Balancing It All: Tips for Single Mom Help
Are you looking for single mom help? As mothers, it can be easy to scrutinize everything that we do. Our thoughts can plague us with doubts and frustrations that intrude our peace and bring us to lash out towards our kids, ourselves, and other people.
Are you worried that you are messing everything up? Do you think that if you had a sense of control, you could balance it all? That sense of accomplishment and feeling at ease with your life comes down to where you put your trust and time.
Being a single mother is challenging, yet millions of women have been put into or chosen that very circumstance. Although the traditional design did not include women raising children without a male figure, there are more than fifteen million U.S. families with women as the only breadwinner and no husband or father figure in the home.
In addition, historically speaking, millions of women have lost husbands due to death or found themselves in situations where they had no choice but to be single mothers.
Tips for single mom help.
Although these tips for single mom help are designed to help you stay more mindful and in the present as you manage single motherhood, the most important aspect about changing the way you feel in and about motherhood is where you put your trust. Trust in the wrong things will lead to repetitive disappointments.
By establishing trust boundaries, you are able to dispense your time and energy into what aligns best with your values and beliefs and be built up instead of torn down.
For example, you could be waking up an hour earlier than your children to get dressed and spend some quiet time alone or exercising. This advice was given to you by the “you deserve” movement passed on through well-meaning individuals. The trouble with this advice is it can seem cut and dry, when you put in good routines and get that “me” time, you will be a better person.
Then the days happen when you haven’t had any sleep, or the kids wake up and want you “too early” and everything is ruined, or you do it all and still find yourself a wreck. The system failed, and left you right where you started: tired and frustrated.
If you don’t establish a healthy boundary about where you put your trust, no tip in the world for single mom help will help you for long. The best place to put your trust? In a place that is timeless, truthful, good, beautiful, deserving of praise, honorable, and pure.
These tips for single mom help are to help you establish healthier thinking and behavior that will impact your life and the lives of your children in a positive and lasting way. Once you’ve established healthy boundaries for your trust, the next step is to establish healthy boundaries about how you spend your time. The following collection of tips for a single mom have that in common. Spending your time in these areas just ten minutes a day can build lasting impact.
Spend your time with wise people.
You don’t have to socialize without the kids (though I agree, it does provide a different experience that many crave), in order to take advantage of this tip. Keeping yourself connected with a community that focuses on building you up, providing practical help in times of need, and encouraging your trust boundaries will help you and your family thrive.
When you do bring your children along, they benefit from seeing you model healthy relationships and learn which people are going to be positive for them to socialize with.
Stay connected with these individuals daily, weekly, monthly, and annually. Set regular times to connect both in person and through phone or writing. You won’t do everything the same as the people in the community, but you can take advantage of learning from those who have gone ahead of you and being encouraged to continue on by those who are in the thick of it with you.
Search for diversity in the group (different life stages), but there’s no set number or variation for ultimate benefit from this tip. Just one or two women who are similar to you can help just as much as a group of twelve women who have been there and done that and found a good path.
Practice good stewardship and humility.
Being a single mother means living through hectic moments, sometimes daily chaotic events. If you have a special needs child or a few young children, you might feel simultaneously as if you are doing too much, yet not enough.
Sometimes our pride or idea that there is no other option but to press on in the madness keeps us from seeing that there is another option. It’s not always. In fact, as chaos consumes, it is often the only option but to press on and survive – no other focus is possible.
So, I offer this tip as a flexible one in its timing. Please consider that while you may have opportunity to implement it more often that you think during times of distress, it is also very real that the only option is to use it as a recovery tool.
The self-care movement seems to have taken the idea of airline safety (put your mask on first) and created a place where we place our trust and come up short again and again. As a single mother, you may find very little time for yourself. That is why this tip is not self-care centered, but instead focused on being a good steward of what God has given you, including yourself and your children.
Try asking yourself:
“Can I take time to throw even the meal that I’m pressing so hard to finish (while the children are falling apart around me) straight out the window and direct my focus on helping myself and the children calm down with love?”
“Can I help myself and my children establish routines and habits of cleaning both body and possessions/space?”
“What about establishing habits of compassion and love for one another?”
“Can I humbly and lovingly admit to myself and my children that I need a moment of silence, a few deep breaths, or a walk outside (even if it means I take them along)?” Because it is likely that they need it, too – and if anything, they will at some point. It’s okay to turn the homework in late but complete, to eat cereal again for dinner, or ask your kids to put in work around the house.
This idea of good stewardship with humility does not come as an easy task because it will be challenged by all the things to be done, the ticking of the clock, the expectations of others, and by the idea that “it would just be easier if I did it.”
Your children need time to practice their skills in stewardship just as much as you do. The way that you steward your time and energy and space will model for them the very ways that they will follow.
We often bring our heartaches and hurts into the present by focusing on our past regrets, betrayals, or future worries. Do you find your mind wandering back to mistakes? Do you still feel bitter toward an ex? Are you wasting time reliving the life you think you might have led?
Practice mindfulness throughout the day. Mindfulness directs your mind back to the present and appreciating where you are in the moment. Of course, you must plan and prepare for the future, but don’t get so caught up that you miss what is happening now. Appreciate the present time with your children. They grow up fast, so savor their childhood.
Wiser words about this were never spoken as these in Philippians: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Don’t feel like you should respond to everything.
Does it feel as if everyone wants a piece of you? Your children, boss, parents, extended family, friends, and social media compete for your attention. This is where you will need to practice trust boundaries, putting your guard up, and practicing self-discipline. Setting boundaries includes prioritizing relationships and how you spend your time.
To a single mom, the most demanding responsibility is the welfare of her children. They require focus and attention, especially if there has been a recent life event, such as divorce or the father’s death. Depending on your circumstances, your next priority may be your family outside your children, such as your parents and siblings and/or a core community group as the tip above suggested.
Putting your guard up challenges you to practice discretion in how you use your time and what you fill your mind with. Allowing yourself to be free to communicate when it is the best timing for your family (i.e. after the kids go to sleep, or not during dinner time, etc.) gives a level of chastity to the relationships and keeps you in the present moment with a singular focus.
This means, even if it’s not the best moment for your family, you can take the time to communicate that to anyone involved (i.e. “Kids, Mommy will be there in one minute – set a timer,” or a quick “Sorry, can’t talk right now” auto reply to the other person). It is up to you to set the boundaries and expectations in place and stand by them – which takes self-discipline.
Practicing self-discipline leads you to resist temptations to stop setting boundaries and let your guard down, which can lead to increased chaos and stress in your home as you try to give your attention to everyone and anything.
Take control of finances.
Most single moms find their worry and frustration stem from making ends meet and providing for their children. If you have never managed finances, now is the time to learn. It is possible to budget on a small income. Once you master the skill of sticking to a monthly budget, you may find that you have enough money to build a savings account or pay off debt.
A big thing to do with the stress around finances are the influences of envy and jealousy. Coming together with your children and learning as a family how to resist envy and jealousy, as well as nurture values of hard work over money can be a good step for you.
Finances are a personal subject, but you can find courses, workshops, and videos online that cover budgeting, savings, debt relief, and investments.
Christian counseling for single moms.
Do you need single mom help? Are you anxious, depressed, and frazzled trying to support and care for your family? Contact our office today to schedule a session with a therapist specializing in women’s issues and single parenthood. Not only can your therapist help you with the mental health aspect of being a single parent, but they also may be able to assist you in finding local resources for support.
“Stroll by the River”, Courtesy of Hallmackenreuther, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Sitting by the Water”, Courtesy of Surprising_Shots, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “All Together”, Courtesy of Hannah Busing, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Grocery Receipt”, Courtesy of Stevepb, Pixabay.com, CC0 License