5 Tips for Pursuing Christian Marriage Counseling

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“A good marriage is where both people feel like they’re getting the better end of the deal.” – Anne Lamott

It has been truly said that although marriage is a precious gift of God, it is, in the end, a union of two sinners. This sin – inherited from our First Parents and perpetuated by each one of us – brings trials and troubles into marriage that sometimes make it necessary to seek Christian marriage counseling in order to overcome. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling, we provide a supportive environment to help couples address challenges.

In his book, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, Tim Keller writes, “While marriage is many things, it is anything but sentimental. Marriage is glorious but hard. It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears; humbling defeats and exhausting victories.”

5 Tips When Pursuing Christian Marriage Counseling

Consider these five steps to as you prepare to seek Christian marriage counseling.

1. Recognize that you can’t do it alone.

When you and your spouse experience marriage problems, the first thing to recognize is that you may not be able to fix it on your own. The help of the Holy Spirit, working through a professional counselor who is focused on the Word of God, will bring about change in your relationship.

Maybe you’ve already tried it solve your problems by yourselves and have gotten nowhere, or maybe you just find that the spark has gone out of your marriage and you want to rekindle the sense of closeness and intimacy that you used to enjoy.

Recognizing that your marriage is not what it should be and that you need God’s power to fix it is the first step toward healing. God’s vision for your marriage is higher and greater than you could ever imagine.

2. Recognize that marriage problems are normal.

Your marriage problems may seem huge. Perhaps you recognize the same issues rearing their ugly head time after time and nothing ever seems to change. Maybe it feels like the two of you are just incompatible, and you begin to suspect that you tied the knot with the wrong person.

This is common. Since we live in a fallen, sinful world, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Every marriage experiences stress or conflict of some kind for the simple reason that both spouses are sinners. Regardless of what you may be experiencing, you are not facing anything that has not been faced by married couples before.

Rather than end the marriage and begin looking elsewhere for love, however, this is an indicator that you need to turn to God in faith and let Him bring healing. In his book, What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, Paul David Tripp writes, “One way God establishes beauty is by putting things that are different next to each other.”

Hiding your problems out of a sense of shame is a mistake. This is a fear-based reaction and is a common response of many Christians. They wrongly assume that church is only made up of couples who don’t wrestle with sin issues. Satan uses this assumption to keep couples in despair and isolation, preventing them from ever getting help.

Seeking help when you need it is always the best path. Of course, it will require humility and courage, and a conviction that there is something in your marriage that is worth saving.

Marriage is God’s invention, and because it is God’s intention that it be permanent, you should feel compelled to make the effort to save it. Many divorces occur because people didn’t seek help when they needed it but tried to do it solely on their own. As God’s Word says, “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors, they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22).

If you are willing to humble yourself and ask for help, you will find it. Professional marriage counselors are available to come alongside you and help you navigate the minefield of marital issues to find healing and hope for your marriage.

Once you have decided to get help, you need to face the challenge of finding the right counselor. Though it may be an intimidating task, you will want to find a trustworthy counselor that is a good fit for you. There are a number of counselors who offer Christian marriage counseling, and it may be a tough job to sort through all of your options.

This article will present some wisdom about how to find and contact a marriage counselor.

3. Recognize the value of personal recommendations.

Though it may seem simplistic, probably the best way to identify a trusted counselor is through word of mouth. Who have others used? Who do they recommend?

Though there are no guarantees in life, recommendations from those you love and trust can be a real help. The likelihood that you will actually find and meet with a good marriage counselor is dramatically increased when someone that you know and trust has had a good experience with them before.

In an article entitled, “How Do I Find a Good Marriage Counselor?” Dr. Robert Burbee writes, “Talk to someone you know who has gone for counseling or psychotherapy. In many cases, the best suggestions about who is good in your community are from trusted friends and family who have been in the same situation themselves of trying to find a good counselor or therapist. These individuals can give firsthand observation about a professional and what to expect. And, they are giving a client’s perspective which may be the most important.”

4. Recognize the importance of knowing both yourself and your counselor.

As you consider selecting a marriage counselor near you, a good first step is for you and your spouse to reflect on yourselves. Think about what the two of you want to accomplish through counseling and what your hopes are for your marriage. It is also good to evaluate what you want out of life and what you expect from each other.

You should also consider what type of counselor would be a good fit for both of you. Thinking about these things ahead of time will help you align your goals even before you start counseling. If you are not on the same page as your spouse regarding your goals and expectations for counseling, it can reduce the effectiveness of your Christian marriage counseling.

Of course, counselors come in many shapes and sizes and the sheer number of specializations and licenses that they may hold can be dizzying. So, secondly, it is helpful to spend time talking with any potential counselor about what they specialize in and how they are trained and licensed.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy professional website, “Marriage and Family Therapists broaden the traditional emphasis on the individual to attend to the nature and role of individuals in primary relationship networks such as marriage and the family. MFTs take a holistic perspective to health care; they are concerned with the overall, long-term well-being of individuals and their families.”

It is a good idea to take advantage of any free consultations over the phone prior to meeting with a counselor in order to get to know them a little bit and get a feel for whether the counseling relationship is likely to work out. This gives you the liberty to ensure that you are comfortable with this counselor before you commit to anything long-term.

This is a good time to ask any questions both of and about the counselor. You can ask about their counseling approach, values, experience, training, etc. Make a list of things to ask, especially about subjects that will increase your comfort level. Find out if they are a Christian and ask what that means to them and how it affects their counseling methods.

This is critical since you are about to commit to a counseling relationship and whether or not it is successful will depend in large measure on the kind and strength of the relationship that you develop with the counselor you select.

5. Learn to trust your instincts.

Though we are often led to think that first impressions are unimportant, they are not always wrong. “Intuition” or “gut instinct” is an important part of who we are as human beings and though we should not rush to judge a person’s character when we don’t know them, our first impressions should not be ignored.

As you interact with any given counselor via phone, email, or in person, you should give thought to how they make you feel. Do you feel like they are really listening to you? Do they seem interested in you and your problems, or do they come across as disinterested or bored? Do they appear to be concerned enough to provide help right away? Do they seem confident and hopeful about your chances for positive change through counseling?

Marriage requires a lot of hard work and can be difficult. Anyone who says differently is selling something. Every married couple will experience issues at some point in their marriage and will need help. If this is you, contact a Christian counselor. They will provide the best care and counsel possible and will help you navigate the complexities of marriage problems and help you and your spouse get back on the right track. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to guide you towards healing and reconciliation.

References:

AAMFT (2018). About Marriage and Family Therapists. Retrieved from: https://www.aamft.org/About_AAMFT/About_Marriage_and_Family_Therapists.aspx

Burbee, R. (2014). How do you find a good marriage counselor? Retrieved from: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/your-spouse-is-not-the-enemy/how-do-you-find-a-good-marriage-counselor

Keller, T., & Keller, K. (2011). The meaning of marriage: facing the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of God. New York: Dutton.

Tripp, P.D. (2010). What did you expect? Redeeming the realities of marriage. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books.

Weiner-Davis, M. (2009). How to choose a good marital therapist. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/200910/how-choose-good-marital-therapist

Photos:
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Do You Need Anger Management Therapy?

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You probably know someone who you feel needs help to manage their anger. Most people do. They look around, noting all those who act angry all the time or have frequent anger outbursts. But, sometimes, they fail to see that they too need a bit (or a lot) of help managing their own anger. What about you? Do you need anger management therapy?

Although it’s certainly true that many people who need assistance barely show any anger at all, are they really as happy and carefree as they seem to be? Or, are they internalizing the struggle they are having with anger? Those who suppress their anger need anger management therapy just as much, if not more. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can offer support to those who are struggling with internalized anger.

Do you know an individual who’s having severe consequences due to anger? Maybe there is a person you know who appears to be all together. Still, they might be going through the storm alone because they are not expressing their angry feelings. The process of therapy for anger management is the first real step in the healing process of hurts, disappointments, rage, and other life controlling problems.

What is Anger Management Therapy?

Anger management therapy focuses on assisting a client in understanding their anger, pinpointing the root, and laying out healthy ways to deal with or cope with symptoms of anger.

Anger management therapy can take place within a group situation where there are many people who gather together and share their anger thoughts and feelings with others. Within a group situation, it’s hopeful to gain some considerable insight in regards to your individual anger through attentively listening to how the other members in the group express theirs.

Counseling for anger management or anger management group therapy is always open for everyone to join in. No criteria exist that must be met in order to receive help for anger problems. It’s a reality that anger tends to commonly exist in those who don’t express it outwardly and openly.

Those individuals would greatly benefit from therapy for anger management since they would find out how to identify and acknowledge exactly what they feel. They would also learn ways to share those feelings with others.

There is no rule that says you have to have lost control of your anger before you can get help. Management of anger is beneficial to those who are easily identifiable as being angry since their outburst is often a symptom stemming from another emotion which isn’t recognized yet. The expression they are currently exhibiting may also bring on even more complications and problems.

Therapy for managing anger can appear very different. It depends on who is participating. Whole families can be in therapy in which case, the whole family may react the same when it comes to being angry.

That warrants digging deeper to discover the norms of their family systems and what root issues might affect them all. Perhaps shouting and throwing things was passed down from generation to generation and it’s typical behavior in the unit. Or, maybe there was a lot of abuse which caused the explosions on a regular basis.

If it happens to be a couple who is in therapy and they are trying to figure out the best way to manage anger issues in the relationship, it is likely that the therapy will be centered on the patterns and responses they have toward each other. When children are part of counseling, however, a different variety of tools will most likely be implemented. These tools help children realize when they are upset and angry and other things concerning anger.

Group settings allow everyone a chance to listen to each other and then to reflect how their anger reveals itself when they’re interacting with other. The group is not controlled by anyone so it is truly a free flowing method that benefits all.

While group sessions may be challenging if an individual is just learning how to manage and identify their emotions of anger, but at the same time, it’s extremely rewarding too.

When Should I Seek Anger Management Therapy?

You may be experiencing a lot of suffering because of past or current hurts that could easily cause you to feel angry. Sometimes hurt comes out as anger. If this emotion seems to be getting more exaggerated, getting into therapy could be the best thing you’ve ever done.

Failure to recognize that the behaviors within your life are actually being controlled by and connected to anger and frustration is typical. The emotions can be detached so you don’t see the connection like feeling angry when sadness is really at the root. Anger management is able to help you get to the source so you can deal with it effectively and have peace.

Maybe you’re expressing the anger you feel in a conducive and healthy way but are worried about the judgment that others inflict on you when you are angry. Or, maybe you’re upset because you feel that you should not even feel angry. Everyone has their own opinion of what the presence of anger means and no two views are exactly the same.

There are those who honestly believe that anger is alright and they express their anger in ways that don’t hurt themselves or to others. Others are confused about anger, especially about it in a Christian light. They are concerned about how God views it.

The Scriptures show us what the Bible says about anger and how Christians are expected to handle it. In Ephesians 4:26, we are commissioned not to fall into sin because of anger and not to allow the sun to set while being angry still. Proverbs 14:29 teaches us to control our anger and not to act foolishly because of it.

Even when reading the passages, you may be wondering how they apply to your personal life. Seeking counsel may be very helpful if you are feeling confused. It will encourage you to dig down to the roots so that you better understand your anger and discover how it fits into your spiritual life.

The Scriptures tell us that God becomes angry at times. Looking at how He expresses His anger can help us know how to manage our own. In Deuteronomy 32:19, we’re told that God grew angry and drew back. That tells us he did not act on his angry feelings. We can see in Romans 9:22 that God is still very patient even when angry.

Anger Management for Children

It is difficult for children who suffer from anger issues to display enough symptoms to meet the requirements for a mental health defined disorder that would place them in anger management counseling. Those who do may end up being diagnosed with an adjustment disorder, conduct disorder, or a similar category.

It’s imperative to have several family sessions so the family unit can learn healthy ways to respond to the child’s anger and to be helpful rather than harmful so as to support the child and not the problem. Being on the same page is priceless

Therapy isn’t just for children who’ve been formally diagnosed with anger related problems who can reap the benefits of counseling for anger management, but also, those who’ve experienced a significant loss or who have been in foster care or even those who may be angry about events they’ve been through, like their parents getting divorced. Medical illnesses can also be a root of anger. There are many hurtful or difficult situations which can be the deep-rooted reason a child reacts in anger.

It’s important to note that anger management counseling certainly does not have to spiral out of control before a child can experience counseling. Prevention can be attained by addressing behavioral issues before they reach the boiling point. Many problems can be avoided when you take this preventative approach.

Treatment for Anger Issues

Now you may be curious as to what you might get out of therapy for anger management. There are techniques that are implemented before anger is experienced and some that are used after you feel angry. These things will help you prepare in advance for all different situations and scenarios. The more you know, the more you can avoid being caught off guard.

Understanding the things that cause you to feel angry is vital when it comes to working through anger problems. Whether it’s traffic that angers you, the tone of voice people use or being taken for granted, pinpointing the source or sources is important to finding a solution.

In the midst of your irritation, you might not be able to find a workable solution but if you take a step back and process your feelings and your anger, you can put a plan in place. That is yet another anger management technique learned in therapy.

Another method for managing your anger is to discover how to ask questions that clarify the situation. Poor communication tends to escalate anger. Clarification can change everything in many cases. Because anger is often spun from misunderstandings, it’s wise to ask someone that you may have misunderstood for a bit of clarity.

Coping skills are imperative when it comes to managing anger, such as talking to a friend, enjoying music, painting or drawing, playing video games, and even writing. The object is to find something that distracts you from the anger you are feeling long enough to focus on the issue in a clear headed way. The idea is not to ignore the anger but to take enough time to cope with it instead of act on it. It’s all about finding healthy ways to manage anger.

Expressing anger tends to be a thing that individuals do or don’t do on a regular basis. There are times that expressing anger in the open leads to huge consequences like being arrested or losing a relationship. Learning effective ways to deal with and express anger can be difficult but constructive.

Counseling is an excellent way to help manage your anger. It is a spot that’s safe and you can start learning techniques that will help you deal with anger in a positive and good way. Counseling is also quite conducive for children. They are encouraged to take such creative actions as drawing pictures to get in touch with feelings of anger. Adults can even do the same. They can write down the words so it’s not necessary to hunt for them. Writing a letter is a good example of this type of therapy. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can guide you through this process to help you heal.

These techniques are just a few of the many tools available through counseling. If you or someone you know struggles with anger, reach out today and get the help you are longing for. Our counselors are here to walk with you on your journey to be free from anger once and for all.

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Bible Verses about Sadness to Give You Hope

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Sometimes it’s hard for believers to allow themselves to feel sad. After all, we say to ourselves, isn’t the joy of the Lord our strength, and shouldn’t we rejoice in all things? This places an enormous amount of pressure on us to grin and bear whatever we may be going through because “it’s what we ought to do.”

Allowing ourselves to feel sad may feel like we’re betraying our faith or are being “bad Christians.” Moreover, we may feel like we’re letting the people around us down. Many of us simply struggle to sit with despair, and we do not have the language to articulate our sadness and lament. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can guide you through these emotions with compassion and understanding.

The picture we get from the Scriptures is more complex, and we learn from the Bible that sadness is a valid human response to situations in life. What does the Bible have to say about sadness and despair?

Jesus, the man of sorrows

About 700 years before Jesus was born, the prophet Isaiah spoke about the Servant who would bear our infirmities and sorrows, a ‘man of sorrows…familiar with suffering’ (Isaiah 53:3). This Servant was Jesus. Apart from his suffering on the cross, we also know that Jesus felt loss at the death of his friend Lazarus, even when he knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead.

The famously short verse “Jesus wept” (John 11:35) shows us that sadness in the face of circumstances such as death is entirely normal. Jesus felt pain, and he expressed it – it is a human thing to do.

Sometimes, your tears are your food

The book of Psalms, which was the songbook of the ancient Israelites and is a go-to book for many today, conveys the gamut of human emotions. From rage, fear, peace, joy, sorrow and so much more, Psalms is the place to go to see people being human in worship before God.

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? …I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. – Psalm 6:2-3, 6-7

Here, the psalmist cries out to God in the middle of despair because of hardship that he is experiencing, possibly because of his own disobedience. His enemies seize upon this to mock him and vent their animosity.

Sometimes you might end up in a tough spot because of poor choices that you’ve made. And then some people in your life may choose to pile on criticism, making you feel even worse. The anguish and the tears that result from this are only natural. The cry “How long, O Lord, how long?” comes from the depths of our being – we want the pain and the hostility to end.

My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” – Psalm 42:3

At other times, through no fault of our own, we end up in dire circumstances. We have been faithful and honest, but the result was getting fired by a corrupt superior. People mock us, “Ha! So much for this God of yours. So much for being honest!” This is heartbreaking. The psalmist paints a portrait familiar to those who have grappled with such deep sadness – tears become your food day and night.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? – Psalm 13:1, 2

This deep darkness where it feels as if God himself is hiding his face, and the psalmist continually wrestles with his own thoughts, seems familiar to those wrestling with sadness and depression. It feels never-ending, and one feels forgotten. The psalmist is honest before God about these feelings, asking God to intervene.

Lamentations

There is an entire book of the Bible about sadness and lament in the wake of devastating events. After the destruction of Jerusalem in 586 BC by an invading army, the city lies deserted, feels haunted and is full of groaning from those left behind as they search for bread.

“This is why I weep,” the writer says, “and my eyes overflow with tears. No one is near to comfort me, no one to restore my spirit. My children are destitute because the enemy has prevailed” (Lamentations 1:16).

Sometimes we are confronted by scenes of misery and destruction, as in the wake of a natural disaster or a man-made catastrophe. In the face of dispiriting scenes, the writer goes on – “My eyes fail from weeping, I am in torment within, my heart is poured out on the ground because my people are destroyed, because children and infants faint in the streets of the city” (Lamentations 2:11).

We can mourn and be sad . . . but we have hope

Sadness is, unfortunately, a part of human life. The encouragement believers have is that we can mourn and be sad about life circumstances but with the hope that the Lord delivers us from our sorrows. It is not a hopeless, endless sadness.

In trying to encourage Christians in Thessalonica who were concerned about their loved ones who had died, Paul says believers are not, “to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14). Our grief is not tinged with hopelessness, but with the knowledge that there is a life beyond this one.

Additionally, many of the psalms have a note of hope in them – hope that God would intervene to deliver them from their enemies and their circumstances. Psalm 42, where the writer speaks about their tears being their food night and day, has this refrain: “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God”.

Psalm 13, as heavy as it is, ends this way: “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me” (Psalm 13:5, 6).

In Lamentations 3:19-23, Jeremiah penned these well-known verses: “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

In other words, these writers trusted that God cared enough for them to not leave things as they were. That kind of hope is precious because it helps us to keep our sadness in perspective, reminding us that God will set all things right.

There will come a time . . . 

Sadness and all other things that cause us to mourn have an end date. There will come a time when all sadness ends. This gives us hope for today and tomorrow. At the end of all things, this is the scene the Bible paints:

I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with people, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” – Revelation 21:3, 4

Conclusion

We cannot and should not pretend that we aren’t sad when we are. To do so diminishes our experience and that of others. It also denies the reality that we’re living in a broken world where things happen that cause sadness.

Beyond the grave, however, there is resurrection. Beyond this present darkness, there is light. Beyond this current hardship, there is liberation. No situation is beyond hope in God’s power to redeem and restore. We mourn, yes, but with hope.

If you are feeling sad or depressed, consider speaking with a Christian counsellor to help you process these feelings. Not only will they help you to see what the Bible says about this, but they will also give you tools to effectively engage this area of your life. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are available to guide you through this journey with care and support.

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15 Verses for Grief: Hope in the Midst of Loss

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🎧 Listen to this article

If you’ve lost a loved one, it’s natural to feel gutted and in shock. You might feel overcome with emotion, lost, unsure of where to turn, and as though a heavy weight has taken up residence on your shoulders.

You’ve probably thought many of the following:

  • I’d give anything for one more hug, kiss, or to hear her voice one more time
  • I feel guilty for not spending more time with him
  • This is like a nightmare I cannot wake up from
  • I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this
  • Why did God have to take him?
  • She was my hero; I talked to her every day—what will I do now?

Grief can be overwhelming and the way you process it will look different than the way another person processes it. Your experience is unique to you and the journey to the other side of it will not be the same. If your relationship with the individual was healthy and close, you might feel an extreme sense of loneliness. If your relationship was strained, you may feel immense guilt or confusion. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can offer support as you navigate your grief, helping you find peace and healing in God’s timing.

Grief is not linear. It can be messy and mixed and some people may experience stages of grief and others may not. It can come in waves and ebb and flow. The wonderful news, however, is that regardless of how grief is taking shape in your life, the Lord is present in the midst of it.

He sees what you are going through, the emotions running through your heart and mind, and that you need comfort. And, He has provided strength for you through the scriptures as you navigate your grief. There are many bible verses about loss, but we have put together a list of the top 21 we feel speak to the depth of what you may be experiencing and how God shows up in the midst of it.

15 Comforting Bible Verses for Grief

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3

In this verse, we see God’s nature revealed. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. When you’ve experienced the death of a loved one and feel brokenhearted and wounded, remember that God will bind you up and heal you.

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow week with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. – Psalm 31:19

This is a cry from David’s heart. Many people who have lost a loved one don’t know what to say to God. They go silent and can’t bring themselves to pray. When you don’t know what to say to God or what to pray, let this scripture be the cry of your heart. David felt just like you feel, and if all you can do is recite this scripture every single day, give yourself permission to do so. God in His mercy will hear your cry and be merciful.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18

This scripture gives us another glimpse into the character of God. He is close to you and He will save you.

Weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning. – Psalm 30:5

When the nights seem long, when darkness surrounds you, remind yourself that God’s word promises that “joy comes in the morning.” Things are never as dark as they appear in the night. The joy may not come immediately the very next morning, but each morning as time passes, the joy edges closer.

Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her heart. – Hosea 2:14

This verse is another great comfort. It reminds us that God speaks tenderly to our hearts. In this time of grief and mourning, as you’re searching for verses about death, remember that some of the most comforting scriptures might be the ones that don’t even mention death, but speak to how God relates to you. During this time, when your heart is fragile, it’s a great comfort to know that the Lord will speak tenderly to your heart.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. – Psalm 73:26

Use this Scripture as a declaration and reminder of the hope you have in the midst of your grief. Your flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of your heart. Lean on Him in your confusion and pain.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4

This verse is a favorite of many who are looking for Bible verses for death. You can rest in the assurance that comfort will come to you when you mourn and you will be blessed because of that comfort. God will not leave you alone in your grief. His word promises that He’s near and He will often send people to surround you in your time of suffering.

My eyes have grown dim with grief. My whole frame is but a shadow. – Job 17:7

In the midst of his grief, Job was vulnerable and communicated how he felt. Cry out just like Job. Tell God how you feel, tell your friends how you feel, or journal how you feel. You do not have to brush your grief under a rug or bury it in hopes that it will go away. Give expression to your feelings and allow them to pour out.

In all this, you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. – 1 Peter 1:6-7

This verse reminds us that, as Christians, our trials are temporary and that they will result in praise, honor, and glory when Jesus Christ is revealed. Your eternal home and perspective shift the permanence of what you’re currently feeling. Although what you’re going through is very difficult, it will also strengthen your faith.

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion. So great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. – Lamentations 3:31-33

God shows compassion and His love is unfailing. This verse also reminds us that God does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone, which is a great truth to remember when you are tempted to blame God.

But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless. – Psalm 10:14

The Lord is a very present helper. Imagine Him taking your grief in His hand and examining it. Next, imagine him becoming your helper. God’s sees your trouble and His nature is to help you.

I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. – Romans 9:2

You are not alone in your feelings and grief. This verse is a reminder that many before you—even those will tremendous faith—experienced great sorrow and anguish of heart.

When you need to put words to your grief, but can’t, turn to this Scripture. Recite this Scripture to God or to a friend. Allow yourself to mourn and take comfort that others have mourned and are mourning just like you.

And many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. – John 11:19

This Bible verse for the passing of a loved one reminds us that God has knit within us a desire to comfort others after a loss. Ask the Lord to send many believers to comfort you in your time of loss, and thank Him as He does. This support and community will be a crucial part of your healing and recovery.

David thought, “I will show kindness to Hanun the son of Nahash, because his father showed kindness to me.” So David sent a delegation to express his sympathy to Hanun concerning his father. When David’s envoys came to Hanun in the land of the Ammonites to express sympathy to him. – 1 Chronicles 19:10

This is another reminder of how God impresses upon His people to show kindness and express sympathy. Ask God to surround you with people who will show kindness and sympathy as you navigate your grief, whether it takes you a few months or years.

You may have people in your life who don’t understand what you’re going through or who grow impatient with you as you try to find your way out of grief, so it can be very important to be surrounded by those who show kindness.

Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. – Jeremiah 31:13

Again, this verse points to God’s heart for replacing hurt and pain with comfort and joy.

We hope these verses for grief and the nature of God as comforter and healer assist you on your journey as you navigate the loss of a loved one.

Save this link and return to it again and again when you need to turn to the Lord for strength. If you know someone who has lost a loved one, share it with them as a source of comfort.

Christian Grief Counseling

A Christian counselor at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can be a great help and support when you’ve lost someone you love and it is not uncommon for many people who have suffered loss to see a counselor on their healing journey.

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Feeling Anxious? Bible Verses for Dealing with Anxiety

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We have all been there – the night before a big meeting, exam, sport or some other momentous event; the morning of a job interview; the day before the rent is due; a few hours before your date arrives; the first day of school; the moments before getting up to speak to an audience; seeing on your calendar that your next doctor’s appointment is fast approaching, or that a certain family member is coming to visit – all of these and many other situations can induce anxiety.

Most of us have things in our lives that can trigger an anxious reaction. Whether from fear of people or circumstances that seem bigger than our capacities to handle them, anxiety is a common reaction we have to what life throws at us. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can offer support to help you manage your anxiety and find peace in the midst of life’s challenges.

What does the Bible have to say about anxiety? Is it possible to joyfully meet life head on without worrying?

A Command and a Promise

Often, the first verse that comes to mind when talking about anxiety is from Paul’s letter to the Christians in Philippi – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

These two verses are a bit of a powder keg, carrying both a command and a promise. The command not to be anxious can sound a little like asking someone to stop doing something as natural as breathing. When you struggle with something like anxiety, whether occasionally or more frequently, being told to simply “stop” seems unhelpful.

However, Paul doesn’t simply instruct the Philippians (and us) to just stop being anxious. It does us no good to stop one behavior without replacing it with something else. Instead of being anxious, we are told that prayer accompanied by thanksgiving should replace our anxiety.

Paul urges us to redirect our attention away from our fears, away from the circumstance that’s inducing anxiety, and toward God who is bigger than our fears and our circumstances. Not only does being thankful make us feel good, but giving thanks also reminds us of the other occasions God has come through for us. We can face this new situation with the confidence that we’ve gone through other circumstances and emerged in one piece.

God Cares for You

In his sermon on the mount, Jesus reminds his followers of twin truths – worrying doesn’t help, and God cares for you. Firstly, Jesus reminds us why we should not worry about our food and clothing:

Consider the ravens: they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! – Luke 12: 24, 27-28

Because God takes care of everything else in nature, like birds and plants, we should also expect him to take care of us. We should not be anxious about our daily needs because God cares for us. As Peter put it, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

Jesus also points out the futility of worrying: “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” (Luke 12:25-6). Our worrying and anxiety, Jesus says, does us no good, and so we’re better off not giving in to those impulses.

“Therefore,” Jesus says, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34). In place of worry, what are we to do? “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33).

Again, our focus is being taken from our circumstances to the God who stands behind and is bigger than our circumstances and concerns. Occupying our hearts and minds with the larger, pressing reality of God’s Kingdom is a big enough concern to engage our whole being. It puts our daily concerns into a proper perspective when they threaten to overwhelm us with anxiety.

Don’t Fear the Unknown

One of the biggest generators of anxiety and worry is the future. We don’t know whether we’re going to get the job, or whether we’ll get through this illness, or if we’ll meet our expenses this month, and this can cause us to worry about how all of this will be resolved. In addition to the care that God has for us, Jesus tells us that God knows we need these things that concern us (Matthew 6:32).

God knows all things, from our thoughts to all our comings and goings. The Psalmist puts it like this – “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16). There is nothing about our life which is an unknown to God. There are no surprises for him.

As a result, we can step into every day with the confidence that whatever happens, none of it will surprise God, and that his children are in his loving hands. Even when hard times come, we can face them with confidence knowing that God knows the outcome, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). If God, who is love, is working for our good in all things, even the scary stuff, that gives us the courage to face each day without anxiety crowding in.

How is it that many people can display great boldness in the face of perilous situations? How could Daniel go into the lions’ den, or his three friends into the fire without hesitation? How other heroes like Esther take their lives in their hands and face down kings?

Knowing that we are loved by God, who is working out our good in all things, drives out fear (1 John 4:18). Sometimes we are fearful of the power that certain people have over us and become anxious to please them. Armed with God’s promise that he will never leave nor forsake us (such security!), we can say with confidence – “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:6).

He has Overcome the World

The world we live in is not safe. A variety of hardships come our way all the time. At a time of great testing for his disciples, Jesus gave them this promise – “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

The first part of that promise is something most of us would prefer Jesus hadn’t said. However, it’s true. We do have trouble in this world. We do encounter many things that bring us discomfort and anxiety. If Jesus hadn’t said the first part, the second part would have felt naïve and shallow. But because Jesus knows exactly what we’re facing, his encouragement to take heart because he has overcome the world is that much more potent.

After he’d been crucified and raised from the dead, and just before he ascended into heaven, Jesus said this to his disciples – “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me” (Matthew 28:18). Jesus wields this power and exercises it for his people.

We can cast our anxieties and cares upon him, knowing that he can take care of all our todays and tomorrows. He is working all things for our good – even the rough patches we go through – and so we will not be afraid of or anxious about what comes our way. Take heart! Jesus has overcome the world. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you strengthen your trust in God.

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5 Comforting Bible Verses for Mourning: Finding Hope in God’s Word

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With every death, comes a sense of loss. While friends and loved ones may comfort you in your time of mourning, they cannot always understand the gaping hole of loss that you feel, particularly if they have not experienced a similar type of grief.

God’s Word will speak to your heart and mind, as the Lord alone knows exactly where you are.

There are many Bible verses about loss that you can turn to, trusting that through meditation on Scripture, God will give you the peace and hope that you need and the strength to get through each day. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can provide the support and guidance you need to navigate through grief and find peace through faith.

5 Bible Verses for Mourning

Here are 5 Bible verses for mourning to comfort you in a time of loss:

You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust.” – Psalm 91:1-2

If you’re experiencing the deep depths of sorrow and it feels impossible to function, remind yourself through this and other Bible verses about loss that, as a Christian, you live under the shelter and protection of the Almighty God, creator of the universe and loving, trustworthy Father, who numbers every hair on your head.

He promises refuge from the raging torrents of emotion that come with grief, and his strength and safety is nothing less than that of a fortress. Psalm 62:1-2 repeats this imagery, “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” We may feel shaken, but we never move into a position of vulnerability, outside of the realm of his secure grasp.

What’s more, providing comfort is God’s speciality – “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3). In the midst of grief is God himself. He will meet us, give us Himself, fill the void left by our loved ones, warm our hearts, lift our burdens and swaddle us in His love. Through deepened faith and trust, we can experience deep and true joy, even in our heartache.

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. – Isaiah 43:1-3

This verse does not refer to loss specifically, but it follows on from the idea above that God does not leave us alone in our times of difficulty. We don’t have to figure out how to handle grief on our own; he walks every step of the way with us.

Think of Jesus who was “despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Jesus lived life in this broken world and knew the torment of pain. As our perfect High Priest, he fully understands our anguish, and intercedes for us (Hebrews 7:25), as does the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:26).

He empathises with us when it feels as though the waters will close in on us or the flames will engulf. God hates death even more than we do, and that is why he sent His son. In our lowest moments, He is Immanuel – God with us.

May God, the source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace by means of your faith in him, so that your hope will continue to grow by the power of the Holy Spirit.– Romans 15:13

One might not think that Bible verses about loss would contain words like hope, joy, and peace, but that is the miracle of living a life redeemed by Christ. When it feels like we’ve been stripped of a physical blessing in this life, our soul is laid bare and all we have is our faith in God, the source of hope.

We may not feel like we have faith, and we may not always see God as the source of hope, but our feelings do not change the reality of who God is and what He has done. Despite the reality of our loss, God can give us hope and strength for each day.

“When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me,” says Psalm 138:3. Psalm 112:1, 7-8 offers further encouragement: “Praise the Lord! Happy are those who fear the Lord. They are not afraid of evil tidings; their hearts are firm, secure in the Lord. Their hearts are steady, they will not be afraid.” When life calls us to carry on with the day-to-day, despite our emotional state, God will grant us peace and a steady heart to do what we need to do without fear.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. – Revelation 21:4

The reason why we, as Christians, can have hope, is that our grief, no matter how devastating, is temporary. We grieve genuinely (when in 1 Thessalonians 4:13 Paul says to not “grieve as others do who have no hope,” he assumes that grieving is an important and necessary process) but do not despair. We have full sorrow, but also full hope – the end is coming and it is glorious!

As Paul says in Romans 8:18-3, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” If this life brings nothing but pain, sadness, and disappointment; it’s okay – everything is going to be made right again when Jesus Christ returns. As we meditate on Bible verses for mourning and look at Scripture for loss, we can be assured that our tears will not be there in heaven.

For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. – 1 Thessalonians 4:14

If the person whose passing you are mourning was a Christian, that means that they are more alive than ever, and are experiencing life, joy, and glory beyond anything that we can imagine, in God’s presence. It may seem that God did not “heal” or “protect” them, but He has in fact done that in a much deeper, fuller way.

When we know for certain that our loved one is free and alive, it can lessen our sadness as we reflect on the reality of heaven. When we meditate on Bible verses about loss, we can remind ourselves that our loss is not eternal – we will be reunited with our loved one again.

Christian Grief Counseling in Huntington Beach

Dealing with loss is never easy, and sometimes God’s Word seems distant. In these instances, reach out to a Christian friend who can pray for you, and even read these Bible verses for mourning to you. A big way in which God provides great comfort to us is through the body of believers, supporting each other in times of crisis.

If you’re looking for additional support in the form of Christian counseling, please don’t hesitate to contact one of the grief counselors in Huntington Beach listed in our counselor directory. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are available to help guide you through this difficult time with compassion and support.

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What Does the Bible Say About Anger?

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Have you ever wondered, “What does the Bible say about anger?” If so, this article is for you.

Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences, but it’s also an emotion that is viewed quite negatively. There seems to be a consensus in society that anger is straight up wrong but this is a misguided perception. To classify anger as inherently wrong is like saying that everyone who struggles with anger issues is “bad” or even “evil.” Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you understand and manage anger in healthy ways.

That’s just not the case. Most people don’t get out of bed and “decide” to get angry for no reason. Anger is an emotion, and like all emotions, it’s usually provoked by something.

So, what does the Bible say about anger? The Bible talks about two kinds of anger: righteous anger and unrighteous anger. It’s important to remember that God expresses anger in the Bible and if anger is an emotion that God expresses, then it’s impossible for it to be evil.

God’s anger is in response to injustice, which makes it righteous anger. Christians can also become righteously angry about injustices. God’s anger is justified because it’s a demonstration of His love and the pain that He experiences when His children are hurting themselves and others.

It is unrighteous anger that is sinful. Flying into a rage over something that is not injustice is when anger issues become more serious. This kind of anger can lead to a lot of problems in relationships, employment, and school and can also lead to legal action.

What Does the Bible Say about Anger?

If you’re struggling with anger issues, then the Bible is a great place to turn for help and advice. We’re going to look at five verses about anger the Bible, to get God’s perspective on how anger should be handled.

Don’t Let Anger Control You

And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil . . . Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32 (NLT)

In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul is really direct about the consequences of being controlled by your anger. When your anger issues are in control of you, you’re opening yourself up to attacks from the enemy, Satan, who is always looking out for weak spots that he can exploit.

What does it mean to not “let the sun go down while you are still angry”? Well, this part of the verse is talking about how you can settle into a state of constant, bubbling anger that rapidly becomes feelings of bitterness and resentment. As we discussed earlier, anger in itself isn’t a sin, but holding onto it and allowing your anger to fester is not healthy.

Paul goes on to give some practical advice (although in practice it’s not quite as simple as it sounds) about getting rid of “bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander.” I don’t think there’s an expectation that as a Christian you will never get angry, but this verse exhorts you to take control of your anger by practicing kindness and forgiveness just as God practices kindness and forgiveness towards us.

Don’t Be Quick to Respond in Anger

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. – James 1:19-20 (NLT)

In the heat of the moment, getting excessively angry can cause a whole heap of trouble. If you’re naturally quick-tempered, you’ll know how easy it is to say something in anger and immediately regret it. The trouble is, once you’ve said it, you can’t take it back, and hurtful things said as an angry outburst can tear relationships apart.

If you’re prone to flashes of temper, then heeding the advice in this Scripture on anger can help you to manage your anger issues. When we respond in anger, we’re often foregoing the “quick to listen” part of these verses. Taking the time to listen to the other person’s perspective instead of immediately flying into a rage can allow you space to consider a more godly reaction.

You don’t have to agree with someone else’s views, but nor do you have to become angry. When you’re slow to speak, you have a better chance to choose the right words that can convey your views without causing a massive argument. Unrighteous anger is almost always a knee-jerk reaction. Practice righteousness by carefully considering your response, instead.

Follow Jesus’ Example

It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration, so Jesus went to Jerusalem. In the Temple area, he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, “Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!” Then his disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: “Passion for God’s house will consume me.” – John 2:13-17 (NLT)

Jesus’ anger in the Temple is a great insight into what righteous anger looks like. It’s easy to justify your own anger issues as being righteous, but this passage of Scriptures about anger might cause you to reconsider whether your anger really is righteous.

Getting angry about injustice and wrongdoing in the way that Jesus did is okay. Jesus was consumed by anger because of the disrespectful way that the people were behaving in the Temple court. It was God’s house and they were using it as a marketplace. By doing that, they were insulting God and Jesus had every right to fly into a rage, given that He was preparing to die for them.

If you find yourself trying to justify your anger as being righteous, you need to search your heart to see whether this is really the case or if you are looking for an excuse to be angry. Jesus was angry on behalf of His Father, and his response was to berate the people for turning the Temple into a den of thieves.

Getting angry on behalf of someone else can be righteous but it’s not an excuse to behave inappropriately. Notice that Jesus wasn’t angry about something that was done to Him. You may feel that it’s justified to be angry if you’ve experienced an injustice, but the Bible really talks about righteous anger being about injustices that happen to others. It’s hard to have a righteous perspective when you’re the victim.

God’s Approach to Anger

The Lord is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion. But he does not excuse the guilty. He lays the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected – even children in the third and fourth generations. – Numbers 14:18 (NLT)

As Christians, our ultimate goal is to be more like God (or Christlike), so it makes sense that we should follow God’s example when it comes to anger. This passage in Numbers reminds us that although God does get angry, it takes a lot to make Him angry.

If you have anger issues and find yourself becoming very easily angry, you might want to spend some time thinking about how God would react in your situation. Or, even more poignantly, what the world would be like if God was more hot-tempered.

This passage also takes into account that although God doesn’t get angry easily and He is filled to overflowing with love for his children, and He forgives our transgressions, He is just in dealing with those who are unrepentant. This leads to the next verse.

Revenge is for God to Take

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. – Romans 12:19 (NLT)

When you hold onto anger, it quickly becomes resentment and bitterness and can lead to a desire for revenge. If someone has hurt you deliberately, then it’s natural to feel that you deserve some kind of recompense, in the form of revenge. However, the Bible is firm in reminding us that it is not for us to take revenge.

It can be tough to surrender your desire for revenge and trust that God will ensure that ultimately justice is served. No matter how difficult it is to let go of your anger and resentment, not doing so will only hurt you more. Holding onto anger can cause depression and anxiety not to mention giving the devil a hold over you.

Christian Counseling for Anger Issues

When you’re struggling with anger issues, it’s helpful to explore what the Bible says about anger, but you may also benefit from getting in touch with a Christian counselor. Christian counseling gives you the opportunity to discuss your problems with anger with a trained professional who will bring a Biblical perspective (not only a psychological one) to each session.

Working with a Christian counselor, you can explore more Scriptures about anger and discuss your feelings about the Biblical understanding of good and bad types of anger. You’ll learn tools to help manage your anger in a more godly way and have a safe space to discuss the underlying issues that may be affecting your anger issues. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to help guide you through this process and support you on your journey to emotional healing.

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Helpful and Instructive Bible Verses about Relationships

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God has designed relationships to be a safe, healing, and fun place for which we can fully express ourselves, fully serve and love one another, and fully glorify God. Because we live in a dysfunctional and fallen world, our relationships don’t always match the picture God has in mind.

  • Fathers abuse children.
  • Mothers abandon.
  • Brothers take.
  • Sisters scream.
  • Spouses dishonor.
  • Children rebel.
  • Friends disappoint.
  • Co-workers lie.
  • Bosses mistreat.

Yet in the midst of the pain and dysfunction, relationships are also a birthplace of beauty and can be an example of God’s love for us. They can be the very places we experience the depths of God’s joy, compassion, companionship, and more.

  • Fathers play.
  • Mothers stay.
  • Brothers give.
  • Sisters comfort.
  • Spouses respect.
  • Children obey.
  • Friends showup.
  • Co-workers uplift.
  • Bosses promote.

There is nothing more precious and rewarding than to have a friend or family member who knows you and loves you in all of your glory and faults. There is nothing more fulfilling than having a bond with someone so deep that he or she can finish your sentences, anticipate your responses, belly laugh with you in the middle of a store, and share in the joys and sorrows of life. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling can help you nurture and strengthen these meaningful relationships.

Some relationships can be easier than others. You might not speak for months and then pick back up exactly where you left off without a hurt feeling or missed beat. Others require effort, intentional knitting, and building.

From our family relationships to our marriages to our friendships, there are many Scriptures on relationships that can guide us to building a wonderful and enriching community of support and love.

Bible Verses about Relationships

Below you will find some helpful Bible verses about relationships, including verses about friendship, Bible verses for couples, and more.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. – Ephesians 4:2

In our relationships, God instructs us to be patient and to bear with one another in love. When you’ve been disappointed, when a spouse or child or mother or father sins, we’re asked to be humble, gentle, and bear with that person.

Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. – Proverbs 10:12

When you’ve been wronged or severely hurt, it can be easy to hate that person. Hatred stirs up conflict and paves a pretty path for further hurts and wrongs to continue. Love covers all wrongs, even the worst, most unforgivable ones.

When God’s love flows through you, He allows you to love and forgive the people who hurt you. That doesn’t mean you’ll go on to have a really strong relationship with them or that a relationship will continue, but it does mean it can dissolve without leaving remnants of wreckage in your own life.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. – Proverbs 17:17

“A brother is born for adversity speaks” to the role a brother can play in helping you persevere and overcome. A true friend will love at all times and that love may take the form of support or it may take the form of compassionate rebuke when he or she sees you’re doing something harmful.

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. – Ephesians 4:3

In relationships, the Bible tells us to do our very best to maintain unity and peace. We may disagree on a topic of topics, have different opinions, or interpret something in a different manner, but we’re to maintain unity as we navigate (or try to sort out) those differences.

But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” – Ruth 1:16-17

This Bible verse speaks to the beauty of commitment in relationships. Ruth would not leave her mother-in-law. She pledged to follow her and even went so far as to ask God to punish her should anything but death separate her from her mother. That level of commitment is inspiring and it’s also rare in this world. How often do we allow instances to separate us from the people we love?

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. –Genesis 2:24

Genesis 2:24 addresses the bond that marriages are to be built on. A husband should hold fast to his wife and become one flesh with her. It’s a wonderful vision of the intimacy and closeness available to and promised for husbands and wives.

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. – Romans 13:8

Imagine if all we owed one another was love? What a world that would be! This Scripture for relationships is a goal to strive for. Owe your friends and family members love. What it joy it will be for you to repay and for them to receive.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. –Philippians 2:3

This verse is a great example of how we’re to act in our relationships. Every thought, decision, and action should be one of humility and one that values the other person above yourself. It can be hard not to make a selfish decision, especially if you feel like you deserve to be selfish.

You might have a list of “evidence’ supporting all the reasons why you deserve X, Y, and Z. You might also have a long list of “brownie points” that supports how great of a friend, spouse, child, etc. you have been. But, God calls us not to be conceited or vain and to value others even if we don’t feel valued.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. – Galatians 6:2

You don’t have to look far to see people bogged down with burdens. Society at large is stressed, anxious, and depressed. People have lost their jobs, spouses, parents, and children to death and division. In our relationships, we’re called to come alongside others and help carry their burdens.

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24

In every relationship, we have a choice to destroy or stick close. Will our words, actions, and thoughts destroy or draw us closer? The Bible tells us that a real friend will not destroy, but will stick closer than a brother.

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. – James 4:11

Friends and family members are not meant to speak badly about one another or gossip about each other. In our relationships, we can be honest and express our feelings, but we can do so in a way that it does not slander the other person.

Christian Counseling for Relationship Issues

Relationships are meant to add to our lives on this earth. They’re also the very place we’re called to bring glory to God on this earth. We’re to glorify God in them and return praises that arise because of them back to Him.

Not all relationships in your life may be good or functioning as God designed. If you’d like greater support for an unhealthy relationship or want to improve your marriage or relationship with your parents, we’d love to help. Contact us or browse our counselor directory to learn more about our Christian counseling for relationships. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to provide the guidance and support you need.

How to Recognize Binge Eating Disorder

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Sixteen year-old Addison has a great, loving family and plenty of friends. She excels in school and is also very active in the church’s youth department and in sports as well. Addison’s issues are deep within, however. She has trouble expressing her emotions and therefore struggles alone in her sadness and insecurities.

When the day is done and the night closes in, as everyone else sleeps, Addie feels drawn to the kitchen area. The day’s stresses fade away as she begins to relax over the food she finds there. From cookies, chips, and cake to a gallon of chocolate ice cream, she eats all she can manage to get her hands upon. Then she makes her way to her bedroom where more snacks she’s stashed await her.

At first, Addy experiences relief as she eats. She does not, however, enjoy feeling powerless over the situation and not in control. Once she realizes the amount of food she’s eaten, she is overridden with shame. Addy swears to herself that she will never repeat the action again. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling offers support for individuals like Addy, helping them address their struggles with compassion and understanding.

She tries to live up to her promise but cannot. The cycle continues, over and over again. Every time she feels stressed out, she uses food for an outlet. She has no clue what to do about her situation or who to turn to. She doubts anyone would understand. She feels extremely along and afraid.

Brady has just turned thirteen. He’s known as a nice kid and he is also the joker of the classroom. He’s got friends but isn’t at all secure in himself or his friendships. He is always paranoid that his friends will decide they don’t like him anymore due to something he says or does.

His jokes are just a cover for his fear. Food is one thing he can rely upon to give him the happiness he is longing for. When sad, stressed, or bored, food is always there to lift him up and offer him relief, at least temporarily.

It wasn’t until Brady got into therapy that he realized the connection between food and his feelings. He knew he was drawn to food, but prior to therapy, he didn’t know the full implications and how very serious the situation was. When he felt he was not in control, he knew he could eat food and he’d feel better, if only for a moment.

The eating then turned to shame, especially when comments were made about his love for food by his parents. His eating caused him to gain weight which prompted bullying by his peers. The situation eventually escalated to the point that he required therapy. Now he is learning to identify and express his feelings. He is developing skills that he needs in order to cope with the emotions that used to overwhelm him.

Tammy is a young woman of thirty-four years of age. She has had issues with her body image and problems with her self-esteem for as long as she can remember. Her weight and appearance have been a struggle ever since she was a child.

She faced ridicule and bullying by her peers which turned into a severe distrust of others. She doubts who she is on the inside and feels very alienated. She is grown now but her job is quite stressful and very fast-paced. Keeping up with the job is tough and keeping up with life is even tougher.

There are two things that help Tammy deal with her stresses: food and alcohol. It seems she is forever having one drink too many or eating too much, too quickly. She feels remorseful after doing either. But, she feels very alone and overwhelmed.

She is doing all she knows how to do to cope with the way she feels. Therapy has crossed her mind but she thinks she should be able to handle her emotions and feelings on her own. Besides, unleashing all the pain is a scary thought. She doesn’t need the added stress.

The concept of being an “emotional eater” simply means to use eating in order to cope. It isn’t a new thing and most people have heard of it but it is far more serious than most realize. Binge Eating Disorder differs from just eating too much at one sitting. It isn’t simply eating for reasons that are emotionally based either. While both scenarios are problematic, they don’t entail the qualifications for being a binge type eater.

What Binge Eating Disorder Really Is

Binge Eating Disorder was recognized by the Association of the American Psychiatric’s list of mental disorders in 2013. Before that, it was in still in research although it was deemed a serious problem by a myriad of professionals throughout the course of many years. Finally, it has its rightful place as a disorder with a name and a set of criteria which distinguish it.

The BED diagnosis criteria are as follows:

  • The person must have repeated episodes of bing-eating.
  • The definition of a binge consists of possessing three or more of the five following characteristics:
    • Eating considerably quicker than normal
    • Continuing consumption of food beyond being comfortably full
    • Eating large quantities of food even though one is not feeling hungry
    • Eating alone because of being embarrassed by the portion sizes
    • Having feelings of guilt, depression, or disappointment with oneself following the binge-driven behavior
  • In addition, the person who engages in the binges must feel significant emotional distress or remorse about the binge they have taken part in.

The criteria for this disorder is different from that of bulimia nervosa, however, because an individual with BED doesn’t frequently take part in behaviors that are aimed at preventing weight gain.

Negative emotions usually come prior to the episode of binging. It can also be characterized by triggering from other root stressors. That is the reason it’s often regarded as a coping mechanism which is closely related to stress and other negative emotions.

As mentioned before, it is typical with this disorder for food to be consumed in a rush instead of at a pace that is normal. There is little to no mindfulness in the process. The person is likely to eat as an effort to relieve emotions and/or to escape stress.

Shame tends to be an ever-present part of the equation. It is common for those with BED to experience it on a regular basis. It is also typical for one to attempt to hide their shame by engaging in their behavior disorder which only increases and intensifies the negative ways they were already feeling. That is how cyclical behavioral patterns begin and continue.

Additional Common Diagnoses

Those who have been diagnosed with BED quite often meet additional criteria pertaining to other diagnoses as well. It’s not unusual for them to also display signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, and even bipolar disorders. Another typical problem is substance and alcohol abuse. For this reason, a professional who is trained to recognize BED will also generally check for additional diagnoses as well.

Medical Complications

This type of eating disorder should be taken very seriously. Heart disease, diabetes type 2, muscle and joint issues, osteoarthritis, high blood pressure, and gastrointestinal problems may be present. It’s vital with a BED assessment to also have an evaluation of medical health as well as one of mental health.

BED Risk Factors

There are a number of factors that put a person at more risk, typically. Those things tend to be common with those who have BED.

Some of those risk factors are:

  • Persistent dieting, prior to or in conjunction with active BED
  • Significant weight change history
  • Being overweight
  • Having low self-esteem
  • Not being able to emotionally cope or express oneself
  • Being unhappy with bodily appearance
  • Possessing other mental health disorders like having bipolar disorder, substance abuse issues, or depression
  • Being bullied or made fun of about weight
  • Emotional, sexual, or any other type of trauma or neglect
  • Experiencing a significant loss such as a breakup or death

Warning Signs of Binge Eating Disorder

Remember that weight is not always an indicator that someone has BED. The problem can occur in those who don’t have weight issues and those who have weight issues may not have BED.

Shame is frequently experienced with BED. Due to shame, hiding the symptoms and behaviors is very common. Though not conclusive, the signs below may be an indicator of the disorder if one or more are present.

  • Trouble eating in social situations, preferring to eat when alone
  • Obsessing over food and/or binge planning
  • Eating fast with a lack of control
  • Frequently feeling constipated or bloated
  • Eating past the point of feeling full
  • Discovering food wrappers, hoarding food, finding large quantities of food missing
  • Elevated withdrawal from activities and relationships and/or becoming isolated more
  • Habitually beginning new diets and/or odd meal rituals and/or frequently skipping meals
  • Fluctuation of weight
  • Unhealthy fixation and focus on bodily shape and/or weight
  • Gastrointestinal problems

Binge Eating Disorder Treatment

If a loved one, or yourself, is displaying BED symptoms, it’s imperative to seek a professional evaluation by a specialist in the field. Because BED is likely to include serious medical complications, it is recommended that a physician also evaluate the patient.

In addition, a dietitian can be a very important professional involved in the treatment since they are able to assist a person with the diagnosis and the disorder. They can play a crucial role in the patient understanding and coming to grips with the implications BED has on their health. Nutritional needs are discussed and medication is sometimes prescribed.

If BED is determined to be present, a number of psychological treatments exist which can be of help. Some of these methods are as follows:

  • Cognitive Behavior based therapy, or CBT, is a method which assists individuals in understanding the direct relationship thoughts, behaviors, and feelings have. It helps them develop positive and effective strategies to help alter negative patterns.
  • Dialectical Behavioral Technique, known also as DBT, is a helpful approach to teaching new skills which can be focused on so that emotions can be regulated during stressful times and during temptations to eat irregularly. Both individual and group settings are generally a part of this type of therapy.
  • Interpersonal Psychotherapy, also known as IP, is a technique which helps individuals explore relationships such as loss, conflict, and so forth. It examines how they perceive themselves alongside others and takes a look at how those components might play into their eating disorder and its behaviors.

There are even more treatment types that might be recommended for BED, depending on the individual needs that you may have which flow from our life experiences, like trauma, abuse, etc. A qualified licensed therapist will be able to lovingly point you in the direction that will be the most helpful where a full plan of treatment is concerned.

It is overwhelming to live with BED. Hopeless feelings can consume you and sadness may be a constant emotion you feel. But, there is a better way. There’s hope just around the corner when you begin your journey to healing and recovery. Don’t put it off. Call today and walk in the sunshine. A brand new life awaits you. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to support you on this transformative journey.

Photos:
“Happy”, Courtesy of Matias Saw, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Altered Conscious”, Courtesy of Alex Perez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Frustrated,” courtesy of Tim Gouw, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Stack of Pancakes”, Courtesy of Maria Mekht, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Do These OCD Symptoms Sound Familiar?

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Do you know someone, whether an acquaintance or loved one, who checks their door multiple times to see if it was really locked or wash their hands repeatedly before they eat? Are you wondering why they do that?

Perhaps you, yourself, often engage in a particular behavior that but don’t really have any idea what drives it. It may have crossed your mind that these odd behaviors are signs of what is commonly referred to as OCD.

The term is often used by people to describe repetitive or strange behavior. People will often refer to a person who likes to keep things organized or prefers to be clean as OCD, labeling them as a certain kind of person rather than recognizing their condition as a set of symptoms that they may be struggling with. Huntington Beach Christian Counseling provides support and understanding for those truly dealing with OCD.

This is evidenced by the fact that people rarely use the full name “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” For example, no one would say “there goes my friend cleaning my house again; he is very Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” It sounds silly because using the whole name makes it hard to label a person.

Behaviors that a person is trying to manage as a result of their diagnosis may strike others as odd. This article will discuss some of the symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that tend to be misunderstood, and hopefully, it will aid those who find themselves confused by the OCD symptoms they or their loved ones exhibit

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Defined

Many think of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as a condition that makes people keep their house clean at all times or to organize random things wherever they go. Most of these people don’t really think of OCD as the driving force behind those who wash their hands all the time. They merely attached the acronym OCD to the behaviors.

There are a number of criteria that have to be met prior to an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder diagnosis. Both behavior and thoughts lay behind a diagnosis of OCD.

What are the Most Common OCD Symptoms?

A person may be given a diagnosis of obsessive compulsive disorder when they exhibit the following OCD symptoms:

Obsessions

Undesirable recurring urges, images, or thoughts that cannot be controlled or that occur whenever something unpleasant happens, causing distress or anxiety.

and/or

Struggling to suppress or disregard the thoughts (contamination), urges (wanting to injure someone), or images (picturing violence) by performing some action (performing a compulsion).

Compulsions

Some of the ritual behaviors such as checking, ordering, hand washing, or other mental acts like counting, repeating words quietly, or praying that the person feels compelled to perform to relieve their obsession;

and

A person behaves a certain way to reduce or prevent distress, anxiety, or to prevent a certain situation or event, although realistically, these have no connection to what they’re seeking to prevent at all.

Obsessions and Compulsions

The obsessions or compulsions consumes a lot of time, usually taking up to an hour a day. They can also be clinically distressing, socially damaging, occupationally hazardous, or detrimental to other fields of functioning. The obsessive or compulsive symptoms cannot be explained by another medical condition or mental disorder.

What Are The Most Commonly Misunderstood OCD Symptoms?

As mentioned, everyone is unique. Some display behaviors that may look like a sure indication of OCD, while others might not. There is a specific content of obsessions and compulsions that differ from individual to individual.

However, some symptoms are commonly found in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder including cleaning symmetry (symmetry obsessions and repeating, ordering, and counting compulsion), (contamination and cleaning compulsions), harm (fear of harming oneself and others and related checking compulsions), taboo or unacceptable thoughts (aggressive, religious, and sexual obsessions and compulsions).

The person acting out a compulsion may look like he or she likes doing it, but the truth is that it is merely a response to an obsession. Intrusive and unwanted obsessive urges, images, or thoughts usually result in anxiety or distress. A lot of people with OCD suffer from both obsessions and compulsions.

The compulsive act is performed in response to the obsession is to reduce the distress caused by the trigger or prevent a feared event. Compulsion may not be done for pleasure, but the relief it provides to those who are going through stress or anxiety matters more.

People with OCD will have either of the following:

  • Good or fair insight – a belief that whatever it is that is causing them anxiety will probably be okay even without doing the compulsive act.
  • Poor Insight – a belief that whatever it is that stresses them will most likely happen if they choose not to do the compulsive act.
  • Little amount to no insight – a belief that whatever it is that worries them will happen for sure.

Up to 30% of individuals have a lifetime Tic Disorder. Males who experienced childhood-onset OCD will typically experience a different OCD course, a different set of symptoms, a different comorbidity, and different pattern of familial transmission than those with a history of Tic Disorders.

The difficulties that people suffering from OCD experience is higher in events where their obsessions and compulsions are triggered. They may experience anxiety involving recurrent panic attacks or disgust.

As they act out the compulsion, the person may also feel as if they’re incomplete. Depending on a person’s triggers, they may try to avoid meeting people, go to places, and hold on some things. Contamination is often experienced by some people in public.

It’s common for people investigating the behaviors they act out themselves or by others, to assume that whatever it is they believe is correct without really identifying specific symptoms that are different from each other. There are differences when it comes to the symptoms of OCD depending on age and gender, so it is best to be knowledgeable about what things to look for in people when figuring out if their behavior requires extra care.

It seems that middle age adults appear to be the ones struggling with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder symptoms but the reality is that the mean onset age is 19.5 years of age with 1 in 4 cases beginning at age 14. Almost 25% of males experience onset prior to age 10 while those whose 35 years old or older rarely experience the onset of symptoms, although it does happen.

A lifetime of OCD symptoms is often triggered by an onset in childhood however 40% of those with childhood-onset may experience remission in adulthood. We should, therefore, be aware of the signs and symptoms in children as well. They get diagnosed with compulsion because it’s observable compared to obsessions. Although, both obsessions and compulsions can still be seen in children.

The symptoms children show are more variable but more stable compared to the symptoms of adults. The obsessions of children are more of harm while those of adults involve issues of death or getting sick (themselves or their loved ones).

Adolescents, on the other hand, is more associated with religious and sexual obsessions compared to children due to the difference in their age and the stage they’re in. Their obsessions and compulsions developmentally change too.

It’s understandable for young children to ask their parents to perform compulsive acts by giving them a certain number of kisses on the check before they go to bed. They may also ask for their parents to check the window a number of times to make sure it is locked. Their obsession with danger will go away once their parents act out what the child believes is keeping them safe.

What are Obsessive-Compulsive Related Disorders Symptoms?

Although we have already discussed what OCD is, there may still be some questions in your mind about the symptoms you’re experiencing or seeing in others. You’re probably aware of the obsession you have or the compulsive response you do but you can only associate it with one idea or thought. In that case, you must know about the several very specific disorders that can be categorized as obsessive-compulsive related disorders.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Obsession with one or more perceived flaw (such as hair thinning or face wrinkles) or physical appearance defect (such as believing they are not pretty or handsome) that other people never noticed but at some point, made the person perform repetitive behavior (like checking themselves in the mirror) or a mental act (like comparing themselves to others) in response to their concern about how they look.

Hoarding Disorder

Having a hard time throwing or giving away possessions (regardless of their value) such as newspapers, mail, or old clothing. It happens because one thinks the items still need to be kept or feeling anguished for discarding them. The difficulty of getting rid of possessions causes clutter in a busy area of the house and the hoarding behavior then results in clinically significant distress or damage in social, occupational, or other important areas of life.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling) Disorder

Repetitive pulling of one’s hair causing hair loss usually targeting the scalp or eyebrows. It comes with rituals related to the hair such as the desire for certain texture or hair color. Some people may pull hair from other individuals or have the urge to do so (such as dolls, pets, sweaters, or carpets). The person tries several times to stop the hair pulling as it can cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other vital areas of life.

Excoriation (Skin-Picking) Disorder

Constant skin picking using things such as fingernails or tweezers that results in lesions in body parts like the face, arms, and hands. It involves repeated attempts to reduce or stop skin picking. It can cause clinically significant distress or damage in social, occupational or other crucial areas of functioning.

In addition to the skin picking, skin rubbing, squeezing, lancing, and biting can also be experienced. Anxiety or boredom are some of the things that trigger skin picking. Tension is sometimes felt after which come feelings of relief, immediate satisfaction, or relaxation.

People may have observed these disorders while being exposed to the behaviors or just through their results. They also have some type of obsession, compulsion, or ritual. The symptoms experienced by some people can greatly affect their social lives as they feel embarrassed and ashamed of it.

It can be hard to be in a place that triggers compulsions, allow people to see how hoarding has affected your life by inviting them into your house or expose your body with visible scars as a result of picking or hair loss due to the pullings. But it’s important for you to live life to the fullest whether or not the world understands.

Since we are naturally capable of having thoughts and ideas that can comfort someone when they’re feeling triggered, it’s best for us to be more compassionate and understanding to others as well as to ourselves if we’re suffering from symptoms of obsessive-compulsive and related disorders. The more we know about these disorders, the more we know how to care for ourselves and others.

What Should You Do Next?

If you have compulsions or obsessions that hinder you from completely enjoying life and you want to know what to do next, there are therapists that can help you find freedom from the symptoms of OCD and related disorders. You will receive support as you deal with your symptoms. Regardless of whatever it is that you’re going through, remember that you don’t have to take this journey alone. Christian Counselors at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling are here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Photos:
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