When Everything Seems Better Online: Effects of Social Media on a Teen’s Creativity and Confidence

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For many teens now, hobbies and passions are no longer being discovered through good old trial and error. Instead, many things that interest young people are now filtered through social media algorithms that decide what’s worth trying. Many now spend more time watching hobbies than trying them, even though the interest in learning new things doesn’t go away. The effects of social media on creativity and confidence are subtle but powerful, shaping how teens see themselves and what they believe they can do. If you’re a teen, you probably relate to this too.

You open a social media app for a quick break, yet before you even notice, an hour has passed while you scroll through video after video of people painting, baking, coding, dancing, and creating things that make you think, “I wish I could do that.”

At first glance, it feels inspiring, yet something strange happens just as quickly. The initial curiosity in the hobbies slowly fades as you get sucked into another interesting fad.

Why scrolling through social media is overtaking creating.

We now live in a world where hobbies are no longer the first thing that comes to mind when free time appears. Social media makes it easy to watch others live out their passions, but it also makes starting something new feel intimidating.

Instead, scrolling through feeds and chasing trends takes up hours that used to be filled with learning guitar, sketching, or experimenting with new skills. Teens are growing up mostly scrolling through someone else’s creativity instead of exploring their own. Picking up a guitar, sketching a rough drawing, or baking a messy cake suddenly feels like it’s not good enough compared to the polished clips online.

Social media feeds the mind with endless ideas, yet it also trains it to keep moving, to expect quick results, and to judge every interest before it even begins. When every hobby online looks polished and perfect, the act of picking up a skill or learning something new from scratch starts to feel harder than simply scrolling to the next video.

The Pressure of Online Perfection

Creativity thrives on curiosity, mistakes, patience, and practice. Most hobbies begin with clumsy attempts, uneven paintings, off-key songs, or projects that fall apart. Offline, this is normal. Online, it’s not so much.

As a young person, if you’re only seeing the finished product, you’re losing the freedom to explore and experiment freely.

Social media celebrates quick success and dramatic transformations, compressing months of effort into seconds. Teens begin to expect instant results, and when progress feels slow, confidence drops. When algorithms guide that exploration, you focus your passions on superficial things like popularity rather than personal interest or personal growth.

Easy steps to break the loop:

  • Choose hobbies that show steady progress early, like painting or photography.
  • Keep early projects private.
  • Track progress in a notebook instead of waiting for likes.

Social Media: Creativity Without an Audience

Social media has turned hobbies into performances. Young people especially feel pressure to share every step online, shifting the purpose from personal joy to public approval. This takes away the private satisfaction of discovery and makes hobbies feel like content creation.

Ways to reclaim creativity:

  • Set aside time for hobbies without online distractions.
  • Try one activity each week that has nothing to do with what shows up in your feed.
  • Spend time in spaces where algorithms don’t decide what you see, like local clubs or community centers.

The Freedom of Doing Something No One Will See

Social media has turned hobbies into performances. Everyone feels the need to share every achievement online, which changes the purpose of the activities from personal enjoyment to public approval. This takes away the private joy of discovery and makes hobbies feel like content creation.

The conversation around the effects of social media on teens touches more than screen time. It reaches into confidence, identity, and the way you discover your interests. The more you lose your curiosity as a teenager, the more you lose an important space for creativity and personal growth.

If you’re a teenager or you have a teenager at home feeling discouraged, anxious, or unmotivated by anything, professional counseling can help.

A qualified counselor can help you rebuild healthy hobbies and reconnect with meaningful interests. Consider reaching out to a licensed professional listed on this site or call the numbers on the screen for support. A simple conversation with the right professional opens the door to healthier habits and a renewed sense of curiosity.

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What is Tapping Therapy and How Can It Help?

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Tapping therapy, also known as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), is a process of regulating emotions and reducing stress by tapping on nine acupressure points. These points help lower stress by reducing cortisol levels and relieving anxiety. Studies have shown that tapping therapy is effective for chronic stress, anxiety, PTSD, depression, phobias, cravings, and pain.

The Tapping Therapy Process

The tapping therapy process focuses on an issue or emotions from fear, trauma, or cravings (such as food, alcohol, or nicotine). The process is a series of taps on acupuncture points on the hand, face, top of the head, collarbone, and under the arm.

The tapping therapy process can be repeated several times as your stress, anxiety, fear, cravings, or pain diminish. Once you learn the process and order of tapping, you can use the technique anytime you feel negative emotions attached to a specific situation or issue.

If you are at work or in another crowded area, try to find a quiet place to practice tapping therapy. Most tapping practices take between 10 and 30 minutes. Your counselor may suggest practicing tapping daily while thinking about the emotion or issue. This approach can lessen the effects of the emotion before it has time to emerge naturally throughout the day.

Focus on the issue or emotions

When you feel your emotions are overwhelming, fear has taken over, or your mind cannot settle on an issue, try tapping therapy to help soothe anxiety and lower stress levels. The first step is to focus on the emotion, thought, or issue. Although this may be initially painful, it creates a mind-body connection as you move to the next step and assess your progress.

Rate the intensity of the issue or emotion

Next, rate the intensity of what you are feeling on a scale of 0 to 10 (10 being the highest). For example, if you struggle with intense cravings, rate the sensation from 0 (not feeling any discomfort) to 10 (feel like you are losing your mind with the urge). Pay attention to the sensations and be ready to use this number as a benchmark.

Choose a self-reflective statement

Self-reflective statements help you move through the process. The initial statement sets the tone. For example, if struggling with extreme stress, you might say, “Although I am dealing with stress right now, I accept where I am,” while tapping the side of your hand. Keep your statements positive and open to change. You are not your anxiety, fear, depression, or urges. You are more than what you feel in the moment.

Begin tapping and adjusting your statement

As you tap and move from one point to another, adjust your statement. You could say, “I am overcoming this stress.” Tap each point seven to nine times, moving to the next point and either repeating or adjusting your self-reflection statement.

Side of the Hand Use four fingers to tap the outer side of the hand (think karate chop). You can use either side of the body, or, if you repeat the process, use the alternate side.

Inner Edge of the Eyebrow Near the Nose Use one finger to tap on the inner eyebrow bone near the nose.

Side of the Eye Use one finger to tap on the outside of the eye bone at the corner of the eye, between the eye and the temple.

Under the Eye Use one finger to tap under the center of the eye in the hollow part of the undereye.

Under the Nose Tap with one finger under the nose between the upper lip and nose.

Under the Lip Tap with one finger between the chin and lower lip.

On the Collarbone Use three fingers to tap the collarbone, either on the side or the center of the bone.

Under the Arm Near the Armpit Tap the spot under the arm, directly under the armpit.

Crown of the Head Use three or four fingers to tap the top of the head (the crown).

You can repeat the entire process as many times as needed until your initial rating decreases. You may want to take a screenshot of the process to keep as a reminder of the order to follow. Reassess after each round to see how you feel. Has your rating dropped significantly? For example, has it dropped from an 8 to a 3 or 4?

Counseling for Anxiety in Huntington Beach, California

If you are looking for a non-invasive treatment with no medication or negative side effects, consider tapping therapy. Contact us at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling today to schedule a session with a counselor in Huntington Beach to discuss how tapping therapy can help you.

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Breaking the Cycle: When Extreme Anxiety Runs in the Family

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When a parent lives with extreme anxiety, the effects ripple through the home and are felt by everyone in the household. It changes the tone of the entire home. Even if no one talks about it, children pick up on how their parent reacts, how they handle stress, and how they cope with hard feelings. Kids watch closely, and they learn from what they see.

Extreme anxiety can be passed down in two ways. Some children may inherit it through genes, which means they’re more sensitive to stress. Others may learn it just by being around it. A child doesn’t have to be born with anxiety to start feeling it. Either way, the result is the same. Simply growing up in a home where anxiety is always present can be enough for children to show signs of anxiety themselves.

Thankfully, this cycle can be broken. Kids can learn better ways to deal with stress and worry, even if anxiety is a big part of the family picture.

What Kids Learn from Anxious Parents

Children are incredibly perceptive. They notice when a parent avoids certain places, reacts strongly to small problems, or expresses constant worry. Over time, kids may start doing the same things. A child may begin to fear what their parent fears. They might avoid new situations or feel like they need to be extra careful to keep things calm.

Sometimes, parents try to protect their kids by avoiding tough talks or keeping tight control over routines. These actions come from love, but they can also send the message that the world isn’t safe or that things are always about to go wrong. Anxiety, when left unspoken, can quietly shape how children see the world and themselves.

Simple Ways to Support Kids in Homes With Extreme Anxiety

Talk about how you calm down, not just how you feel

If you’re feeling tense, instead of saying “I’m so stressed,” try saying “I’m feeling a little on edge, so I’m taking a few deep breaths.” This teaches kids that there are ways to manage bad feelings.

Let your child see you bounce back

If you had a rough day, let them see how you recovered. You can say, “I was upset earlier, but I went outside for a walk and now I feel more settled.” This shows them that tough emotions don’t last forever.

Make a peaceful space at home

Designate a space, like a corner with pillows or a cozy chair, where no one talks about worries or problems. Use it for reading, drawing, or just relaxing. It gives kids a physical reminder that peace is possible.

Use humor when things feel tense

A silly joke or a funny video can change the mood in the room. Laughing together helps remind everyone that not everything needs to feel serious or hard.

Let your child try new things

Let your child try things that stretch their comfort zone, like ordering food at a restaurant or speaking up in class if they’re nervous about something. This builds confidence and takes the focus away from fear or failure, making them anxious.

Listen without jumping in to fix

If your child says they’re feeling nervous or unsure, don’t rush to solve it. Say something like, “That makes sense. Want to talk more about it?” Just listening helps them feel supported and stronger.

Keep bedtime calm

Save heavy conversations for earlier in the day. Bedtime should be a time for winding down, not worrying. Use calming routines like storytelling, gentle music, or gratitude lists to end the day on a peaceful note.

Christian Counseling for Extreme Anxiety

If your child shows signs of persistent worry, avoids social situations, struggles with sleep, or seems emotionally withdrawn, maybe the source of their stress is closer to home than you might realize.

Child therapists are trained to work with both kids and parents. They can help your child feel stronger and more confident, and they can also guide you in creating a calmer home. Anxiety, in any form, doesn’t have to shape your child’s future. Even if it runs in the family, kids can learn to manage stress, talk about their feelings, and feel safe in their world.

If you’ve noticed signs of anxiety in a child under your care, reach out to learn more about child therapy today. The sooner you take that step, the more support your child will have, not just today, but for years to come.

Call us today to connect with someone who understands what your child needs and how to help.

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How to Find the Best Therapist for You: Qualities That Make a Counselor Qualified

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I’ve gotten these questions as a therapist from several pending clients in many different situations over the years:

  • Are you an expert on this issue?
  • Have you worked with this before?
  • Are you just a regular professional therapist?
  • I’m not sure if you could help, can you?

It is a good question to ask. And a question coming from a pragmatic, caring heart, as you want yourself or someone you love, not to waste time but to experience healing and growth. So, in this article, I want to provide some introduction to what you can probably expect your therapist to know and how likely they are to help.

Therapist Training

Let’s first talk about the knowledge and training a therapist gains from the ground up, and what you can generally come to accept as standard for your experience across the board.

There are three basic differentiations for therapists by experience and training, like the levels in carpentry, which look like

  • Apprentice
  • Journeyman
  • Master carpenter

Therapist training levels are:

  • Trainee: like an apprentice learning the trade, supervised often by professors
  • Associate therapist: like a journeyman gaining experience, full-time practitioners, gaining supervision by professional therapists, often still pre-licensed
  • Licensed therapist: like a master carpenter, working under own license

This is the marriage and family therapy model of training classification, whereas other counseling professionals, like clinical counselors, social workers, and psychologists, may have slightly different education and classification than MFTs.

Like any profession, you can have brilliant and skilled technicians or not-so-brilliant or skilled practitioners at any level of training. But let’s start with trainees and ask the questions: Are you an expert, have you seen this, and can you help?

As a trained therapist trainee, one has received a variety of education and training around areas as diverse as child psychology and the study of aging along the lifespan, abnormal psychology regarding the study of all types of mental illnesses, and the study of what makes romantic partnerships and personal lives thrive and blossom versus fail.

All trainees have been reared in a number of different theories and philosophies, looking at what causes problems in human functioning. They are also trained in vehicles of change for the betterment of quality of life and the factors in therapy that are conducive to that growth.

You can have appointments with trainees and work with them, generally for lower fees than associates or licensed therapists, and specific benefits can range from their recent academic scholarship and research, the supervisors who really invest in their maturation, and so you have two brains working behind your care.

Trainees are often tremendously gifted individuals by nature who apply some of the common factors beautifully, as well as begin to grow more knowledge of certain specialized treatments.

Below are some of the common factors that describe what therapy looks like in every office and are generally considered factors that contribute to many healing outcomes:

Common Factors

Support

  • Catharsis
  • Identification with therapist
  • Mitigation of isolation
  • Positive relationship
  • Reassurance
  • Release of tension
  • Structure
  • Therapeutic alliance
  • Active participation of both therapist and client
  • Therapist expertise
  • Therapist warmth, respect, empathy, acceptance, genuineness
  • Trust

Learning

  • Advice
  • Affective experience
  • Assimilating problematic experiences
  • Cognitive learning
  • Corrective emotional experience
  • Feedback
  • Insight
  • Rationale
  • Exploration of the internal frame of reference
  • Changing expectations of personal effectiveness

Action

  • Behavioral regulation
  • Cognitive mastery
  • Encouragement to face fears
  • Taking risks
  • Mastery efforts
  • Modeling
  • Practice
  • Reality testing
  • Experiencing success
  • Working through

Therapists at all levels will be trained to apply these modes of thinking, feeling, relating, teaching, and modeling, which means most interactions, when things fit, are examples of dealing with an expert in modeling and shaping changed thinking, feeling, communicating, and behaving at some level.

Trainings And Credentials

Therapists at all levels can receive specialized training (as permitted by the presenters). In fact, I took training this last year for an evidence-based couples therapy approach that had me surrounded by psychologists with PhD’s, licensed MFTs, associates, trainees just beginning to see clients for the first time, many saying keenly insightful things.

Some training and methods can teach you theories that are evidence-based (meaning research studies have proven effective in achieving positive outcomes) or can have you trained in subject matter as general as child psychology or as specific as trauma-focused therapy with veterans.

Other training can lead to certification and credentials such as CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist), Addiction certified through organizations like National Certified Addiction Counselor, NAADAC, EMDR certified, or Gottman method certified, and those who pursue them often spend years and thousands of dollars on those specialties.

That shows a passion and a commitment to that subpopulation, which is a good sign if you’re a client (and probably means you’ll need to pay more for their services).

The next level of general training every therapist must progress to is that of an associate therapist. After a trainee graduates from their graduate program and has seen hundreds of hours of clients by then, they then apply for an associate number to begin seeing clients under the tutelage of a supervisor in a professional and paid relationship.

Therapists in this stage gain even more hours and end up with upwards of 1200 face-to-face session hours with a supervisor coaching them before and after, and countless more hours learning the trade, amounting to at least 3000 hours of training. Associates, on top of education, amass a lot of real training in the field.

Many of these associate therapists work in agencies or private practices under the license of their supervisor, so they are well monitored and guided by those supervising licensed therapists. During this time, they must acquire training in telehealth, ethics, suicide, and risk assessment, and often do many hours of extra training in these topics.

For example, the agencies I worked with during my associate period trained me intensively in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which is a model that largely helps clients who are dysregulated internally regulate, make effective choices, and increase mindfulness and flexibility.

I also was taught Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral therapy, which taught a method of working with traumatized children to assist them to grow in the ability to deshame themselves, notice their feelings and sensations, and process trauma in a suitable way that left them more able to continue with their lives. Then, with this trauma, I was able to implement the tools and techniques of those models and then be shaped and molded by my supervisors into a more adept practitioner with those tools.

What is the scope of competence versus the scope of practice?

Terms you may hear from a therapist are.

“That is not in my scope of practice.”

This means the therapist, and any therapist at any level or professional title, would not be equipped to deal with. To exaggerate, filing your taxes, giving you legal advice, or telling you how to reconstruct your porch would be out of a therapist’s scope of practice. However, it is harder to identify discrepancies would be giving medical advice, or usually prescribing medication (unless the therapist is a psychiatrist

What is within the scope of practice is trained listening, encouragement, discernment, interpersonal skill building, self-regulation skill building, insight development, crisis management, mindfulness, and thought process change toward truthfulness.

“That is within my scope of competence!”

This means the topic that you are bringing to the therapist is one that the therapist is well versed in and trained or experienced in more than the average therapist. For example, all therapists are trained to assist family members in healthier discussions, etc., but some therapists have a greater scope of competence than others, maybe to assist a family member dealing with a son with severe mental illness, which a different therapist might not be as competent in handling.

The last level of training is being licensed in your therapy field, such as a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), or licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC). After completing the required hours and your associate phase, a therapist of any sort is now granted the privilege, in distinction from the professional boards of their state and or professional organizations, to conduct therapy on their own.

If the famous anthropologist Malcolm Gladwell is close to the truth about 10,000 hours of practice making someone an expert in something, then including the associate time of 3000 hours plus many hours of undergraduate and graduate education, any licensed therapist is pretty close or at least halfway to being an expert, or at least a skilled professional at handling mental, emotional, and social issues adeptly for the client.

And many issues overlap, and initial reasons for coming to therapy can often lead both the therapist and the client to see that there are other underlying things to be worked on. Therapists who engaged in different ways of becoming experienced can often see problem areas where they can apply what they know from different angles, whether it be a more researched approach, common sense, or general intuition and skillfulness at the therapist’s springs.

I, for example, have been shaped through training in different methods, life experience, overall years of clinical experience, outside interests in readings, psychological concepts, and how much time in my faith, reading the Bible, listening to sermons, and community, which speaks to the human experience.

So perhaps I may have a potential client who says their child with high functioning autism is really struggling and isolating due to social pressures in junior college as a forty-year-old attempting to be more self-sufficient.

I’ve never worked with a forty-year-old with autism, and I’m not considered an expert who has had countless training sessions and hours of experience. However, I know the client will need emotional regulation, some interpersonal skills, some acceptance and understanding of where to push to accept limits, and family support, just through general awareness and experience.

Hopefully, I’ve been able to show the spectrum of the kind of helpful care you will receive and things that you can look for and ask for to gain greater clarity. Overall, seeing anyone at any level in this field, it is likely you will be meeting with someone knowledgeable who can provide adequate supervision of your care.

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Traits of a Highly Sensitive Child and How to Care for Them

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Children often experience big emotions, and it is typically normal. Some children, however, feel they live in a state of extreme emotion all the time and are more easily triggered by their environment. When this happens, you may find yourself wondering if your child’s reactions are normal or if you have a highly sensitive child.

Help! I have a highly sensitive child

A highly sensitive child is a child who processes and reacts more deeply to their experiences than other children do. They are inherently wired like that. Highly sensitive children are often known to be feisty and fierce, passionate and persistent, insightful and empathetic, intuitive and intense, and they are constantly living in extremes. They’re known to be either ecstatic or enraged.

Highly sensitive children are sensitive to their environment, experiences, relationships, and expectations. They are amazing children, but because they react in bigger ways than most, they are prone to frustration, power struggles, and perfectionism. This is because they find it more challenging to adapt to the limits and expectations they encounter in their daily lives.

The intensity of highly sensitive children can be exhausting for their parents or caregivers. It can be hard to understand your highly sensitive child in all their complexity, and they are often misunderstood because there seems to be no middle ground with them. The better you can understand them, the more you can learn how to provide the sensitive and responsive care that they need to thrive.

3 Key Traits of Highly Sensitive Children

Some of the more prominent traits of a highly sensitive child include the following:

Highly sensitive children are more sensitive to the world around them

Highly sensitive children experience their emotions in extremes. This is because they feel much more deeply than most. They are often compared to orchids: high-maintenance plants that react to the smallest changes in environment. They are more vulnerable to changes in their environment and may seem to react irrationally as a result.

In addition to their extreme emotions, they are also sensitive to the environment they are in, and their brains never seem to shut down. They are known as processors as they tend to focus on and analyze even minute details. While this makes them extremely insightful and empathetic, because they seem to lack an internal filter, they are also more easily overwhelmed, absorbing more than they can handle.

They also tend to be more self-aware and perceptive than most. They question things others might take for granted and can articulate their motivations for things they did or said even better than some adults. They can understand their own struggles. They also tend to have great insight into how others feel and can pick up on subtle changes in tone.

Highly sensitive children have big reactions to the world around them

Your highly sensitive child will have bigger reactions than most to sensory input, even to seemingly small things. They are more sensitive to sensory input and experience sights, sounds, textures, and smells more intensely. They may avoid things like foods with particular smells, flavors, or textures, certain kinds of clothing, public restrooms with noisy hand dryers, or get upset when something doesn’t look like they expect.

A highly sensitive child is more prone to meltdowns because they are more quickly triggered to experience stress. When they feel overwhelmed by the constant onslaught of sensations that they can’t manage effectively, it can result in intense emotional reactions.

A highly sensitive child will be more apprehensive about new people or places. Their minds turn over all the details in a new situation, whether it’s a new classroom, activity, birthday party, or family gathering. They will try to anticipate what they might expect, wondering what might happen and whether they will be liked, feel safe, or be good at the activity.

Their deep thinking and constant analysis are an attempt to prepare for the unknown. While this makes them come across as bright and insightful, it can also be overwhelming for them. This results in the child resisting new things and clinging to what is familiar and comfortable. They may struggle separating from their parents or adapting to being left alone at school or sports.

A highly sensitive child also tends to get frustrated more easily. While everyone experiences a certain amount of natural discomfort when confronting something new or challenging, a highly sensitive child will find it intolerable. Because they experience more distress in those situations, they may give up more easily when they experience a challenging task.

They also tend to be preoccupied with how others see them, even if parents or other adults say complimentary things about them. They are so sensitive to feeling scrutinized or assessed that they even feel uncomfortable receiving praise, as they perceive the pressure of being evaluated.

They may also be inclined to misinterpret others’ actions, taking what others say and do more personally than it was intended. It may seem like a highly sensitive child filters their experiences through a victim mindset. This can make navigating relationships with siblings and peers more challenging.

Highly Sensitive Children try to control the world around them

Because of their sensitivity to their environment, a highly sensitive child will live in a state of high alert and will feel a greater need for control in those situations where they feel uncomfortable. They will try to prepare for and protect themselves from the next big emotion, event, or experience that could be overwhelming.

They will attempt to gain control of a situation by being rigid and inflexible about details like where to sit and which plate to use. The more out of control they feel on the inside, the more controlling they may be on the outside. Even their constant analysis of event details is part of this desire to feel in control of their world and what to expect in any situation.

A highly sensitive child is more likely to struggle with perfectionism because when they can’t complete a task in the way their brain is telling them it should be, they feel a loss of control. They are triggered to feel shame, and this results in them quickly feeling like a failure. They experience failure as a personal failing they are judged for, instead of as part of the learning process.

Perfectionism and difficulty losing go hand in hand. This makes competitive activities especially stressful for the highly sensitive child. A highly sensitive child is more likely to try to manipulate the game in their favor so that they can win to protect themselves from the shame of losing. Alternatively, they may get angry and quit if the result isn’t going their way.

This also means that a highly sensitive child will have a hard time accepting correction. Even seemingly harmless directions can be perceived as personal judgments instead of helpful guidance.

Any perceived shame they experience can trigger reactions like laughing, looking away, anger, or even running away. Evasive responses are all coping mechanisms to provide protection and relief from the flood of difficult emotions.

How to Care for Your Highly Sensitive Child

A child with a sensitive temperament can’t outgrow who they are. They can learn how to manage their emotions and cope with the more challenging aspects of their sensitivity. A big part of helping them is managing your expectations and approaching their meltdowns with patience and compassion.

When your sensitive child reacts to something, don’t take things they say and do personally. The fact that they are lashing out is a sign that they are struggling to cope with something. Don’t minimize their emotions. Instead, try to remain calm and not be reactive yourself. Stay present while providing space for your child to feel what they’re feeling.

Don’t try to problem-solve in the middle of the meltdown, but rather wait until they are calm before offering help. If they permit you to share some ideas that you have of ways to handle a situation, they will feel more in control and be more receptive to what you have to say. Sharing your thoughts, guidance, and personal experiences in this manner can help them better understand and adapt to the world around them.

Not all highly sensitive children will have all of these traits, and many who aren’t highly sensitive may struggle to some degree with some of these. But because of their sensitivity, these children may be more likely to struggle with anxiety or mental health challenges. If this sensitivity is affecting their ability to function well at home or at school, or interfering with their relationships, they can benefit from professional help such as Christian counseling.

Connect with a counselor near you or through this website to learn more about working with myself.

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5 Simple Ways to Show Love to People with ADHD

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There is a lot to learn about love languages in any relationship, and this is especially true for relationships involving people with ADHD. Neurodiverse people operate on a different spectrum from everyone else. The things that you think are trivial and take for granted are often bigger, more complex issues for those with ADHD.

The more you learn about their neurodevelopmental disorder, the more you will be able to love and support them practically. The smallest action could have the biggest impact, and there are five simple ways to show love to people with ADHD.

How to Show Love to People with ADHD

You may have heard about the love languages that are quality time, touch, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. They are a useful guide to how best to love certain individuals, and apply well to most relationships. However, whether it is romantic, familial, or platonic love, those with ADHD often speak a slightly different love language than most other people.

ADHD is a disorder that affects a person’s brain development. This affects the way they think, communicate, and perceive the world. Everyone with ADHD has unique traits, but similarly, the ADHD community has many common struggles and experiences.

They might not be able to articulate much of their perspective, and many people are diagnosed later in life. Learning more about ADHD, and particularly how best to love those with ADHD, will help both you and them have a more harmonious connection. Here are five ways you can do that:

Be present with them as they work

When neurotypical people complete a task, no matter how trivial or important it is, they receive a small amount of dopamine each time, making them feel satisfied. People with ADHD do not get dopamine in this way at all, and even the smallest of tasks feels unbearably boring and draining for them to do.

Along with having a dopamine deficit, those with ADHD have time blindness, meaning they cannot accurately gauge how long an activity has taken or will take. A five-minute chore to them might feel as if it’s taking hours to perform. A practical and loving way to help them is to simply sit with them as they work, even if you are focusing on your own activity and not directly engaging with them.

This concept is called body doubling, and it’s effective for neurodiverse people in a couple of different ways. Firstly, many people with ADHD are delighted and comforted when you sit with them as they work because they enjoy your company, but also because it holds them accountable in a non-threatening way.

Secondly, they tend to struggle to lock in and focus, or they become hyperfocused, making even a simple activity feel intense and draining. When you sit with them, even silently, they can better balance their focus and see the task through to its conclusion. Besides all of this, they retain their autonomy by working on the activity themselves, not relying on you to do it for them.

Celebrate small achievements

The habits that you perform every day, such as showering, brushing your teeth, and responding to emails, might seem trivial to you, but they are often hurdles that those with ADHD struggle to overcome. Even the smallest of tasks requires more focus and energy than you might realize. They might be distracted from completing activities that feel unstimulating or become overly intense about what they are doing, even if the stakes are low.

Try commending them any time you see them completing a task. It might be making the bed in the morning, drinking water, or finishing their homework assignments. When you realize how difficult it is for them to be consistent with the small things, your praise will be sincere.

Even though they derived no dopamine from the chore, they will likely feel good about having their achievements recognized and celebrated. This is true no matter how small they seemed. You might get bonus points for having a brief dance party with them as part of the celebration!

Prioritize spontaneity

People with ADHD need routine and structure to be productive, but they thrive on creativity and spontaneous fun. When you notice that their mood is flatter than usual, or if they seem exhausted and despondent, try suggesting a break in routine with something random to perk them up.

If you’re fresh out of ideas or exhausted, ask them what they feel like doing in that moment. Even if it’s impractical, expensive, or does not appeal to you in the moment, try going along with their suggestion. At least, you will begin to understand how they get recharged, and that is valuable information for any loved one.

If you do not love spontaneity yourself, try to keep a few secret ideas stashed away to surprise them with. You could prepare a secret picnic basket and keep it ready for a surprise road trip, for example. Or you might buy tickets for a concert, and keep the secret until the last minute.

The point is that spontaneous surprises will mean the world to your ADHD loved one, even if it’s taken a lot of planning on your part. There is always a compromise to be made when you are speaking someone else’s love language.

Hear them out when they are excited about something

There will come a time, or perhaps there will be many times in a week, when your ADHD loved one will get excited about something that sounds completely ridiculous or implausible to you.

For example, they might talk about doing some outrageous home renovations, or suggest a holiday that is out of your budget and that would require months of planning. Instead of immediately shutting them down or dismissing what you feel is a silly idea, try hearing them out.

The average person with ADHD has had to face more rejection, resistance, and dismissals than most neurotypicals will face in their entire lives. Related to this, most of those with ADHD have rejection-sensitivity disorder, meaning that they often feel crippling shame and guilt related to things they perceive as rejection.

The simple act of hearing them out, particularly when they are excited or in a hyper-focused mood, will mean more to them than you could imagine. The mood will pass, and you can revisit any ideas and apply logic to them later. The loving thing to do is to validate them by simply paying attention when they fantasize about something, and not bursting their bubble.

Provide regular reminders about things they often forget about

Your ADHD loved ones will frequently forget things and often feel terrible about it afterward. Don’t take it personally when they remember something work-related but forget about your birthday, for example. They have likely put a lot of effort into trying to remember the work-related thing to the point of forgetting about everything else.

If they have irked you or upset you with their forgetfulness, try letting go of your frustration and instead practice reminding them about the important things. Their forgetfulness isn’t personal, and your efforts to remind them of things can mean a lot to your relationship.

Try to be direct about your reminders. You might think that they will catch the hint if you circle a date on a calendar, allowing them to make a mental note of it. This might work in the moment, but it’s almost a guarantee that the information will be lost before an hour is up.

Instead, say something like, “Do you remember what tomorrow is?” and give them time to think about it. This is not a test of their loyalty, but rather as a way of ensuring you are both on the same page regarding important dates and events.

No one gets it right all the time, and relationships can get messy and frustrating, even without neurodiversity. If you need some extra support in your relationship or just somewhere to offload your concerns, consider meeting with a counselor. You can chat with someone who is well-versed in ADHD struggles and hear from their perspective. Contact us if this is something you are interested in.

Photo:
“Reading Together”, Courtesy of Toa Heftiba, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; 

Healing from Body Shame

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Many people struggle with body image issues. “Body image is a combination of the thoughts and feelings that you have about your body.” In a UK study from 2019, it showed that “one in five adults (20%) felt shame, just over one-third (34%) felt down or low, and 19% felt disgusted because of their body image in the last year.”

Body image issues can lead to other significant mental health problems, such as eating disorders, depression, suicidal ideation, and anxiety disorders. Body image and body shame are a bit different, because people can have a healthy or positive body image. Body shame is a newer term, and it’s different from body-shaming, which is making fun of someone or mistreating them because of some flaw (real or perceived) on their body.

Body shame is treating yourself that way – feeling and believing your body isn’t good for whatever reason and mistreating yourself because of that. Mistreating it could look like extreme diet and exercise, talking badly about it, having eating disorders, excessive plastic or corrective surgeries, problematic drug or alcohol use, engaging in high-risk sexual activity, hiding your body, or not giving it what it needs for health.

Body shame could originate from several things. Past trauma (especially sexual), but also emotional and physical abuse, can lead to debilitating body shame. Being bullied or teased as a child and young adult and being compared to others with different body types, can cause it. Constant social media or pictures of celebrities with “ideal” body types, perpetual and unwanted singleness, or a lot of unwanted romantic or sexual attention can also lead to body shame.

This is an issue with which so many struggle, and they are scared to talk about it. But it’s possible to begin healing from body shame, to begin seeing your body as good, no matter what it looks like. This article will only scratch the surface, and professional counseling may be the best route to work through all of it, but these are some steps to heal from body shame.

Healing from Body Shame

As you work through these steps, jot your feelings and thoughts down in a notebook. If you decide to get counseling for body shame, this notebook will help facilitate discussions between you and your counselor.

Create a timeline of the history of body shame

When was the first time you felt shame about your body or being in your own skin? Write out every single moment that stands out from childhood until now, every moment that you felt like you hated or despised your body. Think about the reason what that experience meant to you. Was it abusive in any way? Was it traumatic? Name everything that comes to mind.

Think about how you were hurt/ what you felt then

As you do this, with each memory, consider what you felt in that moment. Di you feel confusion, shame, embarrassment, loneliness, sadness, or anger? What did you feel then and what do you feel now as you remember? How was this situation hurtful? What was so hurtful about it?

What did you believe then

Next, think about what you believed then about the situation, the other people involved, and your body. This could have been the result of something someone said or how they acted toward you, but what belief began to take root? Were there any times you believed positive things about your body? When was that and what was that like?

What do you believe now

What do you believe now? Do you believe any of those negative things about your body today? Why or why not? Do you believe any positive things? What are those positive things? What do you like and dislike about your body? Name it all, no matter how difficult this may be. It’s important to be completely honest with yourself about it because honesty and vulnerability are ways people can heal from any type of shame.

Center on truth

Just because you think it doesn’t make it true, and just because someone said it to you or about you doesn’t make it true. What is true is that your body is good. When God made man and woman, he said they were good. That doesn’t just include their souls. It means everything, body and soul. It’s possible to begin believing your body is good, no matter its state or how it looks.

Truth doesn’t ignore the unhealthy things, though. If your body is unhealthy in any way, it’s important to recognize this truth and not ignore it. But you don’t want to slip into extreme mistreatment of your body because of negative thoughts and feelings. You want to center on the truth that your body is good.

Work toward forgiveness of those who’ve hurt you

It’s never okay to mistreat someone because of their body shape, size, or anything about their appearance. This is body-shaming and often abusive. Most of the time, it’s because of something someone did or said to you that led you to feel shame about your body. You’ve been able to identify what it was that hurt you most.

Now it’s time to move toward forgiveness. They might not have ever apologized for the wrong they did to you and may never. But holding that hurt and anger toward them will only hurt you more. It’s time to be free of the hold they have on you. Spend time practicing forgiveness.

Write out “I forgive _________ for ____________” in your journal, then speak each one out loud. It may take months or years to forgive repeatedly, but it’s an important step in your healing.

Move toward acceptance and healthy self-care

Self-acceptance and self-compassion are the highest goals here, because compassion is another way to break through shame. Spend some time treating your body as though it were good. Write positive affirmations on your mirror. Keep those same affirmations around your home or where you see them often. Tell them to yourself over and over again. Look in full-length mirrors at yourself and smile at yourself in the mirror.

Buy (and wear) clothes that flatter your body. Take good care of your body by eating healthy and exercising regularly. Prioritize rest. Moderate your alcohol consumption and don’t misuse substances. The goal here is not to be military-like, obsessive, or even shallow with yourself, but to treat your body as if it were good. What would it mean for you to accept the fact that your body is good and for you to treat it that way?

Set boundaries with people who continue to mistreat you

This may be one of the hardest steps because you’ll have to confront people. It’s only worth it to do this with people whom you want to remain in your life. You can share with them how you felt (or feel) when they said or did (or present tense) whatever hurts you and leads you to feel shame about your body. “I feel ____ when you _____.” Or “please stop saying ______ about my body. I don’t like it, and it makes me feel ______.” Or “I’m choosing to believe the best about myself.”

If they are presently saying negative things about your body, it will be up to you to stand up for yourself. This is a way of treating your body like it’s good. Consider what boundary you’d like to put in place. For example, never talk about physical appearance with a specific person or not shopping with that person. It could be that you decide to only talk positively about your body and others’ bodies around that person.

Whatever your boundary, you’ll need to communicate it to the one who keeps hurting you. If that person continues to disrespect the boundaries you have in place, you may choose to spend less time with them altogether. They aren’t proving to be safe people, and it’s difficult to heal from body shame with unsafe people in your life. Meeting with a counselor can help you know how to set boundaries with others to protect yourself from further shame.

Body shame doesn’t have to ruin your life. You can fight back. You can heal and believe your body is good, and you can treat it like it’s good, too. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help from a compassionate counselor so you can fully heal from body shame.

References:
https://nedc.com.au/eating-disorders/eating-disorders-explained/body-image/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/body-image-report/exec-summary#:~:text=New%20body%20image%20statistics,-New%20online%20surveys&text=One%20in%20five%20adults%20(20,image%20in%20the%20last%20year.

Photos:
“Woman on the Beach”, Courtesy of Dan Torres, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Woman on the Beach”, Courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Woman on the Beach”, Courtesy of Darko Trajkovic, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Uprooting Bitterness as a Christian

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As Christians, we are called to uproot bitterness. It isn’t an easy task, but it is an important one. To take on Christlikeness, we need to steer clear of a mindset of hatred and other sins. We also need to adopt a grateful heart that recognizes our position with God and honors Him. Bitterness has the potential to interfere with one’s mindset and heart for God.

What Bitterness Is Like

I’ve been patient for years. When is it his turn to have some patience? Doesn’t my husband understand I’m only human? Why can’t he stop what he’s doing long enough to take care of my needs for once? 

I can’t believe we are back here again. Why do I even have to ask? It’s basic decency to help around our own house. Taking out the trash is the least of the things he can do. Why can’t he just do it? Why does it have to come with an attitude? Don’t make me ask then! Take it out already!

All she does is nag me. How’s anyone supposed to take that? If she doesn’t want me to yell at her, then why won’t she shut up? All I want is for her to show me some kind of love and to stop bringing up things that make me angry. It’s like, why can’t she leave it alone? 

The above examples are all temptations to and/or displays of active bitterness. When bitterness takes over, it makes it all about what the other person must do to make us feel better. It quickly runs the show and breeds hatred and stubbornness. At its core, bitterness is self-idolizing. In other words, it’s selfish.

Who is the problem?

Without uprooting bitterness, as Christians, we take on the mindset of the world. A self-idolizing one that excludes God and promotes disobedience. “She’s the problem” quickly turns into, “I’m not God, only He would put up with something so long.”

Thinking such things ignores the wisdom of the following Bible passages:

  • Matthew 5:48
  • Matthew 16:24
  • Mark 8:34
  • Luke 9:23
  • Leviticus 11:44-45
  • Leviticus 19:2
  • Leviticus 20:7
  • Leviticus 20:26
  • Matthew 5:48
  • Hebrews 12:14
  • 1 Thessalonians 4:7
  • 2 Corinthians 7:1
  • Ephesians 1:4
  • Romans 12:1
  • Romans 6-7
  • 1 John 3:3
  • Isaiah 35:8
  • Isaiah 57:15

All these scriptures point to our God wanting His children to be holy like Him. The encouraging news is, He who calls us enables us. For as Romans argues, what did Jesus die for but for us to stop living in sin? Bitterness allows us to ignore these scriptural teachings and adopt our own deceptive thinking.

Bitterness calls us to demand our own way and serve ourselves as masters. Jesus warned us that “one cannot serve two masters.” If this isn’t a case for uprooting bitterness, I’m not sure what is.

So, for those of you who are still reading and convinced bitterness must go, let me now shift to how we can uproot bitterness as Christians. Becoming Christlike involves denying ourselves. In order to uproot bitterness, we need to start by recognizing it. Bitterness starts in the earliest stages of grumbling and complaining. Raising a complaint against someone has its place, but it is not something that God takes lightly.

God’s Measuring Tape

One trigger for bitterness (our own as well as what we provoke others) is judging without God’s measuring tape. We are called to use judgment so that we and others are drawn back to Christ.

To make sure our judgments are according to God’s measuring tape, and not our own, we need to use the Bible to see if our judgments match God’s or if we are adding to the requirements God has already set.

A sign that your judgments may be outside of God’s is if you are assigning time. Our timing often doesn’t match God’s, nor does our patience. So, if you’re tempted to expect something in a specific time, you must check that with God’s Word to see if it’s His judgment or your own at play. Setting ourselves up with godly expectations reduces opportunities for bitterness all around.

Squashing grumbles/complaints

Squashing grumbling and complaining is where uprooting bitterness as a Christian has to start. At least it needs to be given priority.

Grumbling and complaining are not only bad for the spirit, but they are an offense to God. In addition, grumbling and complaining don’t just breed bitterness; they are the beginning of wrath (i.e., explosive anger) and cruelty.

A way to squash grumbling and complaining is to catch them happening and replace them with any mix of the following:

  • A deep breath
  • Gratitude
  • Honorable thoughts
  • Beautiful Thoughts
  • Thoughts of something worthy of praise
  • Positive song
  • Dance movement
  • A Hug
  • Stretching
  • Change of task
  • Change of rooms
  • Drink of water
  • Bite of something pleasant
  • Telling someone something positive
  • Smile
  • Pet a pet
  • Exercise move (squat, push-up, etc.)
  • Extended eye contact
  • Quick little positive moments to replace quick little negative ones.

This helps to train your brain to develop a more positive way of coping with the negative that’s making you grumble.

How the Fear of the Lord Helps Christians Uproot Bitterness

If the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, then it is the best starting point for working anything out. There is ample wisdom that comes from the fear of the Lord in relation to uprooting bitterness.

Remember who God is

Remembering who God is reminds us that it is He from whom our help comes, who is the ultimate judge, and to whom we are accountable. When it comes to uprooting bitterness as a Christian, taking time to remember God for who He is decreases our overall stress and humbles us at the same time.

Remember who we are

Remembering who we are in relation to God also helps us maintain humility. Remembering that we are not the judge of all the earth, nor are we perfect, and we have little room to judge, helps to prevent bitterness from growing.

Remember who we are in Christ

Because of Christ, the Christian is set free. We are cleansed by His blood and forgiven. Salvation is the prize set before us. When we focus on this, we can replace our grumblings with gratitude.

The soul’s focus also applies to the other person. As a brother or sister in Christ, they are running the race with you, chosen by the same God. As an unbeliever, they are a soul over whom Jesus is the judge, and His judgment is perfect.

In any situation, remembering who we are in Christ can lift the spirit and spur us on to good works; thus, the uprooting of bitterness takes place.

Not easy, but worth it

Uprooting bitterness is not easy, but it is worth it. While one could argue that a lack of bitterness is simply a good thing, what really makes uprooting bitterness so worthwhile is the strengthening of our relationships.

Our relationships with one another, with strangers and family, and with God impact our lives. The health of these relationships determines whether that impact is positive or negative, and uprooting the illness helps lessen the negative impact all around.

If uprooting bitterness does not lead to a healthier relationship between you and someone else because things still need to be worked on, it will still help you relate to the world with more peace in your heart and a cleaner standing with God.

If you are struggling with bitterness or any other type of anger and are finding it difficult to manage, reach out to our reception team to schedule an appointment with me or one of the other counselors in our association.

Photos:
“Bedroom Tiff”, Courtesy of sasint, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Three Crosses”, Courtesy of geralt, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Daughters”, Courtesy of Pixabay, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Weight of the World: Exercising Self-Compassion with Weight Issues

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For many years, managing weight issues has focused on getting smaller as the primary goal. In a society that emphasizes appearance, we attach feelings of worth and attractiveness to our weight. In the process of reaching for an ideal derived from an unrealistic, outside standard, we injure ourselves.

Dieting that depletes and exercising to exhaustion are not the only culprits. The battle begins in our minds when we use shame to punish ourselves for enjoying food or belittle ourselves when we do not work out. This mindset hinders us from moving toward the goal we desire. The result is we accumulate more baggage internally and additional weight externally.

We are pulled into perpetuating cycles of shame and regret. We cause physical damage to ourselves by denying essential nutrition or overworking our bodies to compensate for our choices. Instead of celebrating wins and receiving compassion, we trap ourselves in behavior patterns that internalize shame and sometimes project it onto others.

Unpacking Weight Issues: Practical and Spiritual Insight

Our appearance may not always reflect the inputs made in our weight loss journey. Every metabolism differs. We must pay attention to other measures such as blood pressure and glucose levels which may offer a snapshot that differs from our preferred clothing size.

Our medical teams may support us by establishing healthy and realistic goals, based on the information gathered. They may also share relevant insight about the combination of exercise, eating practices, and medical interventions that work for where we are in life.

Physical health is important. Weight issues are known to exacerbate many preventable ailments. However, weight alone is not the only significant indicator of one’s health status. Consult with your healthcare providers to better understand your particular body.

When the focus is on the negative, we lose sight of the positive aspects of navigating weight issues. We forget or perhaps never considered that we can enjoy the journey of learning to eat well and exercise without judgment and penalty. Moving toward better health requires a mindset change, choosing to embrace the benefits beyond appearance.

Movement promotes comprehensive rewards, not only the result of modifying our appearance, but also in the process that affects us internally through healthy esteem, reduced stress, better heart rate, increased energy level, and improved sleep quality.

When we couple movement with fresh perspective, we elevate its impact. For example, when we work out with a friend, we receive the benefit of shared time, encouragement, and accountability that transforms healthy habits into a lifestyle.

With God, our workout upgrades routine exercise into a worship experience that nurtures the spirit while recharging the body. When it comes to weight issues, exercise plays a role in our resilience and builds us up physically, while multiplying benefits for our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Getting to the Root

Weight often accumulates as a result of a deeper issue. When we use food to cope and comfort unresolved pain, we hide and shield ourselves from the One who can heal. As with many addictions, we cover ourselves with the substance or focus of our craving to then cloak in shame, not wanting to be seen.

This reminds us of the Garden where Adam and Eve sinned against God. Their choice grieved them and God, forcing them into the shadows instead of bringing their hearts into the light with Him. We repeat those errors, born out of ignorance and our own volition. These heart matters require a natural and spiritual resolution.

Self-compassion is where we begin to heal the natural and spiritual. Part of this includes treating ourselves as God does. He does not punish us for a missed workout or insult us for additional portions, but rather releases kindness to redeem what is lost and move us forward in hope and strength.

The lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “i have loved you with an everlasting love; i have drawn you with unfailing kindness. – Jeremiah 31:3, NIV

The Worth Factor

Where does this hateful attitude originate? It comes from the accuser who overwhelms us. He prompts us to seek solace with foods that offer temporary comfort. Then, he blames us, needling us with harmful thoughts. If this is not how God treats us, why do we tolerate it?

We wrongly believe that we deserve it and punish ourselves as a result. As the accuser, the enemy wants to berate us and thwart our progress. When we indulge negative thoughts, feelings, and actions, we sabotage our own journey. What is left for the enemy to do if he has persuaded us to align with his mission to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10)? We do that when we speak punitively to and about ourselves.

If we want to shift the way we manage weight issues, we must come into agreement with what will propel us forward in triumph with God.

Three Agreements for Change

Agree to see yourself the way God sees you. The Word of God is a mirror. Choose to perceive yourself through the eternal lens, thinking and speaking about yourself in the same way as God. Begin with the Bible’s truth to discover His heart for you and include this in your self-talk, as you read scripture aloud and affirm it over yourself.

Whether you have wrestled with weight issues as a result of health circumstances, life changes, or as long as you can remember, it does not matter. Your identity remains as one who is created with unique purpose (Ephesians 2:10).

Agree to let your food be your medicine, not your drug. There is a difference. Allow its macro and micronutrients to heal and answer your body’s hunger and need. Use food to gratify an appetite, not to fill a void. Do not allow shame attached to weight and addiction issues to taunt you or stuff your pain in secret. One of the first steps is to partner with God to receive His compassion and reset our self-concept with His Word.

We can cultivate enjoyment of the flavors and textures of food that God has placed in the earth (1 Timothy 6:17). Healthy lifestyle information may be readily available through classes, friends and family, websites, support groups, or cookbooks. These resources demonstrate and inspire us to blend creativity and fun into fresh approaches that feeds and move us from the inside out.

We can invite God and others into an experience that pleases our palates and mutually fills. Satisfaction emerges to not only savor our food experience, but also, to offer moments with God and memories with those He is placed in our lives.

Agree to embrace the future and hope that is yours in Christ. You can create experiences with cooking, eating, and movement without fashioning an idol out of food or our weight issues.

Whether you have lost, gained, or maintained weight, where you are is not your end. You are more than a collection of successes, failures, and attempts. God has your future on His mind (Jeremiah 29:11). What you have gained or lost is a plot twist in your evolving story with Him.

Carving a New Path

Burdens of shame can sometimes lead to overeating, secret binging. and hoarding that causes us to squirrel food, indulge in private, and then feel guilty for it. It robs us of what is rightfully ours as kingdom sons and daughters. Jesus wants us to bring our heaviness (Matthew 11:28-30). He loves us into the light, drawing out of shame’s looming shadows. He wants to exchange our weight issues for His empowering grace and joy.

The process of working through our weight issues is essential. More than reaching a goal weight, we learn how to think creatively with God, not only about our food but also about movement. We go deeper into our hearts where we face the lies and limit the beliefs that have burdened us. Following the Holy Spirit into the path carved by our weight issues, we can invite God into our isolation to heal pain and fill our heart hunger with His righteousness, peace, and joy.

Next Steps

As with many difficult journeys, we were not meant to shoulder the weight without help. Between Christ, community, and wise counsel, God has furnished us with what we need to overcome and endure. Reach out today to contact a therapist through our site. You will find someone to support you with the compassion and grace to release weight issues you were never intended to carry alone.

Photos:
“Loving Heart”, Courtesy of Giulia Bertelli, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Praying”, Courtesy of Naassom Azevedo, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Walking Down the Road”, Courtesy of Emma Simpson, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Healthy Breakfast”, Courtesy of Vitalii Pavlyshynets, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

What is EMDR Therapy? How It Can Help

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Trauma affects people differently. Some people are affected in such a way that they need extensive treatment for their mental health issues. Traumatic situations can create memories that cause people to have a variety of mental issues such as PTSD. One type of therapy that is becoming more widely used is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, or EMDR.

This method of therapy for trauma revolves around eye movements as you process memories of traumatic experiences. The main goal of this treatment is to help you heal from those experiences and move toward better mental health. The most helpful aspect of EMDR is that it is based on the body rather than just talking about the problem. This can be helpful for those who are affected by PTSD, panic disorders, depression, and anxiety.

How does EMDR help with PTSD?

To understand how EMDR can help PTSD, you need to understand what PTSD is and how it affects people. PTSD is one of the most common mental health issues related to trauma. There are thousands of people who deal with post-traumatic stress disorder each day.

PTSD was at one time associated with combat veterans but has been expanded to include those who have experienced a serious event such as rape, terrorist act, sex trafficking, natural disaster, or serious accident and injury.

Those who suffer from PTSD usually show signs of having flashbacks and may seem detached from people. They do not want to be around any situation or person that may remind them of the traumatic event.

To overcome these feelings and behaviors, those with PTSD may engage in therapy with a counselor who is trained to understand PTSD and its effects. In addition to these therapies, medication can also be prescribed to control some of the core symptoms of PTSD.

Treatment with EMDR

For those who suffer from PTSD, treatment using EMDR is not like most treatment plans. There is no requirement to talk about the details of the traumatic event. Other therapies involve discussion of details and the event which can be extremely difficult in some instances. EMDR therapy is often shorter than other therapy plans.

By using mechanisms through the nervous system, PTSD sufferers can experience healing through EMDR by having memories desensitized. This is done by allowing the brain to relearn to orient in a way that the mind will understand that the event has passed.

To help the brain relearn, the sufferer is taught how to use reasoning to think about the events in a more positive way. Also, EMDR allows for the visual intensity of the event to be lessened. Using a process called “rest and digest” the body can begin to get a sense of healing from PTSD.

How does EMDR help with anxiety and depression?

Even though it is not one of the most prominent treatments for anxiety and depression, EMDR is growing in its use for those who suffer from debilitating anxiety. Much the same for PTSD, EMDR helps anxiety/depression sufferers recognize how to find a positive reaction to memories using eye movements. As there is no requirement for talking during the EMDR session, it seems less invasive to the person who suffers from anxiety or depression.

By learning to shift away from the thoughts that trigger anxiety, the sufferer can experience calmness through more positive thinking. A good EMDR therapist can help walk you through the process of understanding how to remove yourself from the place of anxiety to a more serene thought process.

In treating depression, EMDR will help the sufferer replace negative thoughts or beliefs with positive affirmations. By learning to visually focus on something positive the person suffering from anxiety will be able to replace the negative trigger with a more calming thought.

The Process of EMDR Sessions

Understanding the process of the EMDR sessions can also help answer the question, “What is EMDR?” The first step is to discuss whether or not you are going to be emotionally strong enough to handle working through the traumatic memories. This will be done with your therapist so you can be given skills to manage the emotions that may arise. This is done by sharing your background with your therapist.

The next part of the EMDR session involves creating a plan that will lead you through the trauma and its different aspects. You and your therapist will discuss which part or event you will work through first. You will discuss how the event has affected your life mentally and physically.

The final step of the sessions is to begin using eye movements as you talk about the memory. This is done by the therapist who will use a finger or other object to have you look from side to side. There have also been instances where headphones and sounds are used. There is no right or wrong answer when you are engaged in EMDR. You let your mind travel through its thoughts and make any connections needed.

What is the controversy about EMDR?

What is EMDR is the simple question. What is the controversy is the more difficult question. While there is not one specific reason for controversy, the biggest one seems to be that there is a lack of knowledge surrounding the true benefits of EMDR.

The concern is about the side effects that may include heightened emotional sensitivity, headaches, and vivid dreams. Should any of the effects be experienced it is important to discuss them with your therapist so that they can help you adjust the treatment sessions.

Additionally, there are concerns that there is no evidence to show that a person is healed from the trauma, but rather they become disassociated from the trauma. Some believe there can be a negative effect and that EMDR can worsen the issues.

How effective is EMDR?

The effectiveness of EMDR is still undergoing study. Most of the studies show that there is a relief of emotional stress in those who have undergone EMDR. It has also been noted that there could be some relief of muscle pain due to tension from episodes of anxiety and that EMDR can be effective in treating most symptoms of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and even substance abuse disorders.

Biblical Aspects of EMDR

While the Bible has no answers to the question of what is EMDR, it can be used as a guide to help create a faith-based treatment plan using EMDR. God did not intend for us to remain broken from traumatic experiences.

In a cruel world that is filled with sin bad things happen. God never intended for us to experience the bad things that cause us to have PTSD. But He knew that with the combination of the world and our sinful nature we would experience things that break us and beat us down.

Learning to understand how God sees us when we are suffering from these things can help us begin to see the positive side that EMDR leads us to. Understanding how God created us and how He wants to heal us is important. This, in combination with EMDR, can greatly benefit those who are suffering from mental issues related to traumatic experiences.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18, NASB

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3, NASB

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13, NASB

Peace I leave you, My peace I give you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, nor fearful. – John 14:27, NASB

Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. – Isaiah 40:31, NASB

Next Steps

If you would like to find out more information about EMDR and if it is the right treatment for you, contact a therapist near you to discuss your options.

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