Finding Support When You’re Going Through Grief

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What does it look like when someone is hit with a circumstance that demands they spend time going through grief? The truth is, though there are threads of similarity, it looks different for everyone. There are types, stages, and timing of grief. Whether you or someone you know are currently experiencing grief, below you will find information to assist in what’s to come. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers compassionate guidance to help individuals navigate their unique grief journey with hope and support.

Types of Grief

Going through grief is different depending on the type. Different types include sizes, personal or removed, as well as factual or fictional.

Sizes

Light

This type of grief is signified by the incident being marginal and forgettable after a brief period. Whether it is a day, a week, or a few months, life tends to move on quite easily from this kind. This type includes incidents such as a flat tire, broken bone, bad grade, trouble at home, lack of sleep

Heavy

Loss of life, car wreck, loss of job, loss of a relationship, or anything life-changing that takes time to move through make up this type. This is the kind that lingers, and rightly so. You are not without reminders of it for some time after the blow hits. Aside from reminders, you might be required to take an active part in actions required after the circumstance that sparked it, adding to the weight of it.

Over and undersized grief

This type of grief occurs when a person makes too big a deal of something or too little a deal. Your experience of grief does not fit the circumstance. This can be a reaction such as “That person died, so what?” or “I stained my favorite shirt – I can’t possibly go now!”

Personal or Removed Grief

There is the kind of grief that is personal to someone and the kind that is somewhat removed from the person experiencing it.

Both personal and removed grief are felt, and appropriate at times. While removed grief is somewhat vicarious and can be felt in a way that serves to connect individuals in a support network, it is not always easy to overcome because it is grounded in thoughts and emotions that don’t have an actual event to cause them.

Personal grief always has a direct incident to link back to, an intimate connection that is based on personal experience in the moment. Removed grief can have a personal connection to the circumstances, but the timing of the experience for that grief is based on the past as opposed to the current moment for the other person. Removed grief can also be about the present but with less personal connection.

Factual or Fictional Grief

This distinction may be the most difficult for some to distinguish between. Both factual and fictional grief are truly felt. There are real feelings that can be linked in any number of ways to real circumstances that typically also make sense.

The distinction between factual and fictional grief is whether or not any part of it is made up beyond what was real. There is a point in real grief that continues the feelings and thoughts because of a desire for them to continue.

This can lead to a lack of self-care, a reduced reliance on support, a refusal to live the present life as it is, etc. It looks like not just setting aside time to remember, but experiencing the grief over and over as though it just happened.

Stages of Grief

You may be familiar with the stages of grief, but do you know that no two people go through them the same way, even if their grief is the same? Some know the stages of grief by the 7-stage model and some by the 5-stage model. Below are all seven stages to account for both:

Shock – unable to process what has happened
Denial – unable to accept what has happened
Anger – against what has happened or against whom it has happened to
Bargaining – for what has happened to be reversed
Depression – overwhelming sadness about what has happened/without hope
Acceptance – understanding what has happened and that it will not be reversed
Processing Grief – moving through and beyond into healing

Again, none of these stages are always felt in order. One may even cycle through one or two of them more than once or skip some of them altogether.

Timing

Grief is never welcomed

The pain of sorrow and groaning of the flesh, when it goes through a loss, is nothing anyone delights in. The timing of a circumstance that causes grief makes a difference in how one processes it and can make a difference in how one recovers from it.

When tragedy hits upon tragedy

Grief upon grief is a well-known saying for a reason: it happens. The timing of this grief can feel crushing on a whole new level. It can also expand the numbing feeling from one tragedy to the next so that the one experiencing the grief can seem removed from it.

Thoughts that occur during grief are often, “When will it end?” and “How much can one person handle?” One can feel more isolated in their grief during a multi-incidence of tragedy because fewer people can relate to their circumstances.

Expected grief

When grief is expected, certain people feel two waves of grief, one when they are told to expect a tragedy, and another when the tragedy takes its toll. This type of grief, similar to tragedy upon tragedy, can isolate individuals due to feeling insecure about expressing grief because they had time to prepare for the tragedy to strike. They may choose to hold in their grief around others to spare them the cost of bearing the grief with them.

In your best shape

When tragedy strikes during a high in life people going through grief can experience it in two polarizing ways. Some may experience an easier time, remaining functional and dispensing grief throughout a period of time without removing themselves too far from everyday life.

Others experiencing grief while in their best shape can feel as though it was completely unexpected. This unexpected nature of the tragedy can lead to the person taking it overly hard, completely removing them from daily life as they feel they are cast into a pit. In this circumstance, it can take a long time to recover and return to normal life activities and relationships.

When you’re at your lowest

Similar to tragedy upon tragedy, when grief hits someone at their lowest it can often have a numbing effect. It’s one more tragedy to add to the multitude of ailments in life and it doesn’t feel much different from how one feels most days.

There is a chance that someone experiencing tragedy while at their lowest can connect with other healthy individuals during their grief, find support, and see a turnaround for the better because of it.

Getting Help

When you or someone you know is going through grief there are three things to keep as top priorities. The first is to know that no two people experience grief in exactly the same way. This means that there is no wrong or right way.

The second is that for whatever amount of time you or someone else needs to recover, it is important to keep life as simple and basic as possible. The third, and possibly the most important thing is to keep connected with stable, positive, and supportive people who can help you in your low and encourage you to get back to life one step at a time. A Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can provide the support and guidance you need during this time.

Going through grief is difficult for the best of us. If you need someone to help you during this overwhelming time, please reach out to our team at www.huntingtonbeachchristiancounseling.com to connect with a counselor today.

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Prayers for Seasons of Grief

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There is no rushing the process of grieving. It will take time to process your grief, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. During seasons of grief, caring for your spiritual health is just as important as caring for the rest of yourself. Prayer has been a mainstay for Christians in crisis throughout the centuries, and if you cannot find your own words, you can always borrow those of ages past. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers support to help individuals navigate grief while nurturing their spiritual well-being.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18, NIV

If you already have an established practice of prayer, it will become a great comfort to you in this difficult time. If it is not a habit already, there is no reason that you cannot start now. One of the many ways that you could start is simply repeating prayers from Scripture whenever you are in need.

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. – Psalm 31:7,9 NIV

But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. – Psalm 10:14, NIV

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4, NIV

If you find certain things trigger your grief such as a location, a beloved item, or a certain time of day, you can use those triggers as a reminder to pray. You are promised comfort, and that comfort may come from surprising sources. Prayer can help you keep your heart and mind open.

Writing prayers or verses down and placing them someplace visible where you will see them regularly is a powerful practice for several reasons.

Firstly, it creates a visual reminder of the words, helping them to become ingrained in your mind. When you see the words regularly, they reinforce their meaning and significance, making them more likely to come to mind when you need them most.

Secondly, having the prayers or verses written down provides you with a tangible connection to them. This can be especially helpful during times of stress or difficulty, as it offers a sense of comfort and support to have something physical to hold onto.

Thirdly, by placing the prayers or verses in a visible location, you create an opportunity for others to see them as well. This can be a way to share your faith and values with others, and it may inspire them to reflect on their own spiritual life.

Ultimately, the practice of writing down prayers or verses and placing them someplace visible is a way to deepen your connection to the divine and to bring the words of your faith into your daily life

From the Book of Common Prayer

Many denominations use this tool for prayer and worship. These particular prayers are from the burial service. You do not have to use the Book of Common Prayer to plan a service, but you can ask for prayer for those who grieve. Even a celebration of someone’s life is not without sorrow for those who will miss their family members.

Grant, O Lord, to all who are bereaved the spirit of faith and courage, that they may have strength to meet the days to come with steadfastness and patience; not sorrowing as those
without hope, but in thankful remembrance of your great goodness, and in the joyful expectation of eternal life with those they love. And this we ask in the Name of Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

Almighty God, Father of mercies and giver of comfort: Deal graciously, we pray, with all who mourn; that, casting all their care on you, they may know the consolation of your love; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Prayers for seasons of grief include those for the challenging journey of finding ways to cope. For those who have lost a loved one who shared a strong connection with God, prayer can offer a profound source of comfort. Knowing that the person you’ve lost is now in God’s presence can bring a sense of peace and assurance.

When we pray for comfort regarding our loved ones who have passed, we are not only expressing our love and longing, but we are also entrusting them to the care of God. It is a powerful act of faith, believing that their prayers have not gone unanswered and that they are now experiencing the fullness of God’s love and grace.

One of the most comforting aspects of praying while grieving for a loved one who loved God is the assurance that they are no longer bound by earthly limitations. In their earthly life, they may have faced struggles, heartaches, and unfulfilled desires. But now, in the presence of God, they are experiencing a reality that far surpasses anything we can imagine.

Their prayers, spoken with sincerity and devotion during their lifetime, now become a lived experience. The petitions they once offered for healing, guidance, and forgiveness are now realized in the fullness of God’s embrace. The longings they carried in their hearts are now met with eternal joy and fulfillment.

As we pray, we not only honor their memory but also affirm our own faith in the power of prayer and the promise of eternal life. It is a way of finding solace in the knowledge that their faith is now sight as they worship in the presence of God.

From Others

Many Christian writers through the centuries have written about their experiences with grief and sorrow. They have written prayers for themselves and prayers for others. Grieving has been lived by people over and over again. The wisdom of the past can support those grieving in the present.

O God, our help and assistance, who is just and merciful, and who hears the supplications of your people; look down upon me, in my sorrow, and have mercy upon me. I acknowledge and believe, O Lord, that all trials of this life are given for our good.

You know my misery and suffering and to thee, my only hope and refuge, I flee for relief and comfort; trusting to your infinite love and compassion, that in due time, when you know best, you will deliver me from this trouble and turn my distress into comfort, when I shall rejoice in your mercy, and exalt and praise your Holy Name, O Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: now and forever. Amen. – John Chrysostom

Prayer with Friends

When you have a friend in a season of grief, prayer is the most powerful and important way to support them. For many people, the chance to close their eyes and hear others pray is easier than trying to do it themselves. You can also write a prayer for them to read later. The support of others carries people through the worst seasons of grief. You can even ask friends to write out prayers that you can read through in a more private setting if you prefer.

Forming a Practice of Prayer

Practices of prayer can be gathered from around the world. Some people prefer tangible items, such as prayer beads, or a holding cross, to aid in their practice of prayer. Others prefer to take action, such as walking, lighting a candle, or journaling.

Prayer in grief does not even need to include words. Tears, incoherent cries, and even sighs can be understood by God, even if you do not understand them. A practice of prayer does not need to follow the prescribed method of others. Prayer is your way of talking to God, and He listens to all types with compassion and understanding.

Another important part of developing a prayer life is the act of being still. Practicing stillness and listening for the Spirit is an important part of prayer. It is important enough not to neglect. Don’t worry if it is difficult at first. Start with a few minutes of your scheduled prayer time and work on building in more time as you master focusing on being still in the presence of God and listening for Him.

Prayer in Counseling

Christian counseling considers the spirit as well as the mind and emotions. When you meet with a Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling, you can talk to them about the value of prayer in your journey to healing amid grief. Every counselor is unique. Browse our online counselor directory to find one who might be right for you.

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Am I An Alcoholic? Issues of Alcohol Dependence

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We all go through difficulties in life. Some of these are of our own making, but life throws its fair share of curveballs that can leave us in a shambles. Alcohol is one of the many chemical substances that’s easily available. Unfortunately, alcohol dependence causes many lives to be derailed or even destroyed. How can you tell if you have a problem with alcohol that you need to address?

The effects of alcohol consumption are well known. At first, and in small amounts, it can make you feel good, perhaps a little less inhibited. However, consuming more will diminish your judgment significantly, leading to poor decision-making, and many negative health effects. It’s doubtful that anyone sets out to be dependent on alcohol, but it happens all too often. Knowing the dangers and what to look out for can be lifesaving. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers compassionate support for those struggling with alcohol dependence, helping them find hope and recovery.

What is alcohol dependence?

In many communities in the US, there’s social acceptance of drinking alcohol, whether it’s having some wine with dinner, two fingers of whisky after a hard day at work, or going out with friends to a bar. In one sense, alcohol is ubiquitous and easily accessible if you’re of legal drinking age. Depending on the circles you run in, there may be a stigma against being a teetotaler, but social drinking is part of the fabric of society.

Alcohol dependence is another term that is used to describe what we call alcoholism. When a person is alcohol dependent, they have a chronic disorder that makes them increasingly unable to function without consuming alcohol. It can begin with social drinking and occasional excessive drinking, progressing toward an increased tolerance to alcohol consumption and experiencing withdrawal symptoms in the absence of alcohol.

The last stage of alcohol dependence is when a person has physical alcohol dependence. They may experience severe health and other consequences from consuming alcohol. If you’re asking if you have alcohol dependence, consider the following.

Signs of Alcohol Dependence

Some of the signs of alcohol dependence include physical and psychological factors such as the following:

Developing higher tolerance

Tolerance means that you feel as though you need increasing amounts of alcohol to achieve similar desired effects from consuming it.

Withdrawal symptoms

When alcohol use is stopped or reduced. some will experience withdrawal symptoms such as feeling anxious, headaches, nausea, disorientation, restlessness, or seizures.

Cravings for alcohol

If you have a strong desire or urge to drink alcohol, that could point to alcohol dependence.

Loss of control

If a person has difficulty stopping or cutting down their alcohol consumption, that could also point to alcohol dependence.

Sustained or continued use

If you continue using alcohol despite experiencing negative consequences from that consumption, like losing your job or getting in trouble with the law), that could also suggest alcohol dependence.

If you go to a health professional to get diagnosed with alcohol dependence, the doctor will use the Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-5) to assess your symptoms. It will include things such as:

  • Consuming larger amounts of alcohol or for longer periods than intended
  • Having a persistent desire or making unsuccessful efforts to cut down consumption
  • Spending a lot of time trying to obtain or use alcohol
  • Limiting or abandoning activities due to alcohol use
  • Experiencing blackouts or memory loss due to alcohol consumption
  • Having tremors
  • Weight changes
  • Mood.

For a believer (though it may not qualify as alcohol dependence), when alcohol makes them lose good judgment and moral restraint, or cause others to stumble, it’s no longer the proper use of alcohol (Genesis 9:21; Proverbs 31:4-5; Ephesians 5:18; 1 Corinthians 8:1-13).

Getting Help

When something has mastery over you, that means your choices are no longer determined freely. Without your freedom, you may not be able to love God and others in a way that honors the Lord. When you become dependent on alcohol, it can have many potential negative consequences on your health and relationships. It’s not uncommon to develop liver disease, cardiovascular disease, and mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

Alcohol dependence can also result in neurological damage, and it can also cause relational problems, both personally and professionally. Wine (alcohol) truly is a mocker as Scripture states (Proverbs 20:1), and if it leads you astray, there’s no telling the amount of damage it can do in your life.

Alcohol dependence can be overcome. It’s important to acknowledge that your consumption of alcohol is indeed problematic so that you can seek help. Recognizing the problem is an important first step and a necessary one. There are various options for treatment, both in-patient and outpatient. If the alcohol dependence is severe, monitored detoxification will be necessary.

Other means of help include behavioral therapies and cognitive-behavioral therapy to address the underlying causes of excessive alcohol consumption as well as the unhealthy patterns of thought that inform it. In some cases, medications such as naltrexone and disulfiram may be useful as part of the recovery process. Support groups can also provide a necessary bulwark and support system.

Some counselors and therapists are trained and specialize in helping individuals work through alcohol dependence. If you are ready to work with a therapist in Huntington Beach, California, reach out to our office today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling. We can assist you in setting up an appointment.

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How Self-Love Improves Mental Health

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Over the past couple of years, there has been a sharp rise in people battling mental health issues. The world we live in demands so much of us that some are struggling to cope mentally.

Mental health refers to the emotional and psychological well-being of a person, which can affect how they feel, think, or behave. There are many ways to improve mental health, and in this article, we will focus on self-care as one of those ways. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling provides support and resources to help individuals prioritize their mental health and practice effective self-care.

Accepting who we are is agreeing with God when He says we are wonderfully and fearfully made, it is living a life that reflects that truth. (Psalm 139:14). Self-care is an effective technique in improving mental health as we recognize our worth as beings created in His image and worthy of care and compassion.

When there is a conscious effort put into taking care of ourselves, honoring our needs, and putting value on ourselves, it is often mistaken for selfishness. Are there people who are selfish and full of pride? Yes, unfortunately. What’s different is that when we talk of self-care, we are advocating for people to care for the bodies and minds that God gave us; we are, after all, the Temple of the Highest God and The Holy Spirit dwells in us (I Corinthians 6:19-20).

This means we ought to take good care of what God has entrusted us with, the vessel He chose to use on this earth. When we can take care of ourselves, we fuel ourselves to care for others. As much as our lives should be marked by our ability to be there for others and sometimes even sacrifice our comfort and wants, we should always check if we are not overextending ourselves beyond our abilities.

There is nothing wrong with sacrificial love or giving of ourselves. It becomes a problem when it consumes our whole life. This will lead to exhaustion, fatigue, depression, and sometimes resentment toward those we are helping or giving to.

We see Jesus showing us this way of living by how He would, on occasion, separate Himself from the crowd, go away, regroup, and pray. He was in essence realizing His need for rest, solitude, and spiritual alignment and modeling the same for us.

There are five areas in which we can practice self-care and thereby improve our mental health and our ability to serve God and others. These are physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and mental self-care.

  • Physical – When we take care of our body, we engage in activities that keep us fit. This means that we are conscious of what we put into our body, how we exercise, and our recovery routine (i.e. sleep and rest).
  • Mental – As people, we need activities that ensure that we are always learning and stimulated mentally. This can include reading, learning new skills, puzzles, games, memorizing scripture, etc.
  • Emotional – Being aware of our emotions and those of others helps us to function and relate in a more godly way. We pay attention to how we feel, and act accordingly. If we are happy, we permit ourselves to be joyful, when we are sad, we give ourselves room to recover. This can be achieved by seeking God through prayer, Bible reading, journaling, sharing time with friends, seeing a therapist, etc.
  • Spiritual – Our Spiritual life is nurtured through our communion with God and the body of Christ. This can be achieved through church attendance and involvement, meditation on His Word, and prayer.
  • Social – Our social life consists of the relationships we have around us. Who our friends, mentors, church, colleagues, and family are. We care for ourselves socially when we try to maintain and nurture these relationships so that we are not isolated or lonely.

Self-care is not easy. We want to help others and it can feel selfish to take time for ourselves. We need reminders that our mental health is an important part of being able to serve God and others. Below are some ways in which self-care can help improve our mental health and give us strength for kingdom usefulness.

  • Self-care helps you love others in a better way. Noticing our own weaknesses and need for help gives us a stronger compassion for others. In addition, self-care by way of rest and seeking God gives us the strength we need to serve others well.
  • We cannot give what we do not have for ourselves. When we care for ourselves, we have more to give. We serve others better when we are serving from a place of abundance.
  • Self-care improves our confidence. We are more confident to be who God has called us to be. Our confidence also comes from knowing that God is with us through each step we take. We are grounded in His truth.

Tips for Biblical Self-care

Stand on His Word – It is important to remind ourselves through God’s word who we are. There are so many things that can shake us in the world, but His Word remains true. Meditating on verses that affirm who we are in Christ will give us strength for the tasks He has called us to. Preaching the Gospel to ourselves daily reminds us that we have a creator who loved us so much that He gave Himself up for our salvation.

Prayer – God has instructed us to seek His face in prayer for help with every trial. Whether it be the trials of living in a sinful world or the trials we bring to our lives through our own sin, we can find hope, peace, mercy, and joy by seeking God in prayer.

Journaling – This is the process of writing down your thoughts and feelings, so you become aware of your emotions and keep track of your thought patterns. The world we live in can be loud and messy and the outside noise can make us forget the Gospel.

One great journaling practice is to write out verses or whole passages of scripture. The act of writing down the words of scripture helps us to bring our thoughts in alignment with truth and meditate on His promises (Philippians 4:8)

Rest – From the beginning, God has given us a model of resting from our work or getting away to pray and rest (Genesis 2:2, Mark 1:35). Rest may include sleep, prayer, solitude, reading a good book or even taking a long bath. Our bodies were not created to work non-stop, and rest is given to us as a way to strengthen us for work and service.

Additional Help

This process might be difficult to do alone so if you or someone you know struggles with taking time for self-care and might need the help of a therapist, please do not hesitate to call our office at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling for an appointment. We have competent and God-fearing Therapists who are waiting to help you in the process.

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The Dangers of Toxic Positivity in Relationships

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Some people are just the life of the party, and some people are what you’d call a ray of sunshine. There are times when the mood needs to be lifted, and when some positivity helps everyone in the room. However, not every moment or situation needs the same treatment, and insisting on it can become deeply problematic. The term ‘toxic positivity’ can help to describe some of these harmful tendencies.

What is toxic positivity?

We all tend to dislike experiences that generate sadness, guilt, shame, or loneliness, but some seek to steer clear of them altogether. These experiences and situations can’t be avoided though. When they happen, they need to be faced squarely. Being positive during such times is one thing, but toxic positivity is when a person avoids, suppresses, or rejects negative emotions or experiences.

It can look like shaming others for experiencing certain emotions, denying any negative emotions, invalidating one’s natural emotions, and an inability to respect other people’s emotional experiences. For instance, if someone has been having a tough time at work, a toxically positive person might respond, “You’re lucky to even have a job.”

To be sure, there is a place for gratitude in everyday life, but the person who struggles with toxic positivity doesn’t leave much room for others to express their feelings if those feelings aren’t positive. That can have significant drawbacks in a relationship. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers tools to foster authentic communication and emotional balance in relationships.

Some dangers of toxic positivity in relationships

For a relationship to flourish, the people in it must be able to express themselves honestly. Vulnerability is essential for intimacy and the health of the relationship. Toxic positivity in relationships can manifest in damaging ways that include gaslighting by downplaying or dismissing someone’s feelings, which can make them question their own emotions.

Another way that toxic positivity can manifest is by minimizing issues. It often results in dismissing or trivializing issues, rather than addressing and resolving them. Forced optimism is another reality, as the person with a toxic positivity will constantly demand a positive attitude, which in turn disregards others’ valid concerns or emotions.

Further, shaming or blaming is also a feature of toxic positivity, by criticizing or judging someone for not being positive enough. Toxic positivity will also often result in avoiding conflicts because it’s easier to sweep issues under the rug rather than confront and resolve them. While gratitude is important, toxic positivity results in an overemphasis on gratitude, without acknowledging valid frustrations or concerns.

Additionally, it can ignore or disrespect someone else’s boundaries under the guise of “staying positive” and can also result in toxic encouragement, which is pushing someone to do more without considering their well-being or limitations. In a relationship, toxic positivity can also lead to unrealistic expectations such as expecting a partner always to be happy, perfect, or positive.

Those who are toxically positive often demonstrate a lack of empathy and a failure to understand and validate someone else’s emotional experience. Healthy relationships thrive on authenticity, empathy, vulnerability, and understanding. Toxic positivity undermines these essential qualities that a relationship needs to flourish. Ultimately, it can harm the relationship and make it an unsafe place for others.

Growing to embrace difficult feelings

A person can hold onto toxic positivity for various reasons, but it is damaging not only to others but also to the toxically positive person. However, the good news is that it’s possible to overcome toxic positivity and learn to create space and embrace difficult feelings. Learning to overcome toxic positivity requires recognizing and challenging harmful behaviors and attitudes. Some steps to help include:

Recognizing toxic positivity

Self-reflect and develop your self-awareness to begin learning to identify when you are dismissing other’s emotions, minimizing problems, or forcing optimism in a given situation.

Embracing authenticity and imperfection

Allow yourself to feel and express a range of emotions, without judgment. Recognize the fact that no one is perfect except the Lord, and mistakes that you or anyone else makes are growth opportunities.

Setting realistic expectations

In line with the above, learn to let go of unrealistic expectations and keep your mind trained on progress and not perfection. Challenge any harmful beliefs you may have and reframe any unrealistic expectations you have of yourself or others. Cultivate a growth mindset so that you can embrace challenges and grow as you learn from your failures.

Nurturing emotional intelligence

Learn to recognize, understand, and healthily manage your emotions. Similarly, learn to recognize the emotions of others, and allow them to express a range of emotions without judgment. Practice empathy by listening actively to try and understand how others feel and see things.

Practicing mindfulness

Grow your ability to focus on the present moment and let go of the need for constant positivity.

Seeking professional help

Moving beyond toxic positivity requires self-awareness, empathy, and a willingness to embrace authenticity. You don’t have to do it alone. You can speak with a therapist or counselor to help you address underlying issues that fuel your toxic positivity.

Getting help

If you feel you fit this description or are in a relationship with someone who is toxically positive, reach out to our offices today. A Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you develop healthy coping strategies as you grow in your ability to embrace difficult feelings and situations.

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Toxic Shame: What it Is and What it Isn’t

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“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ― Brene Brown

Shame has become a hot topic in psychology and the discussion of mental health and wellness, especially over the last decade. The concept of shame and its meaning often depends on the context.

For instance, the common dictionary defines shame as a “painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety” and lists synonyms such as guilt, regret, and remorse (Merriam-Webster, 2022). But in psychology, shame is distinguished as a more concrete self-perception of being unworthy, defective, broken on a deep level, not simply regret or guilt about a behavior.

Toxic shame is another layer in which shame has impacted your view of yourself to the core of your self-perception (Raypole, 2020). The way we perceive ourselves impacts all our perceptions, relationships, and overall health. Understanding and healing from toxic shame makes a tremendous difference in your life. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling provides a safe space to address toxic shame and begin the journey toward self-acceptance and healing.

Understanding toxic shame

Understanding what sets toxic shame apart from guilt and regret is crucial for holistic health. As stated, often the words shame and guilt are used interchangeably. However, guilt is defined as “a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined” (Burgo, 2013)

Regret is tied to the feeling of sadness about an event or loss. Thus, guilt and regret are centered on events, behaviors, or losses, while shame is tied to a core belief about one’s lack of worthiness and brokenness beyond a single event or behavior.

Furthermore, shame is concentrated on the belief about oneself, while guilt often focuses on others or how your behavior impacted other people in your life. Guilt is often resolved by making amends, apologizing, and accepting consequences, while shame can be ongoing and harder to repair because it isn’t based on a lone thing (Gonzales-Barrios, 2022). It is possible to feel both guilt and shame, but they are different in their origin and focus.

Toxic shame is when shame has become central to one’s self-perception and is foundational in daily life. It is especially corrosive to change, hope, and health because toxic shame is shame without repair or healing. It becomes the way you interpret your worth and how you believe others view you.

Instead of being able to move forward from a mistake or behavior you don’t want to continue, toxic shame often keeps you stuck believing that you are incapable of change, worthless, and focused on how you are wrong or bad, not simply the behavior or action. Toxic shame can strip you of your ability to have self-compassion and to embrace your common humanity – the belief that you belong and that you don’t have to be perfect.

One author relates that shame “opens the door to anger, self-disgust, and other less-than-desirable feelings. It can make you feel small and worthless. It can trickle into your inner dialogue like a poison, locking you into a painful loop of negative self-talk” (Raypole, 2020). Since toxic shame is so central to your self-view, living with it has many implications.

Origins and implications

Living with toxic shame often begins in childhood. Negative words about your worth spoken by adults, such as your parents or caregivers, or others around you shape the way you view yourself, and when this is done over time, they can become the way you see yourself.

For example, if you wet the bed, your parent might have reacted in one of two ways:‌ They reassured you that it was all right and cleaned up without making a fuss. [Or] they lashed out at you and said things like, ‘Why do you always do this? What’s wrong with you?’ The second reaction would probably have led you to believe that there was something wrong with you. The feeling of shame can turn into toxic shame when the second scene keeps repeating. – Brennan, 2021

The words that you hear spoken about you as a child have tremendous power to impact how you develop your self-perception. In the first instance, the behavior is separated from the worthiness of the child; in the second, the behavior is seen as a symptom of their unworthiness and flaws. Toxic shame can also be caused by trauma, abuse, and neglect not just in childhood, but throughout life. The ramifications of living with toxic shame go beyond self-perception.

This condition also impacts physical and mental health. For instance, believing you are unworthy may correlate with self-neglect such as a lack of personal hygiene, lack of a healthy and balanced diet, and insufficient exercise. Inversely, individuals with toxic shame may become hyper-vigilant about their health and wellness, such as excessive exercise, extreme dieting, and perfectionistic to “fix” themselves.

Similarly, some people with toxic shame develop narcissism, which is a grandiose view of themselves often overinflating their importance and ambitions, and controlling others (Cikanavicius, 2018). When toxic shame is the foundation of your self-perception, it has many implications for your wellness.

Believing toxic shame is the truth has many implications for health and relationships. Research has shown that individuals who have toxic shame also struggle with substance abuse, alcoholism, self-harm, anger management issues, and eating disorders, to name a few. In relationships, they may withdraw from others (believing they are unworthy of friendship or intimacy and love) and struggle with perfectionism in the workplace (Brennan, 2021).

In addition, toxic shame can make it difficult to receive constructive feedback at work and in relationships because it is interpreted as another “sign” of unworthiness or imperfection. These behaviors and patterns not only reinforce their negative self-perception because of the guilt and impact on their health and relationships but are often coping mechanisms to avoid feeling their shame.

While it is adaptive to not want to feel shame, these behaviors only mask that pain rather than processing and resolving the core self-believe to one that holds hope and the possibility for change.

Healing from toxic shame

Thankfully, there is hope and many ways to heal from toxic shame. Often, treatment begins by healing from the negative beliefs that are tied to your overall toxic shame. There are many therapeutic avenues for identifying these core beliefs.

One clinically proven treatment process is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

The general overview of the treatment includes, “(1) First, the past events that have laid the groundwork for dysfunction are processed, forging new associative links with adaptive information; (2) the current circumstances that elicit distress are targeted, and internal and external triggers are desensitized. (3) imaginal templates of future events are incorporated, to assist the client in acquiring the skills needed for adaptive functioning” (Insitute, 2022).

Since toxic shame negative beliefs often begin in childhood and with trauma, EMDR is one way to heal from them.

Other ways to begin to heal from toxic shame include practicing mindfulness-paying attention to your self-talk and recognizing when you begin to feel shame. Likewise, incorporating compassionate self-talk through reframing such as: “Acknowledge the thought. ‘That’s one way of seeing things.’ Explore where it comes from. ‘My parents always looked at me like I was a failure when I didn’t meet their expectations.’ Consider evidence for or against it. ‘What about the things I’ve done right?’ Consider other perspectives. ‘I made a mistake, but I can fix it  –  and now I know what not to do next time.’” (Raypole, 2020).

Most importantly, and with a long-lasting impact, is working on toxic shame through a biblical lens. This starts with looking at each thought and overlaying it with trustworthy truths from the Bible. Seeing how these thoughts measure up to God’s Word is the underlying work that chases away the darkness because it cannot stand the light.

More ways to begin healing from toxic shame include professional support – finding a counselor and developing social support with friends and family.

Toxic shame has many origins and impacts on life. It often begins in childhood through the words spoken by adults and experiences such as trauma, abuse, and neglect. Toxic shame is foundational to self-perception, relationships, and quality of life. It is not something you have to live with forever. A Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you address and heal from toxic shame.

References:

Brennan, D. (2021, October 25). What is Toxic Shame? Retrieved from Web Md: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-toxic-shame

Burgo, J. (2013, May 30). The Difference Between Guilt and Shame. Retrieved May 2, 2022, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame/201305/the-difference-between-guilt-and-shame

Cikanavicius, D. (2018, September 2). A Brief Guide to Unprocessed Childhood Toxic Shame. Retrieved from Psych Central: https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2018/09/childhood-toxic-shame#3

Gonzales-Barrios, N. (2022, February 2). Shame Vs. Guilt: Understanding The Key Difference And The Effects On Our Experience Of Failure. Retrieved from The Pleasant Mind: https://thepleasantmind.com/shame-vs-guilt/

Institute, E. (2022, March 22). What is EMDR. Retrieved from EMDR.com: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Merriam-Webster. (2022, May 2). shame. Retrieved from Merriam-Webster Dictionary: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shame#synonyms

Raypole, C. (2020, September 23). Where Toxic Shame Comes From and How to Work Through It. Retrieved May 2, 2022, from Healthline: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/toxic-shame

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Parenting Tips for When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

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Scripture says that “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him,” (Psalm 127:3, NIV), and that can guide how to approach the children in your care. As gifts given by God, children deserve consideration, care, and wisdom to be raised well without exasperating them (Ephesians 6:1-4). Jesus’ attitude to children ought to inform how we welcome, acknowledge, and take joy in our children (Mark 10:13-14) even when we’re feeling overwhelmed.

All the above is true, and it should function as a north star for parents who want to raise their children in the Lord. These truths need to be remembered, and they are most easily forgotten in between school runs, doing laundry for the umpteenth time in a week, cleaning up messes, breaking up fights between siblings, dealing with tantrums and raging hormones, soothing and tending to wounds, and everything else that happens in most households. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers guidance and support for parents striving to raise their children with faith and grace amid life’s daily challenges.

It’s a beautiful, but overwhelming life

Being a parent is a beautiful and humbling experience. From the moment they are born or become part of your family, children bring joy, laughter, and a fresh perspective on life as you see things through their eyes. Nonetheless, the mom or dad life can also get overwhelming.

Parents and caregivers can get overwhelmed when they’re dealing with their children. This can happen for many reasons, including the fact that they may need to attend to work in addition to parenting. There are many demands on an adult’s life, and it can be hard balancing these with taking care of a child. This is especially true when they are young and need lots of attention, or if they have special needs and need consistent support.

Apart from the time demands on parents and caregivers, parenting can also get overwhelming due to a lack of resources and skills. If a child is dealing with depression, anxiety, an anger management disorder, or another mental health concern, a parent may not have the tools right away to understand what’s happening, and to know how best to support their child. During that early part of the learning curve, things can get overwhelming.

Additionally, parenting can get overwhelming if, as a parent, you have issues of your own that you need to work through. For instance, if a parent has anger issues, or they have abandonment issues, they may struggle with handling their child, though they love them dearly. It can be hard to stay calm under pressure or to help them with their emotions when one’s upbringing didn’t prepare them to recognize emotions and respond appropriately.

Hence, being a parent is both a wonderful and a remarkable gift, and also an intensive, heavy responsibility. It’s important to know how best to respond when you’re feeling overwhelmed, and the resources you can make use of to parent your child(ren) well.

Dealing with feeling overwhelmed

Being overwhelmed by parenting is more common than you’d imagine. Though it’s not entirely reliable, if you check out parenting groups and conversations online, you’ll find out quickly enough that you aren’t alone in the struggle. Knowing this can be a comfort. Some steps you can take in dealing with feeling overwhelmed in your parenting include:

Acknowledge what’s happening

It can be tempting to avoid, divert blame, or even get angry about what you’re feeling, without acknowledging it for what it is. When a parent feels overwhelmed, they can feel shame, guilt, self-blame, anger, and so on. Societal pressure to look like you have it together can conspire to make you deny what’s going on.

Ask for help

When you acknowledge what’s happening, and recognize that it’s okay if you struggle, that can open the way for you to ask for help. Whether you’re reaching out to your partner, trusted friends, neighbors, or your own parents for support, asking for help can provide you with the resources and capacity to cope.

Where possible, outsource or delegate responsibilities to others to lighten your load. You don’t love your child any less if you have help to handle certain aspects of life as a parent.

Make self-care a priority

Taking care of yourself is essential, whether that’s taking breaks to refresh yourself, carving out time for activities you enjoy, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly and eating well to boost your mood and energy, or learning to practice mindfulness so that you can be firmly in the present and relinquish worries.

Set realistic expectations

You won’t be able to do everything perfectly as a parent. Sometimes we can set an unattainable standard or one that’s not cognizant of present realities. We can also shape our identity around being a parent in ways that hinder our ability to struggle or seek help. That adds a burden that’s hard to bear.

Seek professional help

You can make use of parenting classes to help you nurture skills that will assist your parenting. Support groups for parents are available as spaces to share ideas and for parents to support one another. Additionally, a mental health professional can help you address specific concerns regarding your child, or if you’re working through your own issues that require processing and resolution.

Getting help

It’s okay to not have all the answers. Parenting is an exciting and sometimes bewildering journey. If it is getting to be too much or you feel overwhelmed, reach out to our offices today. A Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you work through any concerns or questions you may have about parenting your children well.

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Clear Out the Clutter: Understanding Hoarding and How to Help

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When it is time to clear out the clutter, one important need is to understand hoarding and how to help manage the underlying problem of having clutter in the first place. How does one determine what is enough and what is too much? How can we be good stewards of the Lord’s blessings? What does God even have to say about worldly goods and the clutter they can make?

About one in every five people has a storage unit in the U.S. We live in a consumer culture, often accumulating possessions and crowding current living and storage spaces to accommodate more.

We do this automatically, often without thinking about how we may be spending and shopping to feed a bottomless appetite. We are rarely satisfied, and in getting and gathering more, we might need to consider that what we long for is not something we can purchase.

Collecting stuff does not end with physical space. We leave little margin in our time and finances, squeezing the life out of what we have. This inadvertently welcomes anxiety and stress to settle in the cracks, where we feed brokenness and boredom with more. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling helps individuals create healthier boundaries in their lives, reducing stress and fostering peace.

While hoarding may proliferate in a consumer culture, there are deeper considerations to examine, especially if we are to understand the taxing nature of hoarding and how to help ourselves or our loved ones.

When a person loses a sense of self, following a traumatic experience, hoarding can be an anxious response in which they seek to reclaim identity, security, control, and safety by collecting, storing, and saving. Shopping and squirreling fill the void, offering a euphoric rush, sometimes inertly clinging to the memory of a past that may have seemed more stable or fulfilling.

Addictively, individuals engage in a cycle, fueled by compulsion and temporary gratification. It employs the thrill of the hunt, sometimes spurred on by special deals and coupons, enhancing its addictive appeal to the point of irresistibility.

The “just in case” purchases are garnered to create a high in an attempt to guard against the formidable unknown called “someday.” When addressing hoarding, there is a need to clear out the clutter that goes deeper than the physical overload of stuff.

Understanding and unpacking

Disorganized patterns of thought and behavior characterize hoarding. Those who hoard have experienced fear-based anxiety and a deep sense of lack and loss. The drive to obtain more is visible in amassing physical possessions, but it draws on accumulating things to supplement the invisible feelings of insecurity.

In this manner, hoarding is more than just being a “packrat” and having too much clutter. Compounded with impaired judgment and a bewildering paralysis, it hampers one’s ability to distinguish actual from perceived needs.

When we want to mobilize and activate change, we may find ourselves triggered to revert to the negative behavior again, thereby repeating the cycle of dysfunction. A sense of mental block distorts when we seek to sort what to keep, sell, discard, or donate. We may encounter the following:

  • Frustration with the volume of possessions.
  • The negative script of foreboding fear.
  • Being overwhelmed by the broad and multi-layered scope of a clean-out project.

It can seem impossible to move forward even with the best support, as many hoarding individuals may not be ready to stop. In understanding hoarding and how to help, it is important to understand that hoarding is not in anyone’s control except the hoarders.

Just as in addiction, hoarding requires immense amounts of support, encouragement, and accountability. It also requires a willingness to practice healthy alternatives.

Hoarding’s impact on health

Hoarding often compromises a person’s living spaces, presenting:

  • Toxic health risks, through expired and rotting food, in and around preparation surfaces.
  • The abundance of clutter that causes stumble or trip hazards.
  • A haven for undisposed pet wastes that attach and accumulate alongside household items and acquisitions.
  • Attraction for pests, such as insects and rodents, that breed disease.
  • Diminished air quality in the home, leveraging the impact on one’s respiratory system and overall health.

With these impacts on the health of the individual who is hoarding and on those involved, hoarding is something to be concerned about.

Possessions versus people

Individuals may hide their hoarding behaviors from family and friends for several reasons. They may have experienced shaming, criticism, or judgment from other family members, including significant others and children. Those who hoard may not even recognize themselves and close themselves off to others because of self-inflicted shame or out of perceived protection of others.

Struggling to break free from the addiction of accruing things demands the support of other individuals in the hoarder’s life, but those relationships can be difficult to maintain. Further isolation increases hoarding. In essence, hoarding behavior draws us away from human connection and pulls possessions closer than the people who love us.

Costs of hoarding

Hoarding cuts off relationships with others, making a literal barrier between people and the one hoarding. This further isolates the person in their addiction and the shame attached to it. It reconfigures family dynamics and superimposes its dysfunction through the following:

  • hiding,
  • fostering distrust,
  • leveraging subsequent shame, and
  • widening the gap of isolation.

It breaks covenants, where spouses and children encounter dispute  over what enters the space, how the home is managed, or the amount of finances spent on the items purchased. Hoarding breeds distrust and feelings of betrayal. It operates in secrecy, weakening the integrity of communication in the family. It consumes resources, diverting funds, time, space, and attention intended for family and household necessities to feed the behavior.

Consistent with the nature of the addiction, hoarding behavior aligns more with gratifying their insecurity, temporarily exchanging feelings of instability with the search to attain and accumulate more. To close loved ones, it can appear as if those who hoard attach more value to holding onto things than nurturing the relationships with their relatives. This may be the opposite of what they want to do.

With the shame factor, the loss of social networks and support extends beyond family. Hoarding shuts down opportunities for social connections, further isolating the person in their addiction.

For example, if a person wants to date or develop deeper friendships, they may be too embarrassed to interact with others, knowing that they occupy a living space that may not be conducive to hosting friends. It has been known to lead to lopsided relationships where friends feel disconnected.

Hoarding and how to help

Insecurity in our identity tells a story, revealing our soul hunger and thirst for idols that can never satisfy. Whether you are the person who may be hoarding or if you love the person who is hoarding, there is hope. Where there is hope, help is also present.

There may be underlying trauma associated with hoarding, hinting at a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. Working with a counselor can help an individual explore and identify what shifted, when, and where.

Counseling helps us to discover patterns of unhealthy behaviors while removing the layers that have compounded under negative mindsets, debilitating emotions, and insufficient support. Treatment fosters the opportunity and environment to rebuild identity and connection.

It’s important for those who hoard to regain and reset their identity. They need to begin being known as more than just a hoarder and to be known in the way that God truly sees them as one who is loved by Him, regardless. Additionally, connecting with a meaningful part of their past, such as rediscovering gifts and natural abilities, can be an important pivot in helping them move forward into their future.

While many specialized commercial services are available in the community that can help an individual organize and clear their physical space, perhaps, the most important step is to clear the shame and accusation blocking one’s mental and emotional territory.

When we shame ourselves or others, we further imprison ourselves in the behavior and the mindset that we want to overhaul. Shame and scorn give a place for destructive talk to speak louder than what God says about His beloved sons and daughters.

Hence, the lack of love, empathy, and compassion causes us to pad our identities with things that don’t give life. In working with hoarders, whether us or a loved one, we must lead from a place of love and compassion, having first received it from God so that we can share it.

Showing self-love and compassion is different from endorsing the behavior, but it can be transformative with the process of healing, growth, and change. God himself is patient, and He draws us closer with love, not scorn and shame. His compassion is the “it” factor that changes people’s hearts, driving out the tormenting fear, at the root of hoarding.

Next steps

Be patient with yourself and kind to those that you love. It doesn’t mean codependently endorsing maladaptive behaviors, but rather, embodying a compassionate commitment to offer what you can, as graced by God.

As you walk through a process to reset identity, heal issues, displace heart idols, and initiate a new path forward, you will establish new places of healing and coping. You will formulate new patterns as you walk through your life to make space for the new.

Reach out to our office today. The counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are equipped to help you navigate your path. There are open spaces that God has for you to explore and experience, not only in your home but also in your heart, the most sacred space that houses your life and relationships.

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Emotions are Normal: Using Your Emotions as a Source of Strength

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Emotions are normal, and yet they can cause deep pain and trouble in life. The knowledge and understanding of emotions have grown to a place where terms such as OCD, narcissistic, panic attacks, and trauma are commonplace, and depression and anxiety are known as everyday struggles.

Naturally, at such times, people want solutions to stop their emotions. Something else that happens is people strive to protect their emotions. Either extreme is based on a skewed view of emotions. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help individuals develop a balanced approach to understanding and managing their emotions.

Let’s normalize having emotions again

Happiness, anger, sadness, fear, and all of the other feelings named after these basic emotions have something in common. They are a normal part of the human experience. To have emotions is to be human. The Bible readily demonstrates this. From Adam and Eve, we can see emotions play a part in their behavior. From happiness to fear we can see all of the emotions on display. We rejoice when things go well.

Many find themselves relating with David as he laments in the Psalms. Most can understand the anger displayed against those who did wrong. So much of the fear displayed can be just as relatable. Emotions are not only normal, but they also serve a purpose. In fact, more than one.

Emotions are a source of strength

Appropriate for this lifetime, before Jesus comes back, are all of our emotions. Each of the emotions plays a role in leaving us longing for an eternity with God.

Happiness gives us all the illusion of simply enjoying life on this earth. However, as everything good comes from God, we can know that once God removes Himself from the earth there will be no such thing as something to smile about. Happiness allows us to taste His goodness and long for more of it.

Anger is a great emotion to draw us closer to God and be heaven-minded. Anger, when it rises because of someone sinning, aligns us with God’s hate of sin. Sinning in our anger allows us to see ourselves as we are and know that we do not deserve heaven, thereby bringing us to cling to the good news of the gospel.

Fear of God, which can come from recognizing our sin and understanding our breaking of God’s law, is the beginning of wisdom and drives us to salvation. Fear of the consequences of sin that is not our own brings a longing for heaven.

Sadness brings a similar longing for heaven. Whether it is remorse or grief, experiencing this normal emotion brings a longing for heaven. Once we recognize God’s presence as the answer, our emotions appropriately all bring about a longing for heaven.

A time for everything

No emotion is abnormal, and each emotion is appropriate for its certain time on this side of heaven. I can’t speak for heaven itself, other than there will be no more tears or pain.

Anger is normal to feel when sin steals and destroys. A hatred for sin is normal. So is sinning in our anger. There’s no settling for the sin in either instance just because anger is normal.

Fear is normal to feel when sin is revealed. It drives us to seek safety and stray from danger. Even the brokenness of the fallen world can strike fear in us. Fear reveals our need for a savior.

Sadness is normal to feel when sin steals and destroys. Whether you have a broken and contrite heart over your sin and need to repent, or you have felt the devastating effects of sin by another, sadness is supposed to be felt.

Emotions cannot be erased

If you are human, you have emotions. They are an innate part of us and cannot be erased. In fact, it can be scary not to feel anything. Physically speaking, the inability to feel anything removes a quality of life and safety mechanisms from the person. One of the scariest things for a parent is having a child who cannot feel physical pain because that child is then likely to have ailments they will ignore-even as severe as burnt flesh or broken bones.

Speaking in the area of emotions, when one does not feel anything, it often drives individuals to extremes, such as seeking physical pain for a replacement or disengaging with life and succumbing to the numbness they feel. Either extreme decreases the quality of life, and the safety emotions provide. Life would be much more difficult without emotions.

Since emotions cannot be gotten rid of, it is important to learn how to manage them and when to trust them. Emotions being an innate part of us means they are there automatically, but as humans are not perfect, emotions can respond to stimuli incorrectly. Simply put, at times our emotions can act out of our control and fire without warning, and sometimes, without cause. This drives the need to learn how to manage them.

Putting emotions to the test

Learning how to manage our emotions means testing them. Taking emotions for face value can lead to trouble if there is no call for the emotion and/or the amount of emotion in the first place.

How does one know which emotions to test and which emotions to go along with? Start with the emotions that cause the most difficulty in relationships and/or life in general. Are there any emotions that cause strife between you and a loved one? Is this a repetitive problem? That’s where you should start.

Once you’ve established a target, you can question it by asking for evidence that both supports and refutes its validity. Arguably, you can feel that something is a big deal where evidence may not point to it being so. If you have big feelings about something and those feelings are driving behavior that results in repetitive conflict, it will not be easy to test these feelings.

The next question is to ask where your circle of control is. With an understanding of what you do and do not have control over, you can start to explore areas of support that will help you manage these emotions most appropriately.

Once awareness, understanding, and support are established, you can continue to manage your emotions through practice. In a perfect world, questioning our emotions would be unnecessary. Unfortunately, on this side of heaven, sin is at play in everything.

Sin makes things complicated

Emotions are normal, but in this world, emotions are laden with sin. Instead of leading us away from sin and toward God, they can lead us toward sin and away from God. Complicating matters even further are the influence of other sinners and the overwhelming brokenness of this world. The nature of sin at play in our emotions drives the desire of many to rid themselves of the emotions altogether.

Sin is a normal part of this broken world. It does not, however, mean that we are at the mercy of sin. We can overcome sin and move past its devastating effects with the help of the Holy Spirit. Moving past is not easy, just as the managing of emotions comes with much effort.

Normal anger can bring about enslaving habits of outrage and cruelty with devastating shame, brokenness, and remorse to follow. Moving past the devastating effects of sinful anger can mean seeking forgiveness, improving the management of the anger, as well as releasing shame.

Sadness commonly brings about the destruction of connections with those around you and/or with God. It can cause a habit of mind where you think less of yourself than what is true or produce a skewed view of God and His promises. The chains of sadness can make it difficult to hope. Moving past these effects of sinful sadness brings connection, the ability to hold on to truth, and breathes hope into all circumstances.

Fear, in all of its sinful nature, brings about the destruction of trust and decreases access to truth. Moving past these effects can look like restoring access to support, shining a light on truth, and building a firm foundation to stand on.

Fighting through normal emotions and all of the effects of sin that complicate them can be difficult. The most important part is that you do not do it alone, but with God, and if possible, with another person who can point you to God. This is the best way to approach managing your emotions.

Reach out to me or one of the other Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in our online directory today if you find yourself needing support in managing your emotions and all of the thoughts and behaviors that they bring out.

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How to Read Scripture About Worry in Context

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If you struggle with anxiety, fear, or worry, you may have tried memorizing Bible verses to help you in tough moments. However, if you’ve tried that and it hasn’t helped as much as you would like, it might be because Scripture about worry should always be studied – and ingested – in context.

Of course, the study of Scripture, regardless of the topic, should always be done in context to what’s around it. This is especially true when looking at scriptures about worry. It’s essential. Otherwise, the Bible becomes a pat answer to pacify what may feel like an irrational fear. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling encourages a thoughtful, contextual understanding of Scripture to help manage worry and find peace in faith.

When we cherry-pick verses to medicate our wounds and worries, Scripture doesn’t lose its power, but it may feel like it does because the authority of the text isn’t gleaned. Instead, context helps us recognize that every verse is written in a chapter, and every chapter is held in a book of the Bible, and every book of the Bible was written at a specific time in history to a certain audience with its cultural mores.

Taking Scripture in context can be the difference between short-term memory acquisition and keeping it in your long-term memory.

Zooming in and zooming out on Scripture about worry

In Psalm 1:2, we read that the blessed man’s “delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law, he meditates day and night.” The “delight” here is akin to bending toward. To bend toward, or lean closer, to Scripture is to be ever careful with it, having a learner’s mindset.

The term “meditates” here signifies applied thought and reflection aimed at turning scripture over repeatedly. It is reflecting on what it means and reading it alongside prayer and worship with God.

Yes, context needs to include reading a scripture about worry in the context of an entire chapter. It also needs to be read with the mindset of learning and leaning into what God would help you to understand about that verse and chapter.

To read Scripture apart from a recognition of God’s presence is nothing more than reading the dictionary. It is learning for learning’s sake rather than learning for understanding and application.

If worry is a considerable struggle, you’ve likely sought God’s Word to soothe what fears you have. Once you have sought the Word in context to its chapter and verse, you can zoom out – as if taking a photo with a wide lens – to look at the context of the verse and the chapter within the book, as well as the cultural period that it took place in.

Too many people have been hurt by improper applications of Scripture because they lacked the cultural context of what was happening when the Scripture was originally recorded. God inspires all Scripture according to 2 Timothy 3:16-17, so we know it stands the test of time and is trustworthy.

We can also dig into it deeply to ensure we can see where the original hearers came from.

Using Greek and Hebrew dictionaries

Another way to read Scripture about worry in context is to use a Greek and Hebrew dictionary to look up repeated words or phrases that stand out to you. Many Bibles now have Greek and Hebrew dictionaries in the back, so it’s easier than ever to look up the original meaning.

For example, the scripture about worry that many people quote from Philippians 4:6 can’t be properly gleaned without also reading verse seven and then looking at who Paul was speaking to at the time. He was most likely addressing a group of Roman believers who had come to follow Christ as a result of Paul’s ministry there. They were Gentiles, and Paul was writing to teach them how to “stand firm” as he expressed in the first verse of the chapter.

One of those ways these young believers can stand firm is by not being “anxious,” according to the English Standard Version of verse six. However, upon further study, the word here in Greek means something closer to not becoming distracted by anxious cares.

The meaning of this scripture about worry is deepened significantly when you explore the root words. It could be read that you are never to worry, or it can be read that worries are natural to the human experience but allowing them to consume and distract us from God’s purpose and love is not what He desires for us.

Using prayer with Scripture about worry

The final tip for examining Scripture about worry through context is in prayer, privately and corporately. Ask God for its meaning in your own life and a group of trusted Christian friends.

God designed His Word to be lived out in community, so it’s important to learn with others and pray about the meaning of Scripture within a larger scope than your own. When your perspective is clouded or your view of a passage is limited, considering how others read it can be helpful. There is a reason this is the final tip to studying Scripture about worry in context.

Only after you’ve dug into the verse, chapter, and book of the Bible, exploring contextual cultural clues, can you begin to form your understanding of how to apply the Scripture to your struggles and challenges. Ultimately, you will recognize its impact on the Church and, together, understand its meaning and application.

Reaching out for help

We have counselors who are trained in examining Scripture about worry to help you overcome fears and anxieties that keep you from living a victorious life. Reach out to us today so that we can match you with a licensed professional counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling, California who believes in the power of prayer and Scripture to bring healing and hope.

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“Coast”, Courtesy of Kellen Riggin, Unsplash.com, CC0 License