5 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Marriage

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Emotional abuse is one of the more difficult forms of abuse to identify because it doesn’t leave any visible scars. For example, a person dating an emotionally abusive person can become so desensitized to abuse years into their relationship that they don’t recognize the abuse.

A person can go years without noticing that their mood is being impacted by and stemming from emotional abuse. A good relationship should feel like both parties are honored, cherished, and valued. If one party does not feel this way, it is an emotionally abusive marriage. People must see the warning signs of emotional abuse.

Some people ignore these signs, citing “psychobabble” or other ways of discounting the problem instead of looking more deeply into it. As a result, the victim of emotional abuse is being robbed of having a healthy relationship and healthy self-esteem. Here are five ways to identify emotional abuse in marriage.

Coercion or Control

The highly controlling person will check out your whereabouts, where you’ve been, what you’ve worn or eaten, etc. This person doesn’t honor you for who you are. They are insecure about who they are and desperate for someone to love them. They may deceive themselves into thinking that you don’t love them, and when they do, they control your every move.

Although not physical in nature, this type of abuse can place undeserved guilt and shame on someone who is just going about their business. People who control in this way want to avoid the pain of being left or the pain of being rejected. Anyone who is constantly questioned about where they are, what they’re doing, what they’re wearing, and having their location tracked could be subject to emotional abuse.

This behavior does not honor their relationship. The person will see themselves as feeling like that person loves and cares for them, but they only care about themselves. A way to get around coercion and control is simply not to share your whereabouts. Turn your location tracking off on your phone. Change the passwords on your e-mail and social media accounts.

Control has no place in a loving relationship. The person should not force you to tell them where you are. You are not at fault. There needs to be a certain level of trust in a healthy relationship. If there’s not, then it’s best to seek some help.

Manipulation

Manipulation occurs when someone gets you to believe something that is not true. A manipulative person will tell you that you did not see or hear what is taking place. For example, if you question their amount of control, they will deny that they are controlling and flip it so that you are to blame.

Manipulation is also when one states something one way, but the real reason is something else. The real reason is to meet an emotional need; they’re trying to get their needs met through you. A manipulative person is hard to spot because they’ve been manipulating you for a long time.

Giving in when a person pushes you to do something even after you’ve refused can give way to more manipulation. When you finally refuse them, it angers them; it may cause a fight or quarrel. Watch for the warning signs. If someone is manipulating you, refuse to be manipulated anymore.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is defined as “a form of psychological abuse or manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters seek to gain power and control over the other person by distorting reality and forcing them to question their judgment and intuition.”

This behavior happens when someone denies or blames the behavior on the victim. This action also happens when someone does not take responsibility for their actions. This is a common manipulation tactic in which the other person flips the blame onto the other person.

This action makes the victim question whether their perception of events is true and their feelings are valid. However, gaslighters are good at convincing other people that the other person is at fault and not them.

Gaslighting is also difficult to pinpoint and change because the victims are normally in conflict with the gaslighter. A person who is good at manipulation can convince even professionals like counselors to see things from their perspective. Eventually, someone will discover the gaslighter’s behavior, but it often takes a long time to be noticed and recognized for what it is, creating shame and guilt.

A gaslighting victim should write down any situations in which they feel this is taking place. They should take careful notes on what happened, what was said, and how the person flipped it so the victim can take responsibility. They should then seek help from someone who can help them discern what is happening.

If the person is truly gaslighting, they need to be held responsible for their behavior. A witness or an advocate on the victim’s behalf will help bring clarity, provide relief that it is not only in their mind, and help the victim create and follow through with boundaries.

Degradation or Condemnation

This more than likely happens with words. Condemnation is when a person is constantly being put down, called names, and mocked because of their behavior, personality, or issues and is subject to emotional abuse. While we must continuously work to grow into greater Christlikeness, one party should honor the other by loving them exactly as they are.

The person should not feel degraded because they wear a particular outfit, eat something, or don’t do something up to the other party’s standard. If one party has such an issue with the other, it may be time to terminate the relationship. Degradation or mockery has no place in a healthy relationship. That person should not feel mocked because they hold a particular view contrary to the other person’s belief.

Refusal to Let Go

Another aspect of an unhealthy relationship is someone who refuses to let go of another person’s offense. This is where forgiveness is vital. Forgiveness is essential to a healthy relationship, whether the person is a believer or unbeliever. While forgiveness is possible, it does not mean reconciliation is always recommended or guaranteed.

Both parties must take responsibility for areas where they’ve done wrong. If they have hurt them, issue an apology to the other party. But if the other party still refuses to let it go or brings it up during every argument and treats the person as if they are still doing that behavior, it’s a form of emotional abuse.

Is restoration possible?

Giving an abuser the chance to change can be complicated. If a person continues their behavior and there is proof of continued sinful behavior, it is evident that they are unrepentant. This is where you would want to question it and bring it up in the hopes that that person will change.

If the person has repented and changed, and you see no evidence of that behavior taking place, healing and restoration are possible. God is faithful and forgives us as far as the East is from the West. He forgives all our sins and chooses to remember them no more. He does not hold these things against us because Jesus on the cross has already atoned for those sins.

Even when there is true repentance, however, a couple should seek Christian counseling to help the abuser change their behaviors long-term and learn healthy ways of communicating and relating to their spouse. Rebuilding trust and intimacy can take time and commitment. It is imperative not to ignore your emotions because faith is not ignoring your mind; it’s training it.

Emotional abuse is difficult to spot. But by taking the suggestions above, both parties can enjoy healthy relationships if they take responsibility, repent, and honor the other person. God can heal marriages.

If you have faced any of the above-mentioned issues, struggled with relationships, are facing a divorce, and/or are ready to commit to counseling and restoring your marriage after abuse, contact our office today to schedule an appointment with me or one of the other counselors in our online directory.

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“Autumn Leaves”, Courtesy of Patti Black, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Three Ways Narcissism Can Lead to a Failed Marriage

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Dealing with a narcissist can be difficult in any setting. But it is tough for a spouse to deal with a narcissist when they are married to them. Because a person can see the best and worst in a person each day, a spouse needs to know what to do if they realize they’re married to a narcissist. This is especially important in preventing a failed marriage.

Narcissists don’t often see a problem unless someone points it out to them and they believe what is being said. Narcissists must have a real change of heart for their toxic behavior to stop.

Here are three ways narcissism can lead to a failed marriage:

Narcissists Are Selfish

At the root of narcissism is selfishness. Narcissists often create false selves because they don’t want people to know who they are. Therefore, they make a false appearance of themselves to others so that other people will like them. They often seek the approval of others and do so at the expense of their spouse. If their emotional needs are met through friends, coworkers, and other people who stroke their ego, they will do whatever is necessary to continue that behavior.

It isn’t easy to be in a marriage relationship with someone who only thinks about themselves. Eventually, spouses will feel as if they are being neglected because narcissists only think about themselves. This will lead to a person who has deep emotional needs that are not being met in the marriage relationship. This can cause the roots of infidelity, abuse, or other issues that can spell a recipe for divorce.

Narcissists Leave Spouses with Emotional Needs

In addition to selfishness, the root of narcissism is shame. Narcissists deal with so much shame that they put on a false self to elevate themselves so that they can stop loathing themselves. They will do whatever they can to keep the false self so that people will not see their weaknesses or flaws. If someone sees their shortcomings or flaws, they believe they are unlovable or unworthy of love, dignity, or respect.

However, because they lose relationships and don’t want to risk being fully known, they often leave spouses with unmet emotional needs. Because marriage is meant for two people to get to know each other fully, it is hard for one spouse to know the other when the other person is so busy trying to create a false self. This false self can manifest in abusive behavior or denial.

When a person does not admit when they have a fault or when they are wrong, it is difficult for someone to love them unconditionally. This creates a vicious cycle where narcissists are left finding their emotional needs from others and leaving the spouse with their own emotional needs.

Narcissists Can’t See Reality

Narcissists also have difficulty seeing reality. They have trouble defining themselves as narcissists because they have lived a false self for so long. If they can get other people to say or do things that help them elevate themselves, it will allow narcissists to continue not living in their current reality. Because it’s difficult for them to see reality and problems in their marriage, the issues appear as if they are out of nowhere. Still, they’ve been lying dormant for some time.

Don’t Wait for a Failed Marriage to Get Help

Both spouses need to seek the help of a professional to help them deal with narcissistic behavior. If you believe your spouse is a narcissist, seek the help of an experienced professional, get a diagnosis, and have a therapist help you brainstorm ways to be able to love them but also draw healthy boundaries so that their selfish behavior does not leave you with emotional needs that no one can meet.

To meet with a therapist about a narcissistic spouse, contact our office today.

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Anxiety and Relationships: Restoring Hope with God’s Help

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These days, anxiety is everywhere you look, and our culture doesn’t shy away from showing it. Anxiety plays a prominent role in films such as Inside Out 2 and in television shows like The Big Bang Theory. But Anxiety is often shown as something “in your head” or biological. It’s depicted as a trait that the character is born with or perhaps a result of chemical imbalances.

While these and the thousands of other portrayals of anxiety in pop culture can help people recognize anxiety and can bring it into conversations, they often overlook a critical aspect. Anxiety is rarely caused by biology alone. Relationships, environment, and life experiences are major contributors that the media doesn’t always show.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), anxiety is the most prevalent mental health condition in the world. Approximately 4% of the global population, which equals about 301 million people, were affected by anxiety in 2019. And there’s no sign of it letting up. In fact, anxiety disorders have been increasing over time and have risen rather drastically in recent years.

There are myriad reasons that someone might suffer from anxiety, including biological factors, unhealthy thought patterns, everyday stress, and past trauma. Broken relationships are a major factor, too. Pop culture, which often focuses on anxiety as a “brain problem,” rarely shows how distance, conflict, or unresolved tension in relationships can spur or worsen anxiety.

Relationships in the Bible

Are relationships really that powerful? That important? From the beginning, the Bible is a story about relationships. It goes into detail about our connection with God and with one another. David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18-20) had a deep trust and encouraged each other in their spiritual walk. Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1-4) give us an example of devotion and loyalty. And of course, the most important relationship in history unfolds in the pages of the Bible.

Right after the fall of Adam and Eve in Genesis chapter 3, Scripture offers a love story about God’s relentless pursuit to restore us. He longs to bring us, His creation, back into a whole, healthy relationship with Him. And He wants us to have deep, meaningful connections with each other.

That story continues throughout Scripture as we see how God provided His only Son, Jesus, to die on a cross to restore our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Jesus talked a lot about relationships, as well.

When someone asked Him which commandment was the most important, His answer was straightforward and clear: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31 NIV).

If God went to all this effort to create relationships and restore ours to Him, it must mean that our connections are important. Our relationships matter. Our relationship with God first, and then with each other, is the foundation of our identity.

Anxiety, the Thief

How does anxiety fit into relationships? Anxiety is the thief that can rob you of the peace God wants you to have. But just like any thief, anxiety is sneaky. Of course, it doesn’t usually come out of nowhere. There might be a biological seed or stressful circumstance at the helm. But anxiety can truly grow where there is distance from God and from a healthy support system.

It’s not surprising that anxiety is a thief and enemy to our peace when we trace its lineage. If anxiety is partially caused by brokenness and separation, we have to look at the origins of those causes.

The story in Genesis shows us how brokenness entered the world. Satan, the serpent, deceived Eve about God’s intentions, creating doubt and fear. This deception led to conflict, division, and a rupture not only between humans but between us and God Himself (Genesis 3:1-19). This brokenness from generations ago still affects us today and often shows up as anxiety, because anxiety is a symptom of that deep separation.

Anxiety and Relationships

Similar to the old question of which came first, the chicken or the egg, you might wonder if broken relationships cause anxiety or if anxiety causes broken relationships. Both are true. People with anxiety disorders often face relationship challenges and poor relationship quality. They might engage in behavior that triggers negative reactions and may sabotage their own opportunities for close connections.

Conversely, having broken relationships can cause anxiety, too. When someone you care about (and who you thought cared about you) lets you down or when tension sprouts, distance can grow. In that gap is where anxiety thrives. It makes you doubt yourself, causes you to overthink what you did or said, and makes you worry that things will never get better. It’s a cycle because anxiety grows from broken connections, and it also makes those broken connections harder to repair.

Anxiety tries to keep you stuck in that alone, lonely place. Being removed from God and others can cause anxiety, and anxiety wants to keep it that way. It tries to convince you that you’re alone because you’re not good enough to be loved. And this causes more anxiety, which keeps you from relationships and keeps you stuck.

Hope and Restoration

It doesn’t have to stay that way. What a wonderful God we serve! Our human story doesn’t end in brokenness. God’s story is one of restoration. He pursues you with unwavering love, inviting you into healing and wholeness.

When you take those important first steps back toward God’s presence, not only are you promised eternal life, but anxiety begins to lose its powerful grip. And hope begins to form as you start to see that peace is possible, even among your messy and broken relationships.

God provided a way for us to restore ourselves to Him through the redemptive blood of Jesus, but He can guide us in restoring our human relationships, too. Remember, it was God who saw that Adam needed a companion, and He created one just for him.

God can see when you feel alone, too, and He can repair those strained relationships in your life. He can soften hearts, provide opportunities for reconciliation, and guide you toward bridging those invisible, but real, gaps.

Not only is God the God of the supernatural, but He can use practical tools, too. Therapy and counseling are some of those tools that God can use to help you. Therapy can also help you to restore relationships. Your Christian therapist can help you identify the areas in your life that could be causing relationship issues and help you gain skills to make new connections.

While therapy doesn’t replace your need for God’s grace or a healthy community, it can complement them and give you a way to take action toward reducing anxiety and restoring your relationships (and making new, healthy ones).

When you can break free from the anxiety and strained relationship loop, you will find that restoration happens in the form of restored or new human relationships. Healthy, God-centered relationships. He places friends and family members, mentors, and even strangers who will love you well and remind you that God loves you, even when anxiety makes you feel distant.

While mass media wants to tell you that your anxiety is strictly biological or internal and beyond your control, God has a different message. If you acknowledge the relational and external causes of anxiety and pair that with faith, community, and therapy, you will see that achieving peace from anxiety and restoration of relationships are possible.

For more information and to schedule an appointment with a Christian counselor near you, call us today.

Resources:
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disordersPhoto:
“Holding Hands”, Courtesy of Javier González Fotógrafo, Unsplash.com, CC0 License;

 

How to Help Children of Divorce: Advice from a Christian Counselor in Huntington Beach, CA

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Children of divorce may require more attention, encouragement, and support. Although the rate of divorce has been declining over the past two decades, at least 40% of first-time marriages end in divorce. The rate increases in subsequent marriages.

You can help your children find their footing, adapt, and thrive by working together, providing stability, teaching them how to regulate emotions, and leaning into God.

Tips for Helping Children of Divorce

Helping children of divorce cope with changes in a positive way can build emotional resilience and reassure them that they are still loved. You can establish these guideposts by providing a stable environment, acknowledging their thoughts and feelings, working to co-parent, and providing support from other sources. Uniting as a family to serve and worship in the church and community can teach children empathy as they learn about others.

Adjusting to a new normal is hard for both parents and children. Sometimes you need more guidance. Don’t be afraid of seeking professional help during this season. Christian counseling combines evidence-based psychological methods with faith-based principles, helping people work through hard seasons while drawing closer to God.

The following are several tips to help children of divorce adapt and thrive.

Build a stable environment

Children need stability. They need to know that they have a safe space to lay their head down at night and to be with a parent. During a divorce, so much can be up in the air, including living arrangements.

Often, parents start divorce proceedings and are unsure if they will sell their home and split the difference, if one parent will remain in the home, or if both parents need to move out of a rented place immediately.

In some circumstances, divorce is due to violent actions on the part of one parent, leaving the other parent to flee to safety. Trying to build a safe environment for your children helps to ease the tension and anxiety they feel.

If possible, make arrangements as soon as you become aware that divorce is impending. If it is an immediate separation due to divorce, confide in friends and family about a safe place to live temporarily while you find more secure housing. Inform your child that this is only temporary, but they will still be surrounded by love.

Remember that older children hurt too

We can get so bogged down with divorce proceedings that we forget that older children are not meant to shoulder the responsibility of carrying our emotions or raising younger siblings. Single parents tend to rely on older children for help.

Although older children should take on more responsibility as they grow, expecting them to act like adults or confiding in them as if they are adults will only cause feelings of resentment, bitterness, and anger to fester.

Older children hurt too, although they may be better at keeping it hidden. Your younger child may cry at night, but an older child may act out in other ways. They may have mood swings, lash out at younger siblings, develop behavioral issues in school, or suffer academically. Take the time to listen to your older child. Ask them questions about their thoughts and feelings, and acknowledge their insecurities.

Explain to them that a divorce is necessary after all avenues have been considered, but don’t go into the details of every argument between you and your spouse. Consider speaking to the teacher or counselor at your child’s school to inform them about a significant life event affecting your child that may impact their behavior or academics.

Try to coparent effectively

Coparenting can be tricky. First, you need to have a civil relationship with your ex. You do not need to be overly friendly, but you do need to work together for the sake of your children and maintain a positive relationship.

Children can sense the tension between parents during exchanges, and this can add to their anxiety. Try to keep the conversation focused on the children, updating the other parent about physical, emotional, and behavioral health, as well as academic performance.

If possible, try to attend extracurricular activities, especially games or performances. Even if you do not arrive together or sit together, your children will see that you both still support them in their endeavors. Decide on a reward system at your home and give your children your expectations of their behavior, but also be aware of your ex’s rules at their home.

Consider a mediator if you find it challenging to agree with the other parent. You may need someone else to help with exchanging the children temporarily until the newness of the separation and divorce is less emotionally charged and raw.

Keep schedules consistent

Children need routine to feel secure and stable in their environment and in relationships. Try to keep their daily and weekly schedules consistent, so they know what to expect.

For example, if you choose a coparenting schedule where the parents alternate weeks, keep that schedule. If something changes, inform your children about the change and whether it is temporary (for example, a parent has to travel for work and cannot take them that week) or permanent (the new schedule will be split into Sunday through Wednesday with Mom and Thursday through Sunday afternoon with Dad).

For teen children, consider asking them about what works better for them. It may be that walking home to Mom’s house after school is easier than waiting for the school bus to get dropped off at Dad’s home. Although you want to keep schedules consistent, both parents should remain flexible and be willing to change to make things smoother for the family.

Serve as a family

Family can be more than blood-related individuals. During and after a divorce is a good time to lean further into your church family.

Take your children to church and serve as a family in various ministries in and outside of the church. Your children learn to think about others, empathize, and see how they can be the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world. Schedule volunteer opportunities into your calendar and hang them up where the children can see.

Give them as much importance as you do doctor appointments or school. When children grow up doing good and showing Christ’s kindness to others in a family where religious beliefs are deemed necessary, the children are at a decreased risk of developing suicidal ideation or attempts, according to a study published in 2019 in Ethics Med Public Health.

Ask your church or local community center about volunteer opportunities. If you do not have a home church, ask friends and family about their churches or visit churches in your area that preach the Word of God and have a thriving children’s ministry.

Seek help as a family

Although it can be challenging, consider family counseling during or after divorce to help make coparenting smoother. Both parents can attend a few sessions with their children and work with a counselor to agree on schedules and expectations. After a divorce, as parents begin to date others and possibly remarry, family counseling can help in the introduction of new people into the children’s lives and blended family scenarios.

By seeking help as a family, you are reassuring your children that you want what is best for them and are willing to admit when you need help. Children learn life skills that will help them build emotional resilience.

Christian Counseling During and After Divorce

Children of divorce can struggle with the transition. Depending on the circumstances, these children may blame themselves, feel unseen, or even be angry. It’s okay to seek help from an unbiased third party at this time. A Christian counselor can help the whole family in the transition during and after divorce.

Contact our facility today to schedule a session with a counselor specializing in divorce and family counseling.

Resources:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7430948/

Photo:
“Little Boy Playing”, Courtesy of Yunus Tuğ, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; 

Ideas for First Dates in Huntington Beach, California

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Starting a new relationship is exciting and sometimes scary. Some of us are new to the dating world, and we might feel all the pressures that come with going out with someone for the first time. Maybe we are starting over again after a divorce, and the idea of dating someone new is nerve-wracking because we have been out of practice for so long. Regardless of our past, we could all benefit from hearing some fresh ideas for first dates.

Great Expectations

A first date in Huntington Beach is not about having one perfect night where everything falls into place. Movies and love songs might have shaped our ideas of romance, but real life is usually more ordinary. A first date is simply about spending time doing something fun with someone we like. We might hope for a future with this person, but first, we need to get to know them and give them the chance to know us.

A healthy approach to a first date is to be intentional, but open-minded. Focus on the present tense – the time you spend together, the activity you do, and most of all, focus on the person you’re with. Doing this takes the pressure off of both of you and lowers the expectations of something having to happen on this one date.

Things to Consider

Some cultural expectations and traditions dictate a lot of how a relationship grows. For example, some come from a tradition where it is considered up to the man to invite the woman on a date, to pay for it, and perhaps even to organize all the details of the date, like restaurant reservations and transportation.

Each relationship and marriage has its own culture and tradition, just as every individual has their own values. The only correct way to navigate a romance is to do what you both agree on. That could look like splitting the check for dinner, each using their transportation to get there, or the woman asking the man out. The key is mutually agreeing on details that work for you as individuals.

Ideas for First Dates in Huntington Beach, California

Dates in Huntington Beach, California, require a certain amount of imagination and some planning, but they don’t need to be lavish or elaborate. Remember that the goal is for both of you to have an enjoyable time and to get to know each other in a new way. You want the choice of activity to reveal something about yourself, but you also want to consider your date’s preferences and personality.

A Personalized Activity

Involving your date in a personal aspect of your life is a way of showing something about yourself. For example, if you have a practical trade, skill, or interest, you could spend a bit of time showing it to your date. Woodworking, painting, painting pottery at the Hidden Talents ceramic studio in the Huntington Harbour Mall, or gardening are great activities to do together. Some of the most memorable dates get us out of our comfort zones a bit.

The Great Outdoors

Rather than dinner and a movie, you might want to plan for brunch and a hike or a beachside walk along the Huntington Beach Pier. Long periods of face-to-face communication can be intense, and spending two hours in a theatre might not be the best way to get to know someone on a first date. Physical activity on a date facilitates side-by-side communication, as well as stimulates feel-good chemicals like endorphins and serotonin.

Your Date’s Preference

We don’t always know ahead of time what our date’s preferences are. They might be introverted, preferring quiet spaces and activities like board games at home with a homemade meal. They might like action and noisy stimulation like a sports game at a stadium or a concert. It can be nice to plan a surprise date, but it might be more practical to run an idea by them before.

Don’t take it personally if they say they’d rather not do your planned activity. Remember that this is an opportunity to learn about them. Asking them about their preferences shows that you care about their interests and plan for the date to be enjoyable for both of you.

Christian Couples Counseling in Huntington Beach

A first date in Huntington Beach is less about the activity you do and more about the experience you have. Date activities are best when they facilitate some kind of communication between the two of you. A first date might be the first step on a long journey, but at least it can be a memorable day spent with a new friend.

For some, the idea of dating brings up issues from our childhood or past negative experiences. Most of us would benefit from working on our issues and fears as a means of strengthening or preparing for healthy romantic relationships.

If you have questions or concerns about dating or relationships, or if you simply need someone to talk to, we can help. Reach out to our office today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling, and we can connect you with a professional Christian counselor in Huntington Beach who can provide that tool to grow.

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“California sunset,” Courtesy of Sebastien Gabriel, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Breaking the Cycle: When Extreme Anxiety Runs in the Family

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🎧 Listen to this article

When a parent lives with extreme anxiety, the effects ripple through the home and are felt by everyone in the household. It changes the tone of the entire home. Even if no one talks about it, children pick up on how their parent reacts, how they handle stress, and how they cope with hard feelings. Kids watch closely, and they learn from what they see.

Extreme anxiety can be passed down in two ways. Some children may inherit it through genes, which means they’re more sensitive to stress. Others may learn it just by being around it. A child doesn’t have to be born with anxiety to start feeling it. Either way, the result is the same. Simply growing up in a home where anxiety is always present can be enough for children to show signs of anxiety themselves.

Thankfully, this cycle can be broken. Kids can learn better ways to deal with stress and worry, even if anxiety is a big part of the family picture.

What Kids Learn from Anxious Parents

Children are incredibly perceptive. They notice when a parent avoids certain places, reacts strongly to small problems, or expresses constant worry. Over time, kids may start doing the same things. A child may begin to fear what their parent fears. They might avoid new situations or feel like they need to be extra careful to keep things calm.

Sometimes, parents try to protect their kids by avoiding tough talks or keeping tight control over routines. These actions come from love, but they can also send the message that the world isn’t safe or that things are always about to go wrong. Anxiety, when left unspoken, can quietly shape how children see the world and themselves.

Simple Ways to Support Kids in Homes With Extreme Anxiety

Talk about how you calm down, not just how you feel

If you’re feeling tense, instead of saying “I’m so stressed,” try saying “I’m feeling a little on edge, so I’m taking a few deep breaths.” This teaches kids that there are ways to manage bad feelings.

Let your child see you bounce back

If you had a rough day, let them see how you recovered. You can say, “I was upset earlier, but I went outside for a walk and now I feel more settled.” This shows them that tough emotions don’t last forever.

Make a peaceful space at home

Designate a space, like a corner with pillows or a cozy chair, where no one talks about worries or problems. Use it for reading, drawing, or just relaxing. It gives kids a physical reminder that peace is possible.

Use humor when things feel tense

A silly joke or a funny video can change the mood in the room. Laughing together helps remind everyone that not everything needs to feel serious or hard.

Let your child try new things

Let your child try things that stretch their comfort zone, like ordering food at a restaurant or speaking up in class if they’re nervous about something. This builds confidence and takes the focus away from fear or failure, making them anxious.

Listen without jumping in to fix

If your child says they’re feeling nervous or unsure, don’t rush to solve it. Say something like, “That makes sense. Want to talk more about it?” Just listening helps them feel supported and stronger.

Keep bedtime calm

Save heavy conversations for earlier in the day. Bedtime should be a time for winding down, not worrying. Use calming routines like storytelling, gentle music, or gratitude lists to end the day on a peaceful note.

Christian Counseling for Extreme Anxiety

If your child shows signs of persistent worry, avoids social situations, struggles with sleep, or seems emotionally withdrawn, maybe the source of their stress is closer to home than you might realize.

Child therapists are trained to work with both kids and parents. They can help your child feel stronger and more confident, and they can also guide you in creating a calmer home. Anxiety, in any form, doesn’t have to shape your child’s future. Even if it runs in the family, kids can learn to manage stress, talk about their feelings, and feel safe in their world.

If you’ve noticed signs of anxiety in a child under your care, reach out to learn more about child therapy today. The sooner you take that step, the more support your child will have, not just today, but for years to come.

Call us today to connect with someone who understands what your child needs and how to help.

Photo:
“Anxious”, Courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Helping Siblings Get Along When Insecure Attachment Might Be The Root Cause

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Sibling relationships are some of the longest-lasting connections in a person’s life. For most kids, these relationships are a rollercoaster. They share bedrooms, toys, secrets, and sometimes even clothes, but they also share tension, competition, and misunderstandings. One minute, they’re giggling over an inside joke, and the next, they’re fighting over who gets the last cookie.

Some of that back-and-forth is totally normal and part of growing up. When kids struggle to get along, parents rush to look for quick fixes, trying more rules, more separation, or more rewards for good behavior. What’s less talked about is how some deep emotional patterns, like insecure attachment, sometimes shape the way siblings relate to each other.

When kids feel unsure about their place in the family or worry that love and attention are limited, it can lead to rivalry, jealousy, and constant conflict. Understanding this connection helps parents respond with more clarity and patience.

What is insecure attachment?

Insecure attachment develops when a child doesn’t consistently feel supported, understood, or emotionally safe with the people they rely on most. This doesn’t mean the parent is neglectful or unloving. It can stem from stress at home, busy routines, or even well-intentioned but inconsistent responses from adults.

A child with insecure attachment might question their place in the family. They may feel unsure of their worth, worry about being left out, or struggle to trust that love will stick around. And when those worries bubble up, they often play out in sibling relationships.

If one child feels less secure than the other, they may see their sibling as a threat or a competitor. Even small things, like who gets the bigger slice of cake or who sits next to mom, can trigger strong reactions. They may try harder to grab attention, push boundaries, or even pick fights. This is not because they want to be difficult, but because they’re trying to feel noticed or reassured.

Why Sibling Conflict Might Actually Be a Cry for Connection

When siblings clash, it’s easy to zoom in on the behavior. Who pushed whom? Who started it? Who broke the toy? But often, the fighting masks a deeper need, like a craving for connection.

A child who doesn’t know how to ask for attention in a healthy way might act out toward a sibling instead. Teasing, interrupting, or picking a fight can be their (imperfect) way of saying, “See me. Hear me. Be with me.”

While that doesn’t make the behavior okay, it gives us a different insight. When we respond with curiosity instead of just punishment, we give kids the message: “I see something bigger going on here, and I’m here to help.”

Some sibling disagreements are normal. But if you’re noticing patterns that go beyond typical sibling squabbles, insecure attachment could be a factor.

Signs That Insecure Attachment Might Be at Play

  • One child is always trying to win or be better than the other
  • Constant tattling, blaming, or pointing fingers
  • Avoiding time with a sibling or refusing to play together
  • Intense reactions to small things (like who gets more attention)
  • A child who seems anxious when their sibling gets attention
  • Difficulty apologizing or making up after a fight

Such behaviors normally aren’t just about personality. They may reflect deeper worries about safety, love, and connection.

The Subtle Messages Kids Pick Up at Home

Kids are always watching and listening. Not just to what we say, but how we say it. If one child gets more praise, more comfort, or more freedom (even unintentionally), the other might start to feel less important. Even offhand comments like “She’s the responsible one” or “He’s so dramatic” can leave lasting impressions that shape how kids see themselves and each other.

These subtle messages shape how kids see themselves and each other. A child who feels less than their siblings might start to act out, withdraw, or constantly try to prove that they’re enough. But when we stay mindful of how we respond to each child, we can create a home where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.

When One Child Always Seems to Need More

You might notice that one child seems to need extra attention, more reassurance, or more help than their siblings. This can be exhausting for parents, especially when it feels like one child is always taking up space. This usually isn’t about being spoiled but more about emotional safety. That child may be unsure whether they’re truly loved, so they cling a little tighter or demand more control.

The good news? Meeting their emotional needs, through routines, calm reassurance, and dedicated one-on-one time, can help them feel more secure. Over time, they’ll likely become less reactive and more comfortable sharing space with their sibling.

Knowing When to Step in and When to Step Back

As parents, it’s tempting to referee every sibling spat. But not every argument needs adult intervention. In fact, jumping in too quickly can prevent kids from learning how to solve problems on their own. On the flip side, ignoring repeated conflict outright can leave kids feeling like no one has their back.

So how do you know when to step in?

It’s time to step in if things are escalating, someone feels unsafe, or the same issue keeps repeating. Step back if the conflict is minor and the kids seem capable of working through it. When you do intervene, focus on guiding, not punishing. Use calm language, help each child express their feelings, and guide them toward a solution. If the conflict is minor and both kids seem capable of handling it, give them a chance to try.

What to Do When It Feels Like the Fighting Never Stops

  • Spend one-on-one time with each child regularly. It helps them feel secure and less likely to compete for your attention.
  • Avoid comparisons. Even light-hearted ones like “He’s the smart one” can cause resentment.
  • Teach simple ways to express emotions. Give your child the words, like “I feel left out,” so they don’t need to act out to be heard.
  • Pay attention to when fights tend to happen. Is it around bedtime? Shared toys? Once you know the triggers, you can set clearer expectations or offer more support in those moments.
  • Create shared positive experiences. Game nights, family walks, or silly routines help siblings connect outside of conflict.
  • Respond with curiosity. If one child tends to dominate or pull away, ask, “What were you hoping would happen?” instead of jumping to discipline.
  • Encourage repair. Teach them to apologize, listen, and make amends. Model this yourself by owning mistakes and showing how to rebuild trust.
  • Celebrate each child’s growth. Focus on their efforts, not just achievements, so they feel valued for who they are, not how they compare.

Sometimes, sibling struggles go deeper than day-to-day squabbles. If a child has experienced trauma, bullying, or ongoing stress, it can affect how they relate to others, especially their siblings.

In these cases, therapy can be a powerful tool. A child therapist can help kids unpack their emotions, develop healthier coping skills, and build stronger relationships. They can also support parents in understanding what their child really needs and how to meet those needs without burning out.

The Big Picture: It’s about emotional safety, not just behavior

Helping siblings get along isn’t just about stopping fights or managing behavior. It’s about creating a home where every child feels emotionally safe, valued, and connected.

When kids feel secure, they don’t need to compete for love. They’re better able to handle conflict, show empathy, and grow into the kind of siblings and humans who treat each other with kindness and care. That’s the kind of relationship that can last a lifetime.

If you’re worried that something deeper might be going on, there are many licensed child therapists available here, just a call away. Getting support now can make a lasting difference in your child’s emotional world and in the bonds they build with their siblings. Reach out to this office to learn more.

Photos:
“Silly Faces”, Courtesy of Austin Pacheco, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sitting on a Hammock”, Courtesy of Sr. Janko Ferlic, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Uprooting Bitterness as a Christian

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As Christians, we are called to uproot bitterness. It isn’t an easy task, but it is an important one. To take on Christlikeness, we need to steer clear of a mindset of hatred and other sins. We also need to adopt a grateful heart that recognizes our position with God and honors Him. Bitterness has the potential to interfere with one’s mindset and heart for God.

What Bitterness Is Like

I’ve been patient for years. When is it his turn to have some patience? Doesn’t my husband understand I’m only human? Why can’t he stop what he’s doing long enough to take care of my needs for once? 

I can’t believe we are back here again. Why do I even have to ask? It’s basic decency to help around our own house. Taking out the trash is the least of the things he can do. Why can’t he just do it? Why does it have to come with an attitude? Don’t make me ask then! Take it out already!

All she does is nag me. How’s anyone supposed to take that? If she doesn’t want me to yell at her, then why won’t she shut up? All I want is for her to show me some kind of love and to stop bringing up things that make me angry. It’s like, why can’t she leave it alone? 

The above examples are all temptations to and/or displays of active bitterness. When bitterness takes over, it makes it all about what the other person must do to make us feel better. It quickly runs the show and breeds hatred and stubbornness. At its core, bitterness is self-idolizing. In other words, it’s selfish.

Who is the problem?

Without uprooting bitterness, as Christians, we take on the mindset of the world. A self-idolizing one that excludes God and promotes disobedience. “She’s the problem” quickly turns into, “I’m not God, only He would put up with something so long.”

Thinking such things ignores the wisdom of the following Bible passages:

  • Matthew 5:48
  • Matthew 16:24
  • Mark 8:34
  • Luke 9:23
  • Leviticus 11:44-45
  • Leviticus 19:2
  • Leviticus 20:7
  • Leviticus 20:26
  • Matthew 5:48
  • Hebrews 12:14
  • 1 Thessalonians 4:7
  • 2 Corinthians 7:1
  • Ephesians 1:4
  • Romans 12:1
  • Romans 6-7
  • 1 John 3:3
  • Isaiah 35:8
  • Isaiah 57:15

All these scriptures point to our God wanting His children to be holy like Him. The encouraging news is, He who calls us enables us. For as Romans argues, what did Jesus die for but for us to stop living in sin? Bitterness allows us to ignore these scriptural teachings and adopt our own deceptive thinking.

Bitterness calls us to demand our own way and serve ourselves as masters. Jesus warned us that “one cannot serve two masters.” If this isn’t a case for uprooting bitterness, I’m not sure what is.

So, for those of you who are still reading and convinced bitterness must go, let me now shift to how we can uproot bitterness as Christians. Becoming Christlike involves denying ourselves. In order to uproot bitterness, we need to start by recognizing it. Bitterness starts in the earliest stages of grumbling and complaining. Raising a complaint against someone has its place, but it is not something that God takes lightly.

God’s Measuring Tape

One trigger for bitterness (our own as well as what we provoke others) is judging without God’s measuring tape. We are called to use judgment so that we and others are drawn back to Christ.

To make sure our judgments are according to God’s measuring tape, and not our own, we need to use the Bible to see if our judgments match God’s or if we are adding to the requirements God has already set.

A sign that your judgments may be outside of God’s is if you are assigning time. Our timing often doesn’t match God’s, nor does our patience. So, if you’re tempted to expect something in a specific time, you must check that with God’s Word to see if it’s His judgment or your own at play. Setting ourselves up with godly expectations reduces opportunities for bitterness all around.

Squashing grumbles/complaints

Squashing grumbling and complaining is where uprooting bitterness as a Christian has to start. At least it needs to be given priority.

Grumbling and complaining are not only bad for the spirit, but they are an offense to God. In addition, grumbling and complaining don’t just breed bitterness; they are the beginning of wrath (i.e., explosive anger) and cruelty.

A way to squash grumbling and complaining is to catch them happening and replace them with any mix of the following:

  • A deep breath
  • Gratitude
  • Honorable thoughts
  • Beautiful Thoughts
  • Thoughts of something worthy of praise
  • Positive song
  • Dance movement
  • A Hug
  • Stretching
  • Change of task
  • Change of rooms
  • Drink of water
  • Bite of something pleasant
  • Telling someone something positive
  • Smile
  • Pet a pet
  • Exercise move (squat, push-up, etc.)
  • Extended eye contact
  • Quick little positive moments to replace quick little negative ones.

This helps to train your brain to develop a more positive way of coping with the negative that’s making you grumble.

How the Fear of the Lord Helps Christians Uproot Bitterness

If the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, then it is the best starting point for working anything out. There is ample wisdom that comes from the fear of the Lord in relation to uprooting bitterness.

Remember who God is

Remembering who God is reminds us that it is He from whom our help comes, who is the ultimate judge, and to whom we are accountable. When it comes to uprooting bitterness as a Christian, taking time to remember God for who He is decreases our overall stress and humbles us at the same time.

Remember who we are

Remembering who we are in relation to God also helps us maintain humility. Remembering that we are not the judge of all the earth, nor are we perfect, and we have little room to judge, helps to prevent bitterness from growing.

Remember who we are in Christ

Because of Christ, the Christian is set free. We are cleansed by His blood and forgiven. Salvation is the prize set before us. When we focus on this, we can replace our grumblings with gratitude.

The soul’s focus also applies to the other person. As a brother or sister in Christ, they are running the race with you, chosen by the same God. As an unbeliever, they are a soul over whom Jesus is the judge, and His judgment is perfect.

In any situation, remembering who we are in Christ can lift the spirit and spur us on to good works; thus, the uprooting of bitterness takes place.

Not easy, but worth it

Uprooting bitterness is not easy, but it is worth it. While one could argue that a lack of bitterness is simply a good thing, what really makes uprooting bitterness so worthwhile is the strengthening of our relationships.

Our relationships with one another, with strangers and family, and with God impact our lives. The health of these relationships determines whether that impact is positive or negative, and uprooting the illness helps lessen the negative impact all around.

If uprooting bitterness does not lead to a healthier relationship between you and someone else because things still need to be worked on, it will still help you relate to the world with more peace in your heart and a cleaner standing with God.

If you are struggling with bitterness or any other type of anger and are finding it difficult to manage, reach out to our reception team to schedule an appointment with me or one of the other counselors in our association.

Photos:
“Bedroom Tiff”, Courtesy of sasint, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Three Crosses”, Courtesy of geralt, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Daughters”, Courtesy of Pixabay, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Viewing Family Counseling as Rhythm Rather Than Rehab

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Depending on how you grew up, it’s easy to see family counseling as a quick fix, a solution to a series of problems, or even a shameful experience. However, what if you could view it as a rhythm instead of a rehab project?

Unpacking Your View of Family Counseling

If you look at your perspective as a suitcase, you can compare it to when you arrive home after traveling. The way you unpack usually relates to a few factors:

  • Your time
  • Your values
  • Your priorities
  • Your awareness

Your Time

Spending fifteen minutes unpacking your bag is what a frequent traveler does. You probably packed your bag for home strategically; you washed laundry before leaving, or you packed dirty clothes in a separate bag. Your toiletries are neatly organized, as are your books, laptop, etc.

Someone who doesn’t travel much may just throw everything into the same bag. When they get home, they have to sort it, figure out what’s dirty and what’s clean, and walk from one room to the next to put things away. It can be a process that takes longer.

The same can be said of a person who grew up with strong time factors in their family of origin. If time were viewed as a commodity in your household, you might have been in a rush to get to school, carrying a full calendar of responsibilities and involvements. Your parents may have both worked, or perhaps you were raised in a single-parent household where time was tight.

When you grow up with a tight timeline, one of the impacts can be a lack of investment in emotional and mental margin.

Your family may have focused on basics such as everyday needs, jobs, food, and household chores. You might have, knowingly or unknowingly, been coached to not pay as much attention to your internal world. If something negative popped up, it could easily be swept aside for the more pragmatic demands on your time.

If your household and family spent time investing in emotional and mental wellness, it might be that your parents went to counseling, took time to exercise, read, or set aside time in the calendar to include refreshment and retreats. While it will look different in all families, this tendency to separate downtime is important when it comes to how you view family counseling. It might mean you see it as a value.

Your Values

Your values can impact how you unpack after a trip. If you value jumping back into the routine, unpacking may be first on your list. You want to get back to daily business, which is easier if everything is in its place.

But if you struggle with routine and you naturally value adventure and experiences more, the act of unpacking is embedded with a host of emotions and, possibly, even a hesitance to rejoin regular life. You could be avoiding the old to-do list, ready to plan the next vacation, or struggling with resentment about something you’d rather not return to now that you’re back from your trip.

The same is true of our values. What we value directly influences how we spend our time, and how we spend our time reflects what we value.

Just because you haven’t put an appointment on the calendar to see a counselor doesn’t mean you don’t value family counseling. When it comes to mental wellness for the entire family, there could be a host of different obstacles.

It might be that you, a concerned parent, value counseling that keeps the family communicating well. But maybe your spouse isn’t on the same page or one of your children doesn’t see the need for it.

To cling to something as a value, it has to carry purpose and meaning for the value holder.

Speaking about a set of business values, a lack of meaning is like the smoke that signals there’s a fire, according to author Patrick M. Lencioni, who wrote “Make Your Values Mean Something” in a July 2002 Harvard Business Review article. He wrote about corporate value statements often being hollow precisely because they do not carry weight with those who work at the company, which he says is a shame.

But they don’t have to be void of significance.

“Values can set a company apart from the competition by clarifying its identity and serving as a rallying point for employees. But coming up with strong values – and sticking to them – requires real guts,” he writes.

When you apply this clarification to a family unit, it’s similar; just because one family member places significance on family counseling, it does not mean everyone else will. Instead, finding common values that hit the core of each family member is the way forward.

For example, if every person in your family places importance on physical activity and health, it will show in each person’s time management. Does your spouse knock off work early on Fridays to play half a round of golf? Will your daughter eat just about any vegetable you put in front of her so that she finishes dinner quickly and gets to gymnastics early to perfect her routine?

Compile those priorities with your commitment to meet your friend to walk each week and your son’s commitment to head to the gym each morning, and you have a true core value. A core value is something that is intrinsically held dear; nobody has to convince you to do it because it’s a concern, activity, or belief that you are convinced of already.

So, how do you transform a family that doesn’t wholeheartedly embrace family counseling as a value?

Start by exploring what each person values

A famous quote and parenting meme, originally coined by Catherine M. Wallace, says, “If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”

This is great advice when you are trying to decipher what your kids value. Ask them why something matters to them and then listen.

Look at how you and your spouse spend your time

Often, our values go unspoken. We place value on activities, relationships, and material goods without even realizing it until we look at where our time goes. If you spend two hours cooking a gourmet meal each weekend but doing laundry always seems avoidable, it shows that you likely value a home-cooked meal more than freshly folded clothes.

The same holds true for your spouse. Ask him why he does what he does or spends his time the way he spends it. It’s a great way to learn something new about your partner.

Ask yourself what you really want out of life

Go beyond the bucket list. Instead of writing down ten things you want to try before you die, ask yourself what you’d regret not spending your time on if you knew you had mere months left to live.

This kind of black-and-white question has a way of trimming the superfluous pursuits in life and making what matters stand out.

After all of this, you might feel it’s over the top just to get to family counseling.

However, if you and your spouse and/or kids attend family counseling with only your buy-in, it may not go as far as you think it will. But if you can tie it to one of the values you each already hold in life, you’re starting from a good place.

For example, if you discover that everyone in our family values a household that is calm and harmonious, where everyone is free to be who they truly are, that’s a great reason to make family counseling a rhythm. Talking about issues before they become major obstacles is a wonderful way to keep small conflicts from becoming big ones.

Your Priorities

Once you’ve figured out how your family values relate to family counseling, it’s time to look at the family priorities. Priorities are different from values; they are what get pushed to the proverbial front of the line.

If your teenage son says he values his independence, but he has yet to study or take his learner’s permit test, it just means his priorities do not hold the same weight as his values. He may value independence, but until he makes learning how to drive a priority, his freedom will suffer, and his value will go unpracticed.

Your Awareness

Finally, pay attention to what you pay attention to. In other words, awareness is a large contributor to family counseling. The good news is that our awareness, like our time, values, and priorities, can be shaped and transformed over time.

Family counseling gives you the perspective to help you become more aware of how you feel and how your family members are doing. This breeds more awareness and creates a rhythm so that family counseling isn’t a Band-Aid to fix a problem. It’s a way of life that helps your family interact better together.

To find a place where your family can grow in family counseling, contact our office today.

Photos:
“Injury”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Counseling Session”, Courtesy of Hrant Khachatryan, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Overwhelmed”, Courtesy of Nik Shuliahin, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Teen Trouble in the Group Chat

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It started as a “harmless” joke. One message, barely a sentence long, was tossed into the group chat like it was no big deal. However, in the world of teenagers, one simple, benign statement can quickly escalate into something much bigger. Tone gets lost, and screenshots get passed around and last forever. And soon, you have teen trouble in the form of a crying or angry teenager on your hands.

The problem with teen trouble and drama (or really every age group) is that it comes out of nowhere. At first, everyone “lol’d” or whatever form of cyber chuckling is popular this week. There were a few laugh-cry emojis too, which are basically the same thing. Then came the snarky replies, a few hurtful memes, and someone added a GIF of a dramatic eyeroll. That’s when things shifted.

Suddenly, the vibe went from lighthearted to tense. What began as a joke became fuel for a blaze of emotions. Teens often don’t realize just how quickly group chats can spiral, especially when there’s no adult in sight, no tone of voice to clarify the intent, and no one brave enough to stand up and say, “Hey, this isn’t cool!”

Maybe the sling of criticism from their peers is deliberate and malicious. Perhaps the attackers are bold because they hide behind a screen in the safety of their own private space.

And here’s where teen trouble takes root: in the quiet confidence and anonymity where bullies thrive, in the silence of the bystanders, and in the groupthink that pushes things just a bit too far. Real feelings are bruised by digital words.

Group chats are a tool of the enemy?

Group chats can be great. They’re a lifeline for social connection, humorous reels, and even emotional support. But without boundaries, they can also become the breeding ground for passive aggression, bullying, and emotional isolation. What feels like innocent “texting” to one person may feel like public humiliation to another. And that bully who isn’t all that brave? Well, they suddenly have a platform.

The truth is, teens are still figuring out how to handle conflict, how to detect nuance, and how to speak up when something feels off. They are trying to learn how to control their impulses and reel in their reactionary behaviors and need for acceptance. In the group chat platform, that learning curve can be downright brutal; mistakes get magnified, screenshots get shared, and feelings get hurt in places that don’t always heal quickly.

Teen trouble: What can be done?

Start by talking about it seriously, not just lecturing or panicking when drama surfaces. Create a space where teens can process what’s happening with the loving support of the adults in their lives. Help teens recognize the red flags – when teasing stops being playful, when sarcasm becomes a weapon, or when someone stops replying entirely. Encourage empathy and remind them that behind every screen is a real person, with a real heart.

What if the damage has already been done?

If your child has been the victim of cyberbullying or even the unfortunate subject of a “tease” gone too far, there is hope. Faith in God is a powerful anchor. Remind teens, and yourself, that even when they feel misunderstood, less-than, and overwhelmed, God sees them. He knows their hurt and hears their cries, and He promises to be near the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

Encourage your teen to pray, journal, and read their Bible to help anchor themselves in the one who will never betray them or send a snarky meme. And hug them tight, reminding them that they are loved.

Therapy can also make a massive difference. Words spoken into their hearts can have a big effect. Many of those words from peers can be damaging, but a professional therapist can help to uproot those seeds of pain and help your child learn to deal with the scars left by hurtful words, and they can plant healthy, positive words into their hearts.

Educate teens to prevent cyberbullying

While it might seem like “just words on a screen” to a teenager trying to find acceptance in their group of peers, those words can cut deep. Remind your teens that their worth is not found in group chats, reactions, or even in the silent pauses of “ghosting,” but in something much greater and unshakable.

Teach them to ask themselves some important questions before they hit the send button. “Would I say this to their face?” “Is this kind?” and “Could this be misunderstood?” are all questions that might induce pause and realization and might protect the realization and the hurting teen.

Teen drama isn’t confined to the classroom or the Friday night game anymore. Sometimes it’s happening right there in their pocket, in real time. And the arguments and barbs that are sending your child into a reeling spiral of self-loathing and anger may be silent to your ear, but echo loudly in their hearts.

If your teen has been a victim of cyberbullying, help them find healing. Connect them with a professional Christian counselor in Huntington Beach, California who can help them handle the complexities of being a teen in the digital age. Contact us today at Huntington Beach Christian Counseling to learn more.

Photo:
“Group Chat”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License