Finding Your Way Back to the Light: Addressing Depression and Anger
If you experience a major depressive episode, it can seem as though all the light in the world could never lift the gloom surrounding you. When you couple that with the anger that often accompanies depression, it can make it even more difficult to recover.
Making sense of depression.
Depression is a mood disorder and a diagnosable mental health disorder; it is not simply what you feel when you’re going through a tough time. If a person feels sad after the loss of a loved one or another personal tragedy, that is to be expected and is a natural way for a person to deal with those events.
Depression may look like this form of sadness, but it is also combined with issues such as having trouble sleeping or struggling with concentration. To be diagnosed with depression or major depressive disorder, a mental health professional will apply criteria laid out by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5).
The DSM-5 says that for such a diagnosis, specific symptoms such as loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities like work or time with loved ones should be present for at least two weeks.
Other symptoms that can cause impairment in daily functioning must be present for a diagnosis of depression. Some of these include:
- Significant and unintentional changes in your appetite and weight.
- Feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, or excessive guilt.
- Experiencing brain fog, or the diminished ability to think or concentrate, and being uncharacteristically indecisive.
It is important to remember that symptoms of depression don’t look the same or follow the same pattern for everyone. There are multiple other symptoms a professional will look for that make up the criteria.
Why are depression and anger often connected?
Depression often presents as feelings of deep sadness or apathy. However, a depressive episode doesn’t look the same for everyone who experiences it. For men, for example, the symptoms of a depressive episode, such as feelings of unworthiness and helplessness can translate into an increase in anger and irritability. Essentially, the sadness ignites the anger in some. That anger may be directed at events from your past, at yourself, or it may not have an object at all.
Maladaptive anger is at times present when a person has a depressive episode, and that anger may be turned either inward as one listens to their inner critic, or outwardly as angry outbursts, being irritable, or snapping at people.
Going through a depressive episode is hard enough but adding anger into the equation can harm your relationships at a time when those relationships are needed most to provide emotional ballast. But why are depression and the maladaptive anger that frequently manifests as irritability, hostility, and anger outbursts often connected in this way?
For one thing, there is some evidence to suggest that serotonergic dysfunction (an imbalance of neurochemicals in your brain) may be partly to blame. This imbalance leads to irritability, depression, and anger, and that’s why the medications that are used to treat depression such as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) may also help to relieve your symptoms of anger over time.
Gender can also play a role in the connection between anger and depression. As noted, it is common for men to experience maladaptive anger during a depressive episode. The National Institute of Mental Health has noted that men may be less likely to talk about their experience of depression, choosing instead to mask symptoms as well as their emotions.
The result of this is an increase in anger, aggressiveness, and hostility. These maladaptive strategies for regulating one’s emotions aren’t limited only by gender, but other factors may play a role, such as age, culture, and whether there is a history of trauma and abuse.
Experiencing abuse or neglect in childhood can contribute to feelings of unresolved anger, and if there are any internalized feelings of helplessness and worthlessness that stem from adverse childhood experiences, which can lead a person to redirect their anger toward themselves. These feelings can then fuel shame, harsh self-criticism, and self-punishment which often co-occur with a depressive episode.
Addressing depression and anger
To begin with, if you suspect you may be struggling with symptoms of depression, you should first get screened by a medical or mental health professional who can provide an assessment of your life history and the severity of your symptoms.
If the screening results in a diagnosis of depression, the good news is that there are several ways to treat depression, including medication and psychotherapy. Therapy can address both depression and the anger that can accompany it.
To deal with maladaptive anger, several strategies can be employed in therapy, and these include managing the triggers of your anger to help you cope in the meantime as you grow in handling anger better, learning to accept your anger and express it in healthy ways, and alleviating anger before it gets worse.
Part of the treatment plan that your therapist may recommend include therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which challenges and reframes angry reactions and the unwanted thought patterns that stem from depression.
Interpersonal Therapy teaches you strategies to help you address and communicate anger and other difficult feelings that affect your relationships; Psychodynamic Therapy, which can help you explore the sources of anger and depression; and Emotionally Focused Therapy, which can help transform maladaptive emotions by addressing their root cause.
In addition to therapy, your therapist may recommend a referral for medication, which can alleviate the symptoms of depression, including anger.
Finding the light when you’re feeling depressed and angry.
Depression is a serious mental health challenge, but thankfully there is hope to overcome it. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2020, an estimated 14.8 million U.S. adults aged eighteen or older had at least one major depressive episode with severe impairment in the past year. This number represented 6% of all U.S. adults.
People from all walks of life and different backgrounds are affected, whether directly or otherwise, by mental health issues. Christians aren’t immune from these realities. The Lord in His goodness has provided the means to address these challenges in both His Word and with the support of His Church. Though we may walk through a dark valley and struggle to see the light of God’s goodness, we can say with the Psalmist,
I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds. – Psalms 77:11-12, NIV
There’s no need to feel ashamed about reaching out to others for help in dealing with anger and depression. Reach out and ask for help, as doing so will provide you with space to improve your relationships and health.
If you struggle with anger and depression, seek out a mental health professional for help. They can walk with you and provide you with guidance along your path toward finding joy and light in your life again. Don’t hesitate to make an appointment to begin making that journey toward wholeness and healing.
“Lighthouse”, Courtesy of qimono, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Sink or Swim”, Courtesy of Engin_Akyurt, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Angry”, Courtesy of Whoismargot, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Stormy Seas”, Courtesy of jplenio, Pixabay.com, CC0 License
If you pay attention to the news or social media, there’s likely more than one thing you’ll encounter that will make you groan in despair or leave you feeling somewhat anxious.
Instead of allowing your anxieties to derail you, commit everything to God in prayer. Practicing gratitude helps focus your mind on the good things in your life, loosening anxiety’s grip on you. Thanksgiving can disrupt anxious thoughts, helping you replace worry with abundant peace.
The first of these five suggested boundaries in dating is to remember the purpose of dating. A Christian’s purpose in dating is quite simply to get to know if someone could be a suitable marriage partner. Therefore, first, make sure you are in a position (or soon to be in a position) to marry.
Introduce your partner to your family and friends early on in the relationship and invite input from other Christians that you trust. Often family or friends who know you well will be able to confirm whether the person is likely to be a good match or will draw your attention to some potential issues. These may not be easy conversations, so try not to be on the defensive but hear them out and remember the heart behind the comments.
While marriage is not something to be rushed into, there is also something to be said about not pursuing a long-term relationship. If you have been dating for more than a year or two, it would be wise to ask yourselves honestly why there has been a lack of commitment to marriage and then either decide to marry or separate by a mutually agreed-upon date. Being stuck in a perpetual dating relationship generally gives rise to feelings of insecurity and unhappiness for at least half of the couple.
If you’ve ever felt angry at someone or a situation, you probably know how powerful the emotion of anger is. It can color your perception of a situation or person, and it can motivate you to take action to fix whatever has gone wrong. As we look at anger in the Bible, we see that the action may or may not be appropriate, and it may or may not be wise.
You can be angry, but what matters is what you then do with those feelings and thoughts. You can do constructive and godly things with it, or you can slander others or cause them physical harm. Holding onto anger for too long is also problematic, as that can affect how you relate to others. Lingering in anger longer than necessary is a recipe for relationship problems.
Anger and the things that cause anger are a fact of life. It’s important to acknowledge that reality, and to learn how to rein anger in so that its expression is constructive and healthy. If you struggle with controlling anger, or if your life is marked by feeling angry most or all the time, you may have an anger problem that needs attention. You can begin dealing with anger through a few simple self-help techniques, which include the following:
They want to know the cause and effect of any given situation. The emotional intelligence of someone who is an HSP is much higher than most of the people around them.
Changes and conditions in your body is more noticeable as an HSP. You tend to be aware of the taste of food as well as the pain of headaches in a more heightened way that others.
You step in with the support they need encouraging them to seek the hope that we don’t always see. You bring the love of God to those around you in a way that builds their faith.
There are many things that you can do to help you cope with your sensitivity. It doesn’t have to be a bad experience. By understanding the traits of being a highly sensitive person, you can apply those to every aspect of life in a way that will help you thrive.
Are you worried that you are messing everything up? Do you think that if you had a sense of control, you could balance it all? That sense of accomplishment and feeling at ease with your life comes down to where you put your trust and time.
When you do bring your children along, they benefit from seeing you model healthy relationships and learn which people are going to be positive for them to socialize with.
“Can I take time to throw even the meal that I’m pressing so hard to finish (while the children are falling apart around me) straight out the window and direct my focus on helping myself and the children calm down with love?”
To a single mom, the most demanding responsibility is the welfare of her children. They require focus and attention, especially if there has been a recent life event, such as divorce or the father’s death. Depending on your circumstances, your next priority may be your family outside your children, such as your parents and siblings and/or a core community group as the tip above suggested.
Then when you got to work, you were put on the spot about a project and your answer was less than satisfactory, and your colleague was more than happy to swoop in and “help you” give your boss what he needed. By the time you get home, you know it’s only a matter of time before whoever comes to you with their next request feels the impact of the wrath that’s been building up all day.
commanders. In other words, our emotions are an important part of us that we need to pay attention to for the sake of our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health, but it’s dangerous to be led by them.
Anger can alert us to the fact that something is not right in our world. We get angry when we experience personal injustice, feel frustrated or threatened or attacked, or when we witness injustice in the world around us. That anger can move us to act in ways that bring positive change in the world.
You can bring anger under control by looking out for warning signs, such as a faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, or your body becoming tense, and that will give you a small gap to think about how you want to react to a given situation.
Typically, our moods are well-regulated because our hormones, sleep patterns, and general rhythms are functioning well. When they are not functioning well, however, mood swings and erratic behavior can result.
Being alert to the symptoms of depression can save a life, whether your own or that of a loved one. When a person is feeling depressed, they don’t think, act, or feel like they would under normal circumstances. When you feel sad, that can color everything you experience, and depression is more intense than sadness.
Drastic weight changes. Connected with changes in eating habits, one may lose a lot of weight, or find themselves gaining a lot of weight.
Should you get diagnosed with depression it’s quite likely that you’ll have a combination of regular counseling and medication. Your doctor will put together a treatment plan that fits your circumstances, and part of that plan may also include having your family as part of your support structure.
Many struggles arise around divorce including pain, guilt, a sense of failure, and other such challenges. It’s difficult to chart a path through our culture’s easy acceptance of divorce as just another reality of life, the heavy-handed treatment of divorced people within faith communities, and what the Bible has to say about it.
Instead of being for each other, they are now aggressively for themselves. This is the same pattern that persists to this day. We see in those brief verses a microcosm of the world we now live in, of the tensions between the joy of vulnerability and the pain of being betrayed by the very one that you are joined as one with.
f there is one thing that we can get from the study of being one flesh in the Bible, it is this: God hates divorce. While divorce is permissible, that wasn’t what God had in mind “in the beginning.” It is a compromise in a broken world populated by imperfect people with “hard hearts,” as Jesus put it.
His plan for humanity and marriage was for that union to be permanent and exclusive, a mirror and reflection of His commitment to His people (Ephesians 5:31-33; Ezekiel 16; Revelation 21; Hebrews 11). Breaking a marriage is not what God desires, so the proper response is to mourn a divorce as tragic when it happens.
Being a single mom can be stressful, lonely, and exhausting. Trying to do everything yourself may at times feel like a wild ride of time management stress and financial woes.
Balance your schedule. Just because you are a single mom doesn’t mean your primary focus must be on work. Try to balance your schedule as much as you are able, and prioritize time spent with your children when you are not working. Quality time will always trump quantity time.
Take time for self-care. Taking care of yourself is an important part of taking care of your children. It helps you build up the energy, stamina, and inner strength you need to avoid burnout and be the best parent you can be. Make sure you eat well, do some kind of regular exercise, and stay connected with friends. If you are healthy and happy, your children are much more likely to be so as well.
Find a trusted friend or mentor with whom you can brainstorm. Making tough decisions on your own can feel overwhelming and lead to self-doubt. Finding a trusted friend or mentor who shares your fundamental values with whom you can share ideas and get feedback can lessen your anxiety.