Emotions are Normal: Using Your Emotions as a Source of Strength

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Emotions are normal, and yet they can cause deep pain and trouble in life. The knowledge and understanding of emotions have grown to a place where terms such as OCD, narcissistic, panic attacks, and trauma are commonplace, and depression and anxiety are known as everyday struggles.

Naturally, at such times, people want solutions to stop their emotions. Something else that happens is people strive to protect their emotions. Either extreme is based on a skewed view of emotions. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help individuals develop a balanced approach to understanding and managing their emotions.

Let’s normalize having emotions again

Happiness, anger, sadness, fear, and all of the other feelings named after these basic emotions have something in common. They are a normal part of the human experience. To have emotions is to be human. The Bible readily demonstrates this. From Adam and Eve, we can see emotions play a part in their behavior. From happiness to fear we can see all of the emotions on display. We rejoice when things go well.

Many find themselves relating with David as he laments in the Psalms. Most can understand the anger displayed against those who did wrong. So much of the fear displayed can be just as relatable. Emotions are not only normal, but they also serve a purpose. In fact, more than one.

Emotions are a source of strength

Appropriate for this lifetime, before Jesus comes back, are all of our emotions. Each of the emotions plays a role in leaving us longing for an eternity with God.

Happiness gives us all the illusion of simply enjoying life on this earth. However, as everything good comes from God, we can know that once God removes Himself from the earth there will be no such thing as something to smile about. Happiness allows us to taste His goodness and long for more of it.

Anger is a great emotion to draw us closer to God and be heaven-minded. Anger, when it rises because of someone sinning, aligns us with God’s hate of sin. Sinning in our anger allows us to see ourselves as we are and know that we do not deserve heaven, thereby bringing us to cling to the good news of the gospel.

Fear of God, which can come from recognizing our sin and understanding our breaking of God’s law, is the beginning of wisdom and drives us to salvation. Fear of the consequences of sin that is not our own brings a longing for heaven.

Sadness brings a similar longing for heaven. Whether it is remorse or grief, experiencing this normal emotion brings a longing for heaven. Once we recognize God’s presence as the answer, our emotions appropriately all bring about a longing for heaven.

A time for everything

No emotion is abnormal, and each emotion is appropriate for its certain time on this side of heaven. I can’t speak for heaven itself, other than there will be no more tears or pain.

Anger is normal to feel when sin steals and destroys. A hatred for sin is normal. So is sinning in our anger. There’s no settling for the sin in either instance just because anger is normal.

Fear is normal to feel when sin is revealed. It drives us to seek safety and stray from danger. Even the brokenness of the fallen world can strike fear in us. Fear reveals our need for a savior.

Sadness is normal to feel when sin steals and destroys. Whether you have a broken and contrite heart over your sin and need to repent, or you have felt the devastating effects of sin by another, sadness is supposed to be felt.

Emotions cannot be erased

If you are human, you have emotions. They are an innate part of us and cannot be erased. In fact, it can be scary not to feel anything. Physically speaking, the inability to feel anything removes a quality of life and safety mechanisms from the person. One of the scariest things for a parent is having a child who cannot feel physical pain because that child is then likely to have ailments they will ignore-even as severe as burnt flesh or broken bones.

Speaking in the area of emotions, when one does not feel anything, it often drives individuals to extremes, such as seeking physical pain for a replacement or disengaging with life and succumbing to the numbness they feel. Either extreme decreases the quality of life, and the safety emotions provide. Life would be much more difficult without emotions.

Since emotions cannot be gotten rid of, it is important to learn how to manage them and when to trust them. Emotions being an innate part of us means they are there automatically, but as humans are not perfect, emotions can respond to stimuli incorrectly. Simply put, at times our emotions can act out of our control and fire without warning, and sometimes, without cause. This drives the need to learn how to manage them.

Putting emotions to the test

Learning how to manage our emotions means testing them. Taking emotions for face value can lead to trouble if there is no call for the emotion and/or the amount of emotion in the first place.

How does one know which emotions to test and which emotions to go along with? Start with the emotions that cause the most difficulty in relationships and/or life in general. Are there any emotions that cause strife between you and a loved one? Is this a repetitive problem? That’s where you should start.

Once you’ve established a target, you can question it by asking for evidence that both supports and refutes its validity. Arguably, you can feel that something is a big deal where evidence may not point to it being so. If you have big feelings about something and those feelings are driving behavior that results in repetitive conflict, it will not be easy to test these feelings.

The next question is to ask where your circle of control is. With an understanding of what you do and do not have control over, you can start to explore areas of support that will help you manage these emotions most appropriately.

Once awareness, understanding, and support are established, you can continue to manage your emotions through practice. In a perfect world, questioning our emotions would be unnecessary. Unfortunately, on this side of heaven, sin is at play in everything.

Sin makes things complicated

Emotions are normal, but in this world, emotions are laden with sin. Instead of leading us away from sin and toward God, they can lead us toward sin and away from God. Complicating matters even further are the influence of other sinners and the overwhelming brokenness of this world. The nature of sin at play in our emotions drives the desire of many to rid themselves of the emotions altogether.

Sin is a normal part of this broken world. It does not, however, mean that we are at the mercy of sin. We can overcome sin and move past its devastating effects with the help of the Holy Spirit. Moving past is not easy, just as the managing of emotions comes with much effort.

Normal anger can bring about enslaving habits of outrage and cruelty with devastating shame, brokenness, and remorse to follow. Moving past the devastating effects of sinful anger can mean seeking forgiveness, improving the management of the anger, as well as releasing shame.

Sadness commonly brings about the destruction of connections with those around you and/or with God. It can cause a habit of mind where you think less of yourself than what is true or produce a skewed view of God and His promises. The chains of sadness can make it difficult to hope. Moving past these effects of sinful sadness brings connection, the ability to hold on to truth, and breathes hope into all circumstances.

Fear, in all of its sinful nature, brings about the destruction of trust and decreases access to truth. Moving past these effects can look like restoring access to support, shining a light on truth, and building a firm foundation to stand on.

Fighting through normal emotions and all of the effects of sin that complicate them can be difficult. The most important part is that you do not do it alone, but with God, and if possible, with another person who can point you to God. This is the best way to approach managing your emotions.

Reach out to me or one of the other Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in our online directory today if you find yourself needing support in managing your emotions and all of the thoughts and behaviors that they bring out.

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How to Read Scripture About Worry in Context

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If you struggle with anxiety, fear, or worry, you may have tried memorizing Bible verses to help you in tough moments. However, if you’ve tried that and it hasn’t helped as much as you would like, it might be because Scripture about worry should always be studied – and ingested – in context.

Of course, the study of Scripture, regardless of the topic, should always be done in context to what’s around it. This is especially true when looking at scriptures about worry. It’s essential. Otherwise, the Bible becomes a pat answer to pacify what may feel like an irrational fear. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling encourages a thoughtful, contextual understanding of Scripture to help manage worry and find peace in faith.

When we cherry-pick verses to medicate our wounds and worries, Scripture doesn’t lose its power, but it may feel like it does because the authority of the text isn’t gleaned. Instead, context helps us recognize that every verse is written in a chapter, and every chapter is held in a book of the Bible, and every book of the Bible was written at a specific time in history to a certain audience with its cultural mores.

Taking Scripture in context can be the difference between short-term memory acquisition and keeping it in your long-term memory.

Zooming in and zooming out on Scripture about worry

In Psalm 1:2, we read that the blessed man’s “delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law, he meditates day and night.” The “delight” here is akin to bending toward. To bend toward, or lean closer, to Scripture is to be ever careful with it, having a learner’s mindset.

The term “meditates” here signifies applied thought and reflection aimed at turning scripture over repeatedly. It is reflecting on what it means and reading it alongside prayer and worship with God.

Yes, context needs to include reading a scripture about worry in the context of an entire chapter. It also needs to be read with the mindset of learning and leaning into what God would help you to understand about that verse and chapter.

To read Scripture apart from a recognition of God’s presence is nothing more than reading the dictionary. It is learning for learning’s sake rather than learning for understanding and application.

If worry is a considerable struggle, you’ve likely sought God’s Word to soothe what fears you have. Once you have sought the Word in context to its chapter and verse, you can zoom out – as if taking a photo with a wide lens – to look at the context of the verse and the chapter within the book, as well as the cultural period that it took place in.

Too many people have been hurt by improper applications of Scripture because they lacked the cultural context of what was happening when the Scripture was originally recorded. God inspires all Scripture according to 2 Timothy 3:16-17, so we know it stands the test of time and is trustworthy.

We can also dig into it deeply to ensure we can see where the original hearers came from.

Using Greek and Hebrew dictionaries

Another way to read Scripture about worry in context is to use a Greek and Hebrew dictionary to look up repeated words or phrases that stand out to you. Many Bibles now have Greek and Hebrew dictionaries in the back, so it’s easier than ever to look up the original meaning.

For example, the scripture about worry that many people quote from Philippians 4:6 can’t be properly gleaned without also reading verse seven and then looking at who Paul was speaking to at the time. He was most likely addressing a group of Roman believers who had come to follow Christ as a result of Paul’s ministry there. They were Gentiles, and Paul was writing to teach them how to “stand firm” as he expressed in the first verse of the chapter.

One of those ways these young believers can stand firm is by not being “anxious,” according to the English Standard Version of verse six. However, upon further study, the word here in Greek means something closer to not becoming distracted by anxious cares.

The meaning of this scripture about worry is deepened significantly when you explore the root words. It could be read that you are never to worry, or it can be read that worries are natural to the human experience but allowing them to consume and distract us from God’s purpose and love is not what He desires for us.

Using prayer with Scripture about worry

The final tip for examining Scripture about worry through context is in prayer, privately and corporately. Ask God for its meaning in your own life and a group of trusted Christian friends.

God designed His Word to be lived out in community, so it’s important to learn with others and pray about the meaning of Scripture within a larger scope than your own. When your perspective is clouded or your view of a passage is limited, considering how others read it can be helpful. There is a reason this is the final tip to studying Scripture about worry in context.

Only after you’ve dug into the verse, chapter, and book of the Bible, exploring contextual cultural clues, can you begin to form your understanding of how to apply the Scripture to your struggles and challenges. Ultimately, you will recognize its impact on the Church and, together, understand its meaning and application.

Reaching out for help

We have counselors who are trained in examining Scripture about worry to help you overcome fears and anxieties that keep you from living a victorious life. Reach out to us today so that we can match you with a licensed professional counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling, California who believes in the power of prayer and Scripture to bring healing and hope.

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Navigating Negative Thoughts and Emotions

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Navigating negative thoughts and emotions can be like treading water with an anvil or two in tow. When the negative thoughts start, negative emotions follow, and vice versa. Commonly, one or two negative thoughts can lead to more and avalanche into a full heap of negative emotions.

Overwhelming negative thoughts and emotions can lead to difficulty finding calm, peace, and or rest. They can disrupt marriages and relationships of any kind and can make it hard to go to work or participate in regular activities.

Negative thoughts and emotions can come after a crisis or in the middle of an average day when a memory of a negative experience pops up. They can arise during a conversation gone wrong, or during an activity not quite going your way. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers support to help navigate these emotions and cultivate positive change.

Below are some practical tips to help you when your emotions are overwhelming and your thoughts aren’t leading to peace.

Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts, for the sake of this article, are defined as thoughts that are distorted, unhelpful, extreme, and/or without total truth. The truth is, they just happen. Negative thoughts can come out of nowhere.

Negative thinking can be set on repeat as neuropathways form. Your brain can start to make a habit out of negative thinking whether or not the circumstances are different.

It can become difficult to realize that the negative thoughts are a habit instead of a proper response. Some people find the negative thoughts more trustworthy than the positive thoughts.

Automatic negative thoughts are readily trusted the most and are common among all people. Many people have studied automatic negative thinking (ANT) and they’ve categorized negative thoughts into several common types.

A few of the most common ANTs are:

  • Mind reading (“I know what they are thinking!”).
  • Fortune telling (“This is what’s going to happen, I just know it”).
  • Thinking with emotions (“I am just telling you how I feel, so that’s the way it is”).
  • Focusing on the negative (“Everything blows up in my face. I’m never right.”)
  • Thinking with emotions (“Things are always how they seem – good or bad.”)

When ANTs take over, it is like a negative thought invasion. We experience a flood of emotions and cycle through the thinking over and over. The negative thoughts just keep coming.

This invasion often drives negative behavior. Because the ANTs are automatic in nature, they can go unnoticed before it’s too late and an invasion occurs. We can help the negative thought invasion from happening if we adopt certain practices.

How to help negative thoughts

The first thing about helping yourself avoid an ANT invasion is to get good at finding the automatic negative thoughts in the first place. When you become aware of the problem you can more easily address it.

The next step is to not let the negative thoughts carry on without a challenge. Stop assuming they are true, and start using discernment. How this works can look different for each individual. Some individuals will be able to navigate the challenge of negative thoughts by themselves. The use of humor, reasoning, or other means will enable them to move past the negative emotions with simple effort.

On the other hand, the individual who has invasions of negative thoughts that have gone unchallenged for years may need help in challenging the negative thoughts and figuring out what is trustworthy and what isn’t. This help can come in the form of a trusted individual, a pastor, or even a therapist. An outside perspective can help you get in touch with present reality and wade through the negative thoughts.

Negative emotions

Negative emotions are slightly different than ANTs, though they naturally come together in most instances. The first thing to know is that we are primed to trust them because emotions help keep us alive and functioning. Negative emotions are often not based on reality and lead to dysfunctional behavior when followed.

Not all negative emotions are untrustworthy, however. Emotions act as alarms, telling us that something is going on. Emotions are an important part of our lives, helping us navigate this world and connect with others. However, emotions cannot always differentiate between what is real or not. Emotions can react in the same way to both a real threat and a perceived threat when no actual threat is there.

Think of it as seeing a shadow through the window. Your fear may prick up and your emotions may alert you to something scary outside. Your thinking may take the alarm and trust it is scary, assuming it has to be a criminal. In all actuality, it is simply a balloon stuck in the tree.

Again, negative emotions are important, but they have no reasoning capabilities to navigate beyond reacting. They cannot develop a complex response, but are instinctual, without logic or reasoning capabilities. They can, however, be trained.

A warning from a mother about the fire can create a healthy fear that keeps the child from getting too close. Training our emotions can happen without really trying. One disappointing experience with a spouse can lead to a feeling of disappointment even if nothing similar happens again.

These are unhealthy emotions, based on faulty thinking and unhelpful assumptions. They still serve the same purpose, to keep us safe from pain, but they do so even when the danger is not really there.

How to help negative emotions

When negative emotions are completely overwhelming, it is important to focus your attention on the simple necessities in life. These include breathing, drinking water, eating food (something simple), movement, and resting. When we focus on the simple it allows for the negative emotions to settle more easily.

Another thing to consider when facing strong negative emotions is waiting. Give time for your emotions to cool off before making decisions. When dealing with anger specifically, the Bible tells us to work it out with Him, instead of reacting toward someone without hesitation (Psalm 44-5 and Ephesians 4:26-27).

For both negative thoughts and negative emotions

As said before, often there’s a mixture of negative thoughts and emotions that can overcome us. In times of facing both of them, it is best to consider a three-pronged approach:

  • Connect with wise counsel, therapist, pastor, elder, etc.
  • Put it to the test of Scripture.
  • Pray (the most powerful tool we have)

Navigating negative thoughts and emotions is a task we all face. You can overcome negative cycles of both by taking steps to change the response. This doesn’t erase the negative thoughts and emotions. Instead, it trains them to be in their place for their best uses.

Simplified and positive uses of emotions:

  • Anger is meant to help us respond to right and wrong, good and evil, and help us to stand in righteous ways apart from sin.
  • Sadness is meant to help us respond to good and evil, bringing us to long for God, and helping us to turn away from our sin.
  • Fear is meant to drive us and keep us from evil and wrong to good and right. Fear brings us to seek God and walk in His ways.
  • Happiness/joy is meant to bring us close to God as we know His goodness.

Emotions can be a positive thing, but when they are misused or inordinate, they require support to calm down. Taking these simple mechanisms of care and intention can make a big difference for most people. Connecting with others who can remain calm and help you engage in healthy coping is an important tool to use at any point of being overwhelmed or negative thoughts and emotions. A Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can provide the support you need.

If you need any help in facing ANTs, the overwhelming force of negative emotions, or both, reach out to us at huntingtonbeachchristiancounseling.com today.

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One Thing I Do to Improve My Mental Health as a Christian Therapist

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As with life, highs and lows, tragedies and excitements, trials and redemptions are normal. No one is born with the readiness to handle such things. Though there are several tools, there are no guarantees and no perfect formula for all of life. Here is one thing I do to improve my mental health as a Christian therapist.

Narrowing down the tools I’ve used over the past decades was a struggle, but to keep it simple I wanted to select just one. Keep in mind, this one has many by its side throughout every situation isn’t a cure-all. To select the most effective tool, over the years I’ve decidedly used the Bible as my sieve to week out the tools and pieces of advice that lead to nowhere. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers guidance to help individuals apply biblical wisdom for lasting change and healing.

Doesn’t a therapist have the advantage?

You might ask, “Does training to be a therapist make a difference?” The answer is “yes,” and “no.”

There’s an advantage to training for something. In this case, it gives greater exposure to a wide variety of tools. There’s also the requirement to practice putting this wide collection of mechanisms for battling mental health woes to use. Simply put, being a Christian therapist means one is likely to have been doing this longer and know a bit more about tools that do and don’t work than the average person.

There’s also a real chance that there is absolutely no advantage to training as a therapist in the way of knowing how to improve one’s mental health. What training provides is exposure to many different tools and areas of thought about what might help with each struggle. Anyone can gain exposure to as much or even more of these tools in their everyday lives.

That being said, the world cannot offer any better wisdom than God. So simply spending more time studying the Bible can lead one to have a greater advantage over a trained professional. Finally, there’s no end to practicing the tools, they are lifetime assistants for everyone, and many develop the art of them naturally.

The one thing

One thing I do to improve my mental health as a Christian therapist, above all others, is to focus on connection. Every high and low in mental health brings the temptation to disconnect. Whether it be to God or others, connection matters most in improving, balancing, and weathering the ups and downs of our mental health.

Our mental health consists of our thoughts and emotions. Our emotions set off like alarms to tell us something is happening. Our thoughts decide what to make of it and then our behavior follows. I’ll explain more about how to engage the tool of connection, below.

Connection to God

Each time you experience the elated, happier-than-can-be feeling, you may have no thought of trouble. Why bother working on our mental health when everything seems grand? This is where the temptation to disconnect comes in.

The messages of this temptation come with some variation of “I don’t need God right now,” and so we relax our diligence in connecting with God and are vulnerable to the inevitable trial to come. Feeling that mountain high is a great indicator that it is time to connect with God through praise and worship.

Similarly, when you feel the alarm of anxiousness ringing loudly in your ears, this is the time to connect with God through prayer. Use anger as a reminder to wrestle with the Spirit in your own space (Proverbs 4:4). Use the sadness alarm as a reminder to lament.

Connection to others

Connection with others is next in importance. When our emotions and mental health seem to be in the clouds, alerting us that all is well, we can be tempted to disconnect from others just as much as from God. The message comes across within as, “I am having too much fun to connect with them, maybe later.” The emotional alarm of happiness and contentment is helpful if we use it as a reminder to connect with and invest in other people.

If your anxious alarm is going off, use it as a reminder to reach out for prayer. This connection with others is an opportunity to feed the good and helpful thoughts. Try to resist venting or emoting on others which weakens the connection.

If it’s anger that’s sounding the alarm, use connection with others to communicate the need for space. Schedule a time for reunification or for that person to check in with you. Neither isolation nor pursuing a fight will build connection.

As for sadness, this alarm can be helpful when used as a reminder to reach out for prayer. Similar to anxiety, praying with others is an opportunity to develop the good and helpful thoughts that are necessary for improving mental health.

Keep connected

Everyone can benefit from having a space and time to talk things out. Whether it be to gain a new perspective or to find direction. Connecting with God and others is an intentional regular practice for all levels of mental health.

It is one thing I do to improve my mental health as a Christian therapist. It looks like having a time with God through prayer, meditation, and Scripture reading. It also looks like having a person or small group of people to talk with.

If you are looking for or in need of a therapist to be this connection for you, connect with us online at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling. Connection may be just one out of many tools, but it is a powerful one. It is accessible to all with the most basic to the most pressing mental health needs. Keep connected.

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3 Steps to Start Getting Your Mental Health Back

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Christians who struggle with mental health experience a multitude of symptoms. One of the biggest hurdles to starting to improve mental health functioning is a shame complex.

Shame says, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” This message can come from ourselves or those around us. No matter where the shame comes from, it creates a trap. This trap leads to isolation and isolation increases mental health issues.

Another message created from shame is any variation of “I don’t deserve to be better,” or “I’m not good enough.” These messages are more unhealthy self-talk that, again, leads Christians into a trap and more isolation. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers support to break free from negative self-talk and find healing through faith and understanding.

A final variation of the messages the shame complex creates is slightly different from the first two. It’s the message of “I can’t shake it.” The shame that results from this is similar to “I’m not good enough” but it destroys any last bit of hope one may be grasping at. This message for the Christian, however, is more easily overcome than the first two in light of the following truths of Christianity:

  • God’s timing, not your timing.
  • God’s timing, not other’s timing.
  • There’s grace for that.

To overcome the shame complex and start getting your mental health back on track, you have to start focusing your mind on Christian messages like these. To break it down even further, here are three steps to start improving your mental health: evaluate, build, and connect.

  1. Evaluate your situation

To start getting your mental health back, you have to know how far gone it is. Take some time over the next week to evaluate how ingrained the negative mental habits are by asking “How long have I been thinking this way and battling these emotions?”

Another way to evaluate is to take notes about how pervasive the negative thoughts and emotions have become. Ask yourself, “Has this impacted my relationships? My daily life? My output at work? Are there any thought patterns I’ve noticed are repeating? How has my general mood been?” Finally, in taking the time to evaluate your current mental health status, if you are a Christian, you have a few extra questions to ask yourself.

The additional questions start with this: “Even if the problem with my mental health starts with someone else, is it really just a mental health issue or is it instead a heart issue?” The Christian’s heart needs constant examination. We may find a plank of bitterness, lack of grace, pride, selfishness, idolatry, and other sins blinding us to the best way to remedy the situation between us and another. The Bible’s teaching is your key, here.

If the problem with another continues to happen, we as Christians need to keep going to God, our heart doctor for both frequent heart checkups and support. A second step in this type of evaluation is to get a second opinion. This second opinion can come in the form of a pastor, a trusted Christian mentor, or a Christian therapist who can help you figure out what type of issue it is.

  1. Build the right supports

To start getting your mental health back, you must have support. With the shame complex, and any number of emotions, it can feel difficult to plug into support-especially the right supports. As difficult as it may be, to start getting your mental health back this year needs to be the year where you work on avoiding isolation.

Avoiding isolation may mean cutting screen time and getting in front of people in real life. It may also mean ditching the people who make you feel good but aren’t healthy for you.

Adding to the support of actual connections with healthy people in real life are routines and accountability. What you consume while trying to get your mental health back matters most. Take small bites of those healthier habits and over time you’ll grow in satisfaction. Look over all of your routines, from daily to weekly and beyond to adjust toward the goal over time and in every way.

Examples of “right supports” for getting your mental health back include, but are not limited to:

  • Reading the Bible (not a devotional).
  • Communing with and involving yourself with a fellowship group.
  • Develop a prayer team for yourself.
  • Attend church service in person weekly.
  • Play worship music.

These examples may seem less desirable or even trivial at this time. You may even think that you’re engaging with all or most of those supports and things are still hard. For the Christian, these supports are trustworthy and timeless. If these are in place and you feel you need even more support to start getting your mental health back, consider whether it is time to get counsel from a pastor or Christian therapist to see what else is missing.

  1. Connect with counsel

A final part of my top three ways to start getting your mental health back this year is to connect with wise counsel. Council adds to the daily and weekly supportive activities you already have been doing or are starting.

The more intense the needs of your mental health, or the more impactful your needs are, the more layers of support they will require. There is no guarantee or perfect formula but, generally speaking, counseling for the Christian increases from reading the Bible on your own, to talking with friends and family, to seeing a general practitioner or pastor for counseling, to seeing a specialist (therapist).

You may find benefit, as many do, in engaging in all of these levels of counsel. The source of counsel matters. For marriage, keep it out of the family ties unless following the teaching of the Bible to address a specific situation. For the Christian, it is important to check all counsel against the Word (even the counsel in this article).

Building support and counsel from the basics up diminishes variables of what could be missing and boosts mental health to weather the most difficult circumstances. These include trauma, physical deficits, difficult relationships, etc. All of which negatively impact mental health.

Take the time to work through these three steps to start getting your mental health back this year. If you want someone to help you with these steps or know you need a therapist to work with you, contact us at HuntingtonBeachChristiancounseling.com.

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9 Benefits of Life Coaching

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Life coaching, as a practice, has not been something that people have traditionally considered for their self-development. Throughout history, coaching has primarily been associated with sports.

We have marveled at how athletes credit their coaches for helping them become the best versions of themselves. However, this concept has now extended to various areas of our lives, making it possible to have a coach for any aspect of life.

Coaching can be defined as a practical strategy that helps individuals improve their performance. A coach serves as a facilitator of growth and learning, rather than an expert in the client’s field. The coach’s role is to guide their clients toward progress and unlock their untapped potential. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can offer coaching services that combine personal growth with faith-based support.

Unlike counseling or therapy, which often delves into the past, coaching focuses on the present. It asks questions such as: Where are we now? Where do we want to go? How do we get there? While counseling and coaching can work together, with counseling addressing past psychological barriers, coaching helps individuals reach new heights once those barriers have been addressed.

In today’s world, coaching is available for all areas of life. It depends on individuals to determine in which areas they want to empower themselves. Coaching can be sought for relationships, finances, career, dieting, fitness, and practically any area where one wants to enhance one’s abilities. Coaches are trained professionals who may specialize in a specific field or take a more generalized approach.

Why coaching is important.

People seek the services of a coach for various reasons. Here are some advantages of having a coach in our lives:

Conflict resolution strategies.

Sometimes, when we don’t know how to resolve conflicts, we can feel stuck. Coaching empowers us to develop better conflict resolution strategies by asking the right questions, challenging our thinking, and offering alternative options.

Professional and leadership development.

Advancing professionally comes with challenges. Coaching can help navigate these challenges and develop leadership styles. By identifying strengths and providing insight into weaknesses or blind spots, a coach brings out the best in individuals as they lead others.

Goal definition, creation, and clarity.

Coaching provides individuals with insight into their goals and assesses their current ability to achieve them. Based on this assessment, a strategy is formed considering skills, reality, values, and vision.

Creating or managing change.

Navigating change without support can be challenging. Coaches step in during chaotic times, realistically evaluating the situation and helping clients develop new habits, insights, and actions that enable them to cope and thrive in the face of change.

Improved relationships.

As coaching progresses, clients acquire effective communication skills, mature conflict resolution abilities, and commitment. This, in turn, improves both personal and professional relationships.

Provision of accountability and encouragement.

Having someone who checks on us and provides feedback and motivation can make a significant difference. Coaches are invested in their client’s success and offer the necessary support. They are there not only during smooth times but also provide encouragement when clients face obstacles.

Self-discovery.

Through questioning and assessments, coaching facilitates self-discovery and self-awareness. Knowing our authentic selves allows us to make informed decisions about our life trajectories.

Fine-tuning skills.

Success requires a variety of skills. To excel in our chosen fields, we need to refine and improve these skill sets, ultimately enhancing our performance.

Confidence and autonomy.

Confidence is something for which we all strive – to be secure in who we are and what we can achieve. Coaching provides an opportunity to learn, grow, question, and gain exposure to different perspectives. All these aspects contribute to building confidence as clients take ownership of their lives.

Professional life coaching

If you find yourself in a place where you believe the services of a coach would be beneficial, reach out to a counselor today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling. The qualified professionals in California are ready to assist you in becoming the best version of yourself.

Photos:
“Train”, Courtesy of Levi Meir Clancy, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “One Way”, Courtesy of Brendan Church, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Directions”, Courtesy of Jamie Templeton, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Anger in the Bible: A Helpful Corrective for Unhealthy Anger

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If you’ve ever felt angry at someone or a situation, you probably know how powerful the emotion of anger is. It can color your perception of a situation or person, and it can motivate you to take action to fix whatever has gone wrong. As we look at anger in the Bible, we see that the action may or may not be appropriate, and it may or may not be wise.

For example, you can decide to start a campaign to address child hunger in your city because you’re angered at the injustice of it all, or you can get out of your car and assault a fellow motorist because their terrible driving triggered you. The same emotion can drive helpful and constructive behavior, but it can propel you toward harming others just as easily. Managing these emotions is crucial, and Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you navigate them healthily.

Anger in the Bible

The Bible presents a complex picture of anger. Being angry itself isn’t necessarily a problem because anger is a natural emotion whose reality you ought to embrace. Your anger lets you know that somewhere in your life something is not what it should be, so you should pay attention to it. However, because anger is such a powerful emotion, care should be taken not to be overwhelmed by anger and say or do the first thing that comes to mind.

This nuanced approach to anger is captured in two key Bible verses. In Ephesians Paul writes: “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV) Being angry is not the same thing as sinning or falling short of God’s intentions for your life.

You can be angry, but what matters is what you then do with those feelings and thoughts. You can do constructive and godly things with it, or you can slander others or cause them physical harm. Holding onto anger for too long is also problematic, as that can affect how you relate to others. Lingering in anger longer than necessary is a recipe for relationship problems.

Another Bible verse to consider is in James: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20, NIV) Anger is a visceral impulse that demands immediate attention. When you feel angry, you feel like you want to do something about it now.

Being slow to anger and allowing yourself to first listen to the other person and not respond hastily indicates that you, not your anger, are in control.

What is it about ‘human anger’ that’s so problematic? Anger can stem from an entirely self-centered place, and we can leverage it to do terrible things to others. That’s why anger must take a back seat to other considerations.

What James says here echoes another Bible passage that tells us about God’s character: “But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” (Psalms 86:15, NIV) This verse also comes up in Exodus 34, indicating what God is like, and we are called to imitate Him. Being slow to anger is a sign of a godly character.

Learning to deal with anger

Anger and the things that cause anger are a fact of life. It’s important to acknowledge that reality, and to learn how to rein anger in so that its expression is constructive and healthy. If you struggle with controlling anger, or if your life is marked by feeling angry most or all the time, you may have an anger problem that needs attention. You can begin dealing with anger through a few simple self-help techniques, which include the following:

Exercise, which helps you take your mind off whatever made you angry, and helps you work off the adrenalin and cortisol in your system.

Take a breath. Don’t respond immediately to an email or comment; count to ten and breathe in deeply to calm yourself. You can even walk away if necessary

Use humor to diffuse the situation. It’s okay to laugh at yourself for taking things too seriously.

Learn your anger triggers. When you know what makes you angry, you can better prepare for those situations.

With the help of an anger management therapist, you can learn to handle anger better, grow in empathy toward others, become a more effective communicator, and reap the health and relational benefits of having your anger well in hand.

Your therapist can help you better understand the roots of your anger. They can also provide you with added tools to disrupt unhelpful patterns of thought and behavior that fuel angry thoughts. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help today to get your anger under control. The counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to help. Browse our online counselor directory to find a therapist for you.

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Thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person

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The chaos of the world can be overwhelming for those who are deemed to be highly sensitive. A highly sensitive person (HSP) reacts differently to the environment around them. Most of the time an HSP will be someone who is highly particular about details.

They want to know the cause and effect of any given situation. The emotional intelligence of someone who is an HSP is much higher than most of the people around them.

It is possible for highly sensitive people to learn how to excel in life with their sensitivity. By understanding themselves and their reactions, a highly sensitive person can thrive just as they were designed to.

HSP is a personality trait that is connected to the way the brain engages in sensory processing. This means that a highly sensitive person can thrive and grow in a lifestyle that accents the gift of sensitivity.

Most people who find they are highly sensitive have done this by becoming more aware of how they live life in comparison to others. Self-identifying as an HSP means that you have an inner awareness of your increased response to people, places, and things around you whether they are positive or negative. If you need support navigating this sensitivity, Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to help.

What it looks like to be a highly sensitive person.

Because you are highly sensitive, you experience the world differently than others. You can notice things others don’t. You are sensitive not only to words, sounds, or sights that you hear from others, but you are also awestruck when it comes to the beauty of God’s creation. You have a deep level of emotions and thoughts, which causes you to appreciate the value of being alone to rejuvenate your soul.

The characteristics of being a highly sensitive person affect you positively and negatively. They cause you to react differently because of exposure that can overwhelm your senses. Here are just a few of those behavioral characteristics.

  • Big crowds tend to overwhelm you. Not because you are shy, but because there is so much going on at once. A highly sensitive person will take on the emotions around them and this causes them to become exhausted.
  • Changes and transitions cause you to experience anxiety. You are not comfortable when you feel like you are out of control. Because of change and not being able to get everything done in your normal way, you feel a loss of confidence.
  • Criticism affects you deeply. Because you do not like to experience the negative, you will use any means to avoid criticism. People pleasing becomes your way of avoiding being criticized.
  • Changes and conditions in your body is more noticeable as an HSP. You tend to be aware of the taste of food as well as the pain of headaches in a more heightened way that others.
  • Because of all the energy it takes when you are in a chaotic place, you find that you need more downtime.
  • Many may think you are shy or an introvert because you have a hard time performing any type of task in front of others. Public speaking puts you on alert for criticizing yourself. As an HSP you do not want to be criticized, so you feel like you will fail when you perform in public.
  • Medication, caffeine, and pain are a few things to which you are highly reactive You may have to take less medication than others because your body reacts differently to the dosage that most people can take. Caffeine is much the same.
  • Because you notice so much more around you than others, you tend to overthink and worry about things others have not even considered.

This is not a complete list, but it is the bulk of what types of behavioral characteristics a highly sensitive person will exhibit.

The goodness of being a Highly Sensitive Person.

When you accept that you are a highly sensitive person, you can find inner peace and completeness, knowing God can use your gift of enhanced sensitivity to bring Him glory. You can use this to thrive as you relate to the escalated senses that you have. Productively using this trait means that you have come to understand how it relates to your environment.

How can I use being an HSP to help others?

Emotional Intelligence. When it comes to being highly sensitive, your emotional intuition is higher than normal. You find that you can get an internal feeling about the room you are in and the people around you.

You have a deep thought life and you hold the emotions that go with those thoughts. It is in this inner peace that you truly know the Spirit of God. As you are in tune with this you are also able to understand the spiritual need of others.

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. – 2 Peter 1:2, NIV

Heightened Intuition. High sensitivity comes with heightened sense of intuition. This means that you will have a heightened awareness of the things around you. Because of this you find yourself aware of those around you and how they are feeling.

You step in with the support they need encouraging them to seek the hope that we don’t always see. You bring the love of God to those around you in a way that builds their faith.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7, NIV

Emotions run deep. As a highly sensitive person, you will find that your sense of compassion and empathy runs deeper than you would like to experience sometimes. You can become engulfed with heartache for those around you.

On the other end of the spectrum, you will also find that you can be overcome with joy. This aspect of being an HSP is how you can positively impact those around you in a way that they know the truth of God’s word.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32, NIV

Appreciation for creation. Most of the time a highly sensitive person will have a deep appreciation for the beautiful things around them. Whether it is music, art or the simple creation of the wind and leaves, you can get lost in the tranquility of seeing the beauty of God’s creation and gifts. Because of this you are able to find goodness and joy in the small things. This trait allows you to help others see the goodness of God even when they are hurting.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. – 2 Corinthians 9:8, NIV

Details are never hidden. A highly sensitive person will always see the things that most people miss. Because you are paying attention to everything around you, there is very little that you don’t notice.

This characteristic helps you see what is going on in your environment. You tend to make any space a safe and loving place. God designed you to see the things that others do not so you can help in ways they are not able to see.

For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints. – Proverbs 2:6-8, NIV

How do I cope with being highly sensitive?

There are many things that you can do to help you cope with your sensitivity. It doesn’t have to be a bad experience. By understanding the traits of being a highly sensitive person, you can apply those to every aspect of life in a way that will help you thrive.

Understand it as a gift. We know that God has created each of us as unique individuals. Being highly sensitive is no different than being mechanically inclined. It is a gift that can be used to help others truly see who God is and how much he loves them.

“See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills –  to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts. – Exodus 31:2-5, NIV

Honor what it is and be mindful. Take into consideration how you can see the creation of God. Because you notice the in depth beauty of the world you live in, you can share it in ways that others cannot. Give thanks that you are able to notice the beauty that many take for granted.

Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. – Psalm 105:1-2, NIV

Rest and appreciate the time to reflect. Being highly sensitive can sometimes lead to exhaustion so it is important that you learn to rest. During these times of rest, reflect on the goodness of the gift and connect with God. Take time to hear what God is saying to you. Listen for His still, small voice of instructions for your life.

for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. – Hebrews 4:10-11, NIV

Being highly sensitive does not have to be a negative part of your life. You can thrive and live a very fulfilled life by understanding the trait and how to apply God’s Word to your life. If you feel overwhelmed and need someone to talk to you as you navigate using your sensitivity in a positive way, reach out to a Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling. There are many who are willing to help you create a faith-based plan to become a thriving highly sensitive person.

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“Dandelion”, Courtesy of TanteTati, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Hand Massage”, Courtesy of andreas160578, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Woman Reading”, Courtesy of Surprising_Shots, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Laying in the Leaves”, Courtesy of DanaTentis, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Counseling for Spiritual Development: Faith in the Storm

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We can all recall times in our life when our faith was tested and we fell to our knees and asked, “Why is this happening to me?”

The reality is, we are offered two choices when something goes awry, 1) let our frustration turn to anger and steal our joy, or 2) get on our knees and ask God to use this situation for good.

  • Maybe your bills are behind, and you feel completely defeated.
  • Maybe your best friend just told you she is moving 2,000 miles away.
  • Maybe you felt so certain of your career calling and now that calling feels so foreign.
  • Maybe your parents are now in an assisted living facility or have asked to move in with you to help with long-term care.
  • Maybe your spouse is deployed or is a first responder struggling with PTSD.
  • Maybe you have a child with special needs and feel so tired and overwhelmed, you do not know where to turn.
  • Maybe you have been battling thoughts of depression but are so overwhelmed and filled with guilt, you do not know how to ask for help.
  • Maybe you are the parent of a newborn trying to figure out how to function with no sleep, emotions are overwhelming and foreign, and have an unfinished to-do list that could reach the moon.
  • Maybe you are feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders and feel like you are succumbing to the darkness and do not know how to let the light back in.

Take a long, deep breath. Put your hand over your heart and remember that God created you. He created you, loves you, and wants the very best for you. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling is here to support you on your journey toward healing and hope.

As you walk through whatever obstacles are on your current journey, take to heart these reminders of God’s plans for you:

God’s Word says He will not abandon you.

Isaiah 41:10 reminds us, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

  • You might feel alone in the waiting room as you await test results.
  • You might feel alone as you hear the words, “You experienced a miscarriage.”
  • You might feel alone if your spouse is struggling with PTSD.
  • You might feel alone as you long for that pregnancy test to finally read “positive.”
  • You might feel alone as you walk the entryway to knock on the door to have a long overdue conversation with someone you have been distant from/angry with.
  • You might feel alone in the shower as the tears stream down your face after a terrible bout of depression.
  • You might feel alone as you sit with a pile of overdue bills, wondering how in the world things are going to be okay.

Rest assured, dear one – you are not alone.

  • God is in the waiting room, ready to hold your hand.
  • God is present for the awkward and uncomfortable conversations, ready to set the tone and soften hearts.
  • God is with you while your spouse is deployed, ready to give you a peace that comes only from Him.
  • God is with you as you battle anxiety, ready to comfort you and strengthen your faith and dependence on Him.
  • God is with you during the middle-of-the-night rocking and feeding sessions with a newborn, ready to give you the strength to endure another sleepless night.
  • God is ready to comfort you during those moments of defeat.
  • God is ever-present through every season and feeling that we endure.

Affirmations for faith

Write these down and memorize them as a reminder that God is right there with you through this tiring season:

  • I can take things one step at a time. (Matthew 6:34)
  • I know God’s love and spirit will guide me through this uncomfortable season. (John 16:13)
  • I am thankful for the gift of today. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
  • I know that God loves and cherishes me. (Isaiah 54:10)
  • I believe in God’s endless possibilities for me. (Luke 1:37)
  • I am open and willing to receive all the ways God wants to bless and teach me. (Jeremiah 17:7-8)

We must arm ourselves with God’s Word to build faith.

If there is one thing that we can be certain of, it is that Satan wants us to feel defeated. He wants us to wallow in the guilt and frustrations that come our way and make us feel inferior. He wants us to feel depleted, alone, and insignificant.

1 Peter 5:8 reminds us, “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

  • You are not alone.
  • You are not too broken.
  • You are not damaged goods.
  • You are not too weak.
  • You are worthy of love.
  • You are special, unique, and beautiful!

When Satan tries to whisper lies, you need to be dressed in your “spiritual armor.” Spending time in God’s Word, memorizing Scripture, having community with other believers, and spending time talking to God are all powerful weapons to stand up and ward off the lies Satan tries to tell you.

If this feels overwhelming, take baby steps.

Read the Bible.

Download a Bible app and start by looking at the verse of the day. There are unique plans you can search by topic (anxiety, depression, hope, healing, etc.). This is a wonderful and guided way to get in the Word without feeling too overwhelmed with where to start.

Find an accountability partner.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” It is essential to have other believers to encourage us, pray for/with us, and walk alongside us in life. The world is dark, and we need to find rays of sunshine wherever we can. Serve with your accountability partner. Have in-depth and authentic conversations where emotional barriers are torn down. Attend a Bible study together.

Try the “one step” mindset.

When life and circumstances feel overwhelming, take the one step approach. Take things one day at a time. Approach the person you feel distant from with one conversation. Start tackling your debt one bill at a time. Start trying to reconnect with your spouse one intentional moment at a time. Chase your God-given passions by simply taking the first step – sign up for the class, sign up to serve, or start writing a book by just sitting down for one hour at a time.

Address the things you have been ignoring.

I think we all have a desire to simply “leave things alone” and from there, the problems will disappear. While God does have perfect timing for our life and circumstances, we must trust Him with the process by surrendering our worries to Him. We must choose healing for our past wounds.

The baggage from your past can range from unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms, to negative self-talk, to enduring the pain and shame from trauma. You do not have to walk this road alone. Do not let Satan tell you that the things that have happened to you are keeping you from following God’s beautiful purpose for your life.

Moving forward in faith.

You can begin this new journey of moving forward instead of hiding your past.

Start journaling. Write down the things you are thankful for, looking forward to, and the things that have been holding you down and trying to steal your joy. You might find that writing it down really helps you process your thoughts and reset your focus.

Remember that you are not alone. God is with you, and He puts people in your path to help you move forward in your faith and healing journey. Today is the perfect time to schedule a counseling session with a counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counlseling  who wants to help encourage and equip you to move forward with a faith that can withstand the storms of life.

Find the glimmers of hope. No matter what storm you are facing right now, look for the glimmers of hope – the meal that someone drops off, the kindness of a random stranger, the timeliness of a message at church, the anonymous gift card that is left in your mailbox. Find the glimmers and try to send some glimmers to those around you.

Photos:
“Woman with Lamp”, Courtesy of Guilherme Stecanella, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “My Cup Runneth Over”, Courtesy of Jon Tyson, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Reading the Bible”, Courtesy of Timothy Eberly, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Woman With Bible”, Courtesy of Joel Muniz, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Breaking Free from the Perfectionism and Anxiety Cycle

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It is one thing to strive for excellence in our lives. But when the exertion turns into the quest for perfectionism, it becomes a beast that can drive our motivations and cause difficulties in our work-life relationships. Anxiety can rise and cause a vicious cycle. But you can break free from the perfectionism and anxiety cycle with the help of Huntington Beach Christian Counseling.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a person’s concern with flawlessness accompanied by critical self-evaluation and hyper-concern over others’ evaluation. It can lead us to be overly critical and judgmental of ourselves and others. Alternately, perfectionism can push us to do our best as we strive for maximum performance.

The trick is to be aware of when we tilt too far and begin to demand expectations from ourselves and others that are impossible to meet. No one is perfect and no one can be perfect. Mistakes help us learn and grow. Failure opens doors to new opportunities.

Some of the behaviors associated with perfectionism are an excessive concern for mistakes and errors, critical self-evaluations, and unrealistic expectations. Perfectionism concerns itself with the discrepancy between one’s expectations and performance. If we struggle with this, sometimes we project an image of flawlessness, which compounds the problem because we know deep down we are not flawless. This internal battle can create anxiety.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, a sense of uneasiness, dread, or distress. Normal levels of anxiety help us notice danger to keep us safe.

We will ask someone to hold a ladder while we climb it. We recognize that it’s good to teach our kids basic safety skills in the kitchen. These are good expressions of a healthy level of anxiety. Disorders occur when distress impedes our ability to function at work or in our relationships.

Anxiety will often reveal itself in through physical symptoms such as gasps for air, a rapid heartbeat, or insomnia. Sometimes what we refuse to think about in the daytime keeps us up at night through worry loops. In these loops, we repeat the same what-if questions like a broken record playing the same part of a song. Too much anxiety raises our cortisol levels and blood pressure, which affects our physical health.

We can become anxious when we dwell on the uncertainties of the future. We don’t know what the future will hold and anxieties about it can overwhelm us. Real events can trigger an anxious response too. Some doctor’s visits don’t carry good news. Inflation is a real problem. Family conflicts can break our hearts and contribute to anxiety. Our desire for a conflict-free life can drive our levels of anxiety up.

The perfectionism and anxiety cycle.

Perfectionism and anxiety work together to create unhealthy patterns in our lives. They have a cause-and-effect relationship. Perfectionism drives us to chase unreachable goals which lead to anxiety. An uptick in anxiety can drive us to extreme self-criticism, a sign of perfectionism, which leads us to more anxiety. Self-criticism with perceived failure heightens anxiety.

Fears of criticism from others increase anxiety in work performance or hold us back in social situations. We might stifle our opinions because we’re afraid of potential criticism. This builds anxiety within us and drives us further to perfectionism. This perfectionism and anxiety cycle plays on our fear of failure.

Anxiety and perfectionism can lead to low self-esteem where our desire for flawlessness can cause us to believe that we don’t have good to offer others. These thoughts can cripple us and set up unrealistic expectations for ourselves, which can lead to an overly defensive reaction when someone offers us feedback on our work performance or in our personal relationships.

What does the Bible say about perfectionism and anxiety?

When we consider what the Bible says about perfection and anxiety, we can be left confused and riddled with guilt. We know we’re not to be anxious, yet we struggle with it. Then we wonder how to not be riddled with anxiety. Later, we read that we are to be made perfect in Jesus, but we know we’re not because each day leaves evidence of our imperfection. How do we make sense of these words?

Therefore, you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect. – Matthew 5:38, ESV

This statement from Jesus came at the end of a section from The Sermon on the Mount. He opened that sermon series with a list of Beatitudes, followed by how the law was fulfilled, and how to deal with anger, divorce, oaths, and retaliation.

Jesus’ sermon turned their beliefs about these issues upside down. He did not command them or us to be perfectionists. Instead, He tells us that one day we will be complete, but in the meantime to grow and mature in His ways.

For by a single offering He has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. – Hebrews 10:14, ESV

Because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, believers are considered perfect in God’s eyes. At the same time, we experience sanctification—cleaned up, made new, set apart as holy—while we walk with Him through our days.

Perfectionism isn’t the goal, obedience to God and focus on the day when He makes us wholly perfect in our eternal home is. In the meantime, the work of Jesus in each of us has the full power to bring about life transformation.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7, ESV

Peace sounds far off when we’re in anxiety’s grip. But the command to not be anxious about anything can feel impossible when our heart races and stomach flip-flops. It’s in these moments when the rest of the passage lays out a plan for us to consider.

Supplication means to humbly petition. It’s difficult for a perfectionist who struggles with anxiety to admit flaws, but there is great peace and power when we recognize that we are not and cannot be perfect. We can bring our requests before the Lord in prayer and receive the peace He gives.

How to cope with perfectionism and anxiety.

When you explore your personality, you will begin to understand your God-given nature. When we understand it and how to use it in an appropriate manner, we grow. We can identify our tendencies and then take a moment to reset our expectations for ourselves. This helps release the anxiousness that arises when we don’t meet them.

We can learn to be flexible and less perfectionistic when we realize that God made us different from each other because He has an individual purpose for us in the body of Christ. When we lay down our unrealistic expectations of what that looks like and seek Him with our whole heart instead of perfect outcomes, we experience release from the persistent cycle of perfectionism and anxiety.

When we have a heart that is right before God, the perfectionism and anxiety cycle begins to break. It’s possible to portray perfection in what we do or how we look, but that distracts us from what God wants to accomplish in our hearts.

Perfect in heart means that we grow ever closer to the Lord as we put into practice the Biblical knowledge we already have. He covers our mistakes with His forgiveness and is interested more in our obedience than our contribution to perfect outcomes.

The desire to want to do everything well honors the Lord, but when we find our worth in what we do rather than in who we are in Christ, we experience perfectionism and anxiety. God calls us to find our worth in Him and allow Him to mold and shape us to reflect His glory in our lives. He provides a way for us to let go of the anxiousness that comes because of our misplaced understanding of perfectionism. We can rely on Him to help us overcome.

If you need additional support for perfectionism and anxiety beyond the contents of this article, please contact the Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling to set up an appointment. It would be an honor to meet with you.

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