emotions to work through them, but remaining stuck will not help you move forward. Consider journaling your thoughts and emotions. Journaling permits you to record your most vulnerable thoughts and distance yourself from them, promoting healing.

Exercise to feel better

People exercise to feel better about themselves externally and internally. Heart-pumping exercise triggers the release of endorphins and other brain chemicals, such as serotonin and dopamine. This release leaves you feeling happier and confident. Exercise also lowers cortisol, the stress hormone, and regulates mood.

Christian Counseling in Huntington Beach, CA

Talk therapy and other psychological methods are effective for managing depression after a breakup. Schedule a session with a Christian counselor in Huntington Beach, California to receive an assessment and discuss the skills and strategies you need to move forward. Contact us today at Huntington Beach, California, to learn more.

Photo:
“Wildflowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

What is Therapy Like? An Inner Look at the Therapy Office Experience

/in , , ,

If you are asking yourself “What therapy is like?” then this article is for you. It takes an inner look at the therapy office experience and the many differences you find behind each door. With all the differences, it can make it difficult to decide how, when, and what therapy to start with.

That’s okay, there are tools for that as well (see “Individual Choice” section). There are not only differences between therapies and therapists but also unique phases of therapy each client goes through. It all comes down to individual choices. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers personalized support, helping clients navigate their unique therapy journey with compassion and care.

Differences

Certain techniques of therapy fit certain people. There is no one-size-fits-all. In order not to make this a textbook-sized article, the following are over-simplifications of different types of therapy, including some highlights of the most used therapies out there such as DBT, CBT, somatic, psychodynamic, etc. Just as a reminder, this is an oversimplification.

Commonly used therapies

DBT, ACT, CBT. basically brain training. The concepts are black-and-white, plug-and-play techniques that have proven to work for many people. There’s a lot of talking, but a lot of formulas being plugged into throughout.

Somatic

Body and brain training. The concepts connect the whole brain, but the focus is on the reptilian portion and therapists work through experience exercises that can range from holding onto the edge of a table to jumping off a tower into a foam pit.

Psychodynamic

Here’s where you talk it out and see where things go. Most offices really do have a couch, and some people lie down on it.

Online vs. in-person

Youth

The entertainment factor is a must to consider how well they can engage/be attentive (so don’t be surprised if there is more of a play approach), there’s a certain age limit for the general therapist out there.

Adults

Psychological disconnect (no replacement for in-person), but otherwise no difference is shown in short-term studies (in other words, real work can still be done online).

Social: male/female, religious/nonreligious, race

Male/female

You may not have a preference, or you may feel strongly about it. It will be an easy choice for some individuals. As a couple, it may be more difficult to navigate the first-time choices of a male or female.

The most important question is whether you have had major trauma involving one gender to another. Either way, it’s going to be a case-by-case basis where one gender or another could change your mind on the issue just because of how they naturally fit your case.

Religious/non-religious

Similar to male/female considerations – the couple’s work makes this more of a factor than for individuals since couples may not be in the same space religiously and will need to find the best middle ground.

For individuals, the benefit of a particular religious background is an understanding of vocabulary and context to certain sensitivities. Otherwise, no matter the religious background, it is likely the therapist has worked with both religious and nonreligious alike.

Race

Again, you may not have a preference, but similar to the above, race can be an identifying factor in who you want to see and open up to in the experience of therapy.

The phases

The beginning phase

The beginning phase is when the introductions happen. No matter the level of intensity of the problem, this phase typically has little change overall. It is in this phase where the problem can be closely examined, and the client can work to get used to the therapist and the therapist can get to know the client. Typically, if any progress is made in this stage, there will be a temptation to quit too early before the lasting work is done.

The working phase

This phase can be the most uncomfortable for the client. It is in this phase where challenges to the client’s routine/habits are made. It is the time when the reality of the situation shows and the going gets tough. It is important to advocate for yourself during this phase, so the therapist can adjust their approach accordingly.

The end phase

This phase can be difficult for some, but in general, this is where progress is reviewed, game plans for future trouble are made, and final check-ins take place before saying goodbye to therapy. This may mean that progress has been made and therapy is no longer needed. However, this may also occur before transferring to a new type of support.

Individual choice

Overall, therapy is an individual choice. With no guarantees offered, the success of it depends on multiple factors. Your individual choices are not only what type of therapy you will try, but also what type of therapist you want to meet with. Another individual choice is when you want to enter and exit therapy.

Regarding couples therapy, it should be kept in mind that there is no such thing as shotgun therapy. Should a spouse not be committed to the relationship, even for a short time for the sake of trying therapy, there should be no couples therapy

Keeping these choices in mind is important in helping you sift through the options of therapists and therapies out there. If it becomes more overwhelming to make the decision yourself, reach out to our reception team at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling or 424-438-2888 and let them know so they can help you find the best place to start.

Photos:
“Relaxing”, Courtesy of Coen Stall, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Naptime”, Courtesy of Adrian Swancar, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Counseling”, Courtesy of TienDat Nguyen, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Different Types of Eating Disorders: Anorexia Nervosa

/in , , , ,

Probably the most well-known of the different types of eating disorders is anorexia nervosa. According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) statistics, “anorexia has the highest case mortality rate and the second highest crude mortality rate of any mental illness.”

The good news is that anorexia is treatable, and you can get your physical and mental health back on track with medical and psychological help. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can provide support during your recovery journey.

What is anorexia nervosa?

Anorexia nervosa (commonly referred to as anorexia) is a dangerous eating disorder with a high mortality rate. Those with anorexia suffer from more than emotional turmoil; their physical health is in jeopardy.

Anorexia behavior includes starvation. This may be a blatant refusal of food or eating minimal food when offered. The most common symptom of anorexia is a gaunt and underweight appearance. Bones may be visible without clothing. The person with anorexia may see themselves differently in the mirror, however. Anorexia is often comorbid with body dysmorphic disorder. They may see themselves as larger than they are or have a deep-seated fear of gaining weight.

According to the ANAD statistics, out of the different types of eating disorders, those with anorexia face an 18% higher suicide rate than their peers without an eating disorder. Those with anorexia can also encounter more degenerate physical health. Medical treatment is a priority for these patients. Once their physical health is stable, the work to heal the psychological damage can commence.

The symptoms of anorexia nervosa.

The symptoms of anorexia include:

  • Refusing to eat.
  • Denying hunger.
  • Only eating specific foods with little to no nutritional value.
  • Adhering to rigid food rules.
  • Starving oneself.
  • Underweight.
  • Protruding bones under clothing.
  • Brittle hair and nails.
  • Dry skin.
  • Severe dehydration.
  • Dizziness.
  • Fainting.
  • Low blood pressure.
  • Slow heart rate.
  • Nutritional deficiencies.
  • Anxiety.
  • Depression.
  • Poor body image.
  • Irregular periods or amenorrhea.

Due to the nutritional deficiencies and extreme weight loss, physical health is a concern. If left untreated, anorexia can lead to organ failure. Medical professionals prioritize physical health to help the patient’s body stabilize.

Treatment for anorexia nervosa.

Once the person with anorexia is stable physically, treatment for the mental disorder can begin. A counselor will assess the person’s behavior and listen to them share their thoughts and emotions before creating a care plan. To treat the compulsions that drive anorexic behavior, counselors must understand the thoughts behind the actions. The counselor and client build a rapport and a safe relationship that allows the freedom to share.

Counselors may use several different types of eating disorder treatments depending on the client’s assessment and level of severity of anorexia.

Individual talk therapy.

There may be a reason that a client turns to anorexia that goes beyond wanting to be a smaller size or not wanting to gain weight. Exactly why do they feel the need? Why are they afraid? A counselor helps the client work through these issues and triggers.

 

Group therapy.

People are stronger together, especially those who have overcome anorexia, and are willing to share with others. Group therapy is a safe space to share and gain insight from others while being led by a professional mental health care worker.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

This technique helps clients to identify triggers, emotions, and thoughts that lead to anorexic behaviors. The client then can work with the counselor to learn ways to re-frame those thoughts and actions.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

Although not explicitly created for eating disorders, DBT has proven helpful in helping a client with anorexia (or bulimia or binge eating) manage stressors and relationships instead of turning to the harmful behaviors associated with anorexia.

Nutrition education.

Nutritional education is a must to help the client adapt to a regular eating schedule with proper portions and variety. The menu may change as the client becomes healthier, allowing for a greater variety, but in the beginning, checking in with a nutritionist will keep treatment on track.

A counselor may incorporate several methods to help a client with anorexia. They may meet in person, virtually, or a combination of both.

Counseling for different types of eating disorders.

From the different types of eating disorders, do you struggle with anorexia nervosa? Do the symptoms sound familiar, but you do not quite meet the criteria for a full-blown eating disorder?

We can help. Contact our office today to schedule an assessment with a Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling. Your counselor will assess your health and help you connect with medical treatment if necessary while you work on the emotional and mental healing from anorexia.

Resources:
https://anad.org/eating-disorder-statistic/
Photos:
“Daisies”, Courtesy of Stijn Dijkstra, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Daisies”, Courtesy of Krystyna Zygalska, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Daisies”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Moving Past Postpartum Blues

/in , , ,

Your baby is finally here. After months of growing and developing into a tiny human, your little one has made an entrance. You know you should be elated, but something feels off. Postpartum blues is real and can last a few weeks as your hormones shift from pregnancy to the recovery period.

How do you move past postpartum blues and get back to enjoying your new baby?

Getting back on track after postpartum blues.

You may have felt happy, joyful, and serene right after the birth of your baby, but after the first week of no sleep, constant diaper changes, learning how to care for a newborn, and shifts in hormones, you feel the opposite.

This is a normal occurrence. Hormones control our emotions and moods, and as estrogen and progesterone levels decrease, you may experience postpartum blues with mood swings, sadness, and anxiety for a few weeks. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling provides support for navigating these challenging times with compassion and care.

The good news is that the postpartum blues only last about two weeks, then your hormones stabilize. When the emotions do not seem to be stabilizing and you continue to experience mood swings, sadness, and/or anxiety, it is important to check in with your healthcare provider. While experiencing these emotional lows is normal after birth, there are things you can do to help ease your way through this time.

Increase rest and nutrition.

This may sound easier said than done, but as your hormones adjust, it is the most important time for you and your baby to focus on rest and nutrition. Keeping your body fed and hydrated will boost your ability to weather the baby blues. Resting may not come easy as life can be full of demands, but finding a way to incorporate it whenever possible is a must.

One of my favorite pieces of advice in this area was from a midwife who said, “stock up on one-handed foods.” The unpredictable schedule and demands of a newborn will seem at odds with the times you are hungry. One-handed, nutrient rich and/or simple foods are a great go-to.

If you are unable to sleep whenever the baby sleeps, that’s okay. Increasing rest can also look like decreasing the energy you expend or creating a restful environment. Dim the lights, light a candle, time-block for quiet activities, and set the mood for relaxation for the whole family.

Find help with the baby and the house.

The overwhelming feelings may be more acute if you are trying to manage a newborn on your own. The first few weeks of an infant’s life are also a challenge for them. They must adapt to sights, sounds, and smells they did not have in the womb. In addition, they have no way of communicating except through crying.

This trying period will pass as your baby grows and adapts, but in the meantime, you need help. Do you have a spouse that can take over while you get some sleep? How about a parent or sibling who can handle the daily chores like dishes and laundry? A friend who can bring you a meal, sit with you, or hold the baby while you shower? Asking for help is a sign of strength. Many people will want to help you, but they will need your permission.

If you are preparing for your baby’s birth and are reading this to know what to expect, take the time to recruit help now. From anything to setting up a meal train, to driving siblings to their appointments, to walking the dog and cleaning your house.

There are things you can do for yourself as well. To save time during those first few weeks, consider cooking and freezing meals for when your family is too tired to cook. Consider reducing physical clutter and daily routines to the necessities. Even stocking up on paper plates and disposable cutlery.

If you have a large family, teach your older children to do certain chores, like taking out the trash, running the vacuum, and dusting. Even little ones can fold the towels and washcloths; their work may not be perfect, but it will be done and one less thing for you to think about.

Focus on less.

Now may be a time when focusing on less or slowing down may not be possible. Maybe you are in the middle of a school program, have to go back to work immediately, or are raising other kids who haven’t reached a significant independence level.

Even if that is the case, something will have to give. The attention a baby demands, coupled with the struggles of the baby blues, makes it necessary to slim down the daily doings to the minimum. If you are able to before the baby comes, make a list of things in your days that can be altered to an easier form for the transition of this new baby.

Focusing on less while you are facing the baby blues can be difficult if you are not prepared to take it easy. You may be struggling with doubt, guilt, or other negative influences. If you are unable to prepare prior to having the baby, three ways to focus on less immediately are:

  • Recognize the negative and unrealistic message of having to “do it all” during this time and replace it with “I am doing what’s most important” by tending to the needs of the new baby and taking care for yourself so you have enough to keep going.
  • Remind yourself that it is a different season that will pass quickly and you will find a new way to get things done eventually.
  • As “eventually” may not come as quickly as one would like, remind yourself the days are long, but the years fly by and take as many deep breaths as you need.

Facing the baby blues is difficult for any momma, even a seasoned one. Seeking help is another way to start immediately focusing on less and getting the most important work done.

Seek support.

You are not alone. Postpartum blues affects up to 70% of new mothers. You may still develop the postpartum blues even if this is not your first child. Seek support if you struggle with symptoms or have questions for other women.

You can find support through online communities or live local groups. Your obstetrician, pediatrician, or lactation consultant may be able to recommend a group or community you can join. Some groups meet at hospitals and clinics.

You can also find Mothers groups that consist of women who have children from birth through age five. These groups offer invaluable insight and activities for children while the mothers provide advice and ask questions. They may also host events or Mother’s Day Out opportunities.

You don’t need to leave anyone off the list when it comes to seeking support. From your church to your neighbors, from your county organizations to your online communities, finding people to help doesn’t have to be limited to family and close friends.

As long as you can trust them with even as small a task as providing clothes for the new baby or taking your trash cans out for trash day, it can help ease the burdens and lighten the weight of the baby blues.

Accept your body in the moment.

Postpartum blues can worsen our perceptions and expectations about our bodies after a baby. Sometimes we expect our bodies to bounce back quickly after a child is born. We become disappointed and depressed if we still weigh the same as we did when carrying a six to nine-pound baby.

Most likely, you are still retaining extra fluid, and if you are breastfeeding, your new milk supply may alter the fluid content and weight. You may not be able to wear your pre-pregnancy clothes for weeks or months after birth. This is normal. As your body adapts to the changes, overall change towards your former body will happen.

In the meantime, give yourself grace. You may not like what you see in the mirror when your clothes are off, but remember that you just gave birth to a baby. The process of pregnancy and birth is a miracle. Your body nurtured and protected a child for nine months. Accept and practice gratitude for the body God blessed you with that could participate in this miracle.

Stop the comparing.

Becoming a mother is an honor and a blessing. But we can romanticize pregnancy, birth, and new motherhood. We admire other mothers on social media who seem to have it all together. These women may show organized nurseries, svelte bodies, and sleeping babes on their newsfeeds.

What they are not sharing with you are the same issues you are dealing with having a newborn. These women also have laundry, dirty diapers, painful breasts, and spit up on their clothes.

Your schedule may not be what you expected, but it may be the one that will have to work for you and your family temporarily. Your new baby might be your fifth, but is the exact opposite of their siblings. Your home may look like a nursery exploded inside for the first few weeks. Accept that things will not be perfect, call on people to help, and let the rest go for now. Learn to pivot instead of compare and you will adapt more easily.

If you give birth to your new baby right before a holiday, accept that this year will be different, and don’t stress yourself out trying to make it magical. Instead, request more help or scale down on the lavishness. For example, if your baby is born a week or two before Thanksgiving, you might choose to stay home and have a premade meal delivered instead of traveling for two hours to visit extended family. Do things that will make life easier postpartum, not harder.

Postpartum blues can leave you feeling very impressionable. While avoiding comparing with those who seem to have it easier or more together, it is also worth the caution to avoid surrounding yourself only with others struggling with the same things, as it can lead to a worsening of your symptoms.

Is it postpartum blues or depression?

Sometimes the postpartum blues is really depression. Postpartum depression is more intense and can last months. If you are experiencing persistent sadness as if a cloud hangs over you, you cannot seem to bond with your baby, or you are having thoughts of harming yourself or your infant, reach out for help immediately. Postpartum depression is treatable with the assistance of a licensed mental health care practitioner.

Contact our office today to speak with a Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling. Your therapist can offer more information about the postpartum recovery period and methods to overcome the postpartum blues.

Photos:
“Mother and Child”, Courtesy of Fancycrave1, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Helping Hands”, Courtesy of madsmith33, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Right Foot In”, Courtesy of shelley_shang, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Worried”, Courtesy of Ryan McGuire, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Balancing It All: Tips for Single Mom Help

/in , ,

Are you looking for single mom help? As mothers, it can be easy to scrutinize everything that we do. Our thoughts can plague us with doubts and frustrations that intrude our peace and bring us to lash out towards our kids, ourselves, and other people.

Are you worried that you are messing everything up? Do you think that if you had a sense of control, you could balance it all? That sense of accomplishment and feeling at ease with your life comes down to where you put your trust and time.

Being a single mother is challenging, yet millions of women have been put into or chosen that very circumstance. Although the traditional design did not include women raising children without a male figure, there are more than fifteen million U.S. families with women as the only breadwinner and no husband or father figure in the home. If you are navigating these challenges, Huntington Beach Christian Counseling is here to offer support.

In addition, historically speaking, millions of women have lost husbands due to death or found themselves in situations where they had no choice but to be single mothers.

Tips for single mom help.

Although these tips for single mom help are designed to help you stay more mindful and in the present as you manage single motherhood, the most important aspect about changing the way you feel in and about motherhood is where you put your trust. Trust in the wrong things will lead to repetitive disappointments.

By establishing trust boundaries, you are able to dispense your time and energy into what aligns best with your values and beliefs and be built up instead of torn down.

For example, you could be waking up an hour earlier than your children to get dressed and spend some quiet time alone or exercising. This advice was given to you by the “you deserve” movement passed on through well-meaning individuals. The trouble with this advice is it can seem cut and dry, when you put in good routines and get that “me” time, you will be a better person.

Then the days happen when you haven’t had any sleep, or the kids wake up and want you “too early” and everything is ruined, or you do it all and still find yourself a wreck. The system failed, and left you right where you started: tired and frustrated.

If you don’t establish a healthy boundary about where you put your trust, no tip in the world for single mom help will help you for long. The best place to put your trust? In a place that is timeless, truthful, good, beautiful, deserving of praise, honorable, and pure.

These tips for single mom help are to help you establish healthier thinking and behavior that will impact your life and the lives of your children in a positive and lasting way. Once you’ve established healthy boundaries for your trust, the next step is to establish healthy boundaries about how you spend your time. The following collection of tips for a single mom have that in common. Spending your time in these areas just ten minutes a day can build lasting impact.

Spend your time with wise people.

You don’t have to socialize without the kids (though I agree, it does provide a different experience that many crave), in order to take advantage of this tip. Keeping yourself connected with a community that focuses on building you up, providing practical help in times of need, and encouraging your trust boundaries will help you and your family thrive.

When you do bring your children along, they benefit from seeing you model healthy relationships and learn which people are going to be positive for them to socialize with.

Stay connected with these individuals daily, weekly, monthly, and annually. Set regular times to connect both in person and through phone or writing. You won’t do everything the same as the people in the community, but you can take advantage of learning from those who have gone ahead of you and being encouraged to continue on by those who are in the thick of it with you.

Search for diversity in the group (different life stages), but there’s no set number or variation for ultimate benefit from this tip. Just one or two women who are similar to you can help just as much as a group of twelve women who have been there and done that and found a good path.

Practice good stewardship and humility.

Being a single mother means living through hectic moments, sometimes daily chaotic events. If you have a special needs child or a few young children, you might feel simultaneously as if you are doing too much, yet not enough.

Sometimes our pride or idea that there is no other option but to press on in the madness keeps us from seeing that there is another option. It’s not always. In fact, as chaos consumes, it is often the only option but to press on and survive – no other focus is possible.

So, I offer this tip as a flexible one in its timing. Please consider that while you may have opportunity to implement it more often that you think during times of distress, it is also very real that the only option is to use it as a recovery tool.

The self-care movement seems to have taken the idea of airline safety (put your mask on first) and created a place where we place our trust and come up short again and again. As a single mother, you may find very little time for yourself. That is why this tip is not self-care centered, but instead focused on being a good steward of what God has given you, including yourself and your children.

Try asking yourself:

“Can I take time to throw even the meal that I’m pressing so hard to finish (while the children are falling apart around me) straight out the window and direct my focus on helping myself and the children calm down with love?”

“Can I help myself and my children establish routines and habits of cleaning both body and possessions/space?”

“What about establishing habits of compassion and love for one another?”

“Can I humbly and lovingly admit to myself and my children that I need a moment of silence, a few deep breaths, or a walk outside (even if it means I take them along)?” Because it is likely that they need it, too – and if anything, they will at some point. It’s okay to turn the homework in late but complete, to eat cereal again for dinner, or ask your kids to put in work around the house.

This idea of good stewardship with humility does not come as an easy task because it will be challenged by all the things to be done, the ticking of the clock, the expectations of others, and by the idea that “it would just be easier if I did it.”

Your children need time to practice their skills in stewardship just as much as you do. The way that you steward your time and energy and space will model for them the very ways that they will follow.

Stay present.

We often bring our heartaches and hurts into the present by focusing on our past regrets, betrayals, or future worries. Do you find your mind wandering back to mistakes? Do you still feel bitter toward an ex? Are you wasting time reliving the life you think you might have led?

Practice mindfulness throughout the day. Mindfulness directs your mind back to the present and appreciating where you are in the moment. Of course, you must plan and prepare for the future, but don’t get so caught up that you miss what is happening now. Appreciate the present time with your children. They grow up fast, so savor their childhood.

Wiser words about this were never spoken as these in Philippians: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Don’t feel like you should respond to everything.

Does it feel as if everyone wants a piece of you? Your children, boss, parents, extended family, friends, and social media compete for your attention. This is where you will need to practice trust boundaries, putting your guard up, and practicing self-discipline. Setting boundaries includes prioritizing relationships and how you spend your time.

To a single mom, the most demanding responsibility is the welfare of her children. They require focus and attention, especially if there has been a recent life event, such as divorce or the father’s death. Depending on your circumstances, your next priority may be your family outside your children, such as your parents and siblings and/or a core community group as the tip above suggested.

Putting your guard up challenges you to practice discretion in how you use your time and what you fill your mind with. Allowing yourself to be free to communicate when it is the best timing for your family (i.e. after the kids go to sleep, or not during dinner time, etc.) gives a level of chastity to the relationships and keeps you in the present moment with a singular focus.

This means, even if it’s not the best moment for your family, you can take the time to communicate that to anyone involved (i.e. “Kids, Mommy will be there in one minute – set a timer,” or a quick “Sorry, can’t talk right now” auto reply to the other person). It is up to you to set the boundaries and expectations in place and stand by them – which takes self-discipline.

Practicing self-discipline leads you to resist temptations to stop setting boundaries and let your guard down, which can lead to increased chaos and stress in your home as you try to give your attention to everyone and anything.

Take control of finances.

Most single moms find their worry and frustration stem from making ends meet and providing for their children. If you have never managed finances, now is the time to learn. It is possible to budget on a small income. Once you master the skill of sticking to a monthly budget, you may find that you have enough money to build a savings account or pay off debt.

A big thing to do with the stress around finances are the influences of envy and jealousy. Coming together with your children and learning as a family how to resist envy and jealousy, as well as nurture values of hard work over money can be a good step for you.

Finances are a personal subject, but you can find courses, workshops, and videos online that cover budgeting, savings, debt relief, and investments.

Christian counseling for single moms.

Do you need single mom help? Are you anxious, depressed, and frazzled trying to support and care for your family? Contact the Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling today to schedule a session with a therapist specializing in women’s issues and single parenthood. Not only can your therapist help you with the mental health aspect of being a single parent, but they also may be able to assist you in finding local resources for support.

Photos:
“Stroll by the River”, Courtesy of Hallmackenreuther, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Sitting by the Water”, Courtesy of Surprising_Shots, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “All Together”, Courtesy of Hannah Busing, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Grocery Receipt”, Courtesy of Stevepb, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Single Mom Help: Survival Tips from Other Single Moms

/in , , , ,

Being a single mom can be stressful, lonely, and exhausting. Trying to do everything yourself may at times feel like a wild ride of time management stress and financial woes.

According to a 2018 Pew Research Center Analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data, one-third of all American children under the age of eighteen live in a single-parent home, and 81% of those single-parent homes are headed by a single mom. If you are a single mom, you aren’t alone in the struggles you face. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling is here to provide support and guidance as you navigate these challenges.

She has to have four arms, four legs,
four eyes, two hearts, and double the
love. There is nothing single about a
single mom. – Mandy Hale

Common single mom struggles.

  • Financial strain
  • Social isolation
  • Solo decision-making
  • Guilt
  • Fatigue
  • Never enough time
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Self-doubt

Following are some tips from single moms to help you address those struggles and make it through the tough times.

Survival tips from other single moms.

Reach out to family and friends. Being self-reliant may be necessary for many of the situations you face, but you also need the support of others. Don’t feel ashamed to reach out and ask for help when you need it, or to accept help when it is offered. Be specific about what you need. Some people may want to help but are not sure what to do.

Readjust your priorities. Know that you can’t do it all. There are only twenty-four hours in a day. It’s okay to take shortcuts and to have a less-than-spotless house. Not everything has to be perfect. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do, and learn to say no. Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do everything and be everywhere.

Balance your schedule. Just because you are a single mom doesn’t mean your primary focus must be on work. Try to balance your schedule as much as you are able, and prioritize time spent with your children when you are not working. Quality time will always trump quantity time.

Make peace with the past. Don’t let your past define you or rule your life. You cannot change what you’ve gone through, but you can learn from it and use the strengths you’ve gained to make the best possible life for you and your child going forward. Try to stay positive, and create a peaceful, happy atmosphere in your home.

Set goals. Set goals for yourself so that you have something to which you can look forward. Even if it’s something as simple as a fitness goal, a reading goal, or finding a few moments to write in your journal before you go to bed at night, it will propel you forward.

Let go of guilt. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, feel guilty that you have a fractured family, or feel discouraged about the things that are lacking or you can’t provide. It’s not the number of parents in the home, but the quality of the parenting that’s most important. Are your children loved and cared for? Is your home a happy place to be? That’s what matters most.

Be flexible. Be flexible when things don’t go as planned. Have a plan B to put into play if the children get sick, for example, or a babysitter cancels at the last minute.

Be organized. Being organized can help save time and keep things moving smoothly. Have consistent morning and evening routines so your children know what to expect on a daily basis.

Make the most of stolen moments. Make the most out of your time by taking advantage of small moments where you can squeeze work or personal tasks into commutes, or while you’re in a waiting room or at a sports practice.

Take time for self-care. Taking care of yourself is an important part of taking care of your children. It helps you build up the energy, stamina, and inner strength you need to avoid burnout and be the best parent you can be. Make sure you eat well, do some kind of regular exercise, and stay connected with friends. If you are healthy and happy, your children are much more likely to be so as well.

Live within your means. Raising a child on one income can be challenging. Track all your expenses for a month and then see where you can eliminate purchases or cut back on overspending. Use the list to create a budget and keep it updated so you can see how much money is coming in versus how much is going out.

Look for creative ways to save money, such as finding fun free activities to do with your children, as well as smarter ways of spending money, like making lists before going to the grocery store, looking for discounts or off-brand products, and/or shopping in bulk for things you use regularly.

Take advantage of available resources. Look into things you can take advantage of such as tax breaks you are entitled to on your tax return, and government-run programs and grants you may qualify for as a single mom.

Make friends with other single moms. Other single moms can relate to your situation better than anyone else. In addition to being friends, you can help each other out. Consider carpooling, for example, or swapping out a few hours of childcare.

Carve out some me time. Look for places that keep children entertained while you are doing something for yourself. A gym, for example, that has a supervised space for the children to play while you are at your exercise class, a play date at a friend’s home, or taking advantage of a Mom’s Day Out program sponsored by your local church are all good options.

Join a single-parent support group. Becoming a single parent can be a very lonely and isolating experience when you don’t know anyone else who is going through a similar experience. Joining a single-parent support group is a good way to connect with other single moms in a safe space where you can share your experiences and struggles, learn about available resources, and get advice, as well as tips and strategies for enhancing your parenting experience.

Find a trusted friend or mentor with whom you can brainstorm. Making tough decisions on your own can feel overwhelming and lead to self-doubt. Finding a trusted friend or mentor who shares your fundamental values with whom you can share ideas and get feedback can lessen your anxiety.

Have children help with tasks. Let your children know they’re needed, and give them real responsibilities to take care of in the home. It will save you time and will allow them to feel valued.

Work as a team. Have regular family meetings with your children. It will help them feel listened to, valued, and empowered. Work together as a team to set rules, solve problems, and come up with ideas for fun things you can do together.

Cling to God and seek His wisdom. Spend time reading your Bible and in prayer. When you’re having doubts and don’t know what to do, turn to God. You may not have all the answers, but He does, and you can always rely on Him. Remind yourself that He is faithful, and in control and that when you commit your life and decisions to Him, He will guide you in the way you need to go and give you the strength to cope with your current situation.

If you have questions and/or would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors  in our online directory, please give the Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling a call today. You do not have to walk this path alone.

References:

Brodwell, Laura. “6 Strategies for Single Mom Success.” Parents. October 3, 2005. parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/6-strategies-for-single-mom-success/.

Maggio, Jennifer. “Being a Single Mom: 17 Surviving to Thriving Tips.” The Life Of A Single Mom. January 15, 2019. thelifeofasinglemom.com/being-a-single-mom-how-to-be/#.

Ward, Kate. “18 single mom survival tips from other single moms.” Care.com. March 16, 2021. care.com/c/where-to-find-help-for-single-mothers/.

Photos:
“Mother and Child”, Courtesy of Sir Manuel, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Mother and Child”, Courtesy of Hello Revival, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Mom and Children”, Courtesy of Hillshire Farm, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Children”, Courtesy of Jose Escobar, Unsplash.com, CC0 License