Bible Verses About Anxiety to Help You Overcome Anxious Thoughts

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If you pay attention to the news or social media, there’s likely more than one thing you’ll encounter that will make you groan in despair or leave you feeling somewhat anxious.
Having the ability to connect to what’s happening everywhere across the globe with our easy-to-use technology has been a major factor in increasing anxiety. Whether it is for you or someone you know, chances are you know about anxiety and have searched for ways to help with overcoming it.

Anxiety is common, and according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), “anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults (19.1% of the population) age 18 and older every year.” What can you do to address anxiety effectively?

Anxiety can be addressed by using therapy to work through its underlying causes and learning ways of coping with it. Other tools people have found helpful in overcoming anxiety include yoga, meditation, journaling, or even medication. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can guide you in finding the right approach for your anxiety.

With any of those intervention tools, there is a need to create room to hear God’s promises and truth through His Word (the Bible). Despite how some have experienced the use of Scripture in the case of anxiety, it holds many encouragements that help us address anxiety.

Anxiety has a physiological aspect, to be sure, but there is a spiritual component that ought not to be discounted. The Bible, being God’s inspired wisdom, holds the reality of our potential for being anxious as well as the truest form of what will support us through such a time.

Bible verses about anxiety.

Anxiety has been a common concern for humanity since the first sin. The Bible has much to say about it because we all feel uncertain about the future, even though God knows the end of things from their beginning. The following Bible verses about anxiety are for you to meditate on, to study, and to know.

These Bible verses about anxiety and other passages of Scripture contain the keys to helping you overcome feelings of uncertainty and anxiety in tough times:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27, NIV

Jesus spoke these words to His disciples, urging them to embrace His peace that isn’t based on circumstances. The peace that He leaves us all is His Holy Spirit. His disciples need not fear not because everything is fine and dandy, but because the God they worship, who is bigger than any circumstance, has given them His presence to dwell with them.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. – John 16:33, NIV

These words, spoken by Jesus on the night He was betrayed by one of His disciples, may seem paradoxical at first. How can Jesus have overcome the world when at that very moment forces were arrayed against Him to arrest and then subsequently kill Him?

Jesus understood not only God’s hand over every facet of His life, but He trusted God with the outcome. Jesus’ death for our sins wasn’t the end of the story. He overcame death and was raised to new life.

Trouble will come, whether it be in the form of persecution, terrible circumstances, or guilt from wandering from God’s truth, and that fact should steel us against life’s happenings. Looking to Jesus’ resurrection can help us live life with the hope that what is impossible for us is possible for God.

We can encourage ourselves with these words through uncertain times: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NIV)

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. – Matthew 6:27, 34, ESV

Talking with His disciples, Jesus reminded them of the futility of anxiety. Anxiety will often rob us of hours of our lives as we ruminate on possibilities that never happen. And even when they do, our time could have been better spent elsewhere. Take each day as it comes.

Jesus’ discourse on worry in this chapter demonstrates the truth of God being a heavenly Father Who desires and promises to take care of us. It finishes with the truth that those who seek after the good of their flesh over the good of the Lord will find themselves unsatisfied and anxious.

Therefore, taking each day as it comes takes the form of seeking after God first for total satisfaction no matter what state your clothes, food, and things otherwise are in.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7, ESV

Instead of allowing your anxieties to derail you, commit everything to God in prayer. Practicing gratitude helps focus your mind on the good things in your life, loosening anxiety’s grip on you. Thanksgiving can disrupt anxious thoughts, helping you replace worry with abundant peace.

Coming to a deeper understanding of the God who can preserve you through hardship can help you face anxiety squarely. Hence, the words just before this passage state “The Lord is near.” Knowing God and His presence in your life makes all the difference in the face of anxiety.

It takes time to unlearn unhelpful patterns and learn new ways of coping with anxiety. Pairing a study and meditation of Scripture with any of the tools you pursue is the most fruit-yielding approach.

If you’re looking for additional support beyond these Bible verses about anxiety to help you manage your anxious thoughts, don’t hesitate to seek out a Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling who can help you release your anxiety and take hold of God’s abundant peace. Connect with our office today for help.

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Boundaries in Dating: Christian Principles

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Dating as a Christian today can be a hazardous exercise, with enormous pressure to conform to modern liberal norms. The Western world’s view of dating is primarily self-seeking, in which people date to overcome loneliness, fulfill perceived needs, and gain access to regular sex. In a word, there are no boundaries in dating.

As Christians, we are called to be “in the world” rather than “of the world.” How then should the way we date be different from the world’s way? What boundaries in dating should we put in place to protect us?

5 Suggested Boundaries in Dating for Christian Relationships

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23, NIV

1. Remember the purpose of dating.

The first of these five suggested boundaries in dating is to remember the purpose of dating. A Christian’s purpose in dating is quite simply to get to know if someone could be a suitable marriage partner. Therefore, first, make sure you are in a position (or soon to be in a position) to marry.

Marriage – specifically a marriage that glorifies God – is thus the ultimate goal of Christian dating. Dating someone unsuitable is not only pointless but also manipulative – if you don’t intend to marry them, you are effectively using them as an object to satisfy a perceived need. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can provide support in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.

2. Only date other believers and be honest about your faith.

Throughout Scripture, believers who want to get married are expected to marry other believers (e.g. – 2 Corinthians 6:14). This is another critical boundary in dating. If you use an online dating app, state your faith clearly on your profile. Don’t waste your time or other people’s time by hiding this critical bit of information.

If you meet someone in person, try to work it into the conversation early on and ask the other person about their faith. If a person seems reluctant to be known as a Christian, who hasn’t been plugged connected to a church for some time, or whose faith seems weak, these are red flags that dating should be avoided.

3. Introduce the other person early in the relationship.

In secular romantic movies, a couple will only introduce their boyfriend or girlfriend to their parents (and even some of their friends) after the relationship has become lengthy or serious, or even only after they are engaged! However, as Christians, seeking wise counsel from others on important matters like a potential marriage partner is a mark of spiritual maturity.

Introduce your partner to your family and friends early on in the relationship and invite input from other Christians that you trust. Often family or friends who know you well will be able to confirm whether the person is likely to be a good match or will draw your attention to some potential issues. These may not be easy conversations, so try not to be on the defensive but hear them out and remember the heart behind the comments.

4. Make it easier for yourself to stay sexually pure.

Among the most important boundaries in dating is staying sexually pure – this is reiterated in both the Old and New Testaments and remains a commandment for Christians today. Make it easier to avoid temptation by not living together, sleeping over at one another’s homes, or going on holiday alone together.

In fact, don’t ever be alone in private. In other words, only go out in public places or where others are around to help keep you accountable. Be aware of what you watch. Most of all, stay focused on the Lord and be an active member of a church that will support you as you date.

5. Put a (realistic) timeline on the relationship.

While marriage is not something to be rushed into, there is also something to be said about not pursuing a long-term relationship. If you have been dating for more than a year or two, it would be wise to ask yourselves honestly why there has been a lack of commitment to marriage and then either decide to marry or separate by a mutually agreed-upon date. Being stuck in a perpetual dating relationship generally gives rise to feelings of insecurity and unhappiness for at least half of the couple.

Seeking professional help.

If you are concerned about boundaries in your current relationship, consider Christian counseling in Huntington Beach. Talking through your concerns with a counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling who shares your faith could help you to see any red flags before you contemplate marriage. Reach out to our office and make an appointment with a trained relationship therapist today.

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Anger in the Bible: A Helpful Corrective for Unhealthy Anger

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If you’ve ever felt angry at someone or a situation, you probably know how powerful the emotion of anger is. It can color your perception of a situation or person, and it can motivate you to take action to fix whatever has gone wrong. As we look at anger in the Bible, we see that the action may or may not be appropriate, and it may or may not be wise.

For example, you can decide to start a campaign to address child hunger in your city because you’re angered at the injustice of it all, or you can get out of your car and assault a fellow motorist because their terrible driving triggered you. The same emotion can drive helpful and constructive behavior, but it can propel you toward harming others just as easily. Managing these emotions is crucial, and Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you navigate them healthily.

Anger in the Bible

The Bible presents a complex picture of anger. Being angry itself isn’t necessarily a problem because anger is a natural emotion whose reality you ought to embrace. Your anger lets you know that somewhere in your life something is not what it should be, so you should pay attention to it. However, because anger is such a powerful emotion, care should be taken not to be overwhelmed by anger and say or do the first thing that comes to mind.

This nuanced approach to anger is captured in two key Bible verses. In Ephesians Paul writes: “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV) Being angry is not the same thing as sinning or falling short of God’s intentions for your life.

You can be angry, but what matters is what you then do with those feelings and thoughts. You can do constructive and godly things with it, or you can slander others or cause them physical harm. Holding onto anger for too long is also problematic, as that can affect how you relate to others. Lingering in anger longer than necessary is a recipe for relationship problems.

Another Bible verse to consider is in James: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20, NIV) Anger is a visceral impulse that demands immediate attention. When you feel angry, you feel like you want to do something about it now.

Being slow to anger and allowing yourself to first listen to the other person and not respond hastily indicates that you, not your anger, are in control.

What is it about ‘human anger’ that’s so problematic? Anger can stem from an entirely self-centered place, and we can leverage it to do terrible things to others. That’s why anger must take a back seat to other considerations.

What James says here echoes another Bible passage that tells us about God’s character: “But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” (Psalms 86:15, NIV) This verse also comes up in Exodus 34, indicating what God is like, and we are called to imitate Him. Being slow to anger is a sign of a godly character.

Learning to deal with anger

Anger and the things that cause anger are a fact of life. It’s important to acknowledge that reality, and to learn how to rein anger in so that its expression is constructive and healthy. If you struggle with controlling anger, or if your life is marked by feeling angry most or all the time, you may have an anger problem that needs attention. You can begin dealing with anger through a few simple self-help techniques, which include the following:

Exercise, which helps you take your mind off whatever made you angry, and helps you work off the adrenalin and cortisol in your system.

Take a breath. Don’t respond immediately to an email or comment; count to ten and breathe in deeply to calm yourself. You can even walk away if necessary

Use humor to diffuse the situation. It’s okay to laugh at yourself for taking things too seriously.

Learn your anger triggers. When you know what makes you angry, you can better prepare for those situations.

With the help of an anger management therapist, you can learn to handle anger better, grow in empathy toward others, become a more effective communicator, and reap the health and relational benefits of having your anger well in hand.

Your therapist can help you better understand the roots of your anger. They can also provide you with added tools to disrupt unhelpful patterns of thought and behavior that fuel angry thoughts. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help today to get your anger under control. The counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to help. Browse our online counselor directory to find a therapist for you.

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Thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person

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The chaos of the world can be overwhelming for those who are deemed to be highly sensitive. A highly sensitive person (HSP) reacts differently to the environment around them. Most of the time an HSP will be someone who is highly particular about details.

They want to know the cause and effect of any given situation. The emotional intelligence of someone who is an HSP is much higher than most of the people around them.

It is possible for highly sensitive people to learn how to excel in life with their sensitivity. By understanding themselves and their reactions, a highly sensitive person can thrive just as they were designed to.

HSP is a personality trait that is connected to the way the brain engages in sensory processing. This means that a highly sensitive person can thrive and grow in a lifestyle that accents the gift of sensitivity.

Most people who find they are highly sensitive have done this by becoming more aware of how they live life in comparison to others. Self-identifying as an HSP means that you have an inner awareness of your increased response to people, places, and things around you whether they are positive or negative. If you need support navigating this sensitivity, Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to help.

What it looks like to be a highly sensitive person.

Because you are highly sensitive, you experience the world differently than others. You can notice things others don’t. You are sensitive not only to words, sounds, or sights that you hear from others, but you are also awestruck when it comes to the beauty of God’s creation. You have a deep level of emotions and thoughts, which causes you to appreciate the value of being alone to rejuvenate your soul.

The characteristics of being a highly sensitive person affect you positively and negatively. They cause you to react differently because of exposure that can overwhelm your senses. Here are just a few of those behavioral characteristics.

  • Big crowds tend to overwhelm you. Not because you are shy, but because there is so much going on at once. A highly sensitive person will take on the emotions around them and this causes them to become exhausted.
  • Changes and transitions cause you to experience anxiety. You are not comfortable when you feel like you are out of control. Because of change and not being able to get everything done in your normal way, you feel a loss of confidence.
  • Criticism affects you deeply. Because you do not like to experience the negative, you will use any means to avoid criticism. People pleasing becomes your way of avoiding being criticized.
  • Changes and conditions in your body is more noticeable as an HSP. You tend to be aware of the taste of food as well as the pain of headaches in a more heightened way that others.
  • Because of all the energy it takes when you are in a chaotic place, you find that you need more downtime.
  • Many may think you are shy or an introvert because you have a hard time performing any type of task in front of others. Public speaking puts you on alert for criticizing yourself. As an HSP you do not want to be criticized, so you feel like you will fail when you perform in public.
  • Medication, caffeine, and pain are a few things to which you are highly reactive You may have to take less medication than others because your body reacts differently to the dosage that most people can take. Caffeine is much the same.
  • Because you notice so much more around you than others, you tend to overthink and worry about things others have not even considered.

This is not a complete list, but it is the bulk of what types of behavioral characteristics a highly sensitive person will exhibit.

The goodness of being a Highly Sensitive Person.

When you accept that you are a highly sensitive person, you can find inner peace and completeness, knowing God can use your gift of enhanced sensitivity to bring Him glory. You can use this to thrive as you relate to the escalated senses that you have. Productively using this trait means that you have come to understand how it relates to your environment.

How can I use being an HSP to help others?

Emotional Intelligence. When it comes to being highly sensitive, your emotional intuition is higher than normal. You find that you can get an internal feeling about the room you are in and the people around you.

You have a deep thought life and you hold the emotions that go with those thoughts. It is in this inner peace that you truly know the Spirit of God. As you are in tune with this you are also able to understand the spiritual need of others.

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. – 2 Peter 1:2, NIV

Heightened Intuition. High sensitivity comes with heightened sense of intuition. This means that you will have a heightened awareness of the things around you. Because of this you find yourself aware of those around you and how they are feeling.

You step in with the support they need encouraging them to seek the hope that we don’t always see. You bring the love of God to those around you in a way that builds their faith.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7, NIV

Emotions run deep. As a highly sensitive person, you will find that your sense of compassion and empathy runs deeper than you would like to experience sometimes. You can become engulfed with heartache for those around you.

On the other end of the spectrum, you will also find that you can be overcome with joy. This aspect of being an HSP is how you can positively impact those around you in a way that they know the truth of God’s word.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32, NIV

Appreciation for creation. Most of the time a highly sensitive person will have a deep appreciation for the beautiful things around them. Whether it is music, art or the simple creation of the wind and leaves, you can get lost in the tranquility of seeing the beauty of God’s creation and gifts. Because of this you are able to find goodness and joy in the small things. This trait allows you to help others see the goodness of God even when they are hurting.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. – 2 Corinthians 9:8, NIV

Details are never hidden. A highly sensitive person will always see the things that most people miss. Because you are paying attention to everything around you, there is very little that you don’t notice.

This characteristic helps you see what is going on in your environment. You tend to make any space a safe and loving place. God designed you to see the things that others do not so you can help in ways they are not able to see.

For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints. – Proverbs 2:6-8, NIV

How do I cope with being highly sensitive?

There are many things that you can do to help you cope with your sensitivity. It doesn’t have to be a bad experience. By understanding the traits of being a highly sensitive person, you can apply those to every aspect of life in a way that will help you thrive.

Understand it as a gift. We know that God has created each of us as unique individuals. Being highly sensitive is no different than being mechanically inclined. It is a gift that can be used to help others truly see who God is and how much he loves them.

“See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills –  to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts. – Exodus 31:2-5, NIV

Honor what it is and be mindful. Take into consideration how you can see the creation of God. Because you notice the in depth beauty of the world you live in, you can share it in ways that others cannot. Give thanks that you are able to notice the beauty that many take for granted.

Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. – Psalm 105:1-2, NIV

Rest and appreciate the time to reflect. Being highly sensitive can sometimes lead to exhaustion so it is important that you learn to rest. During these times of rest, reflect on the goodness of the gift and connect with God. Take time to hear what God is saying to you. Listen for His still, small voice of instructions for your life.

for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. – Hebrews 4:10-11, NIV

Being highly sensitive does not have to be a negative part of your life. You can thrive and live a very fulfilled life by understanding the trait and how to apply God’s Word to your life. If you feel overwhelmed and need someone to talk to you as you navigate using your sensitivity in a positive way, reach out to a Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling. There are many who are willing to help you create a faith-based plan to become a thriving highly sensitive person.

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Balancing It All: Tips for Single Mom Help

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Are you looking for single mom help? As mothers, it can be easy to scrutinize everything that we do. Our thoughts can plague us with doubts and frustrations that intrude our peace and bring us to lash out towards our kids, ourselves, and other people.

Are you worried that you are messing everything up? Do you think that if you had a sense of control, you could balance it all? That sense of accomplishment and feeling at ease with your life comes down to where you put your trust and time.

Being a single mother is challenging, yet millions of women have been put into or chosen that very circumstance. Although the traditional design did not include women raising children without a male figure, there are more than fifteen million U.S. families with women as the only breadwinner and no husband or father figure in the home. If you are navigating these challenges, Huntington Beach Christian Counseling is here to offer support.

In addition, historically speaking, millions of women have lost husbands due to death or found themselves in situations where they had no choice but to be single mothers.

Tips for single mom help.

Although these tips for single mom help are designed to help you stay more mindful and in the present as you manage single motherhood, the most important aspect about changing the way you feel in and about motherhood is where you put your trust. Trust in the wrong things will lead to repetitive disappointments.

By establishing trust boundaries, you are able to dispense your time and energy into what aligns best with your values and beliefs and be built up instead of torn down.

For example, you could be waking up an hour earlier than your children to get dressed and spend some quiet time alone or exercising. This advice was given to you by the “you deserve” movement passed on through well-meaning individuals. The trouble with this advice is it can seem cut and dry, when you put in good routines and get that “me” time, you will be a better person.

Then the days happen when you haven’t had any sleep, or the kids wake up and want you “too early” and everything is ruined, or you do it all and still find yourself a wreck. The system failed, and left you right where you started: tired and frustrated.

If you don’t establish a healthy boundary about where you put your trust, no tip in the world for single mom help will help you for long. The best place to put your trust? In a place that is timeless, truthful, good, beautiful, deserving of praise, honorable, and pure.

These tips for single mom help are to help you establish healthier thinking and behavior that will impact your life and the lives of your children in a positive and lasting way. Once you’ve established healthy boundaries for your trust, the next step is to establish healthy boundaries about how you spend your time. The following collection of tips for a single mom have that in common. Spending your time in these areas just ten minutes a day can build lasting impact.

Spend your time with wise people.

You don’t have to socialize without the kids (though I agree, it does provide a different experience that many crave), in order to take advantage of this tip. Keeping yourself connected with a community that focuses on building you up, providing practical help in times of need, and encouraging your trust boundaries will help you and your family thrive.

When you do bring your children along, they benefit from seeing you model healthy relationships and learn which people are going to be positive for them to socialize with.

Stay connected with these individuals daily, weekly, monthly, and annually. Set regular times to connect both in person and through phone or writing. You won’t do everything the same as the people in the community, but you can take advantage of learning from those who have gone ahead of you and being encouraged to continue on by those who are in the thick of it with you.

Search for diversity in the group (different life stages), but there’s no set number or variation for ultimate benefit from this tip. Just one or two women who are similar to you can help just as much as a group of twelve women who have been there and done that and found a good path.

Practice good stewardship and humility.

Being a single mother means living through hectic moments, sometimes daily chaotic events. If you have a special needs child or a few young children, you might feel simultaneously as if you are doing too much, yet not enough.

Sometimes our pride or idea that there is no other option but to press on in the madness keeps us from seeing that there is another option. It’s not always. In fact, as chaos consumes, it is often the only option but to press on and survive – no other focus is possible.

So, I offer this tip as a flexible one in its timing. Please consider that while you may have opportunity to implement it more often that you think during times of distress, it is also very real that the only option is to use it as a recovery tool.

The self-care movement seems to have taken the idea of airline safety (put your mask on first) and created a place where we place our trust and come up short again and again. As a single mother, you may find very little time for yourself. That is why this tip is not self-care centered, but instead focused on being a good steward of what God has given you, including yourself and your children.

Try asking yourself:

“Can I take time to throw even the meal that I’m pressing so hard to finish (while the children are falling apart around me) straight out the window and direct my focus on helping myself and the children calm down with love?”

“Can I help myself and my children establish routines and habits of cleaning both body and possessions/space?”

“What about establishing habits of compassion and love for one another?”

“Can I humbly and lovingly admit to myself and my children that I need a moment of silence, a few deep breaths, or a walk outside (even if it means I take them along)?” Because it is likely that they need it, too – and if anything, they will at some point. It’s okay to turn the homework in late but complete, to eat cereal again for dinner, or ask your kids to put in work around the house.

This idea of good stewardship with humility does not come as an easy task because it will be challenged by all the things to be done, the ticking of the clock, the expectations of others, and by the idea that “it would just be easier if I did it.”

Your children need time to practice their skills in stewardship just as much as you do. The way that you steward your time and energy and space will model for them the very ways that they will follow.

Stay present.

We often bring our heartaches and hurts into the present by focusing on our past regrets, betrayals, or future worries. Do you find your mind wandering back to mistakes? Do you still feel bitter toward an ex? Are you wasting time reliving the life you think you might have led?

Practice mindfulness throughout the day. Mindfulness directs your mind back to the present and appreciating where you are in the moment. Of course, you must plan and prepare for the future, but don’t get so caught up that you miss what is happening now. Appreciate the present time with your children. They grow up fast, so savor their childhood.

Wiser words about this were never spoken as these in Philippians: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Don’t feel like you should respond to everything.

Does it feel as if everyone wants a piece of you? Your children, boss, parents, extended family, friends, and social media compete for your attention. This is where you will need to practice trust boundaries, putting your guard up, and practicing self-discipline. Setting boundaries includes prioritizing relationships and how you spend your time.

To a single mom, the most demanding responsibility is the welfare of her children. They require focus and attention, especially if there has been a recent life event, such as divorce or the father’s death. Depending on your circumstances, your next priority may be your family outside your children, such as your parents and siblings and/or a core community group as the tip above suggested.

Putting your guard up challenges you to practice discretion in how you use your time and what you fill your mind with. Allowing yourself to be free to communicate when it is the best timing for your family (i.e. after the kids go to sleep, or not during dinner time, etc.) gives a level of chastity to the relationships and keeps you in the present moment with a singular focus.

This means, even if it’s not the best moment for your family, you can take the time to communicate that to anyone involved (i.e. “Kids, Mommy will be there in one minute – set a timer,” or a quick “Sorry, can’t talk right now” auto reply to the other person). It is up to you to set the boundaries and expectations in place and stand by them – which takes self-discipline.

Practicing self-discipline leads you to resist temptations to stop setting boundaries and let your guard down, which can lead to increased chaos and stress in your home as you try to give your attention to everyone and anything.

Take control of finances.

Most single moms find their worry and frustration stem from making ends meet and providing for their children. If you have never managed finances, now is the time to learn. It is possible to budget on a small income. Once you master the skill of sticking to a monthly budget, you may find that you have enough money to build a savings account or pay off debt.

A big thing to do with the stress around finances are the influences of envy and jealousy. Coming together with your children and learning as a family how to resist envy and jealousy, as well as nurture values of hard work over money can be a good step for you.

Finances are a personal subject, but you can find courses, workshops, and videos online that cover budgeting, savings, debt relief, and investments.

Christian counseling for single moms.

Do you need single mom help? Are you anxious, depressed, and frazzled trying to support and care for your family? Contact the Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling today to schedule a session with a therapist specializing in women’s issues and single parenthood. Not only can your therapist help you with the mental health aspect of being a single parent, but they also may be able to assist you in finding local resources for support.

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Online Couples Therapy: What Is It and What are the Benefits?

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Online couples therapy is a virtual counseling alternative that is conducted through a video conferencing service such as Zoom rather than in person. It enables you to meet face-to-face with a licensed mental health professional experienced in relationship counseling. You can use any device that has Internet access, such as your computer, smartphone, or tablet.

Sessions are very similar to traditional in-office counseling. You can see each other as you speak, and the counselor can view and interpret your facial expressions and body language. Studies indicate that in many cases online couples therapy can be just as beneficial as in-person counseling. If you’re looking for support Huntington Beach Christian Counseling is available to guide you through the process.

Benefits of online couples therapy

Convenient. In today’s busy world, booking an appointment for two people to consistently meet at the same time in the same place can be a real challenge. Online therapy sessions can be scheduled for when it’s most convenient for both of you and do not require any added travel time to and from.

Flexible. Scheduling and length of online counseling sessions can be more flexible than in-office visits, and you and your partner can log in from different locations. This makes it possible for you to attend sessions more regularly and consistently, which is key to the therapy’s effectiveness.

Easily accessible. Online therapy makes counseling accessible to people who are limited by a disability, housebound, or just stressed by driving or going out in public. Not having to leave the house may also make it easier to convince a reluctant spouse to participate.

Not limited by locality. Online therapy makes counseling available to people who live in remote or rural areas and have limited access to local therapists. Because geographical location is not an issue, it also enables people to maintain continuity while on vacation or a business trip and is a good option for couples in long-distance relationships. They can attend sessions together even when they are physically apart.

More natural environment. Online couples therapy enables the counselor to gain added insight into a couple’s home life. Observing them in their home environment allows the counselor to learn things about them that they might have missed in an office visit.

Eliminates social embarrassment. Access to therapy in the privacy of their home makes counseling an easier choice for couples who don’t want people to know they are having problems and/or who would otherwise avoid it due to concern about the stigma attached to mental health issues. With the availability of online couples therapy, they don’t have to visit a counselor’s office and risk being seen by someone they know.

Cost effective. Online counseling is typically less expensive. Therapists who have fewer overhead costs such as renting office space are often willing to offer affordable treatment options to couples not covered by health insurance. You also save on the cost of time and travel expenses by not having to leave your home.

Takes the pressure off. Access to online therapy eliminates burdens such as the stress of spending time in traffic, trying to carve time out of an overbooked schedule for the commute, erratic work schedules, and/or having to make childcare arrangements if you have children at home.

If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment with one of the Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling, please give us a call.

Resources:Kendra Cherry. “The Pros and Cons of Online Therapy.” Verywell Mind. Updated May 16, 2022. verywellmind.com/advantages-and-disadvantages-of-online-therapy-2795225.

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Blessed Are the Peacemakers: Learning How to Deal with Anger  

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We’ve all had bad days. You got out of bed late because your alarm didn’t go off for some reason. Then, because your morning routine was turned upside down, you left the house quite abruptly, and not on the best terms with your spouse and kids. Traffic was especially bad (or was it your foul mood that made it feel that way?).

Then when you got to work, you were put on the spot about a project and your answer was less than satisfactory, and your colleague was more than happy to swoop in and “help you” give your boss what he needed. By the time you get home, you know it’s only a matter of time before whoever comes to you with their next request feels the impact of the wrath that’s been building up all day.

Anger can creep into our lives in both subtle and obvious ways, and if we give it full vent, it can break relationships with others. Though we may desire to walk through life at peace with ourselves and others, it seems as though circumstances conspire against us and our best intentions. Our anger is provoked, and before our hearts are settled again, the damage may have already been done, either through reckless words or actions. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you work through your anger in healthy, constructive ways to restore peace in your relationships.

What does the Bible say about managing our anger versus allowing our anger to manage us?

Anger is serious.

In dealing with anger, it is important to first recognize that while we are designed to feel, our feelings are also a part of our flesh that is born with a sinful nature. How we feel gives us important clues about what’s going on inside us, and it directs us to remedy the situation. Our sadness, joy, fear, pain, and anger, all point to certain realities around us, and they alert us to our mental state in a given situation. So, it is good to pay attention to what our emotions are telling us.

This is where discernment and self-control come into play. While they are good advisors, feelings make for terrible commanders. In other words, our emotions are an important part of us that we need to pay attention to for the sake of our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health, but it’s dangerous to be led by them.

Having self-control, which includes control over our emotions, thoughts, and actions, allows us to make considered choices. Having discernment allows us to utilize the self-control in the most wise way. There are many warnings in the Bible about anger and what can result if we are led by that powerful emotion. Consider a few examples.

Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. – Proverbs 16:32

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. – Proverbs 14:29

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. – Proverbs 15:18

Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold…Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. – Ephesians 4:25-27, 31

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. – Colossians 3:8

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. – James 1:19-21

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. – Galatians 5:19-21

These Scriptures, among many others, remind us just how seriously we are called to take anger, and how carefully we should examine our anger to determine if it is righteous or sinful. Instead of looking at anger as just another emotion that we can indulge without consequences, these verses remind us that there is a cost to it. For the person that’s chosen to follow God, a life marked by anger is something to be avoided.

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. – Proverbs 29:11

Watch the red flags.

Anger can alert us to the fact that something is not right in our world. We get angry when we experience personal injustice, feel frustrated or threatened or attacked, or when we witness injustice in the world around us. That anger can move us to act in ways that bring positive change in the world.

Anger has a place and serves a purpose, but even what you might consider “righteous anger” can become such a predominant emotion in your life that it becomes problematic and leaves room for God’s command to love others. That’s why it’s important to learn to recognize it and detect if anger issues are in your life.

You may be said to have “anger issues” when sinful anger has a hold on you and has made a huge impact on your life. For example, if relationships have ended or you have regrets in your relationships because of things said and done in anger, it may signal that you have anger issues.

Are you angry most of the time? Do you get angry quickly and find yourself easily going overboard in your anger? If so, you may have anger issues. It may be easier to blame the people around you, or the circumstances you find yourself in, but at the end of the day, your anger issues are your responsibility. You will stand alone in front of God to account for all of your doings.

By paying attention to the red flags that signal anger issues, you can be better positioned to deal with anger more constructively and to regain a degree of control over it. Controlling or properly addressing any emotional issue can be done by addressing two main pillars: physical and spiritual.

Because anger issues can be related to underlying conditions such as depression, alcohol abuse, Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, PTSD, grief, physical nutrition, and certain medications, involving a doctor or mental health professional can help set you on the road to recovery by addressing your physical needs. Involving yourself in spiritual disciplines, such as prayer, Bible study, solid teaching, and sound counsel addresses your spiritual needs for recovering from anger issues.

Bringing anger under control.

It can be frightening when you lose control, and your anger overwhelms you. But there are ways you can learn to manage your anger when you find yourself in tough situations.

You can bring anger under control by looking out for warning signs, such as a faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, or your body becoming tense, and that will give you a small gap to think about how you want to react to a given situation.

You can also buy yourself some time to think by counting to ten before you respond, or by taking yourself out of the situation for a little while. Going for a short walk or simply stepping outside the room to calm down can do you (and the people around you) a world of good.

You can start learning anger management techniques to help you control your anger, and these can help you either in the moment, or they can provide you with the capacity to deal with anger before it even becomes a thing.

Such techniques include breathing or mindfulness, exercising, directing your anger and energy toward something like ripping up a piece of paper, or even taking a cold shower are all ways you can begin to bring your anger under control.

In the long term, you can pay attention to your thought patterns, taking the time to break down harmful or unhelpful patterns of thought, and learning new ways to think and act. One therapeutic technique that therapists will use to accomplish this is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Something important to be aware of is what your triggers are, which can help you know ahead of time what situations are likely to stir up your anger, and the possible responses you can put in place in advance to choose a healthier alternative action. You can also improve your communication skills so that you can communicate your anger in a clear, assertive, and respectful way.

If others understand you and why you’re angry, it can go a long way toward helping you express yourself and what you’re feeling without losing important relationships.

By taking care of your body through good nutrition, exercise, avoiding alcohol and drugs, getting good sleep, and by picking up skills to learn to cope better under pressure, you can help yourself to become more resilient and better equipped to deal with situations that can otherwise prove emotionally overwhelming. If you need support in building resilience, Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are available to guide you in creating lasting emotional well-being.

A trained therapist can walk with you on this journey, and you can pursue your efforts towards peace in the power of the Spirit. Paul writes in Galatians 5:22-25 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

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What to Do When You’re Feeling Depressed

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It’s never easy when feeling depressed. Your body and mind don’t do what you want them to, and they seem like they’re at war with you. Fighting against yourself by not trusting your thoughts and instincts can be difficult, but there are circumstances when it’s necessary.

Typically, our moods are well-regulated because our hormones, sleep patterns, and general rhythms are functioning well. When they are not functioning well, however, mood swings and erratic behavior can result.

Depression is a common mental health concern in the United States, with around 8% of all adults having at least one major depressive episode. Depression also affects adolescents and younger children. Regardless of age, it can affect a person’s ability to enjoy life and function in daily life.

If you’re feeling depressed, you may experience big changes, but depression can also subtly affect how you think, feel, and act. This is why it is helpful to understand depression and seek help sooner than later. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can provide the support and guidance you need during these challenging times.

Depression is a mood disorder.

Depression is more than just feeling sad or down for some time. A better way to think about depression is as a mood disorder that affects how you think, act, and feel. That means that the issue goes deep and is more than a passing feeling that you snap out of or a funk that will go away on its own.

There are different types of depression that can be categorized according to the intensity and persistence of the symptoms, as well as what triggers the mood disorder.

Some types of depression include Seasonal Affective Depression (SAD) which is when mood changes are linked to changes in the seasons, peripartum or perinatal depression which occurs during or after pregnancy and affects both men and women, and major depressive disorder, which is what many people refer to when talking about depression.

As a mood disorder, depression requires treatment to be addressed properly, as the underlying causes won’t disappear on their own. Not only that, but treatment can also help address the unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that accompany depression and that one should be on guard against, such as being irritable with loved ones, low self-esteem, and feelings of hopelessness.

Signs of depression to look out for.

Being alert to the symptoms of depression can save a life, whether your own or that of a loved one. When a person is feeling depressed, they don’t think, act, or feel like they would under normal circumstances. When you feel sad, that can color everything you experience, and depression is more intense than sadness.

Some people have described feeling depressed like being in a fog – you’re unable to think clearly or understand what’s happening around you. When you see these symptoms, it’s important to seek help from your doctor or a mental health professional like a psychiatrist or counselor.

While not everyone will experience all of these symptoms or experience them with the same intensity, you can be on the lookout for the following:

Withdrawing from your life. If you find yourself losing interest or pleasure in the things that you used to get excited by, that might be a sign of depression. You may find yourself withdrawing from family and friends, and no longer enjoying normal activities such as sports, hobbies, or sex.

Being irritable and angry beyond what’s reasonable. You may have angry outbursts at the slightest provocation.

Suicidal ideation. You may find yourself having frequent or recurring thoughts about death, or you may think about suicide or even make suicide attempts.

Trouble sleeping. You may find yourself out of your usual rhythm, either having trouble falling and staying asleep or sleeping too much.

Changes in your eating habits, such as losing your appetite and eating very little, or having increased cravings and eating more than usual.

Difficulty with mental activity. One may experience sluggish thinking, and struggle to concentrate and remember things. This can make decision-making difficult.

Drastic weight changes. Connected with changes in eating habits, one may lose a lot of weight, or find themselves gaining a lot of weight.

Lack of self-care. When a person is feeling depressed, they may let go of self-care habits such as bathing, grooming, eating well, and getting exercise.

Feelings of worthlessness or guilt. One may find themselves having low self-esteem, fixating on past failures, or blaming themselves for past events.

Feeling sad, tearful, empty, or hopeless. Depression can make a person feel like there’s no way out, and that there’s no pleasure to be found in life.

Feeling fatigued and a lack of energy. Even after sleeping for an adequate number of hours, one may feel tired, making even small tasks seem large and as though they require extra effort

Feeling anxious, agitated, or restless.

Somatic pain. Depression can result in unexplained physical problems, such as body aches, nausea, muscle tension, back pain, or headaches.

Anyone can get depressed. It doesn’t matter how old you are, your gender, socio-economic bracket, ethnicity, or religious beliefs. We live in a broken world, and part of living through that reality of brokenness is that our bodies and minds don’t always function as they ought. Thankfully, the Lord has made treatment options available to address depression and its symptoms.

What to do if you’re feeling depressed.

If you or a loved one experience these symptoms, especially if they persist for two weeks or more, you should seek help immediately from a doctor or a mental health professional. Depression is a serious mental health issue, and it should not be taken lightly. Instead of thinking it’ll blow over or ignoring the symptoms, seek help.

The first step if you’re feeling depressed is to tell someone. A loved one can walk with you and keep track of your symptoms. It is also important to seek help from a professional such as a doctor or mental health expert. This will allow you to get an accurate diagnosis and an effective treatment plan.

Should you get diagnosed with depression it’s quite likely that you’ll have a combination of regular counseling and medication. Your doctor will put together a treatment plan that fits your circumstances, and part of that plan may also include having your family as part of your support structure.

Your friends and family can help you be consistent in taking your medication, getting to your counseling appointments, as well as keeping up with other areas of your health such as what you eat and getting some exercise.

There are a few things that will help you on your journey as you deal with depression, and these include:

Stick to your treatment plan. Keep taking your prescribed medication. If the side effects are serious and are affecting your everyday life, let your doctor know. They can change your medication or the dosage until it works for you. Keep going for counseling to help reinforce healthy thought and behavior patterns while exposing and disrupting unhealthy ones.

Take care of your physical health. Exercise, sleep, and eat well. Doing this will help you keep your health up and exercise can also help elevate your mood through the release of feel-good neurochemicals.

Embrace your support network. Don’t ditch church, friends, or family, though you may feel inclined to withdraw from them. Allow people to draw close and minister to you through prayer, visits, making meals, and providing support. Go for walks with people, which gets you up and about and helps you connect with others.

Take it easy. Don’t make huge decisions like starting a new relationship, moving house, or leaving your job when you’re feeling depressed. It may also help to simplify your tasks and break your day up into manageable portions, so it doesn’t feel overwhelming.

Create firm boundaries so you don’t overextend yourself. While it’s important to connect with others and allow your support network to be present in your life, it’s also important to maintain healthy boundaries so that you don’t exhaust yourself. These boundaries can also extend to work and learning to say “No” to certain things you’re asked to do.

Depression can be overcome. If you or a loved one are dealing with depression, don’t do so alone. Seek help and schedule an appointment with a doctor or a mental health professional. The Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help. Call today.

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Being One Flesh: Understanding Divorce in the Bible

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Our various experiences in life mark us in definite ways, but we are more than those experiences and our choices. The issue of divorce in the Bible can be difficult to wade into because when marriage becomes stained with pain, alienation, and dysfunction, the fallout can be devastating, not only to the people immediately involved but also to those that are connected to them in some way.

Many struggles arise around divorce including pain, guilt, a sense of failure, and other such challenges. It’s difficult to chart a path through our culture’s easy acceptance of divorce as just another reality of life, the heavy-handed treatment of divorced people within faith communities, and what the Bible has to say about it. The Huntington Beach Christian Counseling is here to help you navigate these challenges.

To be sure, it is an understatement that life after Eden is messy, and people’s hearts aren’t always aligned and driven by the same values and sense of purpose. Not one I’ve ever met in all of my practice as a therapist, nor in life, has ever declared that they got married with the idea that things were going to be horrible and they would get divorced at some point in the foreseeable future (of course, there can be someone out there with that idea, but I would call that a ridiculous attitude).

Divorce happens under widely varying circumstances, making it hard to speak to every one of them. The Bible speaks broadly about marriage and divorce leaving the principles found in there applicable to any and all.

One flesh.

The main picture that we have about marriage is that it is a union between two people that places them in a permanent covenant relationship. The first man and woman are brought into a relationship when God creates them; they are two distinct individuals whose differences complement each other while being equal in dignity. When God brings these two together, the man says:

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” – Genesis 2: 23-25, NIV

The two are now one flesh, which denotes intimacy as well as unity of purpose. There was no discord between the man and his wife, no selfishness, or hidden agendas. They are naked in front of each other, and there is no shame. Husband and wife are open and vulnerable to each other, without holding anything back.

The situation changes, of course, as Genesis 3 describes for us. Their disobedience to God means that they break the relationship between themselves and the Lord, but also within themselves. Now, shame floods into the picture and they blame one another, their circumstances, and God for what went wrong. Both husband and wife refuse to take responsibility for their part in disobeying God and they attempt to cover themselves up while trying to hide from God.

Instead of being for each other, they are now aggressively for themselves. This is the same pattern that persists to this day. We see in those brief verses a microcosm of the world we now live in, of the tensions between the joy of vulnerability and the pain of being betrayed by the very one that you are joined as one with.

We see in these verses the seeds of husbands and wives keeping secrets from each other, using their spouses for their own ends, betraying their commitment to each other, refusing accountability, pretending ignorance, hurting one another, being insecure or overbearing, resisting intimacy and taking advantage of that intimacy, and many other wrongs that plague our marriages and relationships today.

The innocence, fullness, richness, and depth of what was there at the beginning of creation is now somewhat lost to us. By God’s grace alone do we have the capacity to break free from committing these wrongs without stopping and love deeply the one we are bound to in marriage.

Does God allow divorce in the Bible?

The answer to this question is “it’s complicated.” In the Bible, we find not only examples of divorce, but instances where there seems to be permission to divorce (with certain ways dictated in how to go about it and for what reasons it may be permissible).

Being in a country where there is “no fault” divorce laws is far from the reflection of what God desires for His people in His Word. Instead of a permanent union between a husband and wife, the culture now encourages us to configure our relationships in whatever ways seem right in our eyes.

Therefore, it is important to look for the whole picture of what God is saying in His Word when you are asking to know the difference between right and wrong and already have your own ideal or culture’s very loud voice in your head.

By looking for the whole picture, we can avoid getting stuck in certain parts of Scripture that seem to fit our desires and miss the balancing Scriptures that complete His truth. Even those who study and teach the law have fallen into this trap. Here we see an example of this in a conversation between Jesus and some religious leaders from the book of Matthew:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:3-9, NIV

If there is one thing that we can get from the study of being one flesh in the Bible, it is this: God hates divorce. While divorce is permissible, that wasn’t what God had in mind “in the beginning.” It is a compromise in a broken world populated by imperfect people with “hard hearts,” as Jesus put it.

Divorce undoes something intended to be permanent, so it is a grave thing to go through with or even to consider. The gravity of the decision is often mocked in our culture and even celebrated as both a right and a passage to freedom. In complete contrast, the Bible describes ending a marriage as the tearing of flesh.

It goes on in other passages to say, “’The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.’ – Malachi 2:16, NIV

Not disqualified.

One of the key things to remember as we seek understanding divorce in the Bible is that God’s grace toward us is abundant. Divorce happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, we make choices that aren’t wise or honoring to the Lord, and sometimes choices are thrust upon us that we wouldn’t have made.

This is where the search through Scripture is rightly expanded from the topic of marriage and being one flesh to divorce and what to do from there as a believer, to also God’s grace and our need for a Savior. The Lord knows our hearts, in all their depths. Jeremiah reminds us:

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” – Jeremiah 17:9-10, NIV

God is all knowing and unchanging – which is difficult to relate to, as what we feel like and how we see things is constantly changing. God knows the whispers of our hearts, the deep pain residing there, and he offers comfort through truth amid our wandering and grief. Our perspectives and feelings won’t be what bring us healing, but instead our trust in God. God is gracious, and He is also righteous, which means He will not sugar coat the truth or sweep aside His law.

His plan for humanity and marriage was for that union to be permanent and exclusive, a mirror and reflection of His commitment to His people (Ephesians 5:31-33; Ezekiel 16; Revelation 21; Hebrews 11). Breaking a marriage is not what God desires, so the proper response is to mourn a divorce as tragic when it happens.

God also desires healthy relationships and healthy marriages – that is His plan for us – and He is well aware that the presence of sin and the hardness of our hearts often stand in the way of us doing what is best for us. Marriages all too often contain abuses of many kinds, and they are not always healthy spaces that promote human flourishing.

When a person gets divorced, whether with a heavy heart or frivolously, we must understand that the divorce doesn’t disqualify them from God’s grace or His love. It is in fact evidence of their very need of a Savior. The call is the same to all of us, single, married, divorced, or widowed, whatever our path has been to get to where we are today – to return to the Lord and to pursue fellowship with Him through Jesus Christ and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

We are reminded that “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1, ESV), and God’s people are given the Spirit by whom we can walk in obedience to the Lord. That Spirit leads us away from “sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these” (Galatians 5:19-21, ESV).

He leads us to “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:22-24, ESV). We are then reminded that “If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25, ESV).

Our various experiences in life can both mark and define us, but we are more than those experiences and our choices. Thank the Lord that the God of the Bible is a God who renews and restores all things. It is my hope that this has helped you in understanding divorce in the Bible.

If you are in need of support through a difficult marriage, the difficult decision of divorce, or the aftermath of a divorce, feel free to contact me or one of the other Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling in our online counselor directory.

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Single Mom Help: Survival Tips from Other Single Moms

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Being a single mom can be stressful, lonely, and exhausting. Trying to do everything yourself may at times feel like a wild ride of time management stress and financial woes.

According to a 2018 Pew Research Center Analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data, one-third of all American children under the age of eighteen live in a single-parent home, and 81% of those single-parent homes are headed by a single mom. If you are a single mom, you aren’t alone in the struggles you face. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling is here to provide support and guidance as you navigate these challenges.

She has to have four arms, four legs,
four eyes, two hearts, and double the
love. There is nothing single about a
single mom. – Mandy Hale

Common single mom struggles.

  • Financial strain
  • Social isolation
  • Solo decision-making
  • Guilt
  • Fatigue
  • Never enough time
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Self-doubt

Following are some tips from single moms to help you address those struggles and make it through the tough times.

Survival tips from other single moms.

Reach out to family and friends. Being self-reliant may be necessary for many of the situations you face, but you also need the support of others. Don’t feel ashamed to reach out and ask for help when you need it, or to accept help when it is offered. Be specific about what you need. Some people may want to help but are not sure what to do.

Readjust your priorities. Know that you can’t do it all. There are only twenty-four hours in a day. It’s okay to take shortcuts and to have a less-than-spotless house. Not everything has to be perfect. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do, and learn to say no. Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do everything and be everywhere.

Balance your schedule. Just because you are a single mom doesn’t mean your primary focus must be on work. Try to balance your schedule as much as you are able, and prioritize time spent with your children when you are not working. Quality time will always trump quantity time.

Make peace with the past. Don’t let your past define you or rule your life. You cannot change what you’ve gone through, but you can learn from it and use the strengths you’ve gained to make the best possible life for you and your child going forward. Try to stay positive, and create a peaceful, happy atmosphere in your home.

Set goals. Set goals for yourself so that you have something to which you can look forward. Even if it’s something as simple as a fitness goal, a reading goal, or finding a few moments to write in your journal before you go to bed at night, it will propel you forward.

Let go of guilt. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, feel guilty that you have a fractured family, or feel discouraged about the things that are lacking or you can’t provide. It’s not the number of parents in the home, but the quality of the parenting that’s most important. Are your children loved and cared for? Is your home a happy place to be? That’s what matters most.

Be flexible. Be flexible when things don’t go as planned. Have a plan B to put into play if the children get sick, for example, or a babysitter cancels at the last minute.

Be organized. Being organized can help save time and keep things moving smoothly. Have consistent morning and evening routines so your children know what to expect on a daily basis.

Make the most of stolen moments. Make the most out of your time by taking advantage of small moments where you can squeeze work or personal tasks into commutes, or while you’re in a waiting room or at a sports practice.

Take time for self-care. Taking care of yourself is an important part of taking care of your children. It helps you build up the energy, stamina, and inner strength you need to avoid burnout and be the best parent you can be. Make sure you eat well, do some kind of regular exercise, and stay connected with friends. If you are healthy and happy, your children are much more likely to be so as well.

Live within your means. Raising a child on one income can be challenging. Track all your expenses for a month and then see where you can eliminate purchases or cut back on overspending. Use the list to create a budget and keep it updated so you can see how much money is coming in versus how much is going out.

Look for creative ways to save money, such as finding fun free activities to do with your children, as well as smarter ways of spending money, like making lists before going to the grocery store, looking for discounts or off-brand products, and/or shopping in bulk for things you use regularly.

Take advantage of available resources. Look into things you can take advantage of such as tax breaks you are entitled to on your tax return, and government-run programs and grants you may qualify for as a single mom.

Make friends with other single moms. Other single moms can relate to your situation better than anyone else. In addition to being friends, you can help each other out. Consider carpooling, for example, or swapping out a few hours of childcare.

Carve out some me time. Look for places that keep children entertained while you are doing something for yourself. A gym, for example, that has a supervised space for the children to play while you are at your exercise class, a play date at a friend’s home, or taking advantage of a Mom’s Day Out program sponsored by your local church are all good options.

Join a single-parent support group. Becoming a single parent can be a very lonely and isolating experience when you don’t know anyone else who is going through a similar experience. Joining a single-parent support group is a good way to connect with other single moms in a safe space where you can share your experiences and struggles, learn about available resources, and get advice, as well as tips and strategies for enhancing your parenting experience.

Find a trusted friend or mentor with whom you can brainstorm. Making tough decisions on your own can feel overwhelming and lead to self-doubt. Finding a trusted friend or mentor who shares your fundamental values with whom you can share ideas and get feedback can lessen your anxiety.

Have children help with tasks. Let your children know they’re needed, and give them real responsibilities to take care of in the home. It will save you time and will allow them to feel valued.

Work as a team. Have regular family meetings with your children. It will help them feel listened to, valued, and empowered. Work together as a team to set rules, solve problems, and come up with ideas for fun things you can do together.

Cling to God and seek His wisdom. Spend time reading your Bible and in prayer. When you’re having doubts and don’t know what to do, turn to God. You may not have all the answers, but He does, and you can always rely on Him. Remind yourself that He is faithful, and in control and that when you commit your life and decisions to Him, He will guide you in the way you need to go and give you the strength to cope with your current situation.

If you have questions and/or would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors  in our online directory, please give the Christian counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling a call today. You do not have to walk this path alone.

References:

Brodwell, Laura. “6 Strategies for Single Mom Success.” Parents. October 3, 2005. parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/6-strategies-for-single-mom-success/.

Maggio, Jennifer. “Being a Single Mom: 17 Surviving to Thriving Tips.” The Life Of A Single Mom. January 15, 2019. thelifeofasinglemom.com/being-a-single-mom-how-to-be/#.

Ward, Kate. “18 single mom survival tips from other single moms.” Care.com. March 16, 2021. care.com/c/where-to-find-help-for-single-mothers/.

Photos:
“Mother and Child”, Courtesy of Sir Manuel, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Mother and Child”, Courtesy of Hello Revival, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Mom and Children”, Courtesy of Hillshire Farm, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Children”, Courtesy of Jose Escobar, Unsplash.com, CC0 License